If I live through this day

I got up early as we had to travel a few hundred miles to bring our daughter to a residential treatment facility for OCD. She has been building up to this for 3 months, waiting for admission, supposedly our insurance was already checked etc. We were told to be there at 12:00. Late last week I called and spoke with the financial office and tried to be sure that our insurance was covering the residential part of the fee. I was told if no one had told me otherwise, then yes. Okay, so then we get there and see her room, an empty double, and it is filthy. You all know I live with a ton of critters and a ton of people right?

Dust bunnies under and on everything, grime on the mirror and on the dest, bed table tops, dirt in the corners of the wooden beds and dust all over the drawers. Now I know about exposure and response prevention but what the heck? So we were told after our 1:00 visit with the social worker that we should go out to lunch and they would have housekkeping do the room. Yeah, didn't see any difference. Gross is a good word.

I am filled with so much to say. Brave daughter ready to fight the ocd demons and this place where at 4:00 I am summoned back over to the business office and told my insurance will not cover the $85.00 daily room and board. Oh yeah, I was on the phone to my insurance for an hour telling 8 people the same darned story.

Meanwhile my daughter is back in the building with dad and friends and I am in the vehicle not being happy, trying to get answers. I have appealed the decision and you better bet your sweet bippy I am going to be faxing some interesting letters to my insurance and the mental health managed care.

The dining room has an 8th of an inch of crud on the sill deviding it from the kitchen. In the hall way are trash containers, open, with feminine hygiene products. Yup, not in a red closed container, but in an open public one. Bathrooms are locked and no trash cans in there so the pads etc get deposited in public trash without covers! Ummm, yes, brave daughter still trying to be brave, she has made the decision to do this right. She asks for a room change and is told no. This room is really awful compared to some of the others and she is afraid to go in it.

We have our insurance appeal in and we leave. I am so upset, my stomach hurts and I feel like I am feeding my daughter to wolves. I can't get over the utter filth! I take .5 clonazapam in car and am out like a light for a few hours. I wake up and start the discussion all over again. It is not just the insurance company, it is the fact that they did not prepare us and have a firm back up plan in place. The hospital needs to take responsibility for this. The filth? Yup, they need to own that too. Health code violations in my state, what is it there? I will complain, be assured, once she is safely home. I am NOT a clean freak. I really get dirt. I am talking about not even scrubbing the desk and other surfaces and not using a vacuum and just plain crap all over the floor. I was told the bathrooms are very interesting. The mirror was smeared!

I am beside myself. I am in pain in my hips and legs now, my soul hurts. My friend who lives 45 minutes away is taking her for thanksgiving.

I can't read anyone tonight, I can't be anything tonight, I feel violated and above all I feel my daughter is violated. I left her there. She called and I called her back when I got home and she was trying to be so brave. She was fighting tears. Did I mention the walls are filthy also?

I mail her tomorrow her big fluffy studio pillows, a wall tapestry, lighter weight clothing and accessories. Maybe a bed cover that isn't hers so she doesn't worry about it. I am in so much pain.

((((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry for all this pain you are going thru. I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

Ditto what Ozzie said

(((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))

I'm just about speechless, as I read your post I imagined what it would be like if I was in your shoes. Lots of hugs and best wishes sent your way.

Thanks, I AM OBSESSED now and so angry. I looked up state health codes and they are violated. I called the complaint line and left a "confidential" message re: sanitation. The insurance issue is another case. May I add that this facility is nationally reknowned?

I didnt think you would read what we wrote tonight but my first thought was to report them and even to some TV or newspaper trouble shooter kinda person

((((((((((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))))) how hard that must've been and still must be. I'm sorry sorry. You, daughter and family will be in my thoughts.

I second what sleeps just suggested.

Be safe, sweetie.

KD

you can report the place to the state board of health and the county and state health departments and they will send and investigator over to the facility without notifying the facility. then the facility will have to conform to the health codes for sanitation/health hazzards and so on. They will give them a certain amount of time to bring it up to code or close it down. My son is in a residential treatment center and if my son was living in such a situation as here I would be raising H.... Everytime my son is moved to another facility by DHS I check them out and obtain information from various official agencies about that agency. Theres no reason for the conditions you discribe. The kids in the residentail treatment facilities all have set chores to do but when their rooms and so on arent taken care of right the adults in charge are supposed to get on top of it and see that the situations remain up to health department codes.

I have made a call to complain about the health code-sanitation violations. I wrote a steaming sarcastic letter to my insurance and the managed care mental health organization, ccd it to congressman and to Banking and Insurance. I am trying to have a sense of less powerlessness. She is there, I don't want them to know that I am the one putting the health department on them. I read that the feminine hygiene products should be in a covered container labeled hazardous waste. Myself, THEY HAVE HOUSEKEEPING SERVICES. And this program is for 17 and up. Lots of adults there.

Maybe the dirt freaks me out more because I know what breeds in those places. Hospitals are the sickest places, and the most unsafe anywhere. My head is splitting. I can't work tomorrow. I can't sleep, I can't do anything.

My anxiety is at an 8 right now. Time for more drugs. Thanks.

That's awful. You must be so angry. I am angry just thinking about it. I have OCD and that would be so bad. Don't know if my humour about myself is appropriate here.... but I would be cleaning the place the second I got there because I couldn't stand it otherwise.
Tell your daughter that she is admired. i think she is very brave. She will surely come through this alot better. Hope you are all feeling better soon and that things work out with insurance and other stuff.
((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

*hugs* that sound horrid I'll keep you and your daughter in my thoughts

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wisewoman said:
I have made a call to complain about the health code-sanitation violations. I wrote a steaming sarcastic letter to my insurance and the managed care mental health organization, ccd it to congressman and to Banking and Insurance. I am trying to have a sense of less powerlessness.

