I need a bit of help. Am I wrong? Am I being harsh or paranoid?

I guess this is one of the reasons I ended up here

Over a year ago I got engaged to my now ex-fiance, despite we keep in good touch nowadays, I can't be near him. I'm scared to be near him. And its not him.

I promised a year ago that I would help take care of his mother and I moved in over there. He was to leave for the army in a month and I remember how muh of a ncie time I was having with him before he left.

His mother herself has somethign she called baby bipolar (?) and back problems, and was bed ridden, but to contradict, she often took her boys out for rides and left me alone and always refused surgery.

But that's not the point.

I started in June of 06, last year. I grew kind of close to his mom and she tried changing me in so many ways, and I guess I feel kind of bad for her, she lost two of her daughters in stillborns and I was the first daugther she had, even if not blood related.

Well, months go by and we become fairly close, but I got too homesick and left for my home in September. I was happy to see everyone was well, and knew her boys could probably take care of her.

Well, in October she invites me to Georgia to see my fiance. I agree and join with them midway through the month.

So I go by, see him, and the first surprising thign she tells me is if I didn't start acting better on the train, they were going to drop me off! In the middle of Texas! She never explained what I did wrong, but she kept that threat throughout the whole trip.

So I listen to her and quiet down for a bit and I return to my hometown after a wonderul couple of days with my fiance. She flatly tells me no, I can't go back to my home, I've got to stay here now.

And this is where it goes downhill.

During the first couple of weeks she calls me in and only complains to me over some small things. A few, easily fixed behavior problems.

I fix them, but over the course of the months, she breaks up my engagement and starts making threats on my well being for no reason.

Threats like she would have the Mafia (Italian, Sicilian) family come up and take me away, move me to somewhere and create a new life for me. She has friends al lthe way up into the FBI and through te Mafia, people who could easily make me disappear one day and she kept telling me all she would tell my family is that I ran away, I was coward.

...That threat was too much. It wasn't the... disappearing and being monitored... it was the fact I couldn't stand to see all my family's hearts broken, all my friend's hearts, by that lie. A thought that would tear me up inside because they would never know a lie.

So I attempted suicide. I was starting to feel oppressed, worthless, like a piece of crap with no reason to live.

OI am not proud of the attempt, but I was out for 16 hours andf throughout the night it felt like there was something with me, maybe I was just too out of it and imagining things, something telling me I still wanted to live despite it. And I listened to it, because somewhere deep down I did not want to die just yet. And I've learned my lesson.

But days got worse, where by December I had to go home again because of those threats kept coming worse and more often, and she was starting to turn everyone I knew, everyone he knew, even the boysi n the house, against me.

So she comes up with one of the craziest stories I've ever heard.

She calls me in the room and tells me I raped my fiance.

We did it once, but it was purely consesual, I'll admit it.

So I stand there shoked and she calls all the boys (There's around five or six, five at this time) into her room and I stand up for myself for a few minutes, but quickly fater and admit to the lie.

So, she is a practicing Wicca, and tried placing a curse on me to never have children. Heartbreaking, I... always wanted to be a mother, and the boys hold no respect for me anymore, and I live with them, they constantly harrass me, telling me how horrible I am, telling me how much everyone hates me, and I just about lose it.

I have a chance to go home when I pick up a rando mcold and she decides she no longer needs me around-- after all, she wouldn't want to be sick.

But now... I feel horrible... I really abandoned her when she needed it, I tried so ahrd to keep everyone happy, but I failed, didn't I...?

It... haunts me every day I've failed her, that I've been horrible to so many people in my past, in my life... and she was one of them...

well what did your fiance say or do about all of this...i mean...didnt he stop her when she tried to lie about you raping him? Didnt he say anything to his mother...from your story he seems like he wasnt a big part.....in sticking up for your or against you...even if he was in the army....he woulda been allowed to come home for a family emergency...my bf is in the Marine Corp and when i was in a car accident he came to see me ....and if he couldnt come home he could have phoned you.....and is this why you two split? Maybe im asking the wrong questions....maybe thats a whole different story but i dont see why he didnt protect you....

He tried hard. He couldn't get his way home because his Sergeant wouldn't let him leave. I forgot to mention his Mom said she would always keep her eye on me, made me paranoid, and that if I so much as got too close to her son again-- she would follow through with the Mafia effort, and she wouldn't let her son leave during those months either.

