Severe Harm-OCD please help me

The past couple of weeks I was suffering from intrusive thoughts that I already have or will email or write an innapropriate offensive letter to my roommates

there was times I woke up in the morning and my intrusive thoughts said that sometime when I was sleeping I woke up wrote a highly innapropriate letter about my roomate and his family and the intrusive thoughts said that i hide it in his computer desk

I always fought these intrusive thoughts I knew that I would never do that

There was times I woke up in the middle of the night to get milk and food to eat cause around those days I was smoking cannabis and I got hungry

So when i was in the kitchen around those days of smoking cannabis, I would go get food,

On top of our refrigerator is kitchen cleaning products

I would get a quick intrusive thought of " me poisoning our food and drinks " with mental images of doing this terrible act

And I was able to tell myself immediately that is redicolous , I would never do that , I was able to brush off the intrusive thought of poisoning food and drinks really fast

And while making food I would get an intrusive though with intrusive visual images that I wrote a highly innapropriate letter about my roomates family and that I hide it in his computer desk

And I would tell myself I know what reality is ... I just woke up and walked past my roomates computer desk and I went straight to the kitchen

It's scary how the intrusive thoughts and intrusive visual images of these fears attack my brain and make it feel very real , they feel like delusions , hallucinations , the intrusive attacks make it feel like it happened and it's hard to believe if it really happened or not .....

I got mentally paralized and told my roomates days later that I have these intrusive thoughts , I explained to them that i could be on facebook, my email and i sudden get intrusive thoughts that I wrote something highly innapropriate to a friend about his family. I told my roomates that I'm even afraid to go to people's homes cause im afraid I will lose control of myself or blackout mentally and write a note or letter about the friend and his family and hide it somewhere in there house ,

My roomates obviously checked the computer desk and there was no innapropriate letters hidden in the computer from me

I knew these were severe intrusive thoughts/intrusive images/pure-o/harm-ocd/ and false memory symptoms

3days ago I was looking online and found a way to fight of the intrusive thoughts of me saying or writing something innapropriate to friends by mentally telling myself " I accept that I do not accept these thoughts "

That made me feel better

So 3 days ago I went to take a shower , my roomate and his friend was home

After the shower I was hungry so i went to the kitchen made a turkey sandwich got milk ,

I saw the kitchen cleaning products on top our refrigerator

And of course being a human that i am I have vision I see what's around me and think as any other human would

I finished eating then put the plate and cup into the sink

And then like 2 minutes later all of a sudden I got intrusive thoughts and intrusive visual images of me " poisoning food and drinks that's in our refrigerator with the kitchen cleaning products "

It made me feel so disgusting , awful, I was very scared and I was having a panic attack

I kept on telling myself I would never do that , I kept on telling myself I have no memory of touching any of those kitchen cleaning products, I kept on telling myself I have no memory of ever doing that to calm me down to try to fight off the terrible thoughts and images of this evil terrible thought

I even told myself that I would drink and eat anything in the refrigerator

I don't have any urges to do anything like this

It's mentally and physically paralizing when u have thoughts and images that u did this act

What gives me hope is me telling myself that I have no memory of doing this

And I look at the kitchen cleaning products on top of our refrigerator to try to face my fears, I look at the cleaning products and tell myself that I have never touched any of them , and that I would never purposively poison anyone's drinks or food

The next day and today me being in the kitchen causes a lot of worries and it scares me , it's this constant fear that since I have these intrusive thoughts that I will lose consciousness somehow and poison food and drinks and not remember.

I feel like if I told my roomates to hide the kitchen cleaning products I would feel a little better

But that would scare them

I have to face my fears and I know that I would never poison food and drinks

It's awful these intrusive thoughts and intrusive images have made me feel super depressed and super sick , I've been thinking about going to the mental hospital

It's this constant fear now of going to the kitchen and that since I have these intrusive thoughts and fears that I will lose control and act upon these intrusive thoughts and intrusive visual images of poisoning food and drinks in our refrigerator .

My mind is paralized cause these intrusive thoughts make me believe that it happened already , and or that it will happen when I'm in the kitchen cause i have these terrible thoughts

I'm a good person and I love my roomates, I would never want to hurt anyone , and I never have urges or wants to poison food and drinks

I would never do anything terrible like this

Please harm-ocd/intrusive thoughts / pure-o/ delusions/ hallucinations / false memory ocd/ demons GO-AWAY

I want my brain with healthy thoughts back

Please Everyone at Psych Central help me with advice
Feedback, comments , tips about what I'm struggling with

There is only one thing to do. See a doctor and tell him about this. They will be able to provide you the help you need to manage and cope.

u should see a doctor

Hate to sound like a broken record, buuuut... If you could deal with this yourself? You wouldn't be suffering right now. Get help from somewhere. Anywhere.

