Meaninglessness and banality of life

I was struck by this feeling today as I was eating rice pudding. I guess this is my life? Waking up and eating rice pudding and maybe feeling sick in the morning and maybe not?

Normally I am ok with this because I have anxiety and I just want a drama free existence. But this morning, and every so often, it bothers me.

Does this mean I should try and live a more meaningful and exciting life or is this feeling always going to pop up no matter what I do?

To give you a snapshot, I live with my parents, and am 35, have very low libido due to medication, and losing my hair and i haven't worked for 3 years and have never had any friends except for one year in high school when i was friends with a couple of guys one of whom eventually ended up bullying me.

Thoughts?

Maybe some kind of project?
My next one is to figure out how to build a theremin.

Yeah, it's a bit off the beaten path, but it's kind of neat too, and I have to learn how to do a bunch of stuff in order to get the desired finished product.
[then I also have to learn how to play it ha]

Though, since I'm doing it for me, it's something I can do in my own time.

When things get boring I just do weird stuff to mix it up...

Like build a .



In the past I have started a "Save the Bananas" Campaign, written several episodes of a never-to-be-broadcast youtube series that was to star paper dolls- of a boy from Holland in denial of his celiac disease and his overbearing mother, started various blogs, explored how to cook delicious things that the rest of my family will actually eat containing no soy, dairy, gluten or eggs [I totally was successful!... after a while].

When in doubt, I get a new piercing and dye my hair and by that time I've come up with something.

I mean, yes you are in a position where you can't work, but maybe you could find something that really sparks your interest and explore it completely on your timeline, at your pace?

Just an idea. When I get to the "What if this is as good as it gets" place I tend to do strange things but usually it at least produces a couple unique stories.

Ultimately you want to do whatever you do by your own desire though, I would think, yeah? A meaningful life is what is meaningful to you.

Some people never get that feeling, though, even if they do pretty much the exact same thing, day-in, day-out for their entire life.

I would say it's something to listen to if you can?

Have you ever thought of taking on a project? Picking something you're interested in and doing something alongside of it? Like for me, I really like cooking and am in the process of posting online different recipes- or if you like to jazz up old furniture as a project, you could do that and then maybe sell the pieces. Maybe see if there's any like groups or clubs you could join for a particular thing you like in your area... just thoughts...

Above all else remember that your employment status, looks, or the number of friends you have don't make the person you are inside. If meeting people in person makes you too anxious, then see if there's any online groups you can join to branch out... I mean you're here, that's a start. HANG IN THERE!

Meaning and excitement are two different things in my opinion. It depends on which you are interested in.

One of my favorite days in my life wasn't very exciting, but extremely meaningful. A woman wanted to interview a Buddhist for her World Religions class and I was volunteered. During the interview, a woman with PTSD came in and she told me how it was so bad she had been told by doctors that she would never be a functioning member of society.

My words to her were, "Nobody is a lost cause."

By the time she left the Temple, she was crying and blubbering and said, "You Buddhists are always happy. I'm probably the only person that's ever cried in here."

I could just smile, "No, there was at least one other person here today that was crying."

I never saw her again, but she'll never know how much her appearance there meant to me.

Now if you want excitement. Well, drive a Volkswagen Rabbit. They're exciting to drive ... just for all the wrong reasons. Two words come to mind when I drove mine ... death trap!

life sucks.

you're born, you live, you die.

even if you do something really worth while and meaningful.. what's the point if in the end it's all going to be taken away from you anyway.

It isn't though. Even Einstein said that when you die your energy has to go somewhere. I'm not sure what that is, but for my future and my child, I owe it to do something. Life sucks at times and is hard. But there are also incredibly meaningful moments that are worth having.

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But inherently we know this not to be true. Without understanding why, we scramble for those things that we think are going to make us happy. We are dissatisfied always, always wanting that ... what is it? If life inherently was misery, then everyone would see it as misery and there are plenty of people that love it.

It's that which we are struggling to find and the process of achieving it that give life meaning.

I heard a speaker one time who said if you spent just 30 minutes a day studying something, in 10 years you would be an expert on that subject. Jean-Paul Sartre who was also pretty hopeless said you need a project.

I would work on developing close friendships. Your friends may lead you down paths you never dreamed you'd go down, open your eyes. I have many close friends and they make life worth living, soften my heart, help me with my life.

I feel the same way pretty frequently. The only difference is that I have many projects and things to keep me busy. More recently, I've even gotten out of the house to hang around new people, friends, family, etc. And yet, when I get a quiet moment, I still come to the conclusion of, "what is the point? what have I gained?" I know people could fill in the blank with a lot of different answers, but what is all boils down to is how you feel. After doing all of the above I still feel useless, incomplete, like I'm wasting time and I don't know what I should be doing. How does a person get away from this way of thinking? How does a person become content with the things they have? Because there are numerous things that each person has that are positive, yet you'll find many people still unsatisfied with life. Are we pessimistic? Or are futuristic? Or are we just plain depressed?

Mediocrity, failure, rejection are great motivators. Not saying that you fall into any or all of these categories but I certainly relate to you. (I don't do anything, as well - on SSDI.) I try to do one thing a day. The best thing I can do every day is swim which really helps my mood and energy even if it's for a few hours. (I too can't stand acting like a lump sitting in front of the TV or PC or laying in bed for hours.)

IT, I am the same way. My life is kinda meaningless. Here is what I do

I hang around here all day, I have no friends, I have no real relationships, I talk to folks on the computer, and just set and think. Nothing to look forward to, no money to do anything, my days just trickle by.

The End.

Repeat Daily.

I got a horse 3 years ago, and my H asked what is wrong with you. I have never seen you motivated to do anything. Why are you motivated for this animal but for nothing else. Because he killed the joy and drive for life , any amount of motivation one could have. that motivation lasted about a month. Now it is gone I still love my horse. (more then my hubby most days)

The moral to the story is ..... There is bound to be something to spark that happiness even if it is for a little while. Even when it fades you will know you are still capable of joy. You just gotta care enough to find it. Which I seldom do.

hey Twelvehours:
That was such a beautiful statement. It is very encouraging to me. I felt that I understood. Yea, I think we are just depressed but very proud of what we have. Life can be good, if we allow it, I think.

I'm glad that my words were encouraging, Seemtofeeldepressed. Depression is a hard emotion but a very beneficial emotion if you think about it. It is a big warning sign that something in our life needs to change for our own wellbeing. Take a closer look and begin to understand the things you need and don't need.

Are you still motivated by your horse or is that gone now? I am glad that you seem to have a passion for something, I really admire that and I guess that is what I am looking for.

IT, I love my horse. I like spending time with him, but the excitement and drive I once had has dissipeared. I still pet him, and brush him, and set and talk to him. But with no money comes no hope I guess. I can't really do any of the fun things that having a horse are is all about. I kinda miss that stuff. Shows, or at least buying a new brush or a new halter here and there. I see a world of things that it would be so nice to have or have accesss to and I don't and that kinda kills that dream.

But I do still have my little horse. I still pet him and love him and wouldn't trade him for the world.

I normally don't care about whether life is boring or not, because i have just wanted to get through it. It seems now though that I suddenly am past the anxiety about life and i want life to be worth living. Unfortunately it just seems to be a series of meaningless events for me and I wonder if that will ever change.

It, I hope that it changes for you. If you want it to change that will certainly increase the likely hood that it will change.

Illegal, I really like and admire many of your comments. We have a similar situation in our family, and there is much misery associated here, too. So I can relate. All you can do is try to focus more on the good, however, smalll, than what you perceive as the bad. And engage in some healthy and happy activities that will distract you when you are able. I wish you the best. I know life can be a real challenge!

No this feeling will diminish rapidly if you make some extreme lifestyle decisions and changes. When you live the life of a healthy, productive, active, kind, unconditionally loving and accepting, ever-evolving individual your whole outlook of you and the world around you changes. With every achievement and milestone you break/meet the more your mindest will broaden and your eyes will be fully open and seeing things in a totally new and beautiful way. If you make these things happen then you will wake up one day and say "ahhh, this is really living".

Your soul is not fulfilled. So if you do something, you probably won't have these thoughts anymore (as long as you're doing something).

Maybe you could join a centralist church (all beliefs are welcome). It gives you somewhere to go and they are not religious exactly and don't push things down your throat but just let you be and believe what you want.

In my area, there is one, and they have projects they do where people could volunteer. And usually, when you volunteer, you meet people and get to know them in a non-threatening environment. (Well, I suppose nothing feels safe for a person with anxiety, but it's the "lesser of the evil").

IT,

I can relate to how you feel. I feel like a complete waste of space when it comes to life. I got sober, but that accomplishment soon fizzled. I also have not held a job in years. I'm waiting for my seroquel to kick in, but who knows what medication cocktail will work for me and my bipolar. Seroquel may be a total waste of time. I'm sick of therapy bc talking had no instant gratification - it takes years to solve things by talking imo. I followed all my pdoc's suggestions - Exercised, volunteered, attended AA and stayed sober, all that $#^& but here I am feeling like a waste of space. I feel like any hobby or project I start will make me more angry because it won't be any good. I don't want to shower/leave the house/clean etc. I'm just so tired of trying.

TnT