[kimthecatlover]

I am very sorry that I've offended people here..I'm just very sad that I have no family to celebrate Christmas with.
New Jersey DYFS took me from my mom when I was twelve"Oh her mom's an alcoholic she'll end up an alcoholic too"...and I only got to see her ONCE since then in 1979...and she passed on in 1988 and I did not even get to go to her funeral, like it was too much trouble for my sister to make arrangements to fly me to Florida to say goodbye to Mom, or that I'd have some kind of 'breakdown' if I got to say goodbye and have some closure...And the holidays are hard too because I have no real family to celebrate with..like mostly everyone else I know...I hate the fact that someone thought 'like mother like daughter' and broke up my family...Obviously no one at DYFS thought about MY feelings while trying to 'protect' me...I'm crying my eyes out right now...

[hillbunnyb]

Sad with you catlover. I live far from my family. I can't travel. When stuff happens and I can't be there, I create rituals here by myself. I believe our bodies die but our spirits live on forever. So, I speak to the person's spirit as though I could see them. Some folks write letters and then burn them to send the contents to the spirit world.

My family is not at all supportive of my mental illness. Most of them have issues they don't want to look at.... I have created my own family with friends and pets. Sad and hard, to let go of wanting my birth family to be here for me, but, my chosen family is supportive and loving. You are not alone, hook up with others in the same boat and your emptiness can diminish. You sorta have to gird yer loins, grit yer teeth and do something new for yourself. Have you ever volunteered at a soup kitchen or animal shelter? Lotsa swell poeple at those kinda places. This could be your best Christmas ever. Good Luck.

[dottie]

Some good points...Bunny!

My own children do not support my mental illness. So..I have done the same as Bunny. Made my own support family..with my collections of Fenton, Isle of Gramarye Faeries, ect., and my animals. I have a spiritual bond with loved ones who have crossed over. You are not alone in your lonliness and you are not alone in your own spirit. ((((Hugz))))

[SeptemberMorn]

Kim, some years ago I read a book about championing your inner child. It speaks of your "family of origin" as well as the family you eventually gather around you as you become healthier in your mind.

Another fact of my recovery is that I was never able to confront my mother on the issues I had/have with her. She died long before I realized a whole lot of things.

Since then, I've had a very few women that I have been able to call "Mom" and mean it. None of them have been the perfect mother I want but they have something to give that I never got from my own mom. I have half siblings and I dearly loved my oldest brother... but he died on me just when we were getting close again.

What I'm saying here is that I've had to deal with the issues I had with my own mother on my own, but I've also been able to have relationships with other women that inadvertently give me some of what my own mother didn't. Right now, my best friend gets called "mommy" sometimes. You CAN adopt the family that you need. You have a choice as to whether you want to tell them or not how you feel about them, but when it comes to holidays and special days, YOU can CHOOSE to surround yourself with these people.

A little secret... At one point, when Montell Williams was doing all his work with teens, I secretly adopted him as my dad. It was for a short time, but listening to him with the teens and him setting their parents straight helped me. Go ahead. Laugh! I do! LOL

Hope this helps you a little bit.

[EJ711]

Kim,

Age 12 is a lousy age from which to be separated from your birthmother. Not being able to attend your mother's funeral creates another whole set of issues. It seems natural to me that these unresolved feelings would surface at Christmas. I'm sorry for your losses. I don't have a lot of family either for other reasons, so I understand how you are feeling. Christmas can be a very painful time for a lot of us. Sometimes, people trying to protect us, hurt us in other ways. I hope this note finds you feeling a little better. Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss how your feeling further.

Jane - Oz

[EJ711]

September Morn,

Do you mind my asking how long ago you lost your brother? I was starting to get close to my big brother when he died too.

Jane - Oz

[SeptemberMorn]

It was 26 yrs ago, EJ. He was the only one that paid attention to me and took me into consideration when I was little. In fact, he and the younger sister were the only ones that visited when I was little.

David always bought me toys or whatever he had bought his boy when they and my dad went out. My mother and I were never allowed to go with them.

[Lexicon78]

I'm sorry that you have had so much pain in your life, and are still in so much pain. I think you have the right to be upset about the holidays and everything involved. You haven't upset me in anything you've said.

Please don't take everything out on yourself. Give yourself the chance that others haven't given you. You deserve it.

Hang in there.

[Maven]

I'm terribly sorry these things happened to you, kim. Certainly you should have been able to see your mom, and be able to go to her funeral. I didn't go to my dad's funeral because of OCD, and don't plan on attending my mom's for the same reason, but someone once told me something they did that might be of help to you as well: When this person's mother died, she couldn't attend the funeral, either. So, instead, she went to the beach, and had a private thing, just to say goodbye. I think she lit a candle, too. The important thing is, while funerals are ways for us to say goodbye, just because you weren't there, doesn't mean you can' t have closure. You can talk to your mom anytime you want. I don't know your beliefs, and I'm not even sure about mine, but if there's an afterlife, I believe that your mom can hear you, and knows your heart. And it doesn't matter where you say goodbye, because our loved ones are always with us in our hearts, wherever we go.

[EJ711]

Hi September Morn,

It's been 31 years since I lost my brother.

How are you feeling today?

Jane - Oz

[kimthecatlover]

I should be really happy right now because I have been accepted to Atlantic Cape Community College, but I've told people, and no-one else seems to care. Maybe it's just me, but when people say 'oh cool' or just use words...I find that hard to deal with. I learned in my bad childhood that words are sometimes empty and hollow, so I wonder if people really mean it when they say something good about me. I guess I'm rather used to being 'bought off' like I was in childhood "Oh here's a present,I'm sorry I did not show up for your Christmas play"...I have a very hard time also celebrating BY MYSELF, my own successes...I grew up not really being told 'You can do it' or "Yes, someday you will go to college, have a job, live on your own"...I guess it was not alright back in the 1960's to tell an emotionally ill child that they can someday do something special...I feel because of the way I grew up, I missed out on so much like going on trips, having friends, going to concerts as a teenager, dating,...so much that I never got to experience and wanted to..and never really understood why I was so overprotected from being a kid! And yeah, this college thing is cool, but I'm antsy even though I've been accepted..the placement test that all ACCC students are required to take has my stomach in knots,I wonder if the anxiety is a normal thing about that....

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((kim)))))))))))))

I wish you all the good of this world, and the people in it.

KD