[psychmajortwenty2]

Hey guys,

I was just wondering, what does everyone think about Facebook causing jealousy?

I've come to the recent conclusion that while I like keeping Facebook to stay in touch with family members and having new people that I meet from class or from work add me (without having to give them my phone number because I feel like that's more personal for me/it's more intimidating I feel like to text someone one on one than to send them a random Facebook message... I don't know.. ) and to view the new baby and engagement wedding pictures... I think it's a waste of time.

I guess this is because I'm realizing that people just post stuff on there to make themselves look good. Sometimes I think it's like they're trying to show off how they have such a "great" social life by posting pictures of themselves having fun or tagging their friends in statuses because they all went to see a movie... and then having people "like" them. Note that Facebook has no "eye roll" or "dislike" or "wtf" or "why are you telling me this" buttons. Everyone gets positive reinforcement for everything they post, even if it's kind of stupid and/or narcissistic.

I delete people from my mini-feed that I think post annoying things and also people who just seem to make me feel bad when I see their successes or their multiple parties or social hangouts... it's weird.. some people I feel find and I can celebrate when they're happy and things are going well for them.. and then other people... it just makes me feel like crap. Makes me feel like I'm a loser. I don't know.

What is everyone's opinions on this? How do you guys use Facebook? And how do you deal with jealousy?

And I know you're supposed to just focus on yourself instead of others.. but helpful advice would be welcomed too.

Sorry I went on a bit long! lol

[jadedbutterfly]

I know exactly what you are talking about.
I use FB for family and I think 3 others.... I also don't have most of them in my "news feed" ... some repost garbage pictures with sayings in them... very annoying.
It would be great if they did have .. as you put it ....eye roll" or "dislike" or "wtf" or "why are you telling me this"buttons!!!
If there are people that make you feel bad, take them out of your news feed... then you aren't blasted with their stuff every time you log on.

I don't use Facebook. For me it is way to triggering. Although I've thought about it again, but y last experience w/ it was just to much for me.

[psychmajortwenty2]

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

I don't use Facebook. For me it is way to triggering. Although I've thought about it again, but y last experience w/ it was just to much for me.

Triggering? Like caused a mood spiral or something? Because that's kind of how it was for me. I saw this status this girl tagged with all my friends in it.. we all used to hang out as a group but then they said I was "emotionally draining" and stopped wanting to hang out. And I couldn't help but start to feel bad that they all continued to hang out without me... and I started looking at more Facebook things and then I just decided to cut myself off and exit out of the page because it wasn't doing any good for me.. it just made me feel worse. Although it did help me to realize that Facebook is not an accurate portrayal of reality.

[kirby777]

Hi-

I rarely go on FB. I used to be on it a lot, but as you have discovered it has turned into a "Look HOW Terrific MY LIFE IS" feed. The people I need to be in touch with, will text or call me. Only a few of my friends will post something controversial, or state they do not like something. When i started to use it to post dog rescue photos, most of my non-rescue friends never commented. In fact, when I ask to "Please share", some guy I knew in high school left me a NASTY comment for everyone to see, ie "Do not tell me what to do!". I PM'd him and wrote, "remove me as your friend please. All I ever post about are dog rescue things...plus I hardly demanded you to do anything....I could care less what your FB page looks like." Have a nice day!...WTF?

I ignore people, cut them from my feed, my settings are very private, not all of my "friends" cannot see my photos...One of my family members unfriended me! I laughed at that!

[seeker1950]

I rarely go on FB anymore. I have relatives and acquaintances who somehow on my list of "friends" who feel it is their pulpit for posting offensive political hate speech. I know, I need to do some technical work there, and at the very least, "hide" their offensive posts. I also see a lot of how great am I posts there, with "advice" for being the best human being in the universe...that, also, I don't need. Triggering?

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

I don't use Facebook. For me it is way to triggering. Although I've thought about it again, but y last experience w/ it was just to much for me.

I don't use Facebook for the same reason. And from my experience, the word triggering refers more to self-harm/substance abuse relapses and/or flashbacks than it does just a changing of mood (obviously that's part of it though).

Are there any other ways you can still keep in touch with the people you actually WANT to keep in touch with? Skype, phone, e-mail, etc.?

Major Twenty2, It's triggering for me b/c sometimes what I read really brings out my insecurities, and that can be bad especially when I'm struggling on the verge of mania.

[Webgoji]

I got on FB so I could keep in touch with friends from college. Now, all I ever see on it is people posting a picture they found on the Internet or a religious rant or a political fit. Don't care.

