You are in charge of your own Destiny (warning: rant)

And it never ceases to amaze me how many people do not really try.

After a particularly challenging (but extremely satisfying) week both work-wise and personally I have been thinking about this a lot.

I really admire what so many people here have been through and conquered and are battling. I think that the site itself serves a fantastic function. I see SO much support and love and kindness here and I thank those who have helped me on many occasions through listening and giving advice. But I also see some elements of negativity, submissiveness, and apathy that aren't really necessary or healthy.

Everyone has the power to change their situation to at least some degree. Why choose to accept something that is ruining your life? You cannot help what you are feeling or who you are. To be unwell in the ways that most people here are is not weak. What IS weak is not helping yourself or accepting help from others. There are so many people here who have so much to give and have gifts that should not go to waste because they are spending most of their life frustrated and unwell.

The thing that I find it difficult to understand is this American system of health insurance - what sort of country lets its people suffer mentally and physically because they cannot afford to get help??????? This is why every time I hear an American say that America is the best country in the world I laugh at them. It's so very, very, sad that there are resources for warmongering, but not for basic healthcare for people who don't deserve to spend their lives unwell simply because of - money.

I guess the point of this is ... well I'm not sure anymore, this post has gone in a way different direction than I originally intended

So here is the challenge. For everyone who reads this post to the end.

Do just one (or more if you have the energy) good or positive thing for yourself in the next few days.

Pick something that will get you further towards being well and happy than you are right now. It might be a very tiny baby step. tell a friend who doesnt know that you arent ok. find out if you can get some more help from whatever you have - medicaid, insurance, whatever. look into doing something that you have wanted to do for a very long time. tell your doctor that you dont think your meds are working, if you have that problem and are too scared to. i dunno - there is such much stuff in my own life that needs doing that i guess i am assuming that it is the same for others

yeah i may have no right to try and tell people what to do in this way, but i thought i would write it down anyway. i wish you all the very very best xxxooo

That's a good challenge, DrunkSunflower.
It made me feel motivated. Thank you!

Thank you Dr unk.... some of what you say is quite pithy! I hope you are able to add another good week and another and another! TC

And I like this from your signature a lot J

"You are no longer the measuring stick of my self worth,
I realize now, my size is limitless. "

Sky thankies and I hope you have a good week too xx

Thanks great thread. I too have been getting frustrated at times when it seems the same people are stuck in the same problem areas day after day and waiting for t hings to change instead of trying to change it. This happens in the real world too. I know someone that I would love to just grab her and say wake up will you and at least try things instead of staying stuck.

I live in america and think that is is a terrific place to live. I don't work and don't have terrific medical insurance but thats no reason to stay stuck in mental and or physical pain. The united states has many free agencies that can help those without insurance for example the state medical card. Yea its limiting in that you have to see the professionals on the approved list but I can tell you those professionals are just as good if not better then those that people see in private practice. one reason is because they see more low income people so are able to understand things that a low income person goes through. Many professionals in the united states also has a program called Sliding scale where they only charge $10.00 a session at a minimum up to full price depending on the persons income if they don't have health care insurance. A person just needs to look for the agencys that can help them for example planned parenthood isn't just for birth control and pregnancy issues. They have therapists that do work with clients that have PTSD, child sexual abuse and rape issues. As does domestic violence agencies, rape crisis centers. There are many many therapy and support groups out there for just about every mental and physical problems that are free. One woman that I know couldn't find what she was looking for and put an ad in the newspaper and started her own support group and the local hospital donated the use of one of their hospital auditorium rooms one night a week for the group. Just because someone can't afford blue cross/blue shield type insurances doesn't mean there isn't affordable and great health care out there. All it takes is someone being fed up with staying stuck in their situations and opening the phone books, newspapers, asking their physicians, walking in to local thrapy agencies, calling hotline numbers and saying I need help and not much money to do it on does your agency have free groups or sliding scale programs. That is how I have found 17 out of 19 therapists across the united states.

I love doing things that make me healthier. for me life is too short to wallow in self pitty and waiting for others to fix me so I do the depression inventory and the anxiety inventory in the book Mind Over Mood everyday to chart my depression and anxiety levels, I also do the weekly conscious living activities listed on Nancy J napeirs website A am also always on the lookout for things to help me every day. I do all the workbooks listed in the resource list located in the dissociation message board.

Thanks again for this thread.

hey Myself

that's REALLY interesting about the meds etc - I have heard and read SO many stories where people say they must order off the internet, often self prescribed, for over $100 because their insurance does not cover doctors' fees.

Or, they cannot pay for their meds so they must cut down, etc.

Honestly, I don't know what to believe (have heard so much negative press) so thank you VERY much for bringing these methods to others' attention.

