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#26
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Like others here, I have learned alot by working through my MI. But, I would like my hypocampus to go back to normal now, and not have to work so hard at it everyday anymore. I am doing much better than last year, I have made a lot of gains, but I still struggle and have to keep working at it. I do look at others in more depth now, as well as more understanding.
I have to say that I now get very frustrated at how people who struggle with MI are so misunderstood. I dislike people who don't know what it is like who hand out "just" comments that IMO are just plain ignorant and cruel. I feel that "awareness" will be the key to making a difference in how people with MI can find better ways to heal and adapt. The worst part for me was how people IRL were just so mean to me for something I truely could not help. To be trapped in a horrible flashback and have someone yell at you for it at the same time, is horrible and should just not happen. We truely need "awareness", it is cruel the way people are treated so unfairly. Open Eyes |
#27
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No. If my new-found emotions didn't immediately kill me or put me in a catatonic state, I would have to completely relearn how to function in mundane daily activities, not to mention learn how to cope with the stress of my less-than-mundane daily activities.
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#28
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Absolutely. Right now I do it cold turkey.
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#29
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Shattered!! If you asked me when I was depressed I would definately say YES!!!
If you asked me when Manic I would definately say NO!!! You ask me when I am trying new things to control the illness and keep myself well..... My answeer is NO!! Purely for the fact I have life experiences due to my illness. I have had more experience in my near 28 years on Earth than half my school friends will ever see. Yes its a horrible illness to have and yes we are bound for life with it. But we can control it and live a relatively decent life. Some people are high fliers in their professions and they have Bipolar. |
![]() kitty004567
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#30
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I would absolutely take something to cure myself, as long as there were no negative side effects. If there were, I would have to take some time to consider the risks and what I could live with (if death weren't one of the risks itself).
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Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights ![]() |
#31
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Yes I have always said (wrong I know) I would prefer a physical illness .I know its prob nothing a pill will resolve but I believe early intervention with some form of DBT treatment ,but yes I would loose an arm to get rid of this mental torture xx
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![]() Maven
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#32
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I know many people feel their disorders, illnesses, conditions, whatever you want to call them, have shaped who they are. No doubt. And, believe me, there are some things I really like about myself (even if others don't), ways I've matured, come to understand others, and abilities I've learned I had. But I'd give it up in a heartbeat to be well, to be able to pursue my dreams (to not be afraid to get in a plane, to move to a strange new city, to take risks), to be able to work and make money, to not be judged negatively the moment someone knows I have these problems.
I don't know who I'd be completely, but I do know somewhat. I'd be someone who pursued her dreams when she was young, took better care of herself, didn't get lazy, didn't fight OCD to be able to eat right, lived the life and continue living the life she wants. Yes, I'm willing to take that risk.
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Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights ![]() |
![]() Lamplighter
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#33
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Yeah. I felt like I had it taken away, then it came back. To elaborate, when I was a kid I have severe emotional impairment. I would get upset at something and scream and yell in school even during class. This was bad and I did it as old as 16. I had several other abnormal behaviors too. The thing about this is that I'm smart. I was told that if I didn't have the emotion impairment, I could have skipped grades.
In college and during my first few jobs I was stable. But then in 2007 more adult-like mental illness hit me. I have to take medication that caused me to develop diabetes. After what happened in 2007 I tried to work again but on the meds I couldn't. Now I'm on SSI and me and my husband have so little money sometimes we run out of basic things and can't buy them. I do have lots of intelligence but I feel like the mental illness in childhood and adulthood ruined my life and I can't get it back.
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It's as simple as I love birds...
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![]() onionknight
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![]() OrangeMoira
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#34
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If it just meant never facing this illness again, I would say yes. If it meant that I never faced it, I don't know.
I often wonder what I would be like if I hadn't been abused so young, if I hadn't grown up alone, full of rage and pain, if I hadn't been depressed and withdrawn for as long as I can remember. There are too many moving pieces to even spectulate. I would love to be able to move forward without the fear of mental illness threatening my abilitiy to suceed or even function.
