Having A Mini Crisis.

Ok.

I need to just get this out, because I feel like my heart is about to leap out of my chest, or do a samba while still inside.

I posted about our landlord situation. For a refresher for anyone who wants to know:

They gave us an eviction notice for late rent. We arranged to pay them, today, and they would let us stay.

Well, on TOP of that, because my ex/roomate didn't get his bank information in on time to his new job, I am worried that he won't get paid. It happened last payday, and although it seems to me that they can't just refuse to cut him a check, they did last time.

Well he went to work today with the expectation that he was going to get a check.

Now let me go into some further detail.

The other day he told me that he was told if he got his bank information in they would cut him a check. Well he did get it in yesterday, so sounds like everything is ok.

Then today he tells me he "wasn't told" he wasn't getting a check, therefore he must be getting a check. Which is it?

So i told him before he went to work to call me to let me know if he got his check, because I am afraid if we do not pay today, or at the latest tomorrow, we will have to be out of our apartment by wednesday.

He hasn't called.

I don't know if I am making this out to be worse than it is but I am FREAKING OUT. I can't call him right now because he works in a restaurant and it is close to supper time and they will be busy.

I am very, very very very very very(ect) worried. It MAY just turn out fine, but what if it doesn't? Then I will need to find a place to live within five days.. and a way to move all my stuff. This won't happen, and I am terrified I will lose everything I own once again ( It has happened to me in another situation a few years back) and I am just spiralling into total anxiety over this situation. I don't know what to do.

I know I have to be patient and I will know for sure when he gets home from work, but its the scary feeling that when he gets home he is going to inform me that he did not get a check that freaks me out. God, what would I do?

And i HATE that he seems so casual about it. For god's sake, even if he doesn't care about himself, I am PREGNANT right now, with HIS baby, and that should mean something shouldn't it?

Two more months and I will get enough social assistance to move out on my own. I just cannot do it right now (right now I only get 450 a month - not nearly enough for an apartment so I have been between here and my moms). The other thing I have to think about is the possibility that if everything comes crashing down i have three wonderful kitties that I don't see what I could do with - besides taking them to my moms, but then I would have to arrange travel within that five days too or give them up to the spca - a thought I cannot even handle.

I need advice to at least get through this day without having a freaking cow or eight or nine cows.

This coupled with the wonderful black and white thinking I have such a problem with leads to EVERYTHING turning into a complete crisis, which this is. Even though i don't know anything yet. I suppose not knowing makes it even worse?

Augh. Help.

a breath at a time... sweetie.. a breath at a time.. put your hand on your tummy.. really.. and talk to your baby... say I love you... and have faith in you.. you.. that you.. will be ok.. that we are here.. to support you... comfort you.. and things will work out.. I have that faith......enough for both of us... I am talking about faith.. in ourselves.. in us as DIDer's.. that there is a solution that will pop up..

in the meantime.. breathe in... and out...

I would go to the landlord myself and explain that in 2 months you will be able to be on your own, and the baby etc... just leave the guy out of the picture for right now?

I hate to suggest this... but are you SURE he's going to work? If so, do they realize he has a baby on the way? Maybe that will help the employer cut his checks?



Yes, black and white thinking doesn't allow you to see any grey, and there is grey here... murky sometimes but it's here.

I agree with freewill... breathe..... try and do some calming... this isn't the end of the world, though we all feel what you are telling us, the upset and worry... It might be another glitch in the path, you know?

Instead of just worrying, start preparing for the worst, and if it doesn't happen you will be that much further ahead. Start making lists and figuring out what could go where, who could help with any moving and if you could store stuff somewhere for awhile, or what order you would like stuff packed and kept (so the last stuff would be the least you cared about). Call the SPCA and ask about ways/means for the kitties; they could have/find someone to "foster" them for a couple months until you are in a position to get them back. Think of a few things to do/find out that will help you in the future if you need the information.

Rainbowzz, Hun!
I am so shocked and sorry to hear that you are having this stress, and pregnant as well! I had no idea you were going thru all of this. I hate to hear that you think you could lose everything, and have worries for the three kitties as well (I have three cats myself! and worry what would happen to them if I had to move!)...
I sometimes contemplate that I could be only one or two paychecks away from homelessness. I have no helpful advice for you, sweetie, but I am thinking of you, and hoping things work out in this situation.
This roommate, man....is the father of your baby? Is he your "partner" in the romantic sense? I am worried about you!
Love
Patty

((((((((((((( Rainbowzz )))))))))))))

Perna's got good advice - making lists will give you the information to calm your mind. finding out info ahead will ease some stress just incase.

be calm for you baby, ok? help to make the womb a safe place and you can draw from that same energy to be calm and safe yourself.

We're all thinking good things for you and hoping and praying this will work out fine. Ok? Breathe that in.

kiya

Thanks everyone.

