Discrimination on PC......

I agree.... and I have to say that I have only encountered two people (a third later on) that tried to push me into a corner when I first got here without first looking at what I was going through and dealing with that made me feel as did in the beginning... its all good now.

PC is the greatest place in the world for nuts like us......

((((((((((((( Michah )))))))))))))

You're not leaving me are you? I need you.... and I appreciate everything you do.... you are a great person

(((((((Micah))))))) I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I hope I haven't said anything to offend you.

No babe, not at all!! If you had said something particularly hurtful I would have pm'd you to see if we could sort it out.......I got a pretty tuff hide!!!

Its all good, sweet cheeks........

I ain't going anywhere babe!! It is not that easy to get rid of me......despite my observations, I have met some wonderful people, you are included in that! It takes a lot for an Aussie to leave their mates!!! And thank you for saying I am a great person! (((((warm fuzzies)))))

We have too much work to do.......no slacking off!!

I do feel like I want to agree with Michah, I have found, not so much hostility, but I'm not too regular on PC, I show up when I feel the need for some support in someway - and it used to be helpful, but lately I've found that chats are harder to get into because there's always somekind of "private joke" or "in-conversation" that happens between 2 or 3 people, and everyone else is just left reading it.... which for some people (myself included) is disheartening.... and, I dunno, I posted on the BPD forum asking for some advice, and it took days for a reply, even tho all the other threads around it were getting replies.... I try to give help when I can, but it's hard to give out help when you're in need yourself and not getting it

I dunno, maybe it's a BPD thing, but like I said, it's not so much a feeling of hostility, more a feeling of, like someone said before, a sense of everything being "self-absorbed"

Also, Michah, I hope this reassures you that you're not the only one feeling this way

M_V x

Morning view, sorry your experience has not been fulfilling or distressing........please come back to BPD forum......your story is too important to miss!! I know it is a bit slow on there, but someone replies eventually and I am sure you have experience that you can impart. I know after 15 years, I am still learning!!......

I look forward to seeing you again, don't be a stranger!!!

In stillness.....

Michah

Agree pretty much with Rhapsody here. When it first joined PC it had a lot of trouble with "in groups" and "cliques" ganging up and being mean and harassing and stuff just because it bes different from them. For a long time it didn't come here anymore. Popped back in now & then to see if anything had changed, and have to say it finds the atmosphere and people here a lot more open and accepting and non-judgmental than it did a few years ago. The mods generally do a good job of sorting things too. If someone posts something you feel to be unsupportive you can report it or PM them and they will look into it and sort things out, and generally they do so in a fair manner. So, like, if you and another person bicker, they will remove ALL the bickering posts, not just yours (and not just the other person's) -- they will treat people fair that way.

Having had a lot of bad experiences on this one board somewhere else where moderators always played favorites, it finds this place very refreshing in that regard.

Chat does tend to suffer from the problem of too many people in "need" mode and not enough people there in "give" mode. We all have both modes, sometimes we feel strong and we like to find others we can help support; other times we feel messed up or needy or in crisis, and need support from others. But yeah sometimes you go to chat and you try to talk and someone else brings up that their mum has cancer (or some other thing that socially speaking it would be only proper to regard as way more important than your concerns) so you end up shutting up so as not to "siphon" other people's support & energies away from someone else who clearly needs it more than you do. But this does result in going away empty more often than not.

Hmm. Wonder what we could do to improve this situation? Any suggestions or ideas?

Unfortunately no ideas here babe, I have a hard enough time in group conversations as it is! I hope it gets sorted so the people who get much out of chats can feel "ingrossed" again

Thanks for your input babe.....

A pleasure to read this thread and different people's experiences who come here and find different things.

One of my beliefs about community is that although larger communities (such as ours) have their drawbacks, one of the benefits is that hopefully people will find more support for their concern in the appropriate forum. A smaller community might not always have enough people with any given concern to provide as much support as might be wanted or needed. And yet, we still sometimes fail in that regard too, as morning_view pointed out.

Chat rooms are a completely separate issue, because some people simply aren't interested in that form of communication. And it's more of a social modality, meaning that people seem to be drawn to it as much for socialization and just chatting, than to be available for the kind of support that some are looking from there.

