[thunderbear]

So I came home today with a note on my door from the school's social service person. Shes not the kind that comes and takes your kid away or anything. But more of the helping out kind of person. Well, my insurance lapsed. It's goverment insurance called passport. Well it is pending on approval and my son has'nt had his Vyvanse scince monday because it costs $160 for 30 pills and we just don't have that. I guess my son was being disruptive today and his teacher asked him why. He told her it ws because he did'nt have his medicine and it was too expensive for us. Well his teach called the socail service lady and se came out but we were gone. The note said she had to speak to us about our son's meds. So I called her and she said they questioned my son. ANd he tols them he did'nt like taking a bath because of the mold on the wall. Which is kind of my fault because we have alittle mold on our wall and it freaks me out. Everytime I go to take a shower I panic b/c of the mold and I tell my husband about it so now my son has a little fear of the mold spot on the bathroom wall. He also told her he did'nt like brushing his teeth (he don't but we make him do it anyway) so she goes and gives him all kinds of toiletries to bring hom. I'm talking deoderant, soap, shampoo, tooth brushes toothpaste. All that. Now I am feeling like they think I am not taking good enough care of my son. And from past thing I have seen that school do, they have me scared. I have a friend who works 2 jobs and takes care of 4 kids and and her husband works a really hard job with 12+ hours a day. And her house is'nt nasty but it's not super clean either. Well one day while she was at work, they went to her house and seen it was cluttered and went to her work and tols her if she did'nt get it clean, they were going to take her kids away. So she had to miss 3 days of her jobs to clean her house. It was'nt even that dirty! These people in this town are like that. And the make my kid feel dirty and send him home with hygeine things. Like we can't afford them. Then I am scared they are going to just come in my home and see dishes in the sink or dirty clothes in the living room or something like that and take my kid away. I hate this town. All these people in it are on some kind of commitee at the school or the school board and they all know everything about the stuff that goes on with the kids. My boy scout treasurer took me aside one day and said "I know you're family is going through hard times. So if you can't afford such and such that's ok" No one at school even knows about that other than the counseler. Now the whole scout group knows abou my financial situation. I hate it here. I was having a good day with my mental stuff and was actually feeling optimistic about things and now I am all paranoid and nervous. My mouth is staying dry and I am so shakey. My back hurts. And I am having panic attacks and stupid obsessive thoughts. I am pissed off cause they interviewed my son without me knowing about it. And now I look like a bad parent.

[Rapunzel]

That's the pits to feel like they have you under a microscope and are threatening to take your kids or imply that you aren't a good enough parent, when you are doing the best you can. I've been there too, and have had breakdowns because of it. ((( hugs )))

I hope you can accept what is helpful, and still keep seeing yourself as and presenting yourself as the caring and competent and good enough mom that you know you are.

[ruffy]

(((Thunderbear)))

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((Thunderbear))))))))

You know you can make a formal complaint against that counsellor for breaking your confidentiality; that is absolutely awful and agaisnt the privacy laws in any area. I get hot under the collar when I hear of such breaches of confidentiality.

I do know that kids who are in families with financial stress or kids who are in foster care are given a toiletry pack, but kids can really be so blunt that they make the parent sound like an axe wielding homicidal maniac, when all you are doing is chopping vegetables.

Just spray the mould spot with a bit of chlorine bleach or use some white vinegar (which I prefer to use as it isn't toxic). If you can have a cleaning bee at your place and put on cake and coffee or a bbq. If everyone did that for each other, all the houses would be spotless and have a spring clean every 4 or 6 weeks thought I know it isn't always practical.

But really hon if this social worker can help in any way to get your son his meds I am sure once you speak to her and give her the whole picture there is more chance of being helped and supported rather than pressured and incapable.

