[Alone & confused]

I have a hard time trying to reach everyone I'd like to help! If you feel like no one is listening or responding to you, please feel free to talk, vent, rant, whatever you need to do here. I'll do whatever I can to help!

[anneo59]

I don't have that particular prob either but will help if ican

I feel that way, but I know why I'm unheard. Everyone is understandably sick and tired of me. I'm sick and tired of myself. I thought I had made progress and was becoming slightly less worse as a person. I'm sure people in real life are sick and tired of me too…I think I inadvertently only bring pain to people. I should just go away for a while so they don't have to see me.

[nummy]

It's not that I'm unheard by those I want heard by, it's i feel "unbearable / unanswerable".
And it doesn't help my own ability to do same for others is marginal, most of the time.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I feel that way, but I know why I'm unheard. Everyone is understandably sick and tired of me. I'm sick and tired of myself. I thought I had made progress and was becoming slightly less worse as a person. I'm sure people in real life are sick and tired of me too…I think I inadvertently only bring pain to people. I should just go away for a while so they don't have to see me.

Actually, I don't think that at all. I think you've been hurt and have some open wounds and are guarding yourself closely from being hurt further. I don't always have something useful to add, but at least I can say I'm neither sick nor tired of you.

The only reason you would bring pain to people is because they aren't strong enough to help. It's much easier to hug someone that's already warm and cozy than someone who is still aching and doesn't want touched. If you "go away", you don't do anyone any service; yourself or others.

Hang in there, we'll come around one of these days.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm not sick and tired of anyone on this thread. Thanks for starting this thread, I sometimes feel how you do, I'd like to help more, but where to start And sometimes feel unheard too Sending hugs

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by nummy

It's not that I'm unheard by those I want heard by, it's i feel "unbearable / unanswerable".
And it doesn't help my own ability to do same for others is marginal, most of the time.

Sometimes we need to lean on others to regain our strength. You can't help everyone all the time. There's times that you need to be able to stand back and regain your emotional strength. It's not unbearable or unanswerable, it's just needing a little help yourself. As you get your emotional strength back, you're ability to hear others will grow as well.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I'm not sick and tired of anyone on this thread. Thanks for starting this thread, I sometimes feel how you do, I'd like to help more, but where to start And sometimes feel unheard too Sending hugs

Fuzzybear, you are a layer of warmth that every forum needs. Your presence here is so much more comforting than you'll ever imagine. We could all strive to be like you.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I feel that way, but I know why I'm unheard. Everyone is understandably sick and tired of me. I'm sick and tired of myself. I thought I had made progress and was becoming slightly less worse as a person. I'm sure people in real life are sick and tired of me too…I think I inadvertently only bring pain to people. I should just go away for a while so they don't have to see me.

I'm not sick or tired of you! I started this thread to find you & others I have missed in the community. If you need to talk, I'm here for you! Thank you for finding me! All of you are important to me! But it's hard for me to read every thread. Know that you're Not alone as long as I'm here!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by anneo59

I don't have that particular prob either but will help if ican

Thank you!! Maybe you can help me reach those who feel like they've been forgotten here or have been missed .

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by nummy

It's not that I'm unheard by those I want heard by, it's i feel "unbearable / unanswerable".
And it doesn't help my own ability to do same for others is marginal, most of the time.

I'm sorry! What makes you feel that way? I'm here to help you anyway I can! There's always room for you here. You're not unbearable to me! I may not have all the answers, my I can listen!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I'm not sick and tired of anyone on this thread. Thanks for starting this thread, I sometimes feel how you do, I'd like to help more, but where to start And sometimes feel unheard too Sending hugs

I'm glad you're here! And you can Always talk to me 7

Originally Posted by Webgoji

Actually, I don't think that at all. I think you've been hurt and have some open wounds and are guarding yourself closely from being hurt further. I don't always have something useful to add, but at least I can say I'm neither sick nor tired of you.

The only reason you would bring pain to people is because they aren't strong enough to help. It's much easier to hug someone that's already warm and cozy than someone who is still aching and doesn't want touched. If you "go away", you don't do anyone any service; yourself or others.

Hang in there, we'll come around one of these days.

Fair enough, you guys may not be sick and tired of me but I think some people are…I've been here a little more than a year and I haven't really solved any of my problems. I think some may have gotten worse.

Like not being able to feel loved in real life and finally when I'm able to achieve that, it's from someone who can never love me more than a friend. I really wish my feelings were on the same level, but they're much stronger, so he can't even comfort me without me feeling worse. Even him hugging me makes me cry, knowing it means something completely different to me than it does to him. And the reason it means something different is mainly me not being good enough to him for it to mean the same. I should just feel lucky that he even wants to still be my friend.