There are no single or easy answers to these kinds of concerns, but I think Micah wrote some words of wisdom that can help guide us--

I completely agree with this sentiment and encourage members to be as selfless as possible (as much as their own health and concerns allow), especially when you see another member who is crying out for help or is being attacked by others. (Always report such issues to a moderator or admin, and we will look into it, too.)

We try to make our community one of the safest ones we possibly can, and recognize that we can't always meet this goal 100% of the time. But we do try, and appreciate members who help others as much as they can here.

DocJohn

Hi DocJohn,

Thanks for posting..... and I thought I would point out that you forgot the "h" in Michah. Sorry

Totally agree with this Doc. Good post.

We also need to recognize that sometimes people may intend to be supportive but what they say at that moment may not come out sounding that way due to their own issues, or others might read something into their words that really bes not there. In general we should try to give each other the benefit of the doubt (as much as possible, given that each of us has our own afflictions to deal with and the inability to trust or a lot of baggage of being dogpiled may go with that for some of us) and respond with neutral language whenever we can. E.g., "sorry but right now X and Y don't really feel supportive to me" would be a lot more helpful and informative than "you're sick, how dare you attack me you psycho" or whatever. In other words don't assume that everything we read that does not "sit well" with us constitutes an "attack" or an attempt to "attack". Recognize that 9/10 of the time it will just be a clash of viewpoints or attitudes or approaches and not something personal. A lot of times it bes really obvious when someone bes trying to get personal digs in. But not always. And sometimes we read that into things where the other person has not meant to do that at all. When in doubt, ask for clarification. Say stuff like, "when you said X, i heard Y, did you really intend to communicate Y or did i misunderstand you?" Those kinds of exchanges can be really productive and healthy for us to have.

I have been banned and discriminated aginst in real life and did not know why. I have watched one woman be hounded by a forums admin and members . she managed to maintain herself by sumbmitting her self and appologizing left and right. She wa admonished for missspelling a word .

I was reading over her posts last night and there were many more than I realized. She wasn't really doing anythif wrong she was confued and searching but was not let up on. I felt physically ill to my stomach reading hwo she was treated.

I myself was banned and blocked via eamil just for asking a person ( i a PM) to not admonish me in from of others on the forum . They banned and bocked me and then announced what they discussed to everyone
and I was left with no recourse but to be forced out onto the forum

I chose not to do that and I left. I came back on occation This person continued to come up to me after ward and make reference to how I was behaving. And I was blocked.


i have been irrepribly damaged by this . on forums and in real life.

and I continued to be treated like Im a danger to others. and ive never been a danger to others .


I realy don't know where to turn.. and I don't even think I was give the correct diagnosis.

I have not experienced any gang ups on this forum . except to be missinterpreted. and I have lost my cool once.

thanks for the topic Michah.. I haven't read your last Pm yet.. I will soon.

Patricia

Patricia,
This one has also had similar experiences on other forums. Really nasty stuff.

The worst of course comes from places that want you to believe THEY have "God", they have "the truth" and they have "all the answers". And they love you sooooo much, that bes the only reason why they treat you like scum after all!

PsychCentral bes a LOT more safer place than those.

Thanks Jay!! Yes my illusive "h".......its all good.....Doc John graced me with the biblical spelling of my name, thanks Doc! I have been blessed.......thanks for watching out for me Jay, you sweet person.....

Thanks Doc, good words......I have reflected on what you have said......it is good to be reminded that I do not live in a "fish bowl" as I sometimes feel, that I am part of something larger than I can "control"(my inner control freak) and that the nature of the group is organic and "has a life of its own". In saying that, I do feel that I have been given the opportunity to protect, defend and comfort where I see fit.......I like to temper my actions with thought and logic and hope I am contributing to the healing more than the hurting.

I also need to remind "the narcissist" within to reign it in and not think I have all the answers.......oh well.....we've all got foibles.....

Don't know if I can leave my soap box at home though!!! Sorry, everyone!!

Thanks Doc, for your input.......you got your finger on the pulse with this one......

