[Alchemy]

It's very strange to me. I'm freaking out a lot over something incredibly small.

So I wanted to buy something I found cool but I honestly had no need for it. and it was kind of useless, sure it'd make me happy but I wouldn't need it.

so I just didn't buy it and all but I just loved it a lot and kept watching youtube videos about it learning about it etc.

and I have no idea when or how it turned into this but I like to mention that my gf did buy the thing I wanted cause she kinda liked it too (nowhere near as much as me though. Although she could have just not showed it as badly as me) and stuff.

the thing is now, I'm incredibly sad about it. I keep wanting it while I don't even am interested in it anymore. I'm just "supposed to buy it". I don't even know what's wrong at this point. It's just I keeep thinking about it so much, I'm so sad and down and numb, I just wake up staring at the floor being so emotionless and numb, I think clearly this has to be more than just wanting to buy something wrong? I was thinking of actually buying that thing maybe it'll help me? just to get rid of my obsession, it's like 500-600$ which is possible for me but will keep me on a very tight budget for a while.

[unaluna]

Wow thats not a small amount of money to me. I guess i would wait a few months and see if i still want it? Thats usually what i try to do. Maybe try to save up some money in the meantime? Will your gf let you use hers? Can you rent one?

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Wow thats not a small amount of money to me. I guess i would wait a few months and see if i still want it? Thats usually what i try to do. Maybe try to save up some money in the meantime? Will your gf let you use hers? Can you rent one?

ehm I've been wanting it for a few months.

I can't see her we're in a long distance relationship

and no I can't D:

One time I wanted a quadcopter so I just like wanted it for 4-3 years. yeah.... But I mean it was noooowhere near this. It was more of a cute I like it a lot happy obsession. (i did buy one and loved it a lot and actually started going out for it after that but sadly I broke it :P but oh well! I mean I can fix it I just need to order a part for it)

but this is sad kinda obsession, I have a HUGE problem with stuff if someone tells me I can have it and then not have it, Like one time I wanted to buy something and my dad all the sudden said that and I became very very awful. but before him saying it and realizing he can't I wasn't even slightly like that! and one time I was about to get something really important (not a product or anything, my estrogen (pills)) but then suddenly couldn't and I still am super upset and down about it though that was a life altering could potentially stop my suffering thing. I don't know why I'm like this

[unaluna]

Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah i became a fritterer because of that. I cant have anything big. I fritter away my money on small things. Because what does it matter, someone is going to come and take it away from me in the end anyway. Its a hard way to live. Like you cant choose ANY goals of your own. Thing is, im telling you, you HAVE to. Your parents probably didnt teach you responsibility. Mine didnt teach me. They were irresponsible themselves. Do you see a therapist? They can help.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah i became a fritterer because of that. I cant have anything big. I fritter away my money on small things. Because what does it matter, someone is going to come and take it away from me in the end anyway. Its a hard way to live. Like you cant choose ANY goals of your own. Thing is, im telling you, you HAVE to. Your parents probably didnt teach you responsibility. Mine didnt teach me. They were irresponsible themselves. Do you see a therapist? They can help.

She just basically listens to me and doesn't do anything, she sometimes gives me pills

and now's holidays here so I can't see her for like 20 days which is hard

and I just realized I kinda got defensive and sad that you said to wait and stuff, I feel like deep down I really want someone specially my gf to be like "go ahead and buy it!". It started after she got it I think? maybe that's the reason? or she just not talked to me for most of my day because of the thing. It's a console btw. It's like 300$ but 500$ in my country cause everything is more expensive here.

Hmmm, it sounds like instead of looking for validation in the purchase you are actually looking for us to discourage you. Am I even remotely correct? Wooops if not. But What I do suggest is making up a list of other items in the same ballpark cost wise. Perhaps on this list will be an item that you not only want but might be in need of. So too consider the investment potential before you make this purchase. What are the advantages to having the object and what are the disadvantages?

[unaluna]

Interesting - a console. How freudian. because that would help you steer you where you want to go, right? Freud said there are no accidents. Meaning, this object has meaning.

[*Laurie*]

I feel bad for you because I know very well that feeling of being obsessed with needing something right now - even if it's not necessary to have it this minute (or you might not need it at all).

This kind of thing happens to me throughout my life. It's annoying, like a mosquito buzzing around me constantly.

I'm a very patient person until it comes to obsessing over something I MUST have or do. For example, it used to be coloring my hair. I'd get an idea of a certain hair color and I would have to act on it immediately. If I had to, I'd overdraw my bank account to buy the supplies I needed. Anything...I just had to color my hair.