Your right, planning planning planning.

I just had another setback.

The super just told me that our cats have to go, as people are complaining about the smell. Well, I wasn't aware there WAS a smell, certainly I cannot smell anything out in the hallway. I told him i would see what I could do before getting rid of them but I think it is just another reason for them to try and get rid of us.

I think I am going to have to try and move even sooner. This stress is just not worth this tiny apartment.

you're pregnant. if there was a smell, you'd notice it.

Get out of that place, Rainbowzz. It's causing you a lot of grief. Find a job that you can do from home and find a more responsible roommate. You (and the cats) deserve much better than this

Did you roommate get home yet? Did he get his check?

yeah he did get his check... 145.00 short of what we need to clear us up.

So I don't know what I am going to do.

because of the time my roomate works and the time my superintendant works they keep missing each other. So he was going to see him today to pay the amount of money we have to pay him, but now the super is at work so he can't. And roomate says he won't call him to make arrangements because he wants to see him face to face.

More stress. Like how hard is it to make a simple phone call? I am NOT happy about this at all, because it probably means that I will have to deal with the super when he does get home from work, meaning I will have to be the one to get the brunt of his (always) shortness and upset.

Roommate and I are thinking of just telling them we are going to move out in february anyways, since this is really feeling like it is not worth the trouble for this apartment.. trust me, its not that GREAT an apartment at all for all this hassle.

That or I may have to ask my mom if she can lend me the 145.00, which I hate to do because I know she really doesn't have it, but I also know she won't see me stuck. It's the only thing I can come up with to solve the situation right now. I would apply to Modest Needs, but there just is not time since I have to have it by Wednesday.

Augh, Blech, Ect.

(((((rainbowz))))

((((everyone))))

An update.. maybe a little bit better but I still can't really tell.

Roomate called the super and made arrangements to sit down and talk with him tomorrow when he pays him. So I guess that is a good thing that they are even willing to do that.

Talked to my mom and she is going to check how her money situation is and see if she can help me - though I can tell she doesn't have a whole lot to go on right now.

Thinking about asking one of my aunts too to see if she can help out, but I am holding out until tomorrow to see if the super will allow us some time to come up with the last 145.00.

Everyone say a little prayer or send out some good vibes that they will be fair and kind with us come tomorrow.

Thanks for sticking with me everyone. You are all invaluable to my sanity right now.

Wow ! I just read your post, and I am so sorry you are going through all of this stress. Please take care of yourself,the
baby and the kittens. Keeping you in my prayers.

Good news, but I am still jumping to conclusions.. let me explain.

My mom sent the balance of what I owed up this morning with an aunt. So that is good.

But the ex/roomate had to stay in town last night because he worked extremely late, and hasn't come home to pay the rent yet. I KNEW he wasn't going to be home last night, but that doesn't alleiviate my anxiety any about the facts..

Now my head is spinning again thinking. What if he just doesn't come home? What if he took the money and spent it? What if he doesn't come home to pay the money? What if he took off?

Now, I have to admit, all of this thinking is QUITE irrational. I KNOW that. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier. I would call him but I am not sure exactly where he stayed. I need to calm my irrational thoughts and wait until later when he comes to pay the rent, instead of jumping to wild conclusions. I hate that I do that, and I hate that i turn everything into a crisis.

Comes with having Borderline Personality i think, with all the black and white thinking. I wonder why knowing that doesn't make it easier to deal with?

So just another few hours/possibly till this evening when things will be sorted out.

The thinking is not irrational, just not helpful. Sure, it could happen but it hasn't yet and it's impossible to solve or fix things that haven't happened yet :-)

What has happened? Your mother sent the balance of what was owed. So you're okay for the moment; if worse-comes-to-worse, you can give the Super that money and buy yourself a little more time to make your escape :-)

Can you take that money to him now so he can see you are "trying" and explain your ex got caught in town because of work so isn't home yet, etc.?

Thanks Perna. Your responses are great for grounding my thinking.

I just caught him at work, and he asked me to tell the super that he would be by tomorrow because I guess he went back in to work early today because - the restaurant he worked at got robbed early this morning! Scary stuff.

So, everything is all right. Whew, thats a BIG relief. Everything is going to be OK thank goodness. I am going to go down and tell the super and let them know, so it looks like we aren't dodging them and are staying on top of things.

Well, ladies and gents, he is giving me the rent money to give to the supers in just a few minutes. So that will be cleared up.

I have another beef with the supers now though - I called the owner today to let him know I would be paying the rent money this evening. Well, the owner told me that the super was by last night - and claims we are problem tenants, always causing noise, that he still didn't have any money from us (even though I explained to the super last night that shawn was caught in town at work again - course the super didn't bother to mention THAT to the owner) and that we have been accused of using ABUSIVE LANGUAGE to the super. Um, what?? That's news to me.... For starters, I am usually the only one home and I DON'T make a lot of noise, because of my anxiety I am too afraid of them complaining of noise which makes me over compensate and for that reason I hardly even listen to music unless its on so I can just hear it.