I'm glad to be out... but I get anxious and scared, I cry whenever I head close to their house, and their son just barely less.

She made threats of me dying or taken away if I talked to much even after he came home.

You're not the one who's paranoid and crazy, but you will be if you spend much more time with this nutty, controlling family.

You have my deepest sympathies on your situation. You didn't abandon her, imo...it sounds like you did your best to take care of her for as long as you could. At this point, she may need some professional attention, as it sounds like she may have deteriorated mentally (maybe dementia or psychosis?).

I've since got outm, its just been a worry for me... sometimes it gets so bad that I can't think of anything but getting away. I'm afraid she could still be somehow watching me, still be out to get me months later...

I don't know.

I do feel sorry for her, though.

(((((((((Asuyuka))))))))))

I know how scary it is to even think that someone is watching you and for you.

Please know that God also watches.

Yes, she does need help, but I hope you can separate the truth from anything she might have said. Now that you are out, you can probably begin to realize the darkness you were under while in that house. You can begin to correct the ill feelings about yourself now that you know. Perhaps by now she has attached herself to some other unsuspecting person, and won't bother with you much at all.

I doubt it's possible, but we've always heard about not selecting someone to love when you don't get along with the parents. I really think you need to reconsider your relationship at this point. Not just for you, but if the disorders are in the family and if they are at any bit hereditary (IDK about this, ok?)

Glad to have you at PC!

I think you did the right thing by leaving that place.

You mentioned in your first post on this thread that she was "baby bipolar (?)". Sounds like she is a bit more than "baby". All the threats & the fact that she knows the mafia.....that is all part of the bipolar. She is ill & without you realizing that everything she says is part of her illness, you end up believing what she says.

It is a very good thing that you were able to escape being with her....& hope that you can look back at it with some understanding that you did nothing wrong & that her family is being controlled by her illness. Maybe they don't even understand what is going on, or maybe they are dealing with their own bipolar issues.

Given what you have gone through with that family already, I would not even consider going back to your x-fiance. It sounds like all the mafia threats have absolutsly so basis in reality, but if you get involved with him & his family, you could end up trapped in a situation that you won't want in the future. Sounds to me like you got out of there just in time to keep your own self sane & not get trapped into the unreal life that they all are living.

Take care of yourself.....stay away.....& real up on the bipolar mental illness. That may give you some understanding & insight into what you were going through.

You are the one that is just fine.....stay that way,
Debbie

I totally agree with Eskielover! That woman is not in her right mind and you did well to get out of her house when you did. No need to feel guilty. You DID NOT abandon her or let her down.

There's no such thing as "baby bi-polar". Either you are... or you're not!

You said that she tried to change you and you went along with it. WHY?? Aren't you happy with yourself as you are? Granted, we all can do with some changes and growth, but who is she to try to mold you into someone you are not?

For your own sake, you need to stay away from this family altogether but most importantly, you need to find out who YOU are, what YOU like or dislike about yourself and then set about changing what YOU don't like... and strengthening what you do like.

Get to know who you are and what your personal boundaries are. When you find your boundaries, be sure to guard them with your life. NO ONE has the right to change you except YOU.

I agree with Septembermorn...stay away from this family...I think they are all bullied by this woman without even knowing it...She is very sick mentally and you did nothing but try to help...Stay away for your own mental health!!! I am glad you finally got away from there!!

Thanks y'all, I guess...

I will heed yoru advice, I know that what you say is true, just that one thing relaly bothers me about this situation...

I;ve lost a LOT of friends years logn since past because of how I've acted (since changed), and I was afraid she was another one I was cruel to.

But I guess past is past... thanks you guys.

yes, the past is past.....sounds like what you need now is a good dose of self-esteem so that you know you are ok now & you have made the needed changes & don't have to worry any more about loosing friends.

You need to know yourself just like SeptemberMorn said. Knowing yourself & who you are & that you are ok & nothing needs to be changed other than what you realize over time which is something you will point out to yourself & not that someone else points out to you. When you get into positions where people are telling you what you should be like & what you should do & try to back it up with a threat.....that is a HUGE RED FLAG!!!!!!

Those are the people you should be running away from at full speed. People like that aren't needed in anyone's life & if the people around her aren't wise enough to know better,,,,,you are now.

Good to drop all relations with that family for your own mental safety. It would be like a slow poison otherwise. You are doing the right thing don't second guess yourself.
Debbie