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Oh my goodness, what a horrible situation. I'm so sorry that this is happening. You sound like an incredibly caring mom, and I can only imagine how upset you are. You and your daughter are both to be commended for dealing with this in the best way you can.

I think it's great that you are taking active steps to avoid feeling powerless. That's a very good way to cope. Bravo. I hope you find it helpful. You sound like a very good role model for your daughter.

That said, I can also imagine that as a mother, you are just devastated about this, and of course you want your daughter to be in a safe, CLEAN, and caring place. I'd be scared and anxious about this, too.

Take extra gentle care of yourself. I'll keep you and your daughter in my thoughts.

((((wisewoman))))

gg

Thanks GG, I am trying. I have raised hell today. I am in so much pain.

An idea, what about contacting a local newspaper? I've noticed that when a journalist gets on a trail, sometimes the publicity stirs things up and creates useful change.

I agree with SarahL...I'm totally speechless to read all this!!!! I also applaud you for the proactive stance you are taking!

Sending a prayer for you and your daughter.

{{{{{Wisewoman}}}}}

((((((((((((((((((((((((Wisewomen))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Like AZ said I applaud you for taking the steps you are taking.

I also can feel your pain. I am really sorry about all of this.

I have been unable to work all week. I am on the second appeal with my insurance company re: refusing the residential portion of my daughter's treatment. I have had the Health care Ombudsman and the Banking and Insurance attorney helping me. I am really messed up in my head and so far behind on work. I have done so many appeals and nonsense.,

I called and spoke with maintainence about the code violations and filth. I spoke with the director of clinical services about being told to go there on Monday and then having a bomb dropped on us. There should have been a well spoken, well thought out back up plan in place. Social work 101.

Can't remember if I told you all but adopted daughter called the police on me and I may not call her or speak with her or I will be sited for disturbing the peace.

I want to curl up and sleep for 26 years.

Younger daughter at the OCD treatment is telling me that she is managing. She forgot deoderant so That will be mailed. Also want to just send her comfort things. She is so brave and is trying so very hard.

My mind is shot. I am so not worth anything right now. I need a wife please. A good wife could do a lot of these things for me so I can relax and start feeling better. I am really hurting and anxious.

I need to speak with someone here about a reality check on the experience I have been having re: this entire ordeal with my daughter. This morning the sicial worker calls and keeps cutting me off when I am trying to address the issue of being blind sided by the $85.00 for the residential fee. She said that if we did not deal with this that we would have to pick up the child on Friday. I told her that I was doing insurance appeals etc and that I was taking care of it and would in fact pay her fee somehow. I kept re-directing her back to the issue of how this was not handled. I role modeled for her! I pretended I was them and I said; "sometimes insurance companies do not want to pay the residential component of the treatment. We usually don't find that out until the day the patient arrives. If this happens we want to make sure we have a back up plan in place for you. Lets take the time now to see what financial assistance you will be eligible for and discuss the insurance appeal options" Do you think the lady listened? NO. What does she want with me? I asked her to consider this for future families. It is so not appropriate that this entire thing is even happening. Help, am I nuts?

((((((((((((((((((((((((WW))))))))))))))))))))))

I used to do insurance appeals for a living for over 10 years. If you need my help, please feel free to pm me. OK?


Huggles,


Jen

Thanks J. I will take you up on that.

Okay, so daughter is there and is trying her hardest to get better. I have a sour taste in my mouth because of the nonsense they put me through. The entire time they are acting like I am the one who has the problem. What a bunch of brats. These are admin types, and one LICSW. I can't get past the thought and feeling that these guys could give a rat's rear and that they don't have to bother trying to prepare people in advance for any glitches as they are always full and can pick and choose who they want. I am sure there are very wealthy people there. However, that does not take away from the fact that I have suffered a lot with this, missed a week of work, have severe back pain, had feelings of hopelessness and exhaustion and feelings of wishing my baby could just die so she wouldn't have to suffer so.

Even with me modeling what would have been appropriate behavior they still wanted to park it on my lap. The LICSW even told me when I addressed the dirty mentrual pads in the hallway to choose my battles and she refused to discuss that with me. So be it, I already complained to the plant manager.

I am left exhausted. A friend, colleague of mine needs me to meet her with papers soon for work. My back hurts. I will be there. Funny thing was the paperwork was all of thee different pages of adobe forms and it took me forever to figure out that I could put them in a document and print them all at once! My brain hurts.

I feel hurt, I feel traumatized. What is the deal? Baby girl is trying so hard. She told me last night that she didn't pray in the shower, that she held it off till bedtime.

She doesn't want to see anyone, does not want to leave the campus, does not want to backslide.

Why do people have to make everything so hard?

I am so very sorry this is continuing on. {{{{Wisewoman}}}}}

You are doing the VERY best you can to rectify the situation. Praying for some relief and answers to come soon!!

Warmly,

Hi Azalysa, It is working out. I ended up in the E.R. for 3 hours or so getting Morphine for my back home now trying to stay loose. Good news, missing bunny was caught this morning. Poor thing, she has lost weight, been out a week. Cocentrating on staying loose. AHHHH.

how did you manage to get morphine for your back in ER? DId they make you wait those hours or did they give it to you to shut you up (smirk) ... I don't go to the ER as I think the hassle they would give me would make it all worse!

no probs, 3 doses and at least I could hobble.