Right now I have a small finger tattoo that needs to be touched up. I won't have the $50 to have the work done until this week-end. I am going crazy over this. I feel a consuming NEED to race over to the tattoo shop RIGHT NOW. I HAVE to do this!!

I'm not sure what this kind of thing is about. It feels like an obsession to me. Even if I don't want to think about it, I cannot stop thinking about it. It's almost always a "first-world problem" - something, some kind of luxury, that I am wild to GET. In a way I feel ashamed of the behavior, but in another way the behavior seems to be part of a mental health disorder, something I cannot control, that my mind refuses to let go of. Like OCD. UGH. I hate it.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Hmmm, it sounds like instead of looking for validation in the purchase you are actually looking for us to discourage you. Am I even remotely correct? Wooops if not. But What I do suggest is making up a list of other items in the same ballpark cost wise. Perhaps on this list will be an item that you not only want but might be in need of. So too consider the investment potential before you make this purchase. What are the advantages to having the object and what are the disadvantages?

Might regret it I guess. My dad could get sad? I honestly can't tell what'll happen, i'm just kinda numb, no positives, no negatives to me, But I actually did that long ago and my paper says

my dad could get sad, no possibility of a 3d printer in a year (oh well meh, it's just a really cool thing not a necessity or anything, I am 18 yo and I just collect any birthday gifts or stuff to buy myself these kind of stuff)

the only real one here is that I might not be able to afford the summer vacation if an Adult has to accompany me D: but i mean even without this purchase if my dad has to come it's really unlikely I can afford 2 people anyways...

but I'm just mainly like worried and angry at myself cause this is not normal and many people (even myself) have many more important problems and I'm being obsessed at a small thing and it makes me hate myself

the only wrong thing that could happen I think is just me being mad at myself if I end up not using it much or get bored of it I guess. and then I might get sad and be angry at myself for wasting money.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I feel bad for you because I know very well that feeling of being obsessed with needing something right now - even if it's not necessary to have it this minute (or you might not need it at all).

This kind of thing happens to me throughout my life. It's annoying, like a mosquito buzzing around me constantly.

I'm a very patient person until it comes to obsessing over something I MUST have or do. For example, it used to be coloring my hair. I'd get an idea of a certain hair color and I would have to act on it immediately. If I had to, I'd overdraw my bank account to buy the supplies I needed. Anything...I just had to color my hair.

Right now I have a small finger tattoo that needs to be touched up. I won't have the $50 to have the work done until this week-end. I am going crazy over this. I feel a consuming NEED to race over to the tattoo shop RIGHT NOW. I HAVE to do this!!

I'm not sure what this kind of thing is about. It feels like an obsession to me. Even if I don't want to think about it, I cannot stop thinking about it. It's almost always a "first-world problem" - something, some kind of luxury, that I am wild to GET. In a way I feel ashamed of the behavior, but in another way the behavior seems to be part of a mental health disorder, something I cannot control, that my mind refuses to let go of. Like OCD. UGH. I hate it.

yeah this is pretty much how I feel. although as I mentioned this one feels a little different, Like it has meaning to it? maybe I imagined myself being happy and all with it. cause I could really really use an escape in my current situation

I do have Autism spectrum disorder though, maybe it's that? (or Asperger's if you look at it that way)

It's funny how I wanted to be like "aww don't worry you don't have to be ashamed you're not doing this on purpose" but when It's my turn I tell myself that I'm an awful person and I don't even deserve the thing I want :\

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Interesting - a console. How freudian. because that would help you steer you where you want to go, right? Freud said there are no accidents. Meaning, this object has meaning.

Uhmmm I've no idea. but I was checking my chat history with my Girlfriend.

it just slowly for some reason started with a little crush on the the thing I want (it's a Nintendo switch BTW :O) and then it started becoming obsessive and causing me pain and all D:

it's funny, How the gray option is like 40% less appealing to me than the colored ones?! why.... specially the neon pink and green ones c: they're cuuuuuute. Ugh, and they're only available separately, and if the joycons didn't deattach from it and didn't have that dock It's be like 80$ less appealing, it's funny how I wouldn't even want a better version of it. I want the switch! Not a ps4 or any other console that probably has more use for me. or even a 3d printer that I could use a lot actually! (i do electronics stuff and a 3d printer is super handy) just the switch! And I lost interest in basically everything else after I became obsessed.

maybe I don't know It's somehow linked with my constant need of prooving to myself that I'm a girl or feeling like one :?

or maybe it's linked to my GF basically not talking to me for a day because when she got her's she was too interested?

maybe I can't deal with the fact that my GF has both the estrogen and The switch that I want so badly while she was far less excited for it? I mean I'm not even slightly mad at her! Only a little for the day she just didn't talk to me at all, but just a little for that, I'm glad that she got it but maybe somehow I'm jealous? maybe not jealous but envious?