Now concerning "jealousy" as it pertains to FB ...

My wife has a bajillion FB friends. She's on it constantly. Well as it turns out:
1. Her single friends wanted her to set up and go to singles mixers.
2. Her ex-boyfriends were finding her online and she was friending those ex-boyfriends who were sending her emails and such.
3. After raising my step-daughter, I find out through FB that she found her deadbeat dad (yes, he's a total deadbeat) and it "filled a void in her life".

Needless to say, I loathe Facebook.

Incidentally, the latest stat I've seen is that FB was named in over 1/3 of divorces in the U.S. in 2011.

[kirby777]

Pertaining to jealousy~ I am not jealous of the fantastic life my college friends portray to possess. If someone really wanted to spend the time, they could make up a terrific profile.

Triggers~Since I am the one of the few straight females in my high school or college classes that has never been married and has no children...I have to admit it sometimes triggers me to be question WHY???? Then I realize, it would be the same if there was no FB. WHo knows why? I have been asking that question for a long time.

I rarely use it and I don't think I have any jealousy. I don't really get FB as a "chronicle of a fabulous life" and wouldn't be too very interested in anyone who used it for that purpose.

[NuckingFutz]

fb is not for everyone. When someone sends me a friendship request, I don't accept the friendship request when I do not want them on there.

I also have a close friend from my past that has Lupus, I definitely would not wish that illness on anyone. I also have a deaf friend and I would not want to be deaf. Point being, I have my family and real friends (warts and all) on there. It is my page, not people who I don't want on there. They have their own page to mess around with.

A lot of people do not realize that, usually ones without boundaries. I do want to hear about the "SAFE" people in my life. Sometimes I just tell people I don't use fb much.

At my last family gathering (and they only happen every few years), I saw a lot of people carrying around their phones and staring at them so much, that they missed some of the best parts of being together as a family! Although they are on my fb page, I wouldn't want to be them, stuck to this "communicator" device like the ones they had in Star Trek.

I hope that you can just keep the safe people on there.

[psychmajortwenty2]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I don't use Facebook for the same reason. And from my experience, the word triggering refers more to self-harm/substance abuse relapses and/or flashbacks than it does just a changing of mood (obviously that's part of it though).

Are there any other ways you can still keep in touch with the people you actually WANT to keep in touch with? Skype, phone, e-mail, etc.?

Yeah... it's just I have this weird thing where even though I have had friends who have like... abandoned me when I was going through difficult times I still have this weird kind of hope that like 5 years down the road.. or even 2 years they'll look at my profile and want to reconnect or something. Or maybe I'll be feeling less insecure and so I'd message them and ask how they're doing. And maybe we'd meet up again and they could see how I have survived and thrived! Silly I know... perhaps a little masochistic and narcissistic... I don't know..

These friends haven't really bothered me or anything. None of them have defriended me. I thought of defriending them but then decided it wasn't worth the trouble because, like I've said, no one has actually said anything that has hurt the other person (face to face, I had to hear they all thought I was emotionally draining from a mutual friend we have who had said the same thing - but for her.. she was allowed to say it and I know she meant it in a way that was just explaining how she felt; she was the only one who waited with me at the hospital for 8 hours! one time when I checked myself in for feeling suicidal).

So I figured I could just keep them all on there... it's just annoying to see when someone has posted something indicating that they all still hang out. It bothers me. But I'm just trying to get over it and just let it be and not focus on their abandonment but just the fact that it's perhaps good that it happened because it shows who are my true friends and who aren't and who I should invest my time with because they actually give a **** and the others who are just in it for fun times.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by psychmajortwenty2

Note that Facebook has no "eye roll" or "dislike" or "wtf" or "why are you telling me this" buttons. Everyone gets positive reinforcement for everything they post, even if it's kind of stupid and/or narcissistic.

What is everyone's opinions on this? How do you guys use Facebook?

I have come to despise FB!! I signed up, at the persistent request of a sorority sister. Did that. Got hooked into playing Mafia Wars and YoVille, and learned, that one thing, I needed to do, was to DISABLE Chat!! Know why?! ((Oh, she's on here, all day, yadda yadda yadda---that was from my then in-laws. Of course, now, with everyone logged in with their phones, not so much is said about people seemingly logged in))

Then, of course, there's those Hidden Bully Messages, you KNOW THE TYPE((<---CAPS, yes, caps!!)) and then there was, Oh look at her, she's going through a divorce, why is she talking to MY Man?! AS if, it was OK to talk to them, so long as I wore a wedding band?!!? Umm...it grows old, real fast.

