Daily Comments #5- Just place to plant your thoughts. No feedback required.

I think I'm not going to duck this one, My throat is scratchy and I feel too hot.

Why won't my dogs shut up?!

I was born at the wrong place and at the wrong time or something

Q From A Hansen: Can you enlighten me about the origins of mad as a hatter?
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-mad2.htm

I can't wait for my presents

I've had enough. I try to be there for people and I get it thrown back at my face. I don't care if I'm a b&tch or a hypocrite. I choose to be a loner and I deserve it. And there's people on facebook posting pictures of what annoys them. This annoys me. Yeah it's annoying when someone writes that they hate people who moan a lot or do stupid things. Well we're not all perfect. One voice told me I will die at 26 and if this is true then I am relieved. Facebook is a b**ch. It's the cause of my moods. I keep going on, it's addicting. But I need some time to myself. I want to study and I like being on my own. I am comfortable on my own. I am telling this mood swing to go away and it's working so far. I'm stressed at the moment. Arrghh... go away facebook. You keep distracting me from studying. I've had enough with some people. I say hello I hope you are okay and then seconds later... he is offline. He is the one who made me upset and said my other friend is a great friend but he didn't say that to me on his status I commented on. To be honest, I am a bit obsessive and my obessive crush on him or whatever is annoying. I'm a b**tch and I am horrible. It's funny how people say I'm special or whatever and I'm treated as if I'm sh**t to people. I was a piece of dirt to people when I was at high school. I was bullied. Boys used to use me and one boy pretended to fancy me for money but it was only a bet with his mates. And another I had a crush on and my friend from school said he called me ugly behind my back. :'( I had no support at high school so this is why probably why I'm so affected. I'm crying right now. At the end of my life, I hope I won't have a bad life review and I do not want to be shouted at by God. I can't help being a bad person. Urgh...... I've failed you God. I've failed everyone. I'm the worst friend ever.

I am really starting to suffer with this severe cold/flu. I wish I had the courage to go to my local hospital and get some medicine for it, but I just have to deal with it with no medicine. My stethoscope that I had from my nursing school days (before the mental breakdown, what fun was that to lose all the friends that I had made by declaring in front of class that I am a servant of the ancient Egyptian deities, fun times with schizophrenia. Oh well, still hurts) has lost the ear pieces so now I can't check my lungs for any crackling sounds like I did back in 2010 for the pneumonia I had (I had to fight to go then even with the sounds in my lungs). I just would get shot down asking to go. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents but sometimes they can be so hardheaded or they think that since I have schizophrenia, I am just being paranoid. No honey, paranoid was me gathering up my dad's hair, after my mom cut his hair, to do protection magic for him. I just want to feel better from this sickness!

Take care of yourself Bastetsha
I'm sure you know that the flu is nothing to mess with. Fluids, fluids, fluids, rest... Okay... Sorry for the dad thing

Thanks YYZadd. It is really making me wish I had taken that flu shot at the doctor's last time I was there.

Well... The flu shot is kind of a guess anyway, as there are a bunch of flu type viruses running around right now. I hope you feel better soon

Thank you so much YYZadd. Hope you are doing well too.

Thanks I'm beginning to come around this morning

Well there is always coffee if you need help

More Coffee NOW! Thanks for reminding me

Uh oh coffee stores everywhere better lock up. I like frozen or cold coffee (like those starbucks coffee drinks you can get at the grocery store). Hot coffee makes me ill for some reason.

The problem is I can slug down those cold drinks, especially the bottled Starbucks drinks.

I wonder why hot coffee bothers you so much?

I spent an afternoon wandering through a private wood outside of town gathering interesting pieces of deadwood to carve. Oak ash apple hawthorne...I done good. Wisht I could have camped there. 100yrds from the road but the illusion would have satisfied for now. Rare environment around these parts. A mossy dark place it is...old growth stuff...very atmospheric and a momentary refuge. The lot is only a dozen acres or so but it's untouched...surrounded by cornfields on all sides...a little island. Hell in summer though...low lying...the mosquitoes will pick you up n' carry you off. Iffen you can fight 'em off long enough during raspberry season...there's a patch of raspberry bushes deep in there that could supply a pie shop. Nobody picks them...so I do. Yeah it was a nice aft. T'were me backyard I'd be happier...I'd build totems n' weird wee natural sculptures...hahaha! Th' woods. However small...you was my Sunday desert island. Needed that.

Do I have so few redeeming qualities that women have no reason to respond or acknowledge my efforts to socialize with them? No matter what I do I universally experience the same issues with women, and I am increasingly feeling that either a) women are all the same, or b) that there is something inherently wrong with me. Am I so bad, so undesirable, that I can't make it into a conversation with a woman? People use the expression of getting their 'foot in the door,' but all I am finding are doorless, brick walls, and it's been that way for more years than I care to talk about.

I don't make threads on PC about relationships anymore because nobody is able to understand the frustrations I have and the extreme, suicidal hopelessness that I struggle with every single day. I invest the money and the time, I am in the clubs, I do volunteer work, in fact I am out so much I am almost never home anymore. What more can I POSSIBLY do to meet someone that can like me? People tell me the same, meaningless advice about clubs, confidence, etc. without being able to comprehend how little difference those seem to make in my life.

As I recently wrote in a long entry in my diary maybe I have the perfect combination of issues for people the world over to want nothing to do with me. I have Asperger's Syndrome, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, severe anxiety, a skin disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a speech impediment, am recovering from self-harm, and have a long and extensive history of physical and sexual abuse. I've done 14 years of different kinds of therapies to fix me but more than likely there is nothing I can do about a lot of these.

What am I supposed to do to meet someone that can like me? People don't understand how much of a challenge it is for me to talk and have conversations. Such a simple and basic task for the average Joe but a physical roadblock for me. It makes such a fantastic impression on women when I struggle to make coherent sentences and follow through with the conversation. Approaching a new woman and starting a conversation with her is doomed to fail from the start. Conversations will always be a challenge for me. Is there a woman that exists that can accept this?

And online, which I can communicate better, women don't respond to me on dating websites.

I am tired of being alone and feel like there is absolutely no point in attempting to interact with women because no woman can possibly accept someone like me.

All I can say Mr V is that I have social problems also and I cannot connect romantically either. That being accepted, I still can enjoy activities in life that I like and savour the pleasure of things and places without a romantic partner. Life is still out there for people to enjoy. I do not restrict myself from these pleasures just because I am without a partner.

Wondering why I gave into the anxiety etc. I am still here a year later in the same place I am sick of giving in to the feeling like something bad is going to happen when the only bad thing that does happen is like this a year later still in same place but with a LOAD MORE RUBBISH AND BAD THINGS, MORE FAILINGS to add to the same place and feelings I feel.

Stupid MIP

I don't really know why but I prefer cold anyway. I know what you mean about slugging down the cold drinks. I love them. Especially frappes, they are my coffee weakness.

I had a Vente' Skinny Carmel Latte' Iced coffee with luch today

That sounds awesome! I do wish we had a coffee shop in this town. Too small though so when I go to a bigger town I always get a frappé. We do have a McD's and a Sonic so they will do in a pinch. I also really liked the green tea frappé that Starbucks made, not sure if they still make it now. I normally go to the coffee shop in Books-a-Million when I go to town. Dang it, now I need coffee...

I think they still make the Green Tea Frappe'

YAY! That has really made my day. Now to get me there.