And for your support for the thread.

xx

Drunksunflower and myself -

Drunksunflower - first of all CONGRATZ on getting your doctorate!! AWESOME! As one who is a HUGE advocate on education I am so excited for you!

Thank you also for this post! Lots of good thoughts, ideas there. Just this morning I started feeling anxious and a bit sorry for myself, then remembered that I had promised myself to do at least ~one~ thing everyday. So I took the sheets off my bed and put them in the washer. Just doing that gave me other thoughts about what I would like to do today.

So, sometimes just taking that one small step helps! (I'm preaching to myself here! )

myself: I totally agree and underscore your information! Having worked for a hospital psychiatric crisis line and another time for Hospice, I can say from personal experience there are MULTITUDES of free to low-cost options for physical and mental health. As you said, however, the challenge is to open the phonebook or call a crisis line. When I worked the crisis line we had a HUGE book of referral sources and as a mental health counselor intern, I have another similar book sitting on my shelf right now.

I *will* say though that sometimes there is a "middleground" in this country that often gets overlooked. This is the group that has a job but no insurance for whatever reason, but they make "too much" money to qualify for the Medicaid-type programs. That's generally where the sliding scales come into play (I've used those myself).

Bravo to both posts - some excellent info here!

dsf I love your post. This concept is one of my number 1 philosophies of life. I realized at one point that this is why I was so connected with the Star Wars movies when I was younger... that really is the huge, central, mythological theme of these movies... both for Luke and for Anakin. The irony is that the word "destiny" on the surface seems to imply that our path is set in stone already when the truth is that it is ALL ABOUT CHOICE.

I also love your practical suggestion and your examples. I especially like that you put "tell a friend" on that list. We often get trapped into thinging that we have no choices and your list, and the posts that follow so far in this thread, show that there is always SOMETHING that you can do to set the ball rolling. "Tell a friend" is an excellent goal that many people wouldn't have thought of, it is an important thing, it will feel good to do it, possibly bring further help... but most people get stuck focusing on the more "typical" things... "I can't afford my meds," "I can't talk to my parents," "I can't get to the doctor," "so therefore I have no options."

There are always options, always things you can do, you just have to be able to see them.

Another tip... if you really think that you have no options, one option that you do have is to post on these forums and get suggestions from other people as to things you might try... i.e. choices you have.

Of course what you do with those options is up to you.

First of all, I want to say, that's a wonderful idea, to do something good for yourself. We should do good things for ourselves everyday. Here's a real motivator:

http://www.triplux.com/1001/otherlists.asp

Now, a response to the post I've excerpted below:

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myself said:
I live in america and think that is is a terrific place to live.

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Yes, it is, in some ways. I know no one means anything by saying, "America," and I use it, too, but I just want to take this opportunity to remind everyone that America actually consists of two continents, and not just the U.S. Some in other countries feel we're arrogant here because we call ourselves Americans, and not them as well. I'm not saying anyone has to agree with their views of us as arrogant, but it's something to think about.

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Yea its limiting in that you have to see the professionals on the approved list but I can tell you those professionals are just as good if not better then those that people see in private practice.

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That's a scary thought. I've seen a lot of crappy shrinks and doctors/nurse practitioners, and I'm on the state prescription card. Not all of the ones I've seen are crappy, though. But I don't think I'm limited to a list on that; if I can pay for it, I can see any doctor I want. But I'm also on Medicare, and that does limit me as to who I can see.

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Just because someone can't afford blue cross/blue shield type insurances doesn't mean there isn't affordable and great health care out there.

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Doesn't mean there is, either.

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All it takes is someone being fed up with staying stuck in their situations and opening the phone books, newspapers, asking their physicians, walking in to local thrapy agencies, calling hotline numbers and saying I need help and not much money to do it on does your agency have free groups or sliding scale programs.

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I've done "cold-calling" (using the phone book and numbers found on the Internet), asked for help in various places, and gotten very little. Admittedly, I've lost patience with tedious Internet searches. Some people think I don't want help because I can't overcome my OCD or panic enough for certain things. For instance, when one place told me I wouldn't be able to view the apartment before moving in, I couldn't accept that, because I just have to know my OCD can tolerate it before I can make that kind of commitment. On top of that, I've also concluded that I might very well be in a better situation now than I'd be if I took some of that help, because I have access to a computer, a boyfriend who sometimes helps me out financially, takes me places once in a while, etc. I think my options for making enough money are more in my favor with a computer available to me.

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for me life is too short to wallow in self pitty and waiting for others to fix me

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No argument there. Unfortunately, fear can be difficult to overcome, let alone all the other issues that might stem from it.