Letting you know you have my support,

Rhiannon

[thunderbear]

((((((((Thunderbear))))))))

You know you can make a formal complaint against that counsellor for breaking your confidentiality; that is absolutely awful and agaisnt the privacy laws in any area. I get hot under the collar when I hear of such breaches of confidentiality.
I'm not sure if I can because I think she got it out of my journal (the incident from last year) and she's not my doctor. But still, it's wrong.
I do know that kids who are in families with financial stress or kids who are in foster care are given a toiletry pack, but kids can really be so blunt that they make the parent sound like an axe wielding homicidal maniac, when all you are doing is chopping vegetables.
Yeah my son has no concept of time. Last month I accidently ran over his bikes back wheel and he thinks it happened "Way back in 2009" So the lady asks, how often do you bathe and he says about once a month. When really he bathes everyday except some days he will skip if he has not been outside and is tired or whatever. But yeah that made me lol at "about once a month"
Just spray the mould spot with a bit of chlorine bleach or use some white vinegar (which I prefer to use as it isn't toxic). If you can have a cleaning bee at your place and put on cake and coffee or a bbq. If everyone did that for each other, all the houses would be spotless and have a spring clean every 4 or 6 weeks thought I know it isn't always practical.
I did that, it just keeps coming back. It's haunting me haha
But really hon if this social worker can help in any way to get your son his meds I am sure once you speak to her and give her the whole picture there is more chance of being helped and supported rather than pressured and incapable.
I spoke to her on the phone they are going to help us get it. It just seems that every time we turn around the school is after us on something. Everyone I know who knows about all this seems to think the school is picking on us. I don't know why. I guess it's because last year, my son was getting off the bus crying and there were middle school kids calling him a "girl" and "trash" and throing things out the windows at him. I called the school they said they would take care of it but day after day it kept on till I called the principle again and gave her my thoughts on it. I told her I think it's ridiculous they can't control the kids on the bus and if it kept up I was calling the board of education on this. I called but nothing happened so now my son is a car rider. Since then absent notes have "disappered or been lost" invites to certian school functions got "overlooked" his school pictures were "lost" things like that. There are only 250 kids grades K-8 and well you can imagine small town bias
Letting you know you have my support,
Thanks, Rhi
Rhiannon[/quote]

[NuckingFutz]

I remember the journal incident from last year. They really didn't let up and has gotten worse. It is like they have taken the focus off educating your son and giving you hell instead. The words NAZI Gestapo come to mind. Kid you not. They use to train the teachers to get kids to betray the family lifestyle without the kid ever realizing it. I would suggest a move but that doesn't seem realistic under the circumstances. I am sorry you are having such a hard time with these people. Wish you could get a good lawyer to straighten this all out. Seems like they are putting a lot of pressure on you. How is your son holding up on this? Sending you hugs.

[Hunny]

(((((Thunderbear)))))

Thinking of you and your son and family.

You are a 'good Mom'. I had that darned mold problem too. Even when the caulking around the tub was replaced, it came back eventually. It is a problem with the way the tub and shower was put in and other than tearing the whole thing out is is just a bandaid situation. At best you can only keep it from spreading quickly but it will spread (family member is a plumber so this is how I know).

Be strong and courageous Thunderbear, you are not alone. Do what you know you have to do, keep going forward and rest when you can.
.

[Melbadaze]

strange I see it as someone wanting to help a child, I dont see it as an attack of anyones rights. The child comes first!

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

Only you know what kind of parent you are. If you feel improvement in your parenting needs to be done, then, by all means, do so. Though, if you are doing all that is necessary for your child to be safe, healthy, and most of all, happy, as long as you are not breaking the law, by doing so, no one, including yourself, has any justifiable reason to be concerned.

Remember you will only have your son for so long, before he flies the coop. Therefore, do your best, as a mother, to make him want to return, once he does, not only to visit you, but, hopefully, to return the favor and take care of you when you need it, later on in your life.

Have a good one.

[pegasus]

((((((((( thunderbear ))))))))))

I think the school and the social worker are trying to help your child and you and that is all. They are concerned and offering support, try to accept their help rather than fighting it. I don't see anything malicious in this at all.