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

I'm not sick or tired of you! I started this thread to find you & others I have missed in the community. If you need to talk, I'm here for you! Thank you for finding me! All of you are important to me! But it's hard for me to read every thread. Know that you're Not alone as long as I'm here!

Maybe not on here, but I'm going to be alone in real life for a while. I think I'm going to have to stay away from my group of friends until I get over having feelings for one of them which could be a while. I wonder if they'll notice that I'm gone?

[allme]

I feel bad that anyone has felt that way but I have many times in the past felt that way too. I post less now. It's really hard sometimes to reply because I often feel I have nothing helpful to say. I wish I was as insightful as other members but I'm not, so often I stay quiet. Anyway....love to all.

[JadeAmethyst]

I appreciate this thread and everyone that has posted so far. It gives me hope. I am, at the moment in another transition in life. I'm supposed to be "softer and kinder" but over the last few losses and transitions and incompleteness of grieving I drive myself further underground. It really stinks to experience myself in my head and not feel much of a connection in my own body or sense of selfness, being....it feels disgusting and I imagine that gets telegraphed, so the spiral circles and circles and circles. IRL I just sort of hang out with my dogs, walk and am fortunate that I can go out now at least and run errands. I do not care to have much beyond a friendly smile or wave. I now DO limit my conversations like gossiping about family, friends or the neighbors and what they are doing....don't care for this stuff, and never have.

Social skills at my age should be better, but they aren't...I miss a lot of signals, it's embarrassing....ugh...my H is befuddled, and irritated with my lack of "common sense"
and lack of motivation. He travels a lot so is out of town often. I don't feel the need or desire to run out and do, do, do, and busyness into wasting time on XYZ...
My roles have changed drastically, I have decent physical health, and that has improved over the last year.....thank goodness!!!! Success! I not staying in bed all the time or torturing myself trying to be "there" for ones who can't or aren't able to be "there"....I have dropped these relations or have been dropped myself. I always tell myself it takes two people, and am willing to see my own part in the whole situation.
A lot of this is simply unresolved grief...maybe. I don't blame anyone, I just wonder what and where my next transition will take me if I don't know, who does????

I dislike feeling and living like this, it concerns my family, and I so want to be an example for my adult children and grandchildren.

Anyway, this is not a "pity party" or something I consciously "make" happen, so please don't answer with this sort of reply. Thanks....

And with saying this I do welcome constructive thoughts, concepts, and I do take meds, and I have been to therapy some things were helpful.

To volunteer and help others does not intuitively feel natural, I do want and feel a need to create some form of structure outside the home before I am completely housebound. It scares me to think of this because, my Father did this as he aged and never seemed content or happy in his elder years...
Thanks to you all
Jade

Thanks, and this is me taking a risk today.

Jade

JadeAmethyst, since you're sharing your story, it would only be fair if others did as well.

I'm in a transitional period as well, although a much different transitional phase in my life it appears. I'm somewhere between an irresponsible kid and a responsible adult that knows who they are.

And since I'm apparently late to the party, so to speak, I feel that others try to help but then end up throwing me away at some point. Like recently, a friend who went through things similar to me when he was younger (he's like 5 years older than me) and really is the first person to show me love (platonic though it is) especially with physical affection. I never had that with my family or friends and I've never really dated, so that was the first time…but his love is just platonic (my feelings seem to be more romantic) and he also told me that I have a difficult journey ahead and he can't walk that path with me.

I take rejection hard anyway, but in this particular case, feeling loved and then having that taken away (at least to a certain extent, like physical affection) and being told that he can't walk the path with me and I'm in the wrong place in my life etc. hurts more than anything. I can't handle it…I've relapsed back into self-harm (I hadn't since November) and today has been the first day I haven't been high and/or drunk since Saturday. And that's because I've drank all the alcohol in the apartment and I haven't gotten anymore yet.

So as usual, I'm again on the verge of alcoholism and/or a drug addiction. And then there's the self-harm of course. I don't think people understand why this feels so bad to me. It's hard to explain—other people have experienced physical affection/love enough that losing it from one person ISN'T the end of the world. It's difficult to explain how I'm not overreacting because no one knows or understands how I feel. Hell, I don't quite know or understand how I feel.

And until I can get over all of this, I lose most of my social outlet because he and I are involved in a lot of the same things and so are other people who are mutual friends…. No one's missed me yet, but I guess I've only missed one thing so far. Are any of them going to miss me?

I don't have a job or a career at the moment to distract me as I'm trying to get back into grad school and get a job that way through a graduate teaching assistantship. Maybe I can make more friends when I get back in school, as long as I never fall in love again. It destroys everything.

[MuseumGhost]

Big hugs for Jade and I Am...and anyone else who feels kind of stuck and maybe even a bit afraid.

It's a great idea to open up a topic like this. I know it's hard for lots of people to open up about what really pains them and what they carry around, privately, that worries them. I share this tendency, and have found over the years that I am usually much better off if I am very particular about to whom I will decide to open up. (It's just something that has been reinforced, time and time again.)

Although your kind offer of help is most welcome, and displays great courage and willingness...please don't be too surprised, or discouraged, if not a LOT of people respond...it is characteristic very very wounded people to keep it to themselves...

I do know, however, that any act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever really wasted.

So, Thanks!, and good on you, Alone & confused....OOXOO....wish more people were like this!!!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

JadeAmethyst, since you're sharing your story, it would only be fair if others did as well.

I'm in a transitional period as well, although a much different transitional phase in my life it appears. I'm somewhere between an irresponsible kid and a responsible adult that knows who they are.

And since I'm apparently late to the party, so to speak, I feel that others try to help but then end up throwing me away at some point. Like recently, a friend who went through things similar to me when he was younger (he's like 5 years older than me) and really is the first person to show me love (platonic though it is) especially with physical affection. I never had that with my family or friends and I've never really dated, so that was the first time…but his love is just platonic (my feelings seem to be more romantic) and he also told me that I have a difficult journey ahead and he can't walk that path with me.

I take rejection hard anyway, but in this particular case, feeling loved and then having that taken away (at least to a certain extent, like physical affection) and being told that he can't walk the path with me and I'm in the wrong place in my life etc. hurts more than anything. I can't handle it…I've relapsed back into self-harm (I hadn't since November) and today has been the first day I haven't been high and/or drunk since Saturday. And that's because I've drank all the alcohol in the apartment and I haven't gotten anymore yet.

So as usual, I'm again on the verge of alcoholism and/or a drug addiction. And then there's the self-harm of course. I don't think people understand why this feels so bad to me. It's hard to explain—other people have experienced physical affection/love enough that losing it from one person ISN'T the end of the world. It's difficult to explain how I'm not overreacting because no one knows or understands how I feel. Hell, I don't quite know or understand how I feel.

And until I can get over all of this, I lose most of my social outlet because he and I are involved in a lot of the same things and so are other people who are mutual friends…. No one's missed me yet, but I guess I've only missed one thing so far. Are any of them going to miss me?

I don't have a job or a career at the moment to distract me as I'm trying to get back into grad school and get a job that way through a graduate teaching assistantship. Maybe I can make more friends when I get back in school, as long as I never fall in love again. It destroys everything.

My bf of 6 years still doesn't know how to be the most supportive person when my moodswings get rough, & At first , he wasn't sure he could be more than "friends with benefits" but he came around. It's still a work in progress though. I was frustrated, hurt & discouraged for years thinking he would never return my feelings, but now he does. I said that to say this; is it maybe possible that even though this person can't "walk the path "with you that maybe he could "meet you down the road" at some point? Could he maybe just not know how to help you go through your journey? I wouldn't give up Hope just yet! Just keep working on making yourself whole because You deserve to be! Even if he doesn't deserve you. But you may just be surprised

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost

Big hugs for Jade and I Am...and anyone else who feels kind of stuck and maybe even a bit afraid.

It's a great idea to open up a topic like this. I know it's hard for lots of people to open up about what really pains them and what they carry around, privately, that worries them. I share this tendency, and have found over the years that I am usually much better off if I am very particular about to whom I will decide to open up. (It's just something that has been reinforced, time and time again.)

Although your kind offer of help is most welcome, and displays great courage and willingness...please don't be too surprised, or discouraged, if not a LOT of people respond...it is characteristic very very wounded people to keep it to themselves...

I do know, however, that any act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever really wasted.

So, Thanks!, and good on you, Alone & confused....OOXOO....wish more people were like this!!!

Thank you so much for this! I won't be discouraged. I'm not doing this for me, just extending an invitation to anyone who may need it. I'm already surprised that Anyone came here. And im glad they did! I got the idea from reading posts from our "newbies" who were discouraged that they weren't getting many responses, but Anyone is welcome to come chat with me here. Much love to you all!!

[JadeAmethyst]

Thanks to you all. Today, I experienced being heard....warmth and kindness.
What a release...and I. AM you are so welcome and thank you so much. Your post made a difference in being able to accept and see we aren't alone as we sometimes seem to be.
Jade

[JadeAmethyst]

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost

Big hugs for Jade and I Am...and anyone else who feels kind of stuck and maybe even a bit afraid.

