[wisewoman]

I am so sad I can't stand it. I think my PTSD has trippled and my depression has decided to take over. I am suffering. I need help. I deal with IRL, I need you guys so much. I can't deal another second with all of this. By saying I deal with real life I mean that I am doing what I should be. Geez I am lost, alone, without a dream, afraid. Help

[chalmette70043]

((((((((((Wisewoman)))))))))))))

I hope you stay safe and feel better.

[_Hope_]

I am so sorry you are feeling this bad, if you want to talk i would be happy to listen

Linda

[January]

((((((((((((((( WW ))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are hurting so much. You are so loved here. Have you told t or pdoc how you're feeling?

Hugs,

Jan

[wisewoman]

they know Jan, it's bad

[silentlyscreaming]

(((((((((( wisewoman ))))))))))

Take gentle care of yourself

[bebop]

((((((((wise))))))))) hon just hand with us hon. you are not alone!

[wisewoman]

I wish I could cuddle and tell you all. It's horrid to be me right now. I know I shouldn't say that as I am tempting the gods. But it hurts. I am nothing and life is nothing and I have no motivation to be. I want to know who I am but I think I see and this person is not anyone who will get off their 30a= pound gained weight from drugs and be anybody again. I am afraid of the world.

[wisewoman]

thanks, I hardly ever come here because of this and then this silence is more of what I get. Yup, mods will delete. And I care because it stops me from contacting people who care for me? Forget it. I was here as a positive voice for a long time. No more positive, I feel like I don't know how to get up, brush teeth etc. I am so sad and yes, I need to be sad and feel it and know it and see it change but, it sucks to be the gutter woman here that is not worth the time as I have not been here complaining lately.

[lenjan]

((((((WW))))))) Folks are on at different times, etc -- I haven't been able to be here all night till just now and just saw this (after 10 pm my time). I don't think you are being purposely ignored!

PM if you need to vent, or you have my email too. I can't promise a response the minute after you hit send, but I will respond.

[recluse1]

(((((((wisewoman))))))) i hope these feelings pass for you very soon. i know what it feels like to be too depressed to even care if your hair gets brushed or not even wanting to bother to change from your PJ's. life seems so sad and overwhelming that we think, why bother and what's the point. what i try to do in this situation is make small goals for myself. like building blocks. start with simple things you know you can get done and build up from there.

it will help get you motivated, up and about. when you start accomplishing the goals it helps build up your confidence, self-esteem, and self-image. achieving even the smallest things can bring us satisfaction and a feeling of being successful at something.

hope you feel better soon.

[DocClyde]

(((WW)))

Hope you feel better soon and that the feelings pass soon...

[eskielover]

(((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))),

I too just got onto the computer for the first time today. I am swamped at my new home with a huge mess that was left me by the painter (I am having to repaint everything that was already done & it cost me a small fortune besides to have the crummy job done....that's my grumble...sorry).

I too am available if you want to PM or even email. I have also been in a difficult place right now & anxiety has been my main problem.

I know that the situation you went through has left you feeling a lack of value in your life. I hope that you can find something to place a value back into your life. When we depend on only one thing to give us value in our lives & that one thing doesn't turn out the way we want it to, it leaves us devistated.....it's understandable, but is something that we have to get through & beyond. (I know my career was that only thing in my life & when I lost it.....wham....I was such a huge mess, I ended up suicidal (no don't go there).

I understand how everything you went through has left you with these feelings, but it's time now to put other things back into your life so you can focus on something other than the loss you went through with loosing custody of the little girl.

If you need or want to talk....feel free to PM or email me. I will usually get back within 24 hours at worst case.

Take care of yourself....I really care,
Debbie

[wickedwings]

(((((wisewoman))))) i know how you feel. some days are like that for me, and i couldn't get out of bed for the life of me. you're not alone, especially here in pc.

[katheryn]

((((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))))
sorry not been here when you needed as our time zones dont allow, but your welcome to pm if and when needed,and i dont mind you venting
you were there for me when i joined

[snowflake_48888]

(((((((WW)))))))
When I first joined years ago you were very helpful to me. I am sorry you are going thru such horrible mental/physical pain. I don't know what to do to help you. I can listen and reply but sometimes its not the same as IRL but it does help to vent to someone you can tell.
(((((((wisewoman)))))))
TC
Snowy

[wisewoman]

Group reply,

I am sorry I was a B last night. Pain is like that I am afraid.

So here is my story, not necessarily in order. Money probs, impossible ones. Cell phone turned off and my college daughter with OCD depends on it. I don't know when I can get it turned back on.

