It shows how different my sister and I are from each other

For Christmas I bought my niece (who is college-age) two travel books for the country she is studying abroad in this spring semester. I was excited for her and she and my sister thanked me for the two travel books.

Here's where things went awry.

The heat in my place went out so I spent the night in my niece's bedroom at my sister's. Guess what two books I noticed on my nice's bookshelf?

Yep! The two travel books I'd bought her for Christmas!

I complained to my sister that my feelings were very hurt. My sister HELPED her daughter (my niece) pack. Now, my sister had the choice: respect my feelings and tell me in advance:

Scenario 1: "I'm really sorry that (niece) can't take your travel books with her. She'd like you to mail them to her study abroad center so she can use them when she gets settled in."

Outcome: shows that my sister and my niece respect my feelings. Shows me that my niece likes the travel books and plans to use them.

Scenario 2: "I'm really sorry Aunt Motts. I want to take these travel books with me, but I can't fit them in my suitcases. Can you send them to me? I can't wait to use them!"

Outcome: My feelings are respected by my niece.

But that's not the outcome. Now my sister didn't show any empathy for my feelings at all, when I expressed my hurt and disappointment. I told my sister that I was disappointed that neither she nor her daughter could respect my feelings enough to even give me the books to mail ahead to be used. Did my sister really believe that I wouldn't notice and THEN feel hurt when I noticed the two travel books I'd bought her daughter, collecting dust on the daughter's shelf in her bedroom?

My sister totally gaslighted my feelings, telling me she didn't pack her daughter's suitcases (lie #1) and that she didn't notice the books (lie #2). Her son spends every day in his sister's room for his Zoom high school classes too. Even HE told me they were in there.

My niece is also very rude. I emailed her study abroad center ahead of time and had a bouquet of flowers delivered to her on her birthday, delivered by a local flower shop.

Did my niece even send me a thank you email or text? Nope. Nothing. Even after I asked my sister if she heard anything. My sister played dumb at first. Then, she must have texted my niece and told her b/c after I had texted my sister, my niece conveniently texted me a quick "thanks for the flowers. I'll send you a photo." She never sent me a photo of the bouquet either. That's just insensitive and rude. I also gave my niece birthday money via an online app that allows her to use from her phone in the country she's studying abroad in.

My sister doesn't allow me to express any negative emotions around her. I think that is super toxic behavior on her part. Like, if you tell her she did something that hurt your feelings, she makes it clear that you are wrong and not allowed to hold her accountable by responding with sarcasm and minimizing feelings. This has been our toxic dynamic for decades unfortunately.

And yes, I suggested therapy to her and she refuses. Yes, I should just walk away from my sister and her children and estrange myself. They consistently show me how little they care about me and I just go back for more abuse. I really don't know why. I keep hoping they will just like me and stop treating me like crap.

When I went abroad in my 20s, I was given a poetry book by my dad's friend and a travel book by a professor. How ironic that I was able to pack those two books in my suitcases and take them with me.

I think that's why I feel insulted and hurt. My niece clearly doesn't like me and I need to just accept that. Her actions show me that she doesn't care about my feelings; esp. if she only responds in kind when my sister tells her to via text.

My sister is going to visit my niece in a couple of weeks. I am not going to contact my niece anymore while she's studying abroad or send her any care packages. Why bother.

And of course, maybe she read through the travel books I bought her and decided she didn't like them. She's allowed not to like them. But my sister could have handled the situation better. I guess I shouldn't expect anything different. Maybe that's where I went wrong this time (again).