Im sorry that your having a tough time

I deal with very similar intrusive thoughts that can be very disturbing and inappropriate.

Unfortunately I have yet to figure out how to stop having them.

I know personally they happen more frequent when I am under high(er) amounts of stress or when there is a specific issue or conflict going on.

I agree with everyone's suggestion and try and seek some professional help.

In the meantime keep reminding yourself that you are not your thoughts! It isnt a choice and you know you dont want to do those things!

Its a struggle that I can very much relate to. Staying busy helps but it has to be mindful.
I try to say something similar to myself like, go away ugly thoughts, or even shut up.
Staying mentally engaged also helps.

Hang in there.

You must go see a doctor ASAP. You need help.

Please:

Go to the doctor.

I have intrusive thoughts and vivid visions of me doing bad things too, but I don't do them. There is a difference between thinking these thoughts and actually doing them. If you don't do them you are in control and that is good. But the anxiety of maybe actually doing them might be a struggle for you that you might need better help with. Hope this helps

I don't have health insurance

That's why I'm on this forum

I think I am suffering from severe harm ocd

Why do I have these thoughts

Please help me with advice and feedback

Im sorry you are still suffering. There has been some good advice from people who suffer with this and similar thoughts. This is all we can do. If you need/want more help then that, you are going to have to see a professional.

What do you think I am suffering from?

Why do you have these thoughts? Perhaps not the most relevant question. Perhaps a more useful question is "What would be worth focusing on?" Future rather than past focus.

Your thought patterns are like an addiction. You can use the same kinds of things an addict can use to get away from his habit. Try it. Worked for me. Do some research on this problem, obsess about it, solve it. There was a good book by Stanton Peele, called "7 tools to fight addiction." You can probably find it on the net as a pdf. Very useful advice. Reframe your problem as similar to an addiction and attack it directly. You'll have lots of otehr things to think about. If thoughts of heroin can go away, your intrusive thoughts can go away, too.

I only say this because you say you have no access to professional help. If you have to help yourself, I believe this is a viable approach. I am not a doctor or psych professional! Just someone who suffered intrusive thoughts at times also.

Should I go to the doctor and tell them I have severe harm ocd

And I don't have health insurance

When I was 18 I was on Prozac and lithium for 3 months and it cured me of the being gay ocd

Can Prozac help me ?

Please everyone on psych central I need advice on how to cope with " intrusive thoughts and harm ocd "

I need to trust myself when I say to myself that I am in control of my self, these are harm ocd and false memory ocd i suffer from,

Everyday is mentally difficult cause of these " severe intrusive thoughts " mentally arguing with myself , saying this did not happen , I would not do that , no one is gonna be hurt,

I believe no harm was made because i have no memory of that happening , it's rough when these intrusive thoughts feel real , but deep down inside I use my though of " I wouldn't do that " thought to fight the "intrusive thoughts" and say to myself mentally that I am in control , I don't blank out mentally and create harm ,

It's rough you go to the restroom
And then hours later intrusive thoughts say you caused harm to the toothpaste

And I keep on telling Myself I did not do this .

I keep on telling myself I am in control of myself

And I would not do this act of harming the toothpaste

And to fight it off even better I tell myself i at this moment of I wanted to I would brush my teeth with that toothpaste , and I would eat or drink anything in the refrigerator,

And I tell myself there won't be anyone harmed

These intrusive thoughts / harm ocd feel very real and scary ,

And these intrusive thoughts created another intrusive thought that it is memory coming back , but I know I don't mentally black out and do things

But deep down inside my heart I would never harm food / drinks / toothpaste

It's just terrible having these awful thoughts

Please please everyone at " Psych Central " I don't have health insurance

Please let me know what I'm suffering with,

I want my normal brain back where there was no fears of purposely causing harm and thoughts like this....

It just suddenly manifested to this

Please help me please.....

I don't have health insurance

Can Prozac help ?

What can the doctor do?

What do you mean when you wrote

"But the anxiety of maybe actually doing them might be a struggle for you that you might need better help with. "

I would never do anyone of these evil acts to purposovely hurt hurt friends or loved ones

My impression from your posts is that you are experiencing severe recurrent "obsessive" thoughts with few or no anxiety-relieving "compulsive" behaviors. You had been self-treating the anxiety created by the obsessive thoughts with cannabis.
A doctor can make a formal diagnosis that opens the possibility of you getting the proper medications to relieve some of the anxiety. A doctor can make a formal referral to a psychiatrist or therapist, who can assess your condition carefully and adjust medications (psychiatrist) and guide you in talk therapy (therapist) to help you cope with your conditions.

As you do not have insurance, local or county agencies may exist to assist you to get the help you need. In the US, 211 may serve as your first step.

Are you capable of making phone calls? Do you have transportation?