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The irony is that the word "destiny" on the surface seems to imply that our path is set in stone already when the truth is that it is ALL ABOUT CHOICE

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It's mostly about choice. There are some things you can't control. However, how you react to things, even things you can't control, is your choice; you may not be able to control your reaction the first time you come into a situation, but you can learn.

Sometimes you ask for help, and your therapist just nods his or her head, but remains silent. I've specifically asked for resources, and they ignored me.

To be honest, I'm no longer sure of what I want, how I want to change my situation. I mean, I would know if I won the lottery or something, but organizations and resources aren't going to give me that kind of money or the means to make it. I can't think of something that would put me in a better situation than I'm already in, as far as the state goes.

ooooh!

thank you for the replies - i am glad that others are on the same wavelength.

maven it does sound like you have had a ****** time of it. however what you are saying IS a bit at odds with other people here - it is sad how people's experiences seem to differ so much even though they should theoretically have a similar level of access.

If there isn't already, I was wondering whether it would be worth having a thread on sort of practical self help that was a kind of 'sticky' (a thread that stays at the top of the page?) with suggestions of ways to get the ball rolling if you are strapped for cash, etc. I have seen some fantastic ideas in this thread, in the Drug Questions section, and I am sure there are others.

E.g., this 'Sliding scale' thing - how you might work out that this is an option for you.

in another thread i saw 'Contacting drug companies directly as they may put you in their free programme'.

Just as a sort of resource so that all the information on this topic is in one place? I've seen some fantastic ideas.

I can't offer a lot myself from this perspective as we have a cheaper and more straightforward system over here!

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however what you are saying IS a bit at odds with other people here - it is sad how people's experiences seem to differ so much even though they should theoretically have a similar level of access.

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I'm only speaking of my experiences. Others have told me of bad experiences they had, too. I had one psychologist at a community clinic who couldn't understand, since I didn't want children, why I didn't just get a hysterectomy? She did, and it was no big deal. Well, excuse me, but it is a big deal to me. But like I said, not all of my experiences have been bad.

The clinic I go to now uses a sliding scale. That certainly makes it easier to pay--my boyfriend pays, actually. But I still don't care for the shrinks I've met there.

I think it's a great idea to put up a sticky post like you describe.

Actually, I want to add something else, and I'm making a separate post instead of editing my previous one, because it's on a different issue.

For those who find themselves suddenly able to do more, sometimes it's just that they don't know where to start. For instance, when I was in my early 20's and Anafranil worked its best for me, and I just became amazingly improved literally overnight (there was some minor improvement for a couple of weeks, but then, one night, I swear, I woke up feeling really different--crazy as it sounds, my head was tingling, and I didn't feel all these urges to stick to rituals), I was eager to make changes, but I didn't know what to do first. Well, I did some shopping so I could fix up my hair and wear makeup and stuff, but aside from that, I was kind of stuck.

But the solution to that is, pick something--anything--and do it.

Now, I figured out where to start because of a conversation with my niece. She was getting her driver's license, and that's what I decided to do. And I did.

Yeah, then you have to decide what to do next. But it gets easier. If you're like me, when you have lots to choose from, you get excited and might have a difficult time picking, but if nothing else, make a list, stick it on a bulletin board, get a dart, close your eyes, and throw! (Watch out for the cat.)

hahaha nice post

oh and i just meant that it sucks that the quality of affordable health care seems to differ so much for different people.

I agree with Myself (I'm STILL not used to saying that! lol!)

There is a big misconception about the American health system. Yes, health insurance is very expensive here -- we do not have a major public health system as they do in some European countries and in Canada. However, we do have subsidized and free health service available. What is lacking is the RESOURCE EDUCATION so that people know how to access the free services. I have heard from people in Canada and in the UK that while their healthcare is free, they are VERY limited regarding how often they can use the services and what is actually covered. That being the case, I'm not sure that those outside the US are in much of a better situation.

I liked the other parts of your post, though... especially the subject line. Thanks DSF!

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However, we do have subsidized and free health service available. What is lacking is the RESOURCE EDUCATION so that people know how to access the free services.

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It seems to me that some people on here are very au fait with the system and know how they may be able to get health care and afford their meds.

Just back to what I said about compiing a list of options - I have noticed so many 'Help, I can't afford my meds' posts of late - would it be useful at all to create a list of people's suggestions/answers?

Over in my part of the world a doctor's visit is $60-ish (probably $45 American) and prescriptions aren't too much more than that - maybe $15 for 3 months' supply of something (like a standardard antidepressant).

If you have health insurance (e.g., my Dad used to include me on his policy until I was given a free programme through my job after university) you may claim up to 80% of that back depending on your coverage.

So I find it amazing that people may have to pay hundreds of dollars per year for their meds alone.

I found the health system in the UK great for simply seeing a doctor and getting a prescription - free visits, free contraception, and virtually free prescription charges (just a few pounds).