[Perna]

It can be hard to accept other people's help, especially when they're do-gooders like it sounds like you have in small town Appalachia there. I'm glad you "like" the school social service person, I'd try to work with her more or get a group of them together (her and the teacher both) and "educate" them :-)

I think if you stay in contact with them and communicate, it might go smoother and they'll get to know you a bit better and won't have to resort to shots in the dark as to whether you need/can afford tooth paste. It sounds like they're not quite sure what your needs are, having only talked to your son so far (obvious first place to start since he's the one with the school problem and they're there at school); talking to the social worker and sounding "efficient" in your thanks and laughing at the toothpaste (tell her you have no place to store it you have so much you bought on sale last week at Walmart? :-) and tell her the "mold" is actually a bit of mildew (small lie but not as scary sounding to health-conscious do-gooder social workers) and that you were carrying on about it and your son heard, etc.

I think they were just trying to help. My son would have thought it was cool to get all of those "gifts". Is it a possibility that you may be overreacting to this. Seems like you are allowing your buttons to be pushed when they were really just trying to be helpful.

[thunderbear]

I get what some of you guys are saying about hem helping us out. I would have no problem with it if the school has'nt proven what ******* they can be. Ever since that journal incident they have found ways to come to my house. He has run out of meds before and we could'nt afford them and all they said was "can't you get a half of script?" They never offered it then. ANd it was just embarrassing and kind of rude to imply my kid was dirty. They could have called me or something not send him home with that stuff in front of the class. They just left my house not even 30 minutes ago. It's embarrasing that my neighbors see their car in my drive. People around here will make their own theories and that will be gospel to the people listening to the story. His teacher lives three houses down from me. And my boy scout leader and 4 of the parents there live a near me too. I have no problem accepting help. I just don't like it when they make their own assumptions about me and my son. And that's what they did. My son came home from school worried that he smelled. He does'nt but that's what he gathered from their meeting yesterday. And farmer, yeah he thought it was cool to get his very own stuff. He doesn't know what to think about the tiny shampoo and soap bar.

[Perna]

I would resent worrying about all the neighbors wondering what's going on at my house too. Maybe catch some of the "helpers" red-handed and ask for monetary (or other) help to get your son's script?

The UK has fungicidal paint but I can't find any in the US.

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would resent worrying about all the neighbors wondering what's going on at my house too. Maybe catch some of the "helpers" red-handed and ask for monetary (or other) help to get your son's script?

The UK has fungicidal paint but I can't find any in the US.

Yeah lol one of them was standing in his yard watching. My husband said we can move if I wanted to. It's just a matter of getting the money to do it. We tried that kind of paint. i guess it's just where we live, we have two lakes and a river and a large creek within 2 miles of our house and it's moldy everywhere. That and people have a problem with mice and snakes here. Hopefully soon though I can move out of this place.

[NuckingFutz]

Oh, almost forgot. Some med mfgs have websites that offer free or reduced costs meds...maybe you can help that way too. If/when you move I would check out schools before moving.

[ECHOES]

I'm wondering if there is any chance your son's doctor could switch his medication to one of the ones that many places charge small amounts for; $4 for 30 days, $10 for 90 days worth.

Also, your doctor's office may have samples and would be glad to help you in this situation where you are waiting for insurance approval by giving you samples for now. I am sure the doctor doesn't want your son to go without his medication and some medications cause unpleasant side effects when they are stopped suddenly.

When my insurance changed, I told my doctor that I needed cheaper medications and he was able to switch them. I could not pay several hundred dollars a month for a prescription.

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I'm wondering if there is any chance your son's doctor could switch his medication to one of the ones that many places charge small amounts for; $4 for 30 days, $10 for 90 days worth.

Also, your doctor's office may have samples and would be glad to help you in this situation where you are waiting for insurance approval by giving you samples for now. I am sure the doctor doesn't want your son to go without his medication and some medications cause unpleasant side effects when they are stopped suddenly.