I am sorry you are suffering so much with this problem. Like the others above, I would encourage you to see a psychiatrist about this. It sounds very distressing. You do sound like a good person who would be very unlikely to act on these inner promptings.

I've heard it said that people under the influence of hypnosis will not do things that strongly conflict with their moral beliefs. I suspect that is true of your situation also. It's not that people need to be protected from you, but you need to find a way to alleviate the pain you are experiencing.

Helpme2013.i dont know what to say really.except what some of the other nice people told you. i do think you need to go to a DR. or hospital asap.a hospital Cannot refuse you.even if you dont have insurance.they have to help you in some way.esp. if you tell them how you are feeling.please ANYONE who can offer advice to helpme2013.PLEASE do so.

...ok my friend... I will attempt to decode this terribly encrypted situation that you are in...

only because you asked me and because I care...

ok...

first of all OCD has it's roots in loss and abandonment

...and there is no extent that this emotional extreme will go to.. to make you blame yourself..

and soooo vulnerable and delicate and in unsubstantiated shame we will take the blame for everything and anything within our personal radius...

which has unbelievably shrunk to just our immediate life!

OCD hurts the most sensitive places in our heart...
we accidentally move from the living to the in-animate...

like toothpaste....

we transfer our feeble affection into such things we feel useless to love for real we lost that and it might have been sudden...

likely...

she wakes in the night afraid to kill her husband...

she is afraid to leave the house the room... she needs to be knocked out

she is not to blame...

she will get through this...
and the tiny tediousness and the intimate inanimate fears become simply an expression of someone who is perfectly aligned with how to love....

she discovers taking that away the shame of the peculiarities of her loving expression...

were designed perhaps and likely terribly but they are still perfect

..love DM

Hi, I hope your feeling a little better. What I meant was that the intrusive thoughts you are having are making you very anxious, nervous, you are obviously suffering because of them, they might even scare you and all of that is understandable. Intrusive thoughts can be very annoying and it becomes quite easy to become preoccupied by them, meaning you think about them all the time, constantly. That is probably something you need better help with. If you can't make them go away then you have to learn to deal with them better. Try not to listen or focus on them so much though I know this can be extremely difficult. But if you can get some professional help, please do so, because it's a shame that you are suffering and I'm not a doctor, I'm only telling you this from my own experience. But I understand about having no medical cards I have to pay for my therapy too and sometimes I can't afford to, so try to save up maybe so that you can at least go once in a while. Better than nothing. Hope you feel better soon. hugs!

A thought disorder that needs professional help. Go to an ER attached to a medical school or university. They can not turn you away for lack of insurance.

No health insurance. You might go to the emergency room at a hospital and tell them you
think you are going to harm yourself or someone else. If that doesn't work tell ER or
hospital security you think you are going to severely harm someone. There is nearly always someone in ER with mental problems. The staff deal with it daily. You need medication like a lot of us.

maybe there is a free clinic near you: clinics:Free / Low-Cost Health Clinic Finder | Prescription Assistance Program

If there are none, call your local hospital and ask them if they have a charity care program for the uninsured.

Hi there and here I am at last. I was away from home when I first heard from you and I explained that at the time, thankgoodness I've managed to catch up with you. Oh yes, you are sure suffering alright, without any doubt. You absolutely DO need help from a professional, but you've said you have no insurance. I'm from the UK so I don't know anything about the insurance issues in other countries, but is there not any way you could get help from a regular Dr, if not a Psych Dr, the latter which is what you really need. I couldn't deal with my OCD type compulsive intrusive thoughts without meds, I've tried weaning off meds and it was a very very bad move. My meds are for mood disorders but they help a lot with other stuff too. I'm pretty sure you need med help of some kind at the moment. I'm in therapy but it's not helping to be honest. This site helps me big time too. I'm thinking about those cleaning agents on the fridge, could you or someone else not move them? So everytime you go into the kitchen you don't have them looking you in the face? Away in a cupboard would be best. OK you know they are there, but you'd have to open doors delibretly to see them and anything that breaks the habit of seeing them as soon as you enter the kitchen has to help. In fact, do they have to be in the kitchen at all? It could help. Could you confide in one of your roomies, if only to say could they be with you when you prepare your food, so they could physically stop you if you should go to pickup products you don't need to use? If you can't do this because you are eating in the night at times when it's not really ''normal'' to do so, then as you well know, you are probably doing so because of the cannabis (a very well known side effect!) You've said you are not doing the drug at the moment and that will help you greatly with the eating at unsociable hours. Do you think that SOME (only some) of this OCD like behaviour could be down to the drug? Is that possible, it's also well known to cause paranoia? I am NOT judging you here, no not at all, for I'm no perfect human by far, it's just a thought, that's all. I'm glad I've managed to locate you as I was certainly worried about you when I saw your posts and also when you messaged me. I send you HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX