oh you just get right on my nerves. were you ever abused.
you dont know the pain i feel i dont appreciate your comments either. i dont just watch documentaries i know from fact

[drunksunflower]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
oh you just get right on my nerves. were you ever abused.
you dont know the pain i feel i dont appreciate your comments either. i dont just watch documentaries i know from fact

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Are my experiences actually any of your business?

do you actually KNOW what you are talking about

[drunksunflower]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
do you actually KNOW what you are talking about

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

1) This member says they have never abused anyone
2) They are trying very hard to get support for their own abuse, as well as being open about what their other demons
3) Actually, I have a fair bit of theoretical knowledge, and not everything you say is incorrect, but I don't think it's right to generalise in this way
4) I wasn't abused as a child, no.
5) I don't want to post EVERYTHING about myself on this board, though. So please don't assume anything about my experiences.

thanks

[spiritual_emergency]

okiedokie: I don't agree with SE that Docjohn has an obligation to refer him to another support site.

I wasn't under the impression that Doc John had that obligation either. I asked if he or others knew of any other sites where lostson might be able to find the support he seeks -- I did not insist, I did not demand.

I suppose any of us can draw a line in the sand and stand on one side of it but the fact of the matter is there are pedophiles in this world and unless they get treatment and support, someone may suffer at their hands. If that support can't happen here, then it can't happen here. If that support can't happen anywhere -- if lostson receives this same reception everywhere he goes... how is that helping to prevent children from being harmed? No, I'm not expecting an answer, I'm just looking at the big picture.

I feel no regret for tracking down that link for lostson. I feel no regret that lostson may have found someone here that he can talk to, someone that might be able to offer him some personal support. lostson, please note, I'm not in a position to offer you that kind of support but I'm glad for your sake that you do have people who can.

[drunksunflower]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
oh you just get right on my nerves. were you ever abused.
you dont know the pain i feel i dont appreciate your comments either. i dont just watch documentaries i know from fact

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'd suggest considering things from other people's perspectives before you post things like this.

EVERYONE on this site is here cos they have something horrible to deal with.

Ignore buttons are a wonderful thing. I think I'm about to use mine.

[LMo]

Just for the record, several of us looked long and hard for an alternative resource for victims of sexual abuse who are concerned about the resulting psychological effect. I personally spent over an hour and came up more or less empty handed - there either isn't much out there, or it's not well-publicized.

LMo speaking as a member, not as a moderator:
I have a ton of compassion for Lostson, both as a victim and as a person struggling to ensure that he does the right thing. This is a hugely ethical dilemma, and there was no fair, right answer.

[drunksunflower]

Yep

[lostson]

Wow all this fuss over little old me. As of tonight I'm gone from this site. But all of you won't ever leave my heart. I am appreciative of everyone from those who defended me to those who hated me. My last post is simply this close your eyes and imagine your safe place. If you are happy and safe my wish for you has come true.

Peace and love to you all.
David

[drunksunflower]

I am sorry you have had to see the negativity.

You're a strong person to say what you just did.

.....and peace to you david........

[WifeofLS]

I would like to start this post by saying thank you to all who showed the wonderful support to my husband. He is not a monster nor a bad person in anyway.

Second, I would like to point out that I know all of his history and Promblems.

Third I will point out that I am a surivor of MANY SExaul abuse through out my entire life stating at the age of 5.

Fourth David is a human being!

Fiith He came here looking for help, to see the wmpathy for other people and let them yell at someone who as never hurt but feels the pain.

Thank you especilly butterflylady747 , and drunkensunflower for not judging hime for his demon and insted seeing the big wonderful heart he as.

[bebop]

I am very mixed on this one. I know many here were abused as children and that breaks my heart. I too was but never talk about it.
What I saw was a man asking for help. He put a trigger warning. we all know what that is for. if you are triggered easily don't read it.

How do we really know he never acted on his impulses? We don't. we have many teens that come in here and we don't need someone like him to be tempted and the younger ones falling for it. I do wish him well if he really wants the help. There are too many variables in this I think. Let's all try to look at all sides of this coin.

I think what Doc did was the right thing. I do think however if anyone knows sites that might help lostson they could post it or pm him with it. We are all God's children.

[heyjoe]

For those of you that are convinced that he was here for support and its a shame he did not get it, etc. dont you think it rather odd for a person who is fighting off those urges to be hanging out in the chat room with 14 and 15 year old girls? I would think that would be the last situation he would want himself into. But he did. He had a support network that he said he couldnt talk to. Many women here have a support network here that they didnt want to have to give up because of how he made them feel by being here. In my opinion this is getting to be a blame the victims argument. Its the victims fault that they are unable to feel safe in the presence of an at least potential abuser. Its the victims fault because they dont have enough compassion and forgiveness for the again potential abuser.

[WifeofLS]

Where was it that he ever ask for an age? or made an inopperiate respone or question?

[spiritual_emergency]

I acknowledge that you're moving on but I found a few more links that may be helpful to you, lostson.

This link is from a site called Men's Web: Myths About Male Sexual Abuse

I also found this one: M.A.L.E. Survivor. They have a chat room and discussion board there. I don't know if you would feel welcome exploring your situation there or if you would be welcomed, but again, it's something you could look at.

