why us?

I've been thinking. What is it about us that makes nons-distorted or not-like us so much? Even to the point of stalking or other erratic behaviors? Of course, I have read the non side (haven't we all). But I have been trying to figure out what is it about me that makes certain individuals come to me?
What I found when looking at past interactions with individuals is that they idealize me, sometimes to the point of worshiping me, for being strong minded and doing things that they would/could not do themselves. I guess it's good to be admired, but I am a bit numb to it because I hear it a lot. But when there is that one person who falls madly in love with you......and this has happened several times....all for this? I feel like they now become like limb that is dead and rotting and must be cut off. Or a person who just jumps on your back and sits there as you are walking, carrying their weight. But they are really-subconsciously or not-pulling you down to their level.
Admiration is good, but to this extreme? No. It's annoying. Now if you were to explain this to them, their reaction would be negative like "Oh so you want me to hate you? Ok." No, I just dont want you all over my body.
So in order not to attract these kind of people, what are we to do? Act like wimps? Lose individuality? No. Be smothered for the rest of my life? No.
Any thoughts on this?

We are magical people because of what we have. People who are drawn to us for some reason become addicted to something we offer. We do have many things that we do create that draws them in. The difference as "we" know is that when were done, their done. I don't think you should lose your way because it is a strength that cannot compare to most. At the same time it has its weakness too. The one thing that I do love about our ways is the ease of moving on with the ability to have zero guilt, remorse or lose a second of sleep(depending what medice we're on lol) although my therapist may disagree. It really is us who makes what you ask happen. We make them see things they never have, they become completely entangled then we cut them like we know how well to do. Anyway despite the fact that I myself am currently working on change I still cannot stand the nons interference with their stupid thoughts on what they think or feel about our ways. I guess they will never really know what and who we really are!!!!

Yes. So you are basically saying, yes, we are awesome!:-)
About entanglement, yes, they blame us for. I've thought deeply about this. One was a past relationship. And yes, it was a bad breakup. But hell no, I wasnt going to blame myself....after all, it was his fault....or was it.
Of course in the beginning ok yes. But once a person sees something wrong, they should go. I guess its similar to dv situations where the woman wants to change him. In my case, the story was more complicated than that, but once I realized that while yes, I was strung alœng, I also began to tread uncomfortable ground and not everything was good. But I stayed. Why? Well, the simplest answer I gave myself was "Sometimes its better not to ask why. Just go."
All it took was that. Now....I think about myself way more. If I see something bad about someone, I'll go into d/d mode. I'm not getting paid to be a therapist so I'm ñot going to figure someone out. Not my problem.
Maybe not their mistake if they didnt know at first (well not ours either) but once you know something is bad, you should go.

hi and welcome ihatedepechemode

dont you think maybe nons also have some sort of interest or in some way 'supply' that they also need ?
I mean is it not the way relations/friendships develop? by/over common interests.
the thing that makes us different is that we fail to acknowledge the friendship part and when we lose our interest/supply we discard the person.

does this makes sense?

Dunno. You will have to ask a non.

I went outside today and had some interactions. I dont know if other narcs specifically do this. I'm not aware of anything on my part. But from my dealings with others just tonight, despite intentions on my part, the other party always seems to have expectations. Not just of what they may want me to be to them, but also expectations of what they can get from me, what experiences they will have with me, etc. Its like ideas in their head but its more complex than mine. In fact, most of the time, for me, its just talking or whatever. Simple.
For this, I like having a more black and white approach. Makes things simple on my part. (supply or not) but it makes me feel awkward when the other party is not the same.

couldn't have said it better, this part is so much true.

Wow I just wrote of black and white then I come in here and see it from you!! Us narcs are really intune aren't we?? I do know what you mean but I think it may also be our doings most of the time. We definitely start the process especially with our so called friends. We create things for each relationship based on what we think we have to do to get what we need in return. In doing so it remains "black and white" for us but not them. They see all the different colors and in turn show this to us. At times when we're not into the supply tactic or maybe we just are at a time when it's really just for us and then we are easily bothered with all the ideals or BS they feel we want to hear . For me it has always been so easy to look somebody in the face as they speak to me and not process one word they are saying. Don't know if that makes sense to anyone here but I have done it so many times to the point that when they ask where was I, I never know!!!

oh yes, i can relate to that too, social interactions can be so boring sometimes. im so clueless also on what to say and how i should interact since ive found out about my N traits. Daydreaming/not being there also happens a lot in middle of ANY conversation.

I'm royalty in zoning out unless its a subject that truly interests me or if I happen to be talking. (although talking is becoming less and less as I'm limiting interaction)

I believe that what happens is that a person who may have had abusive parents has had to learn how to cope with that, because as a child they cannot leave. So they are forced to be tolerant of people who are abusive.

Then when they get older, a self-centered person who just wants to use other people can easily spot someone who is "useable". And at the same time, the person who has learned to tolerate abusive self-centered people will naturally tend to want to be "nice" to an abusive person... because it is a learned behaviour.

