Daily Comments #5- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

I am so sick and tired of the Target commercial with the man and woman singing. I thought I was safe after black friday but no they still lurk on my tv.

I'm still hungry

Sorry I was talking about food notz...[> @ ::::

oh, no problem dear lady!!!

It takes some much time to get going and by the time I do, I have avoided doing some exercises that will help me. I just need to ingrain into me. Putting on a public face is difficult because when I return home, my pace slows to a crawl. All the things I have been avoiding, I to concentrate and start them. Otherwise, the therapy has been slow due to trust issues.

I'm doing fine but I've been taken for a ride with my emotions. Something has to always make me jealous.

Another day wasted. I did not get much done. My life has no purpose and I have no love of life or desire to make a life. I can't seem to regroup from what has happened to me. I know I need better social skills but, socially, I panic all the time and say the first thing out of my mouth. So, I just stay home and avoid all social contact. I am growing more and more frustrated. I can afford to see a T once a month and start on Wednesday night. I know that is not enough. I have to accept that I am a loser. Always was; always will be.

My dining table is beginning to look like a recycling centre lol. Time to put the pop cans and bottles away

I wish people actually had the guts to talk to someone instead of talking behind their back. Someone at my brother's voluntary place said "He needs to get in the real world". This person was in charge of the voluntary thing. So professional!!! That does not help at all!! My brother's friend said that to him as my brother's friend spoke to the woman who said it. That does not help my brother's confidence at all. I'm glad I am here for my brother. If that woman was so professional she would have spoke to my brother in person. I'm so fed up of these people in the work place who speak behind people's back. My supervisor tells me if I'm doing something bad, I don't mind. I don't understand why people have to speak behind people's back instead of discussing the issue. Yes my brother hasn't come in because he was ill and he doesn't like standing on his feet for hours. I don't think retail is the job for my brother.

I feel I have no purpose sometimes. But I don't want my family and friends to be in grief and despair. I know I am mentally ill. But I do not want medication or therapy. I'd rather try and deal with this on my own. It's better that way. I am clumsy, I have racing thoughts, I have mood swings and probably more. My thoughts have a mind of their own. I hear voices sometimes. They aren't loud but they are whispers. One has called me a bi*ch and a cow, it still makes me feel bad. Yeah I am mentally ill. And people think they can brush off mental health illnesses as if it's nothing... No... They are still serious. I could become more mentally ill if I had a undiagnosed mental health problem. But I'm glad I'm happy at the moment.

I need to stop saying up so late!

I feel asleep in the recliner and now I am so sore. Also, the ending to yesterday's Next Iron Chef was sad.

Is four hours of sleep enough?
Nope... I knew the answer, just wonder why I cannot take my own advice sometimes.

Busy day ahead. Cardiologist appointment @ 9:30 AM, Christmas shopping, travelling to Mom's to take her to the MD, bank and grocery shopping. There is a 6:30 PM meeting at my church - I haven't gone in a month. Tomorrow morning I see the neurologist and have a list of things to discuss with him. After that, it will be laundry day. I am good at doing the laundry!

I did realize how far or much I have lost myself, the me inside, my brain and sense of self.

I wish there was no such thing as suicide. My friend is talking about suicide again.

I need to stop talking to people I shouldn't.

I wish my head would stop hurting. It feels like it's going to explode.

I wish nasal sprays weren't so nasty.

But I don't want you to see me die

Please let me die God. I feel so worthless. I am nothing to people.

Where are the tooth picks? I need to keep my eyes open for work

Apparently...they forgot to close this account. Apparently...my crisis has been resolved. Apparently...I'm mad as a hatter in a ballpark.

Apparently.

I'm re-upping my PC 'membership'...I'll just pretend I was away on a fishing trip...hey now? What's new? Caught a 7 lb salmon on Saturday! Great to be back though!

Well that was easy.

Qui Mama...I'll take my pills when the spins stop...

it's a mad mad mad....aw you know...

Glad you're gonna hang around!!

I'm glad Q is back from fishing. How was the salmon?