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  #1  
Old Aug 18, 2018, 08:30 PM
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So my dad cant read. So today he tells me to go in the bookstore to help him find the movie strip tease. Then he talks about one of the actresses legs then pops the dvd in and watches it with me sitting there. I had no way home. Then he asks me to read this obscene texts from randim girls he has been texting. I often cant tell whats normal or not. Would that make you uncomfortable?
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  #2  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 03:57 AM
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I'd feel quite grossed out about it and would probably refuse

I am sorry you had to do that
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Old Aug 19, 2018, 04:03 AM
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Yeah, that would make me quite uncomfortable...
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Old Aug 19, 2018, 04:05 AM
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It would make me uncomfortable as well
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Old Aug 19, 2018, 10:16 AM
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Yes, I wouldn't like that either.
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  #6  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 11:59 AM
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Quote:
Then he asks me to read this obscene texts from randim girls he has been texting.
Hmmmm how does he text if he can't read?

I would NEVER be a part of anyone's life like that. I would nicely tell him to spend his time learning to read instead of the activities he chooses to waste his time on. If you don't enable his inability to read & he either has to learn or do without he may realize he can't get by being like this any longer.
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  #7  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Dnester View Post
So my dad cant read. So today he tells me to go in the bookstore to help him find the movie strip tease. Then he talks about one of the actresses legs then pops the dvd in and watches it with me sitting there. I had no way home. Then he asks me to read this obscene texts from randim girls he has been texting. I often cant tell whats normal or not. Would that make you uncomfortable?

Fugetaboutit!! (Boston for forget about it) Gross...wicked gross!!!
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  #8  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 02:32 PM
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Hmmmm how does he text if he can't read?

I would NEVER be a part of anyone's life like that. I would nicely tell him to spend his time learning to read instead of the activities he chooses to waste his time on. If you don't enable his inability to read & he either has to learn or do without he may realize he can't get by being like this any longer.
He can text how are you baby and a few other things but thats about it. He can read but very little. I dont want to hurt his feelings. When we went in vacation a few weeks ago I wouldnt do it. I wasnt about to spend my vacation like that.
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  #9  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 04:49 PM
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I dont want to hurt his feelings.
& yet it has been OK for him to ask you to things that go against what your feelings say is ok or you wouldn't be asking here
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  #10  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 07:24 PM
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I should also mention that my father rubs my leg in the car sometimes. He does it to everybody but to me at least once a month. I have always hated it. He did it wjen I was a teen and I told my mother and she never let me leave my sister alone with him after that.I just dont want to make him feel bad. He is my rock.
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  #11  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 07:27 PM
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I would feel very uncomfortable if my dad did that.
  #12  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 07:34 PM
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Just curious how you consider him your rock when he does things that bother you so much? ( just curious about your logic in that statement)

Hard for me to understand because my dad was out there & embarrassed me totally wuth his arguing about things I knew he knew nothing about. My mom wasn't much better & I knew I couldn't trust them for guidance in any directikn I wanted to head my life in. Neither of my parents I would have ever considered to be my rock & they didn't do the things your dad does. I guess I became so independent that no one ever filled the position of a rock in my life.....so the concept you are expressing & the logic behind it though foreign to me is interesting to learn about the thinking that goes into that feeling.
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  #13  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Just curious how you consider him your rock when he does things that bother you so much? ( just curious about your logic in that statement).....

I'm wondering the same thing as eskielover is.
  #14  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 07:40 PM
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Just curious how you consider him your rock when he does things that bother you so much? ( just curious about your logic in that statement)

Hard for me to understand because my dad was out there & embarrassed me totally wuth his arguing about things I knew he knew nothing about. My mom wasn't much better & I knew I couldn't trust them for guidance in any directikn I wanted to head my life in. Neither of my parents I would have ever considered to be my rock & they didn't do the things your dad does. I guess I became so independent that no one ever filled the position of a rock in my life.....so the concept you are expressing & the logic behind it though foreign to me is interesting to learn about the thinking that goes into that feeling.

He is the only one there for me in difficult situations, always buys me stuff, we have a good time together with the exception of this stuff.
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  #15  
Old Aug 19, 2018, 09:04 PM
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What percentage of the total time is the stuff you have a problem with?