However I don't know what the more extensive services are like...

are you yelling at me? ;-)

I have worked in a few other countries, and what I found is that everyone in the world pays out the wazoo in some way or another. The "what you pay" part takes several different forms -- education, healthcare, taxes, etc.) In the Netherlands, education is free, but their income tax is something like 50% and you (at least used to) have to put more than 50% cash down in order to take out a mortgage to buy a house. In Canada, a psychiatrist visit is free, but you have to pay for a psychologist, and since most psychiatrists these days don't do counselling, you're still stuck with the psychologist visit out-of-pocket; and that's after you've had to wait several months to get an appointment with the psychiatrist.

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LMo said:
are you yelling at me? ;-)

.

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wtf?

ah last time i bother posting stuff.

meh.

I was kidding... I was only referring to the fact that your entire post was bolded!

not on my screen ...

you are right that different countries allocate resources in different ways.

however in NZ and Australia health at least is reasonably well subsidised. from my own experiences in England and Scotland, at least you can see a doctor and get medication relatively cheaply (across the board, not just psyc wise).

you are right that in terms of psychologists/psyc resources mental health services are sorely stretched.

i guess i just find that for a start, paying $100 plus a month just for meds is pretty rough.

yeah, I know -- it's rough, to say the least. While my husband was in his multi-year MDE, he went for about a year without having any health insurance, and without a job, I had to pay for all of his care, and when I finally was able to get him a policy (not easy, considering his mental health history), mental health services were excluded for 6 months. I'm now in his boat -- with all of the counselling and now Lexapro on my history, there is no way I'd be able to get a decent policy if I decided to switch providers. My life insurance is even more expensive because of the 6 months I took Lexapro while recovering from what I considered to be almost a crisis. You'd think insurance companies would be GLAD that we are getting treatment instead of going postal.

Can they find out your history if you don't tell them?

I was advised a while ago not to divulge that information on a policy application.

Well, it certainly doesn't pay to be honest, but I did tell them, yes.

I wouldn't want to have my claims NOT covered if they found out that I had lied/omitted something that they considered to be mandatory information. That's breach of contract, and it would be a complete waste of money and legal credibility if that were to happen.

Like your post....contains lots of good information on many different subjects that have to do with our own Destiny.

On just the subject of life, it is a major conflict between me & my soon to be x-husband (after 30 years of marriage). I have been tolerating it for too long with out "doing something" to end it. The discussion of things just happening to you are probably the major subject of most of our arguments. When someone feels that they are owed something without having to work for it of take any positive action to make things work out.....they refuse to take charge of their life.....thus whatever happens will happen.

I have always felt that I am the only one that can make my life work out & even my pdoc has realized that is my phylosophy......then add to that the fact that meds don't work.

The problem with medical insurance is tough even when you have insurance.....then when limited to medicare, it really hurts. I was at the point of bankrupcy from all my medical bills but they will be paid off when I get divorced, sell the house & pay off the bills before splitting up the rest of the money. The cost of meds does hurt. I don't qualify for any other help because of owning property. My pain med for my migraines costs $900/month. The pharmasutical company would help if I didn't have income but my IRA was considered income when I took it out to pay my bills.....thus I have income....until now when it is all gone because they wouldn't pay for my med as long as I had income. Now the money is all gone so in about 1 year when my income tax no longer shows income, I will qualify for them paying for my meds.....hopefully they are working fine by then. Having to be hospitalized hasn't always been my choice....so the expense it there....not an option. I even tried to get secondary medical insurance but couldn't qualify because I have been hospitalized many times in the last 2 years. Go figure....that is why I need the insurance but why I can't get it.

There may be things that we can't take charge of......but the overall end result takes planning & strategy to end up there successfully. It takes doing something positive everyday....(maybe taking a day off now & then to do nothing), but we are the ones that have to make our goals & take the positive steps toward getting to them, thus taking charge of our destiny. Sometimes the rough roads on the way are learning tools that teach us what we have to do to get there successfully.

I really wish my current husband would realize what life is all about (by 53, you wouldn't think I would be married to a child). He never takes responsibility for doing anything & is always complaining because things happen. I have spent 30 years around that negativity & am going to sigh with relief when I no longer have to live around it. That is my way of taking charge of my destiny too......along with hundreds of other things I have on my list to do.

I am researching horse dressage training around the different states, then researching the ranch property in that location to find the best solution for my retirement location where I can finally live a peaceful life. Sometimes the job of taking charge of our destiny is a hard, complicated job....not easy, which may discourage some, but I find the challenge satisfying when I finally accomplish it.

That is kinda like getting your PhD......a lot of work, but the satisfaction when you accomplish it must be wonderful.

Good post, good subject,
Debbie