Then, last spring 2012, I deleted the whole thing!! Stayed away, until this Spring 2013, when the only reason I set it up, again, was to set up a community FB for a website that I was working on for some youth sport in my town, as a means to make sure, it was running proper. *shaking my head*, then all my friends and family found me, right away, so there was no backing out, this time.

Alas, I am hardly, on that site. I do post, here and there...and Still, with the Crud, do people never cease to amaze with their antics? And how many people are getting several dozens worth of 'likes' to my meager handful? ((Maybe, I just don't give enough 'likes' to get 'likes' back, probably, because I am hardly ever on there.))

Which reminds me, I really need to log it off from my phone, tired of that little 'ding' notice that something new was posted in FB!!

I can e-mail pics, as easily, as I can FB them. And, oh yeah, what a great way for my exh to 'keep tabs' on me. I'm now 'stuck' so I can tag him in photos of the kids. Grrrrrr..

This time, around, no men allowed on my FB, lest they be blood relatives!!!

[MissInvisible]

Facebook is the reason why I'm in my bad moods. Yes, I can be jealous because people's lives are so much better than mine. But then again, it makes me grateful of my life too. I like to talk to my friends and I don't really post much because I don't think much people care about what I think or my problems. I used to post statuses in other languages for practice and I also talk in french to my french friends and sometimes russian to my russian friends. I really like PC because I can post what I feel and it's not bad as facebook. On facebook, I kinda of have a crush on my friend. It's more of excitement but not love feelings. His comment to my friend still sometimes hurt me when I think about it. Saying that my friend is a such a good friend and is positive makes me jealous but I still talk positively about myself. I still have friends and I don't have to be focused only on him. It's hard to explain.

[psychmajortwenty2]

Originally Posted by MissInvisible

Facebook is the reason why I'm in my bad moods. Yes, I can be jealous because people's lives are so much better than mine. But then again, it makes me grateful of my life too. I like to talk to my friends and I don't really post much because I don't think much people care about what I think or my problems. I used to post statuses in other languages for practice and I also talk in french to my french friends and sometimes russian to my russian friends. I really like PC because I can post what I feel and it's not bad as facebook. On facebook, I kinda of have a crush on my friend. It's more of excitement but not love feelings. His comment to my friend still sometimes hurt me when I think about it. Saying that my friend is a such a good friend and is positive makes me jealous but I still talk positively about myself. I still have friends and I don't have to be focused only on him. It's hard to explain.

I think I may understand what you mean, esp. about your friend. I had a friend who I used to look at everything they did on Facebook and would get jealous about their positive comments about other people. It's like I could concentrate on nothing but our friendship/pseudo-relationship (I found out 2 years later after he had said over and over how he wasn't interested in me... that he was, in fact, gay - which was a relief to me! It showed it wasn't me that he wasn't into.. but my gender as a whole! haha and we even got closer.. but it definitely wasn't a healthy relationship at all.. definitely hard to explain).

I HATE FACEBOOK!!!! Yes I've had one before but after seeing that it was just a brag site & look what I did, I'm so perfect site- I deleted it! I cannot stand all the bs that goes along with FB & you know no one has a perfect life but they sure want FB to think so. I never had but just a handful of people on there. People I knew that no longer live close. But I didn't recognize these people from what I read about them on FB. In real life I knew them one way & on FB I saw a false life. I'm not into that. Now FB for people wanting to stay in close contact with family members that live far away I can totally understand. But people who just want to get on there & lie & pretend to be someone they're not- I don't have time for. And with the younger generation FB can be a bully site. I have a 19 yr old & a 17 yr old daughters. They've shown me some crazy stuff that younger people post on FB. Young people don't realize that stuff will follow them forever. My daughters have FB but use it for school clubs- not bs.

[MissInvisible]

Originally Posted by psychmajortwenty2

I think I may understand what you mean, esp. about your friend. I had a friend who I used to look at everything they did on Facebook and would get jealous about their positive comments about other people. It's like I could concentrate on nothing but our friendship/pseudo-relationship (I found out 2 years later after he had said over and over how he wasn't interested in me... that he was, in fact, gay - which was a relief to me! It showed it wasn't me that he wasn't into.. but my gender as a whole! haha and we even got closer.. but it definitely wasn't a healthy relationship at all.. definitely hard to explain).

I can relate to your situation. I'm really sorry to hear about it. I hope you're okay now. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has been in this situation. At the end of the day, I have to accept myself. I am in control of my happiness. With him, he's the person who completes my happiness. But I am trying to take control of my own happiness. I don't need him to complete my happiness.