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"What you risk reveals what you value" |
![]() Maven
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#35
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Only if I could pick and choose. I would love having more energy and not be tired and sick, and I would like having motivation, although I don't understand what that is. It seems rather nifty though. But even if I could delete the depression and anxiety I would have to make a compromise with my ADD. I don't want a normal mind, I want my mind, but I would want to be able to clean and tidy up and have some routines. I would never want to be NT. That sounds incredibly boring. I'm quite sensitive and not having that and an ability to appreciate "small" things and be interested in a lot of things would be so dull. But I can't have just the good stuff, it wouldn't be physically allowed I think.
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#36
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Even though I have often said I'd never wish bipolar disorder on my worst enemy and I blame the disorder for sooo many things that have happened in my life. It's an interesting question. Yes! I wish there was a magic wand that would make everything "better" but would I be me anymore? I've known that I had bipolar disorder since I was 16 (It took me quite a while longer to convince someone to diagnose me).
I often quip that I don't know who I would be without the bipolar disorder. I don't know what it's like to be "normal." I've been this way as long as I can remember. I don't know that I would change that even though it might make me feel better... or I might have to start all over from scratch. I don't want that either.
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#37
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Hmmm....I say nope!!!! That's just who I am and if people don't like it then they can deal with it
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"Don't judge me by my past, I don't live there anymore....." "Life is just a hallucination.... a very persistant one at that..." |
#38
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Heck Yes! I don't see a benefit to it, except perhaps manic creativity....which I could live without if I was all normal...I could be a winner.
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#39
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There's no way I wouldn't be taking that pill!! There's no way I wouldn't want to be cured.
The idea of someone not knowing how to live without their mental illness is troubling to me -- it convinces me that sometimes people are too stuck in their routine of being mentally ill that their comfort is keeping them in an ill mindset. |
![]() Maven, pbutton
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#40
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I agree, Odee. I do know somewhat who I'd be without my panic disorder, OCD and depression. But the parts I don't know? I'd love to find out! I would see it as an adventure, one I could go on without my anxiety ruining the fun! When I got control of my OCD the first time (because of Anafranil), I was freer than I'd ever felt before. I didn't know where to start in pursuing my dreams, normal routines, and everything else, but I was excited! My niece (who's seven months older than me) said she was getting her driver's license, and I thought, YES! That's what I'll do next! And I did! (Thanks goes to Mom, teaching me.
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Maven If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream. Equal Rights Are Not Special Rights ![]() |
![]() Odee
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![]() Odee
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#41
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Quote:
2) anxiety plain sucks. Depression on the other hand seems logical (I made a thread about it long time ago). It's just how I feel and I... don't want to live to the day when some things will not hurt me to the core. Learning how to deal with the feelings effectively is another thing... but I just think there's benefits to feeling intensely. And manicky deconstructivist phases? Why would I want to be "cured" of that, even if I go sometimes to realms unknown to normal people. My up feelings are like fab shoes that are kinda hard to walk in and wreck your feet. But damn, I ain't wearin' no sneakers. Does this all suck at times? Sure. But I probably wouldn't trade. Things happen for a reason. And there's never easy way out... for reason too.
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Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE |
![]() Odee
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#42
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I'd like to add... see my signature. Who gets to define normal? Where is the garantee that the "normal pill" would not make me camp outside of Apple store when the next overpriced and overrated product is released, think that gossip about Kate Middleton is news and that racism is maybe okay since 'em is really less than us? Would the normal pill make me to be outraged more by sex then war? Would it make me apathetic? Would it make me straight, wanting to have babieeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz and boring 9-5 job? Many of my problems come from clashing with reality. And finding balance and "the right place"... that needs work and thinking and self-acceptance and all that. Even if it was possible to magically turn into something else... it would not work.
I don't know what I want to be... so it makes it hard on the self-esteem, self-actualization crap. It took me lot of work and experience to learn to appreciate myself, quirks and all. I cannot see how magically fixing it would "work".