Is his buying you stuff his buying your loyalty so you will feel like you have to tolerate the things he does?

Abusers groom the people they abuse in similar ways & the people do enjoy being with their abusers or they wouldn't stick around for thecabuser to abuse them.

Just make sure your boundaries are firm. He may not be such a rock afterall.....just something to possibly think about & be aware of.
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Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
Thanks for this!
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  #16  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
What percentage of the total time is the stuff you have a problem with?

Is his buying you stuff his buying your loyalty so you will feel like you have to tolerate the things he does?

Abusers groom the people they abuse in similar ways & the people do enjoy being with their abusers or they wouldn't stick around for thecabuser to abuse them.

Just make sure your boundaries are firm. He may not be such a rock afterall.....just something to possibly think about & be aware of.
Id say 30%. Im not saying he is a abuser though. Just his boundaries are a little messed up. He loves me thats why he does for me. Its just not a good time for him to be like this not that anytime is. I mean I had flashback in Feb. of him making me kiss him on the mouth when I was younger in a forceful way but I cant tell my age or the context it was in so it may be nothing.

Last edited by Rive1976; Aug 20, 2018 at 12:55 PM.
  #17  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 01:17 PM
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I mean I had flashback in Feb. of him making me kiss him on the mouth when I was younger in a forceful way but I cant tell my age or the context it was in so it may be nothing.
that's called rationalizing behaviors that are just plain wrong no matter what context it may be in. Your dad's behaviors would definitely be questionable to others. Only reason it isn't to you is because that was what you were conditioned to think might be normal.
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  #18  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 02:33 PM
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
that's called rationalizing behaviors that are just plain wrong no matter what context it may be in. Your dad's behaviors would definitely be questionable to others. Only reason it isn't to you is because that was what you were conditioned to think might be normal.

My dad is not an abuser.
  #19  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 08:08 PM
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Even from someone who is not an abuser what you described in your flashback is wrong behavior from a dad just like the hands on your legs.

He may have a mental illness such as a sex addiction causing the behavior but it is still wrong.
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Thanks for this!
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  #20  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 08:09 PM
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He probably just said I love you and kissed me real hard on the mouth. No big deal.
  #21  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 08:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Dnester View Post
I should also mention that my father rubs my leg in the car sometimes. He does it to everybody but to me at least once a month. I have always hated it. He did it wjen I was a teen and I told my mother and she never let me leave my sister alone with him after that.I just dont want to make him feel bad. He is my rock.
And the fact that your mother didn't want your sister alone with him means what to you ? You don't want him to feel bad? I don't get it. You explained this as a problem, then get defensive if anyone questions it.
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  #22  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 08:34 PM
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He is the only one there for me in difficult situations, always buys me stuff, we have a good time together with the exception of this stuff.
I'm honestly not trying to be mean but this sounds like something other than a father.
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  #23  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 08:40 PM
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I think he does some things that are outside the box but I wouldnt call him an abuser by any means. He is just my horny dad. My mother just was afraid he might do something to my sister because what he did made me uncomfortable and she was just trying to be a good mom and I was and am probably overeacting.
  #24  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 08:48 PM
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He probably just said I love you and kissed me real hard on the mouth. No big deal.
I feel like if it was no big deal, you wouldn't have brought it up.

It sounds like your dad has done some very inappropriate things with you. I would be very uncomfortable with any of the things you've described. My dad never touches me like that, or talks to me about his sex life. That would be a huge boundary violation.

I know it's very scary to think about it, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. You must be so scared and uncomfortable, not knowing when this will happen again.


The reason people describe this behavior as abusive isn't to scare you or to be mean to your dad. He might be wonderful that 70% of the time, we don't know him. But the behavior you describe is classic sexual grooming behavior. Even if he's wonderful the rest of the time, these aren't the normal actions of a loving father.


It's normal to be scared and confused by that. Tell your mom or another trusted adult in your life how you're feeling and what's going on, if you can.
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  #25  
Old Aug 20, 2018, 08:48 PM
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I think he does some things that are outside the box but I wouldnt call him an abuser by any means. He is just my horny dad. My mother just was afraid he might do something to my sister because what he did made me uncomfortable and she was just trying to be a good mom and I was and am probably overeacting.
OMG "My horny dad"????" Do you hear yourself ? I'm out.
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