When my insurance changed, I told my doctor that I needed cheaper medications and he was able to switch them. I could not pay several hundred dollars a month for a prescription.

Well the reason he's on vvanse is because it has less of an addiction rate because ot metabolises differently from Ritilin or Concerta stuff like tht. And instead of bringing his meds here yesterday she took them home with her and said she's going to let the school "handle" them. Considering i live not even a mile from the school, I don't see why she would do that. unless the school is going to have control of givng it to him. My husband and I are going up there monday and if they don't give them to us, we are taking him out of that school and moving him to the next county over. So I don't know. I figured it would be illegal for her to be in possesion of someone else's meds especially with it being a controled substance.

[lonegael]

Thunderbear, would it be constructive to invite the "helper" in and have a talk wither her at YOUR initiative about this, not the school's? Many times, kids with ADHD or the autism spectrum get times, sequences or such screwed up, or just tell some real doozies, so it is always good to get together with the social worker and air that fact first. We work a lot with the Swedish social services at my job, and believe me, folks have a lot of the same oncerns no matter where they live. No one like the authorities marching in. Especially not in these little towns where everyone talks, almost everyone is related to everyone, and half the people work at the same place. One over-eager, well-meaning socialworker can get tongues wagging, and people can let thir imaginations take over.
The issue with the meds kind of bugs me. Do they assume someone is abusing drugs in your family?
Huggs dear. I really don't eny the mess of a town you're in.

[Perna]

How'd meeting with the school go today? I was reading about the Vyvanse, it's nasty sounding stuff; I wouldn't think the school would want to be in charge of giving it to him:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000397

[Jewels]

she could get in a lot of trouble taking someone else's meds home with her instead of bringing them back to the school or giving them back to you. How did the school handle that? And did you get the pills back from the school, or are they "holding" on to them as well?

Jewels

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by Jewels

she could get in a lot of trouble taking someone else's meds home with her instead of bringing them back to the school or giving them back to you. How did the school handle that? And did you get the pills back from the school, or are they "holding" on to them as well?

Jewels

Thats what I thought. But I guess not. She came over this morning for me to sign consent for the school to dispense his meds because they are holding them. I did'nt want to but they would have it overidden by a judge. This town sucks

[thunderbear]

[quote=lonegael;1499346]take over.
The issue with the meds kind of bugs me. Do they assume someone is abusing drugs in your family?
quote]
I would'nt think so. But with the problem of prescription drug abuse everywhere, everybody is cautious.

And Perna, yeah Vyvanse is'nt a drug to mess up on. They were going to give to him at 1 pm and it can't be taken like that. If I had'nt called they would have.

[Perna]

I'd go to the judge myself and use that as an example of why they're not as competent to give it as you are! It's supposed to be taken in the morning and you have him in the morning! Too, if it's going to cause symptoms/side-effects or endanger him, you want it to be on your watch not their lackadaisical, incompetent one.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thunder,

It seems they have you bluffed. Did they say they would get a judge to ratify it? Because that means going to court first before they can dispense his medications; before that they are merely witholding them placing his health and mental wellbeing at risk.

Having his dose time changed even by an hour or two on that particular medication can have him swinging off the lightshade at 10pm when he should have been in bed and asleep at 8pm.

If you change his schools please remember that they will send his file over to the new school so the issues will follow you. Make sure if you change that you tell the new principal that there are privacy issues and that things are no longer private. If I were you I would want to see what is in his files. If they refuse, under the freedom of information act you are entitled to know what is in there. If there is anything they consider "sealed" and refuse to give it to you, you could then get a public solicitor and deal with it that way.

It's great that some want to help, but there is a difference between helping and being autocratically controlling you and absuing your 1st amendment and constitutional rights by blocking your access to redress these issues with complaints to the correct governmental authorities.

Wishing you luck dear thunder