My Best Friend took his life and I'm lost

I'm lost, its been a couple weeks and my brain still isn't working at full capacity again, there's times where I almost collapse to my knees. November 18, 2014 My best friend killed himself. Him and I were as close as two friends could get. Our friendship was built on many things but one thing we did was talk on the phone
Since the beginning of our friendship we'd spend hours on the phone with each other, which we both thought was funny seeing as we are both guys and that's something you don't really here guys do a lot. I'd call him when I saw anything interesting, I'd call him when I went to the store, I'd call even if I was going to grab something in the car and it only would take a minute. In addition to the time talking on the phone, we would hang out frequently, text often, we had a podcast together. We spent so much time together and now I feel so lost. I have no idea what I am gonna do with myself. If you add up all the time we talked, hung out, and texted each week it would be around 24 hours. A full day every week I'd spend with my best friend and now nothing.
We'd share everything thing with each other, we only fully trusted each other there was no one else who we could share our biggest secrets with. Now what. No one, even his family, was as close to him as I was so there is no one who fully understands what I'm going through.
Everything reminds me of him, the memories we shared, the laughs, the cries, the two of us went to hell and back as friends, which only made our friendship stronger. I knew if I was cornered he'd come out swinging. I thought by now it would be easier, that I wouldn't spend as much time crying but the pain is still as strong. Will it ever go away? Will I ever be fully happy again? I can't even put into words fully what our friendship was. I just don't know what to do, Please, Please, Someone, throw me a rope because I'm falling!

Hello TimeBombGage, welcome to Psych Central.

I'm so sorry to hear of your massive loss. Grief is so hard but allow yourself to grieve. It has only been a few weeks since his passing so it is natural that it is still so raw. There is no time limit on grief and the greater the bond, the longer it takes. You will never ever forget him! Remember the good times and talk as much as you need about it. Please go and see your doctor if you are not sleeping or feel you need support/medication.

sounds like you were very close to him. its alright, i have a best friend who we do practically the same kind of thing. so i know how strong that bond can be. its like the closesness resembles that of the closest twins..
and knowing how it is to lose someone i still tear up when thinking on him, but it does get better..
have you had a chance to get closure?


maybe writting about it as many times as you need, or if you have another creative source, maybe working through it in that way might help(i create songs on my computer. and when i was still in the shattered heartache of the stages, i created kind of like a memoriable to the person, and ended up buy a golden dog tag with an engraving on it, so i could carry with me. it now is in a jewerly type chest that i keep all valued/sentimentals in. i had it hangIng on the inside of my door for awhile too.

I'm so sorry In this community there is a Grief and Loss forum where you can find people who experienced something similar, and hopefully some practical advices. Personally I don't know what to suggest, but I'll pray for you and your friend.
Maybe there are relatives or friends that could give you some support, though they didn't experience anything similar. Please, let them try to help you.
We love you

As a mom of a son that spends oodles of time with his best bud, I can appreciate the closeness you describe, sounds like it was a special connection. .

If there's anything I know about grieving, and I've grieved too much, though one will never be the same, there will eventually be peace and joy can creep back in.

It does take time.


Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

hi timebombgage
i know there is nothing i can say to make you feel better over this. it is horrific. in time, it will get better. you continue to think or journal these good times you have with your friend. and it is ok to be very angry at him for leaving you as well. i would be very pissed. finding a grief support group would be helpful to get you through this. talking about what you are feeling to someone is going to be the best way to help you, whether it is your family, his family, friends, a therapist, a grief group, a pastor, or here on PC. you must have lots of questions going thru your head. there may be answers to some, you may never get answers to others. just keep talking and expressing those feelings to someone if you want the pain to pass.

Hi timebombgage

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. We are here to listen and support as best we can.

I, too have had a lot of loss in my life to include all of my family. I also lost my best friend some years back and a beloved pet last year.

Many of us understand and time does tend to heal these losses.

My condolences to you, TimeBombGage, as this is an enormous loss. I've experienced the type of friendship you describe and I can only imagine how it feels to have that taken away.

I've also lost a friend to suicide. We had a complicated relationship in the end, but it was devastating nonetheless. To lose someone this way is especially difficult because you can often find yourself wondering how you didn't know and what you could have done to prevent it. The answer to that is you couldn't.

It takes lots of time to recover from this and everyone grieves differently. Just know that we are here to listen. Talking about it usually helps a lot.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

Thanks guys, I appreciate the kind words. I'm trying to continue to take it day by day. Some days are easier than others. Some days I just feel hopeless, like the pain will never subside. I go to call him only to realize he won't be on the other line. The hardest part is handling the pain of thinking what to do. I would go to him often, with this and with that, and I have numerous other friends, but not that. Not that same, tell each other anything and everything kind of talks. I almost collapse to me knees when the overwhelming pain of this whole thing comes. I just hope for a day that the pain will lessen. One Day.

She, you will be ok You could talk to a psychologist if you see that this grief is really hard to face alone. Or also join a support group in real life, for people who are experiencing a loss.
We are always here for you

The grief loss section doesn't seem very active, no recent posts. I too am lost. My son died. I'm never going to learn to live with this.

Sorry about your loss, TimeBombGage.

I'm sorry also for you Drea I can only pray. Try to post in the forum, if you want...also if there aren't recent posts, if you write someone could read it however.
Love