It's a great idea to open up a topic like this. I know it's hard for lots of people to open up about what really pains them and what they carry around, privately, that worries them. I share this tendency, and have found over the years that I am usually much better off if I am very particular about to whom I will decide to open up. (It's just something that has been reinforced, time and time again.)

Although your kind offer of help is most welcome, and displays great courage and willingness...please don't be too surprised, or discouraged, if not a LOT of people respond...it is characteristic very very wounded people to keep it to themselves...

I do know, however, that any act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever really wasted.

So, Thanks!, and good on you, Alone & confused....OOXOO....wish more people were like this!!!

Thanks MG for your encouragement and reminders!

[healingme4me]

Unheard, skipped over, misread/misunderstood. That's one, I still struggle with, from time to time.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

My bf of 6 years still doesn't know how to be the most supportive person when my moodswings get rough, & At first , he wasn't sure he could be more than "friends with benefits" but he came around. It's still a work in progress though. I was frustrated, hurt & discouraged for years thinking he would never return my feelings, but now he does. I said that to say this; is it maybe possible that even though this person can't "walk the path "with you that maybe he could "meet you down the road" at some point? Could he maybe just not know how to help you go through your journey? I wouldn't give up Hope just yet! Just keep working on making yourself whole because You deserve to be! Even if he doesn't deserve you. But you may just be surprised

We don't meet down the road again. Once I get into a doctoral program and graduate, I'll have to leave the area to find a job. Who knows where I'll end up. And he wouldn't have ever been able to come with me.

He has a son.

I knew this and that's why I was never going to say anything. He was the one that brought up the fact that I like him and brought it up to my conscious level of thinking. I mean, even if we became best friends, I'd still have to leave in about 3 years. So how can it not hurt to feel love (of any sort, romantic, platonic, or otherwise) and know no matter what each of you feel, you know exactly when it's going to leave your life.

A long time ago, I made the decision to put school/future career over everything else. I never had friends, I never felt love, so it made sense. It still does honestly. That sort of stuff is all I'm good for. It's the only place where I'm a "teacher"—I don't know if I mentioned it in this thread, but the guy also wants to be with someone who is a "teacher" to him (a teacher in life, love, blah blah blah) and I could only ever be a teacher of music, composing, performance, theory, writing…all stuff that I don't even know where or if it's truly important out of academia. So, basically, I'm a fraud.

I think deep down, I've always been a fraud. I'm sure there are enough misplaced commas in this post to prove that.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

We don't meet down the road again. Once I get into a doctoral program and graduate, I'll have to leave the area to find a job. Who knows where I'll end up. And he wouldn't have ever been able to come with me.

He has a son.

I knew this and that's why I was never going to say anything. He was the one that brought up the fact that I like him and brought it up to my conscious level of thinking. I mean, even if we became best friends, I'd still have to leave in about 3 years. So how can it not hurt to feel love (of any sort, romantic, platonic, or otherwise) and know no matter what each of you feel, you know exactly when it's going to leave your life.

A long time ago, I made the decision to put school/future career over everything else. I never had friends, I never felt love, so it made sense. It still does honestly. That sort of stuff is all I'm good for. It's the only place where I'm a "teacher"—I don't know if I mentioned it in this thread, but the guy also wants to be with someone who is a "teacher" to him (a teacher in life, love, blah blah blah) and I could only ever be a teacher of music, composing, performance, theory, writing…all stuff that I don't even know where or if it's truly important out of academia. So, basically, I'm a fraud.

I think deep down, I've always been a fraud. I'm sure there are enough misplaced commas in this post to prove that.

I'm sorry! I was Trying to give that "hopeless romantic"stuff a try. I'm not much on fairy take endings, but part of me wants to keep hoping to see one! But I still believe things can "somehow" work out for you, even if it's not exactly the way you expected things to be.

I guess it's just devastating to barely learn what love is and having it taken away from me.

This is always what happens though…the other person just wants to be friends/isn't attracted to me even though in the same breath they say how attractive/pretty/whatever I am, how good of a conversationalist I am, how smart I am, how hilarious and entertaining I am (I make moving day fun…and that ain't easy) and sometimes I even clearly have confidence despite a lifetime of never being wanted for anything (until very recently…but never really wanted for relationships).

And the only complaints about me?
1. I should be skinnier (I'm a size 10, size 13 in juniors…I still wear juniors and children's shirts…that's how fat I apparently am).
2. I'm inexperienced/not in the right place in my life. My bad for not sleeping with everyone I possibly could. Sorry about that. Not. My bad for STILL being a virgin…I'm so sorry I'm SHY. Everyone wants to be taught and never be a teacher.