My brain is a huge mess I have no idea what's even happening up there, It's like a totally separate person doing it's thing now.

I can recall being 18 and wanting a great deal of things. But I had to save for my future. Is there something you can be putting this money towards that is either necessary or a better use? I understand you might have a trip coming your way.

A red flag for me is how are you getting this money in the first place? Are you working? Are you at school? Are you reliant on somehow getting money from others? I ask this because I believe we value and handle money in a different manner if we are not earning it. If this is not the case and you in fact are doing just this my thoughts go to the fact you might be in a hypomanic state. I myself have a great deal of difficulty not burning through my money when I am experiencing such a high. I must take measures not to do so.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I can recall being 18 and wanting a great deal of things. But I had to save for my future. Is there something you can be putting this money towards that is either necessary or a better use? I understand you might have a trip coming your way.

A red flag for me is how are you getting this money in the first place? Are you working? Are you at school? Are you reliant on somehow getting money from others? I ask this because I believe we value and handle money in a different manner if we are not earning it. If this is not the case and you in fact are doing just this my thoughts go to the fact you might be in a hypomanic state. I myself have a great deal of difficulty not burning through my money when I am experiencing such a high. I must take measures not to do so.

I mean I won't buy one but I'm mostly just seeking help for the sadness and all

my father just would have to buy for it. I'm 18. I just also stopped going to university because I wanted to kill myself every-night and spent it self harming and crying to the next morning and the same just happened. Maybe after I get my HRT and transition I can give it another try, but what's even the point? It'll take at least 6 years..... to escape my country (I live in middle east). It's all just hopeless.... I'll be too old by then and I'm not sure how long me and my gf could handle long distance i want to meet her and all.

Ah, I actually suspected that it was not your own money. You in fact aren't getting this for yourself then. I will be honest. I have a great deal of trouble with this happening. In my book, even if you are unable to be employed I believe one should still be earning their keep some sort of way. I ask then, what are you doing to earn these funds? How often is dad footing the bill for your wims and fancies? I suggested above that we look upon money with a different sense of value according to the way it comes into our hands. Not working for it will tend not instill the same value and sense of responsibility as having earned it. My suggestion is that you find a way - even small - to start doing something for your father in return.

And how then does this pertain to this gaming console you want? Because want and need are directly affected by our sense of value. I already suggested the litmus test be passed according to the difference between advantage and disadvantage. I insert here then too the difference between deserving and not.

This is not to say you shouldn't get this item. What I AM saying is that you should keep in mind the nature of it's purchase and how you might directly involve yourself in it.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Ah, I actually suspected that it was not your own money. You in fact aren't getting this for yourself then. I will be honest. I have a great deal of trouble with this happening. In my book, even if you are unable to be employed I believe one should still be earning their keep some sort of way. I ask then, what are you doing to earn these funds? How often is dad footing the bill for your wims and fancies? I suggested above that we look upon money with a different sense of value according to the way it comes into our hands. Not working for it will tend not instill the same value and sense of responsibility as having earned it. My suggestion is that you find a way - even small - to start doing something for your father in return.

And how then does this pertain to this gaming console you want? Because want and need are directly affected by our sense of value. I already suggested the litmus test be passed according to the difference between advantage and disadvantage. I insert here then too the difference between deserving and not.

This is not to say you shouldn't get this item. What I AM saying is that you should keep in mind the nature of it's purchase and how you might directly involve yourself in it.

well I guess I can try something. but like I tried looking for small works and jobs and stuff considering I'm a programmer but there's apparently nothing TBH. maybe I'll look more, I'm not sure if I should stop being though or be tougher on myself >.<.

this is all too much feelings and efforts for a silly product. I wish I could just stop overthinking. I mean I think I can afford it, but Like I don't wannaaaaaaa buy one! because I don't need it. But I want it so bad >.< specially since it's my birthday soon and ehm, one of my uncles is kinda slightly rich I can afford it :P (I have some savings too) but like I feel so guilty about wanting something I don't need. 2-3 years ago I was living on absolute minimum I was so happy, I had a horrible 50-60$ monitor, a crappy keyboard and I still coded and was super happy all the time with it. now that I saved a lot and bought all these stuff I only got sadder and more addicted :| But it's like I'm in too deep and now it's soooo hard to not want a switch! Like I am not buying one, my self-control is good but I'm getting really hurt and sad at the same time :|

Hi again. Interesting conversation.