In fact, I even had a person tell me as much, when he said "He knows that you are the only one who will put up with him". It is sort of a mutual sickness. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder may have had parents or at least one parent who tolerated their temper tantrums or other selfish behaviour when they were children and so they grew up thinking that everyone ought to treat them that way. So they unconsciously 'seek out' people who will tolerate them. While at the same time, their victims have learned to be tolerant because their own parents were abusive.

...at least this is what I have experience. They usually search for someone who is easy to take advantage of and actually place themselves in such situations. For instance, I have discovered that many people with NPD tend to flock to the Internet on forums where nobody will know who they really are and what they are really like. Lots of times, they will choose Christian Forums because they realize that Christians will be more likely to be tolerant of them. And its easier to disguise your true behaviour on a forum where they are relatively anonymous. And so, it may not actually be that people are attracted to these people with NPD, it may many times be that these people with NPD place themselves unconsciously in places and situations where tolerant victims are plenteous.

A Non's Perspective:

Chances are, you display a lot of confidence right? People are typically drawn to confidence. What do you pretend to offer them? You likely don't display any faults or weaknesses and seem like a great person to be around. Who wouldn't typically want to be around someone like that? Everyone wants to feel like they're worth it, and if you, someone who seems "perfect" or nearly so, thinks that an individual is worth it (or at least, you likely appear to display that thought to them) then they must actually BE worth it and that's a good feeling.

If you don't want people to be around you so much, try showing them a bit more of your authentic self They'll likely back away quickly. You don't need to be explain anything to them - just try being authentic and they'll get the picture pretty quickly and give you lots of space!

((I'm basing this off my younger brother - he's very much NPD. He's very much idolized by his friends, and I can see why - he treats them really well because they serve a purpose to him. But if those friends have also befriend me, or my parents, and thus know what we're actually like... they'll then start to see through my bro's portrayal of us, and if they happen to see him at "home" and how he actually behaves? They tend to start drifting away from him quickly because they can start to put two and two together. He's only ever lost the friends who've seen the authentic him, which he typically only shows around family.))

Yes. But using that logic, there is no reason to cure npd then or any reason to have motivation to change.

Yes, I did show someone my authentic side. Worst mistake I ever did was to give someone achance. The whole cliche of being yourself....it really doesnt work.

How did they react when you showed your authentic self?

To the girl that I briefly explained to, she was just trying to feel me out. No real thing there. She's like "uhh..ok..." and we both got sidetracted by sometĥing else. (it 2as at a party)

To the others.....it was my first time actually being aware that I was raging. But I couldnt stop it. 4 people dissed me and I didnt feel the need to take it. A group of people witnessed it. I ended up leaving. On one hand, I was in pain and wanted to inflict pain because of what mitual friends did to me. But after I had calmed down after a few days, they hàd not. By then rumors had started and they started making fun of me like they were in high school. I thought they were better than that actually because they are in a......more well to do lifestyle. And have glamourous jobs, etc. But when I saw that they treated me bad, I began to get depressed because they did everything against me. Its still not 100%. Funny thing is, I dont give a **** about anyone but those girls. So I inflicted just more pain into myself by them being against me and not validating me or being on my side.

Ok, I'm just trying to reword this to see if I understand how it went:

1) You raged at someone because people dissed you?
2) People started spreading rumours about that rage.
3) People then bullied you around this, and you were understandably depressed about it.

Which part was the authentic you that you showed them? The raging part? Cause while that was authentic.. that's now how you feel inside all the time is it? I'm sure there is more to you than just rage and depression.

Like... if it's hard to just be the authentic you (who is not perfect just like no one else is perfect!) and yet people fawning over you is getting on your nerves... why not try to tone down the stuff that's a veneer? You can dial down the intensity of the awesome, and people will hopefully calm down. If you succeed with that and then feel like it, you could always start showing bits and pieces of the real you with people that you have gotten to know and think could possibly be trusted with some things.

It seems a bit like you're hitting two extremes, and I can totally understand how that could be frustrating.

((And - I am really sorry that those people treated you horribly. No one deserves to have rumours spread about them or to be made fun of.))

I dont know about the authentic self. Its either rage or extreme quiet. Not depressed all the time. Just quiet.

No people fawning over me is fine. Its great to be noticed. And I'm not going to tone down how great I am to appear weak. It would have the opposite effect of absolutely no supply. But the problem is the people who get too close. Thats not everyone.

Lets just "Enjoy the Silence" and we can all be someones "Personal Jesus" HAHAHAHAHAHA IM BACK!!!!!!!! This is "WHY US"

The fact that you think you are awesome is an unnatural statement. You have good qualities, usually intelligent and able to get the adoration from others to validate you. Yes you are addicitve because you ensure that you are - you make that happen with your charm and words etc. You are just a normal human being who have talents and goodness but also without the validation you crave you can feel as if you are nothing and nobody - you cannot accept that and so you continue to find 'N' supply and validation. You are not special you are the same as everyone else but you cannot live with being that - my question is why? Why do you need to be the best/!