I remained very calm while talking to the owner, and explained to him that we have had the rent money since friday, but because of work schedules conflicting with my roomate and the super we haven't been able to meet up with him.. I also explained that we almost NEVER make noise.. I think twice since we moved in we had a movie on too loud or something and we always turned it right down since we let them know. This hasn't happened since months, so I know now that the super is grasping at straws trying to find a reason to get us out.

So things are fixed as far as us staying, but we have made a decision to find a new place to live by February. This place just is not worth the trouble and I don't want to try and cope with all this stress when I have a baby on the way, or when I HAVE the baby. Not worth it to me, at all.

UGH I AM GOING TO SCREAM

Shawn came back, 45.00 short of the amount he said he had, which I now have to come up with. Luckily I know there is a twenty in my mailbox from my mother, and tomorrow a friend owes me 30.00 so I can cover it. I just dread having to deal with the damn super in regards to it. I have to ask him to open my mailbox too again because since we lost the key I haven't had the money to go and get the lock replaced. Which I am sure will make him dreadfully angry, since EVERYTHING makes the guy angry.

What next? I am sick to death of this you-know-what.

So, another post.

As it turns out, I am going to be ok. (stop turning everything into a crisis, mandie :P)

I remembered that my mom sent me up $20 which should be in my mailbox, and my aunt is going to lend me $25 until tomorrow when my friend pays me back the thirty she owes me.

I know its going to annoy the hell out of the landlord to have to see me more than once, but at least it will be paid.

I swear if anything else.. nope, better not jinx myself by saying that.

OMG I can't beileve this but I have ANOTHER update.

As it turns out, Shawn LIED about how much he was short. I gave the landlord the envelope he put the money in, and he had marked it with the amount he SAID he had.

Well of course the super counted it, came right back upstairs and told me it wasn't all there. He then counted it out right in front of me. Shawn was actually short 80.00!!!

I almost lost it right then and there but managed to keep my cool. After some scrambling, I was able to work out getting the 80.00 tomorrow for them - but I had to ask my mother YET AGAIN which makes me VERY angry.

I had my suspicions when I noticed that shawn had sealed the enevelope up and wrote an amount on it.. I wondered why he would do this when he knew it would have to be counted.. and come to think of it Shawn even counted it right by me before putting it in the envelope.. so I know he lied.

This ends here though - I am telling shawn that I am moving out. I can't manage it right now, but I will be moving out within the next month or so as soon as I have the money. I refuse to let him do this anymore. Just not worth it. Especially when it made me look like the liar cause I had to deliver the money to the super, telling them it was one amount, when it was not that amount at all.

Does IT EVER STOP?

*sigh*

my friend, it is killing me to hear about all this.

one thing I noticed is that you keep chalking up your reactions to anxiety, bpd, etc. Look, ANYONE would be freaking in your situation, so give yourself more credit.

The other thing.. I hope you don't mind me saying this - you've GOT to gain some independence. not that my husband is any more of a financial provider than Shawn is (because mine isn't) but one thing that help me freak less about his irresponsibility is that I am not financially dependent on him. I know that we're in very different situations and I'm not I.plying that it should bw easy for you... but what I mean to say that I wish I could erase your problems but since I can't, what I would love to do as your supporter is to help you figure out ways you can make it on your own. I'm good for brainstorming, professional marketing, and I'm very resourceful. please let me know if you want to put our heads together to get you outta ther and away from relying on someone who lets you down time and time again

sorry about the spelling - I'm on my cell phone at the airport

(((((LMO))))))

Bless your little heart. You are right, and even as we speak I am brainstorming ways to get out of this awful situation so that I don't have to deal with him right now.

There is not much I can do RIGHT NOW, however the next little while I am slowly going to start moving things out of here and into a friends place I think, in preparation of moving out. I will financially be able to be on my own Feb 1st, so that is the date I am shooting for for finding my own place. That leaves me just two months to worry about rent wise here, and if I start moving my stuff in a few weeks like I plan to, then if something goes awry next month at least I will be prepared.

(((((LMO)))))) again thank you for your support. When I get a little further down the road I WILL pick your brain for ideas too.

I need to live on my own, with my baby and my kitties. I need to come to the understanding that this is not going to change, and no matter how much I parent him its not going to change him either. Part of me is afraid that if I leave I will never see him again and neither will his child.. he is that type of person. No sense of responsibility. I mean, I am no poster child for being responsible sometimes but at least I ensure my needs are met before being irresponsible.

((( rainbowzz )))
I'm cheering for you from here (which, at the moment, is Chicago)