Earning your 'keep' need not be earning an income. There are things you might help your father with or you can ask what you might do in return for his buying you stuff. I suggest too that doing so will instill some pride in you which would make obtaining that console (insert here what you want) all the more pleasing.

So this instead I believe comes down to two exercises; self-control and responsibility.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Hi again. Interesting conversation.

Earning your 'keep' need not be earning an income. There are things you might help your father with or you can ask what you might do in return for his buying you stuff. I suggest too that doing so will instill some pride in you which would make obtaining that console (insert here what you want) all the more pleasing.

So this instead I believe comes down to two exercises; self-control and responsibility.

Hmmm. I tend to see life more in greys, than in such a black and white perspective.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Hi again. Interesting conversation.

Earning your 'keep' need not be earning an income. There are things you might help your father with or you can ask what you might do in return for his buying you stuff. I suggest too that doing so will instill some pride in you which would make obtaining that console (insert here what you want) all the more pleasing.

So this instead I believe comes down to two exercises; self-control and responsibility.

Yeah I guess maybe then I can buy the console after all. I mean if it makes me happy even if I don't need it or whatever It'll be worth it :| still not sure my dad would agree on this. but I'll see ^_^

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Hmmm. I tend to see life more in greys, than in such a black and white perspective.

what do you exactly mean :O ?

yeah, I'm pretty black and white.

[Artchic528]

I'm just like you in that I want to buy the Nintendo Switch, which is a $500 console like the one you want, but whenever I do manage to get enough to spend on one, I'm like, "Nooooo, noooo..." (like Consuela from Family Guy), because I don't feel like I should be spending such money on myself. I get nervous about spending large amounts of money on myself like that. Small purchases I can do no problem, but large ones? No way.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I'm just like you in that I want to buy the Nintendo Switch, which is a $500 console like the one you want, but whenever I do manage to get enough to spend on one, I'm like, "Nooooo, noooo..." (like Consuela from Family Guy), because I don't feel like I should be spending such money on myself. I get nervous about spending large amounts of money on myself like that. Small purchases I can do no problem, but large ones? No way.

Exactly! But I might just buy one for myself soon :3

I just some side of me wants to just like stop overthinking and be like 90% of other people I see. Just like have fun and not overthink.

I must reiterate that 'having fun' comes with a cost. What I would like to see is that cost being born by yourself. I think it unfair to expect your dad to pay for this without any offer from yourself of return. Offer to do a little house or yard work for example. This will instil a sense of pride of ownership.

[Alchemy]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I must reiterate that 'having fun' comes with a cost. What I would like to see is that cost being born by yourself. I think it unfair to expect your dad to pay for this without any offer from yourself of return. Offer to do a little house or yard work for example. This will instil a sense of pride of ownership.

I guess I'll try! But I mean i try to help my dad anyway! Even without being in need of money or anything, and TBH I think he'd still give money to me even if I did nothing (though tbh lately it's been doing nothing)

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Alchemy

I have a HUGE problem with stuff if someone tells me I can have it and then not have it, Like one time I wanted to buy something and my dad all the sudden said that and I became very very awful. but before him saying it and realizing he can't I wasn't even slightly like that! and one time I was about to get something really important (not a product or anything, my estrogen (pills)) but then suddenly couldn't and I still am super upset and down about it though that was a life altering could potentially stop my suffering thing. I don't know why I'm like this

I would explore the above more; tell myself that it is not about the particular thing but about the can/cannot having? Shift your perception a bit so you are looking at all the can/cannot have situations in your life and where they come from and why, etc., work on that background and maybe it will all slowly resolve as you get to know yourself better.

I get angry when I get helpless and sometimes what happens does not make sense to me; like I'll get really bad road rage which is "not me". Well, now I have learned to stop and realize it is not about whatever incident caused the road rage but about something else in my life, some other trigger that is making me feel helpless and I go looking for that, the "real" trigger, instead of needing to focus on the idiot who cut in front of me or whatever.

Maybe if you start thinking something simple like, "Oh, it's just the can/cannot have thing again" that will help ease some of the obsession?