__________________
Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE |
#43
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I would love to live without the anxiety, fear. I would love it if I were born with thinking processes and the mindset of my adoptive family, so I would not have been perceived and treated so poorly that I developed into someone that they thought was so awful and wrong simply because I wasn't part of the sheeple mentality.
I tried to just be me and follow my dreams but for some reason it was addressed as an MI to be ridiculed, put down and discarded. The black sheep. The crazy thing is that everything I was striving for and wanted to do and achieve, the people that put me down most and told me I would fail, ended up taking those ideas and literally did them themselves...and became successful and empowered by it. So confusing. I wish I was brought up with acceptance and my gifts and talents were considered something to be nurtured and my insecurites and natural doubts and questions were treated with love, compassion and tools to grow. But it was not to be. So here I am. For good or bad. So if there were a pill I could take to restore me back to creativity, self confidence and to my real self, yes, I would take it in a heartbeat. I believe I was pretty awesome back in the day but when the people you rely on most work hard to bring you to the dark side and it isnt in your dna -not who you are - it is truly damaging. It breaks you. It destroys your spirit if you are put down and kept down long enough. Last edited by Anonymous33145; Dec 22, 2012 at 10:35 AM. |
![]() IowaFarmGal
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#44
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Quote:
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#45
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I would love to get red of PTSD, Depression, & Anxiety.
I wouldn't mind getting red of dyslexia and dysnomia to. I also have ADD. But I wouldn't give it up for anything. It makes me who I am. Artistic ability, spontaneity, ability to changes course in the middle of what I'm doing and not be bothered in the least. ADD is not all bad. Plus I can't remember crap. Which makes me the most trust worthy person. Your secret is safe w/ me. Give me 20 min and I can't remember anything I hear, am told or read. Magizine subscriptions are not necessary. Give me one magizine. It is the gift that keeps on giving. Cause I can't remember anything I read. |
![]() Odee, venusss
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#46
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I've been thinking about it. Debilitating depression I could most definitely do without. But what if I only had mild depression... you're able to see things differently, maybe be able to empathise more... I could live with it.
Anxiety I'd love to get rid of. Same for obssessive tendencies (although maybe not totally). You know, when I think about it, I've had these things for so long, they're part of who I am, at least in their mild states. So, would I take something that would take them away completely? I guess not. They've shaped who I am. Whether I would take something when, let's say, I was a baby is another matter entirely. My life would have been way different, in many, many ways for the better. But... I don't know. It would be different. |
#47
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Interesting that those in this thread who have answered no or not really and see their issues in quite a positive or accepting light, I get the impression can do so and would choose to hold onto what's familiar about them all these years because they fundamentally like and/or accept themselves.
For me I can't stand the way I am because of my issues and have no sense of self as ok or likeable or acceptable neither to others nor to me, and so a magic pill would be wonderful if it could get rid of all the negative stuff that is messing me up and leave me with a sense of self that would allow me to feel safe inside my own head. I really envy those who like and accept themselves, I really wish I could feel ok about being me ![]() Bring on the magic pill I say ![]() |
![]() Odee
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#48
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Quote:
You can get there, to the self-acceptance place. It's actually kinda must... but it's in no way impossible. Of course, you still need to act normal around others... There's character in Coelho's Veronika Decides to Die who talks about keeping a bit of insanity while still functioning in the world.
__________________
Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE |
![]() Lamplighter
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#49
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I would. I'd give anything to feel like a normal person. I just want to have normal relationships and not push people away.
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#50
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How would that work? Would it "disappear" the man who caused my DID/PTSD? I'm not the only one he affected. But that would also cause the disappearance of his daughter who owned the housed and his granddaughter who was my best friend.
It would have changed me so fundamentally, I would not have "changed" from the bright outgoing child to the withdrawn reader. Because I would still be deaf, I might not be as proficient in English as I am. I might not have gotten a scholarship to college. I would not have married the man who abused me & not had my daughter not my grandson. Would I undo my daughter or grandson? I don't know. I would love to erase the years of horror and hell, but what is the cost.
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
![]() (JD), Bark, IowaFarmGal
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