[psychmajortwenty2]

Originally Posted by MissInvisible

I can relate to your situation. I'm really sorry to hear about it. I hope you're okay now. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has been in this situation. At the end of the day, I have to accept myself. I am in control of my happiness. With him, he's the person who completes my happiness. But I am trying to take control of my own happiness. I don't need him to complete my happiness.

It's really hard to learn that. It took me a looooong time and a lot of maturing on my part to figure that out.

I'm so much happier now. I found new friends who respected me for who I was.. I never felt like I had to be anything different than what I am with them. They helped me to move on. They were a blessing in my life and I'll never regret their friendship for that fact alone. Several months into my very close friendship with the group of them, I got depression and they couldn't really handle my emotionalness over that... so we're not really speaking anymore. Sometimes people can't handle it, and that's no fault of their own. Different people have different strengths. You just gotta pick up the pieces, decide that you're worth it, and carry on to even better friendships.

This guy had also made me forget about the people in my life who already accepted and loved me the way I was. It was like he was the only one who ever mattered. And I was never good enough for him it seemed. Getting over him helped me to flourish.

I don't know how your friendship is with that guy... but mine was kind of abusive. He seemed like he was judging me all the time and I had to change in order to keep him happy. It was awful. But I think a really good learning experience.. in a way it was absolutely GREAT that he turned out to be gay because if he wasn't and had taken advantage of me... who knows how extremely more detrimental that could have been.

You could private message me if you want

[Open Eyes]

I have heard too many "bad" things about it so I have no desire to utilize it. I have managed to live most of my life without it, so it isn't a big deal to me.

[cool09]

I enjoyed the World much better before the internet. There's not a great deal that's real on the internet or that has a substantial effect on an individual's daily life. But there is a lot of nonsense on the internet which can lead to counterproductive patterns and behavior.

[Tagless]

I used to feel very depressed and jeleous back in High School when my friends would post pictures of parties and social gatherings I was never invited to. In general, I was a very jeleous person so it was difficult.

I'm not sure how I ended up getting over it, but now I'm fine with all of it and actually feel happy for those enjoying their lives. I wish I could elaborate on what caused the great change, but I really don't know!

[psychmajortwenty2]

Originally Posted by Tagless

I used to feel very depressed and jeleous back in High School when my friends would post pictures of parties and social gatherings I was never invited to. In general, I was a very jeleous person so it was difficult.

I'm not sure how I ended up getting over it, but now I'm fine with all of it and actually feel happy for those enjoying their lives. I wish I could elaborate on what caused the great change, but I really don't know!

I'm the same way! I used to be super jealous too. It's actually when I got depression that I stopped being jealous of other people (don't ask me how that works... I have no idea lol.. maybe it's because I realized how judgmental I had been before and that it's better to have compassion and empathy for other people rather than to criticize them [my criticism likely stemmed from my jealousy in some ways]).

Lately, I've been struggling with jealousy. It comes and it goes. I went through a period where I felt really like.. zen and was okay with everyone and everything and life was great. and then all of a sudden the largest episode of depression I've ever had came and it was like BOOM. My life fell apart. (It seemed to have snuck up on me, but I likely hadn't gotten over my first episode of depression, just managed to distract myself). My friends in the city stopped talking to me because they were too weirded out over my emotions (jerks). Now I see they still occasionally hang out with each other and their pictures or status updates tagging everyone on Facebook.. and that hurts.
And it's reasonable to feel hurt over something like that. But you can't dwell on that stuff.
I guess you just have to concentrate on what you have (like my new awesome job that is actually relevant to my BA!) rather than focusing on the past or areas in your life where you feel you may be lacking in some way...
It's just harder to do when you're used to thinking so negatively and critically of yourself. But I guess it's a process you learn.

Sorry I went on a bit of a rant! lol

Majortwenty2,
I just read this on Foxnews.

Unlike! Research links social networking to unhappiness | Fox News

[spondiferous]

I got rid of my fb account in December because I too found it triggering. And I got tired of reading everyone's updates and seeing what they were doing with their lives and feeling like all I was doing was just getting progressively worse.
There is a lot of drama and bull ****. I can't handle it. In the last week or so I have thought about going back because my family is on there and I don't really get a chance to talk to them other than there. But I also kind of feel like, y'know, people need to be making more of an effort to communicate outside of the computer and the fancy little phone screens.
The direction this world's headed in ****ing scares me.