This article may also be helpful for you: Can a Child Molester Be Rehabilitated. I realize that you've not yet acted on your urges but I didn't write the article nor choose the title. This statement stuck out for me however: we find that empathy (understanding the child’s pain/point of view) is one of the key pieces in helping an abuser to stop abusing. I imagine that your empathy is part of what leads to your own self-torment -- you feel badly for feeling what you feel. Ultimately, this may be your greatest strength even if it's painful for you. It's better that you carry that pain as an adult, than inflict it on a child. You may even find that this can be a joyful act, a liberating act, not a painful one -- you carry that pain so others won't have to carry if for you. This is what courage is for.

Be well, lostson.

[(JD)]

Post deleted by _Sky

[sparkling]

Hi WifeofLS

I'm really truly sorry David encountered such a cruel treatment from some of the members. I've never thought it'll go this far. Hope you are both going to find a place where you'll get the support you need without judgment.

Hugs
sparkling

And Sky:
pedophile - an adult, usually male, who is sexually attracted to prepubescent children (from Urban Dictionary)
He doesn't have to act on it to be labeled pedophile.

[WifeofLS]

he never said he didnt want to use his support network he said he found it diffcult, meaning that sometimes it is easier to talk to faceless people then to see they tears of your wife who cant take your pain.

pedophile is am atraction to children. Do you act opon every attration that you have? does the thought make an adultress? lostson as never acted upon the thoughts he as in his mind. he is disgused by them. Why he can here to find more help. Everyone is worried that he would pro someone, when he was never unsupervised, as a general rule i our house for everyone involeved.

As for me staying in abuseive relationship because of my abuse. I survied my abuse, it made me a stronger person. My husband, lostson treats me like a queen, when I protest that I don't deserve it, he tells me I deseve the world, but we can't afford it. This is my second marriage, I walked away from the first one because I am not a punching bag. I am a human being who as feelings and rights. I deseve to be loved and cherised and in turn return that love to people.

My husband taught me this facters in live, I was beat down by two theapist, my husband is the most wonderful man in the world. Watch the toes you step on. they might have feeling too,

may peace and love always be with you
The Wife of LostSon

[spiritual_emergency]

Sky: I was concerned how he labels himself as a pedophile but yet says he'd never do anything.

Here's a thought... maybe he's not. To be sure, he seems to feel he has that potential within him but a lot of people have potentials within them that they don't act on. If merely thinking something makes it true than I am a murderer because I have certainly been angry and wounded enough that I wanted to kill. I even thought I managed to pull that one off in an altered state of consciousness. Later, I discovered that what I "killed" was my hatred and fear. Good thing, because it was poisoning me and my life -- it was killing me.

Why call yourself a pedophile?

I occasionally refer to myself as a "schizophrenic" but a lot of people don't seem to feel that I am. All the same, people understand the term when I use it, which is why I do.

possibilities are scary
thank u doc j and the rest of admins and mods

-just a question to how this new guildline could be maintained as couldnt someone re-register with new details..i mean if they really wanna prey on the vulnerable in PC couldnt they get by it with new name email etc
[note that im talkin in general terms about all the new guideline is refering to, and that im not saying all will do this i dont want fites to start i just want to feel safe]

((jinny and heyjoe))

[drunksunflower]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
spiritual_emergency said:

Here's a thought... maybe he's not. To be sure, he seems to feel he has that potential within him but a lot of people have potentials within them that they don't act on. If merely thinking something makes it true than I am a murderer because I have certainly been angry and wounded enough that I wanted to kill. I even thought I managed to pull that one off in an altered state of consciousness. Later, I discovered that what I "killed" was my hatred and fear. Good thing, because it was poisoning me and my life -- it was killing me.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's a great post.

Wife: I appreciate your explanation

heyjoe: do you also hang out in those chatrooms? what should we assume, or not assume, about you for doing so?

honesty got lostson nowhere fast IMHO. i'd hate to see that happen again anytime soon.

[Maven]

I'm not going to make this a long post, although I have a lot of opinions on the matter. I just want to say a couple of other things:

The ability of sex offenders to be rehabilitated is debatable. Some types of sex offenders are probably easier to rehab than others. There are psychologists, psychiatrists and others who claim that pedophiles and other sex offenders cannot be rehabilitated, while there are others who claim just the opposite. I don't know what the true statistics are, and you don't, either.

The term "pedophile" is commonly misused. A pedophile is attracted to a pre-pubescent child. When a person seeks out post-pubescent children, he is called an ephebophile. Many people ask, What difference does it make? It makes a difference in how their minds work, and the ability to track and catch offenders. You can't tell me there isn't a difference between a man who wants a girl who's developed sexual traits vs. a man who seeks a child who's body hasn't even begun to develop. This is not to say that a person who seeks out a post-pubescent (usually teen) child shouldn't be put away. I'm just saying we should realize there's a difference and learn more about their motivations, in order to stop them in the first place.

[SeptemberMorn]

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4) I wasn't abused as a child, no.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That says it all right there!! You have NO IDEA what you're talking about! "Theoretical knowledge" is all it is, a THEORY! Those of us who HAVE SUFFERED at the hands of a sexual pervert are the only ones that truly KNOW HOW IT FEELS to live with that abuse and its after effects!

i'm really sorry that this had to happen. David, and your wife, peace go with you and know that i will remember you in prayers and thoughts and hope you continue your work to better your world.

i'm really sorry that part of the thread turned into something ugly when it didn't have to. sometimes fingers move faster than brains.

i wish that i could find more resources to help you and i will continue looking. best to you both, pat