What is the most difficult decision you've made in your life?

When I had to choose whether to have a job or to study for another one year to pursue my dream of having a license.

To disclose that my father had abused me.

I made that decision as a minor.

As an adult, my most difficult decision was probably whether to have a child and when.

When I was a kid, my biological father was extremely unstable and abusive, and I had a younger brother, and I loved them both. But I felt that I had to choose, because if I was going to protect my brother, then I had to be prepared to attack or even kill my father if the situation ever called for it. I do believe that was the major starting point of my brain's bad BPD habit of "splitting" people, because I painted my father completely black. I made my choice and apparently my brain agreed. I started sleeping with a pilfered kitchen knife every night and carrying it with me secretly at all times. I was prepared to fight him to the death, even though I instinctively loved him, if that's what it took to protect my brother. Luckily I only ever had to fight him and it never came to homicide.

But honestly that was the most soul-destroying decision I've ever had to make. I had to consciously make it and be all-in with it, because I couldn't afford to hesitate in a crisis. I don't think my brain/mind is ever going to fully recover from that madness.

Hmm. Interesting question.

Probably one of the decisions that made the most impact in my life was to completely cut any contact with one particular person. It involved setting some very firm boundaries that impacted more people than just myself, and of course, there were consequences to that for all involved. In the long-run, it was one of the healthiest and most proactive decisions I ever made (and at the advice of a therapist). It was stressful at the time, but it was the beginning of truly living with respect for myself.

Second to that, but along the same lines, was my decision to be well. When my sister passed away, the whole family was utterly devastated. I had spent years and years on the brink of suicide and in constant depression. It hit me how my own death, particularly by suicide, would be absolutely ruinous to my husband, my children, my parents, my friends. About that same time, two friends in my life did commit suicide. I knew I had to make major changes in my life, my outlook, my decisions, my behaviors, everything. It was a very conscious, deliberate decision to start using the tools and support at my disposal to live a healthy life, both physically and emotionally -- no excuses. It required taking huge risks, making decisions that went counter my usual default, deliberately deciding to move forward. That was a scary decision and absolutely the best thing I ever did for myself, my family, my career, my life.

Hm, this is a tough one... I think I'll have to put it in trigger warnings.



On a less morbid note, I guess there's marrying my husband or deciding to have a kid...

Deciding to postpone getting pregnant in January.

Kicking my dad out of my life and allowing my mom back into my life were also difficult decisions.

Starting therapy! That was tough....

To admit I'm an addict and to stop using.

Deciding to become a parent.

Cutting off all contact with one parent several years ago, and then the other last year. It's caused a lot of family problems, and i've had to endure some pretty sustained guilt-tripping, but i'm standing firm because i know it's the right choice for me (took me a very long time to really believe that it was okay to do it).

I'm not sure. That's a tough one...
choosing to keep living for now?
Choosing to open up about the content of my flashbacks and work on the abuse and csa in therapy.
Choosing myself over others who I care/d about.

Much easier decisions at the time: choosing to try to take my life about 8 years ago, choosing to cut my dad and his sister out of my life completely, choosing to move out at 17...

The one I'm in the process of right now - Reporting an immediate family member to the police for the csa I suffered as a child. I'm still not sure if it's the right decision, but it's something I NEED to do for my own healing.

Cutting contact with a brother who didn't love or respect me the way I did him. Our parents are both gone and he has young children and wants them to have an uncle from his side of the family, but I don't want to be the crazy uncle.

I'm not sure. My first thought was deciding to have my leg amputated, but that wasn't much of a choice (it really was the only solution.. and the doctors threathened to have my parents declared unfit guardians if they disagreed (I was 15, so they still had a say) and to have me declared incompetent and legally unable to make my own decisions if I disagreed) and it's the best choice I've ever made. It was the biggest decision, but not per se the most difficult. So I really don't know.

To leave a relationship for the good of the other person. I hurt him terribly and will always wonder,what if.

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Recently kicking my mother out of my life and seeing my sisters may have taken her side.

When I decided to have children back in the early 90's, I feared my parenting might be like my mothers...never happened!

Right now... Trying to figure out what to do after learning my husband has been lying to me for 18 years, had an affair with strange men behind my back, and got HIV. Trying to decide what is best for my daughters and me is the toughest thing I have had to go through... and doing it alone.

I have to say that the most difficult decision was to finally leave my bad marriage after 33 years......after my mother died, I kept my inheritance in MY trust account & didn't merge it with our joint money. It took me a year after my mother died to be able to go back into the house & clean it up & get it sold because of the trauma I went through with the home care person who had manipulated her way into caring for my mother....ended up dealing with PTSD from that....but it was about1 1/2 years later I finally went 2100 miles away to look for a farm that I had always wanted to own all my life & live in the country.....I finally had the money to do it ON MY OWN. Initially I hadn't decided that it was the end of the marriage, but while at my farm, getting it fixed up, I realized just how happy & peaceful my life finally was. I gave the marriage one more attempt on MY turff then for Christmas....but 2 weeks into January, I kicked him out & back to the house we owned 2100 miles away. It was hard to split up our 4 legged eskie children....but I kept the 7 that I was closest with & let him take the other 5 back home with him. It was only after that I found out that he had hidden the IRS back taxes letter that had been received & ended up having to deal with that just like I had to deal with everything else that ever happened in the marriage....so even though I kicked him out of my life, he was still having his impact & it wasn't possible to get a divorce at that time because of how complicated it would have made the payment of the IRS & in the mean time he put the house that we both owned into foreclosure & the lender was after me about that. I still have one more issue that needs to be resolved & then the divorce can be finalized....but there are always some priorities that keep coming up that require money I need for the divorce & he has no money to file & basically said that he didn't want a divorce because it proved that he was a failure.....well, that was already proven. It bothered me about what went on for all those years....it so felt like abuse.....but I couldn't put my finger on it until I started doing some research last year & finally figured out what I had been dealing with all those years & that I was actually dealing with a form of PTSD that comes out of a bad relationship.

Putting all these pieces of the puzzle together has just continually proved that leaving that marriage & moving 2100 miles away to where I have my peaceful farm & even though I didn't know anyone when I first moved here, I am now surrounded by the most wonderful friends & church family I have ever experienced in my life. The only person I had to break off any relationships with was my H because everyone else in my life is no longer living other than my daughter & even our relationship is getting better. It's has been able to show me just how dysfunctional my whole life had been starting with my parents....but it proved to me that just because one has a bad start, it doesn't mean that it's going to end the same way.

Resigning from my job that was literally killing me by the day. It was hard but the right decision. Not easy but I had to think long term

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Too keep my son, I was pregnant and unmarried at 23. His father is material for a book. Our relationship was one of mutual destruction.

He's now 22

I hope I haven't made it yet.

There are many difficult decisions in life, well, there have been in my life...
to continue with a relationship I was stuck in, to sign DNRs for myself, to move and not to move, to let go (read put down) animals I dearly loved, to be engaged in the last days of my dad and then to be actively making end of life decisions for my mom, to decide against surgery for myself, to allow my sons their own lives without me, to not file against ex for eons of alimony unpaid, .... 20-20 hindsight just says I made difficult decisions and many more were "just the right thing to do" that often put my own life at risk....
but as hard as life has been, I really don't think I've made the most difficult decision yet.