Lost my Dad two years ago and still having some problems

This month it will be two years since my father died. I miss him terribly. He was such a strong person in my life and had been pretty angry and jumpy since he passed.

I know that he is in a better place and I feel that he is around me letting me know he loves me.

My parents were married for 50 years and where my big problem is that while I lost my father, I also lost what I knew of my mother.

I know that she has been through a lot. I believe she is HPD, so no one grieved more than her. No one lost more than her. She was the victim in all this. She really didn't acknowlege that her kids were having problems too.

I'm lucky that I have a very caring and wonderful husband that listens and talks to me.

My sis is pretty much in denial of the whole thing and doesn't want to talk about it even when I reach out to her.

And the kicker is that my Mom is now dating and serious about someone else. My Mom changed from this one person that I grew up with to someone that I don't even want to claim being related to.

She says that she doesn't want to be lonely that she misses being part of a couple, but to pick the person that has latched onto her?? Its really kinda scary.

Has anyone else had to deal with their other parent going absolutely bonkers?

(((Bumbling)))

Welcome to PC. Sorry to hear about your parents issue(s). While I cannot say that I have had anything like that happen to me, perhaps others have here and can be of assistance?

Thank you for the response. Actually, it has been pretty therapuetic just putting it out here. I have really been trying to get at the root of the problem. I used to think that my Dad was kinda harsh with my Mom, but I have come to realize he was this way because it was the only way he knew how to deal with her HPD.

Just meaning he would say things like "..okay thats enough wallowing" and she would stop playing the victim. It really just gives me more of an appreciation of him.

I am glad to see it has been therapeutic just putting it out there...sometimes it is. Thats whats so good about therapy and stuff, you can just say what you feel and it definitely helps to get it off your chest.

It is, I am definitely sure, hard to get over losing a parent regardless of whatever happens, so her being with another person must be rough on you, and I am very sorry to hear that...

Thank you Clyde

I am really sorry about your dad. may I ask what is HPD?

I would hope if one of my parents (if they had still been together) would have gone on and found someone else. No one can ever replace a parent but our parents and even us need companionship once one has passed. I certainly would not want a parent to be lonely. of course I don't know your story really so I can't judge the issue. I wish you all the best.

You are welcome, bumbling...

HPD is Histrionic Personality Disorder. I certainly want her to be happy and I don't want her to be lonely, but she has jumped into something as a placeholder for my Dad.

I really feel she is doing a great disservice to my Dad's memory by acting the way she has been. Its not my life to run and I should be happy that isnt' being clingy.

Sorry it has just been one of those days

((bumbling))

i used to be friends with a woman with hpd...... our friendship ended because of it. i tried and tried and tried to help, to give advice but she wouldn't listen (not to mention i have my own mental health issues), and she had a totally codependent relationship with her bf, who was bipolar..... i tried the tough love approach and she severed ties with me...... hpd is a fricking horrendous disorder, the hardest to deal with that i've ever personaly come across, and i'm so sorry you're dealing with it with your mom...... i dont know what advice to offer, hpd is very hard to treat, but i offer my sympathy and want to say, i know how it feels to deal with it....... can you talk at all to your mom's new "friend"? can you explain it to him at all? if he really cares maybe he can try? i dont know, this is probably in vain, but i'm sorry for what youre going through...... pm me if you want, i will try to help if i can.......

p.s. i am sorry about your dad..... doesnt matter how long those we love have been gone, we still grieve for them.... and thats ok.....

(((bumbling))))))
Yeah - I know what you are going through - last year I lost my step-dad of 34 years. He and I were very close. He had remarried after my Mom died but we stayed close. Anyway, his wife was a bit odd but always nice to me. Within 2 weeks of his death she had an add placed on EHarmony.com - the internet dating site - and within a month she was traveling to see the guy she had hooked up with there - all this after procliaiming that my step-dad was the love of her life (they were married 5 years.) Two months after that she was married to the guy. Of course now I am afraid she killed my step-dad off. She is an ER nurse and yet she let him experience terrific chest pain and after 8 hours finally die at home without calling for help. He was in otherwise good health and no history of heart problems. Then I find out she had been married 8 times before but only told us she had been married once before. It is scary stuff - you never know in this day and age. Good luck to you.

Hugs!!

Thank you Bella! From the research that I have done on HPD it is like nothing helps. The only thing that seems to be on the books is to just try to not fall into their attention seeking times (which always seems to be the case). My Mom comes into the room and she expects us to fall over ourselves to cater to her and when we don't she sulks and makes everyone miserable. A general Hi how are you doing? How's it going? attitude just doesn't cut it .

Pita - I am so sorry that you have had to go through that. That would make me very suspicious as well. I take it she isn't in your life anymore. I wonder if there is a way that you can do an inquest?

Thank you again!

I believe i am so where u are right now. reading your post gave me the chills. it has been about 2 1/2 years since i have lost my father also. my mom has also turned into someone i don't know. i can't even a true conversation with her. after about a year of his death she settled for this guy, who is still her boyfriend to this day. He gives my wife and i the creeps. she has always told us he is a companion, like someone to do things with. That is bull@#@. they have nothing in common and he is just there at her becking call when she needs a man thing to get done. she has never been alone and i feel that she should of been alone in that area for longer to get herself in together. Yes, i can feel what you were saying. My mom to has lost it. My sister was never close to him or her for that matter. i could go on and on.