Malady, I really agree......I think it is therapeutic sometimes(it is not for everyone) to remain neutral in threads where the person is not well known to you.......if you have built up a relationship of sorts, you will rarely misinterpret what is being said as the threader kind of knows you.......I just figure that if you find something particularly offensive it is better to PM and nut it out that way......

Malady, you have a really good grasp on communication skills........I learn new things everyday from people on here!!

Thanks, babe........

Ahhh sweetie, forgive the masses for they do not understand.......I am sorry you had to go through that.......you reply whenever you are ready and I hope things are okay with you.....

Be safe, babe.......we are here.....

Malady, I am glad you feel safer here........I have not been on other forums of this nature.......I am glad I didn't!! I would probably be on the phone ringing the website, sending scathing emails to moderators and becoming everyones worst nightmare......I shall behave!!!

Thank you very much to everyone that replied........I have learn't some valuable stuff with this thread.......it took me a while to process if it was paranoia or to trust my instincts.......

I cannot promise that I will be silent on certain issues, but I will always endeavour to be fair, logical and not reactionary. But I will always have my inner hypervigilant werewolf to patrol the gates, protect the innocent and provide safety in the storm......as much as can be expected.......I am sorry, my father has always said I should be a Mental Health advocate, I am that protective! In real life my friends and family say that I am the ultimate guard dog, loyal, territorial, fearless in defense and have little consideration for my own safety when confronted with a threat.......

I am honoured to be compared to my canine friends! I shall observe boundaries as I have always done and am so glad that my faith has been restored in my endeavours......

If anyone feels crushed by my protective weight, feel free to tell me that you cannot breathe!!!

Thanks all you wonderful people.......

I can't breathe. Theres a feeling of unreality about this thread, I dunno, somethings a bit insincere. I didnt seen the particular thrread that seems to have started this thread, but theres sometimes an Alice in wonderland feel about here at times. I dunno, perhaps its just me. Its almost like everyones walking on eggshells, not healthy.

It is sad that anyone is treated with discrimination or treated unfairly on a forum or IRL. It is important that we treat people with the respect that we want to be treated with ourselves & use that as the guideline for our posting.

I have been here almost 5 years (this coming October). Many times at the beginning of those 5 years, I have felt rather invisible, but as time passed & I got more comfortable in the groups where I fit in, that invisible feeling began to lessen. I would even go outside of my comfort zone & touch others where I felt I had something that might be helpful to say. I have to admit that every once in a while I slip up when I read something that really triggers me the wrong way & I say something I shouldn't. I praise our administrators here for keeping the posts safe by deleting those posts that need to be deleted.

I have to say for myself, the support here has really been amazing....beyond belief actually. The fund raiser & the wonderful emotional support that so many provided, really showed me that I wasn't as invisible as I thought I was. The caring brought tears to my eyes that wouldn't stop......that warm caring feeling that everyone who touched me provided I have to say has been the most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced. I only wish that everyone would have a chance to feel that level of caring in their lives......as it really shows how wonderful everyone really is within their hearts.

Sure we have times & situations when the not so nice nice side shows through when there is something we feel passionate about is touched on the wrong way or we feel an injustice being done that we want to step up to & take an active voice in.......but as it has been said before.......we have to take care how we word what it is we say so that we don't hurt others or make them feel discriminated against or attacked.

Posting our words in the way we would want to read/hear the words ourselves is the best rule of thumb. I know that I am one who stands for honesty & to tell it like it is.....but even that can be done in a considerate way....it just takes a lot more work to come up with those words at times.......but everyone who we post to is worth that time & effort & care.

As Doc John said, a community this size is a challenge to monitor & keep running smoothly......I think this community is the most outstanding community (internet or otherwise) that I have ever been involved in......there is more Love & caring that goes on here than you find sometimes IRL. Sometimes it takes something to actually experience to give us this feeling personally, othertimes, we can see it through posts that we are involved in the posting of & the support that is going on.

PC is a beautiful, kind, supportive community that I feel honored to be a part of. I hope Michah that you get an opportunity to feel the same wonderful feelings I have experienced here.....as I hope this for all who may not have experienced this yet in their time here.

My wish for kindness, caring, & love to all who post here,
Debbie

i just need someone to talk to.......