I applied SSD finally. Seems my PTSD has really worsened.

My little girl. She was taken Aug 30th, moved her again to the place she begged me never to make her go again. I am still in the level 1 hearing, was supposed to know a week ago. Licensing went over us with a fine tooth comb and we are fine with them, that took a month. So I have been waiting. And one of my issues is people in authority, power who lie, manipulate, hurt me. That would be the DCF people. So I have fallen off the roof so to speak and have been quite ill to boot.

Today the woman charged with making the decision if baby comes home will call me and discuss more findings she got after speaking with the people who i consider dishonest lying hurtful people. I hope I can speak well to her. Articulate well.

As to not having a purpose. Yes, need to get back on that sheep again and start fiber working, or horse riding. Something. Too hard right now.

I have my dogs on me and you folks don't know a therapist that I went to see after baby left, her new therapist she never met, told me to get a puppy, of course she didn't know there were 4 at home but now there are 5, Jack Russell Jilly Beans. 4.5 months maybe? I do love her.

My son moved as far away as he could and still be in this country, and believe it or not I miss him too, and worry. Long story there but legal issues. He is a subcontractor, painting and hasn't a clue about how this all is going to get complicated come tax time. I hope he listens.

So this is where I am and I feel 17 again, needing so much support constantly. Thanks for not being buggers about it.

Oh yeah, and we lost our insurance so that I can't pay for meds. Very scarey messing with my meds like that. I am working on solutions, and I am tired.

[DePressMe]

Wisewoman, it sounds like you are dealing with some very difficult issues right now. I am not sure that anything I can say will make things better. I do know the problems of running out of meds because of money issues. Not having my meds makes things so much worse. I hope you can find a way to get back on them. I am sending positive thoughts your way.

Wisewoman,

Wow. You certainly have a lot on your plate. Don't feel you can't come here and talk to us anytime though, that's what we are here for after all.

Try and take things one day, one hour, one minute if necessary, at a time. I know thats age old advice and may seem cheesy but when we only have to concentrate on getting through the next few min rather than the next few days, I find it helpful.

I hope you feel better really soon.

[Doh2007]

Wisewoman, you're in a survival mode for sure. I'm sending a prayer up for you.

[Peacemaker]

Wisewoman,

I saw your post first and was compelled to reply as I feel that I can really relate. I know what it is like to give up, to go weeks upon weeks without a shower or bath, only washing my hair 1x/week, and generally stopping any type of self care. I just had given up. I had no close friends for support and was lonely. To tell the truth, my closest friend was my dog. My parents never noticed nor even cared to ask (i was 19). I tried but for some reasons the tears just would not come. In a way, I was numb and really could no longer feel and was afraid that my existence was what I had to look forward to the rest of my life.

Sounds like we have much in common. Please PM me if you want to talk. I am sure to write back as I truly care.

Take Care Dear One,
Peacemaker (Sherri)

[justpassingby]

Hi Wisewoman,

I'm sort of new to this site, but I hear your pain. You have so much more time here than me, so I don't know what I have to offer you, but a warm and caring heart that feels everyone's pain. You seem to me someone that is stuck between two rocks, one is loose and other is not going to move. If I had the power to lift that hard rock from your shoulders I would. But I could probably move the loosen rock just enough for you to get by.

I know sometimes it may seem like people don't care, but I sincerely believe that normally everyone has good intentions and they really want to make a difference in someone's life. I relate to you when you said you've gained weight from your meds. So have I and it does suck. I look at myself in the mirror and don't recognize the person I once was just one year ago. I've always struggled with my weight and flip flop between looking ok and being way overweight. It hurts a person's self image and that can make anyone feel despair and depressed. I know the weight can come off if I work hard on it, but you know when depression hits, there's just no motivation to follow through with anything.

Hang in there and remember we do listen and want to help. "When you are feeling better, I could really use your wisdom to help me as well.

[snowflake_48888]

((((wisewoman))))
You have so much going on and it would be difficult to deal with day to day. I hope you find ways that you can still get your meds....and I hope all this with your little girl will resolve soon and she will be in your loving home once again.
Snowy

[altonwoodsdrphil]

bless her heart...I can tell she's in a lot of painI think we'd all like to help,if we could. please pm any of the people on here (even me) we do care about you,give us a chance...oh,I really like the vonnegut tag line!

[wisewoman]

I am now ill, more ill, head and chest infection!!!!!!! And an answer about my baby coming monday.