Positive Improvement to PC -

OK - Ladies - Please bare with Me as I try to explain this in the best way I can......

I personally feel that way to many females are being attack rather than helped / supported when they come here seeking advice and friendly counseling....... when a female has been through nothing but pure hell and sexual torture by the hands of men since the day she learned to walk and wear panties she will with a doubt have many ill feelings toward most of the males that have walked this earth...... and while her thoughts may not be rational per say - you must realize and some times even accept that they are the only views she has even known, therefore, she does not need to be criticized for the feelings she fought her own diminishing sanity to express - BUT rather she needs to be given the room the VENT and SHARE with out fear of being harassed or put under once again.

And while I understand that many of you may have never been through such horror, therefore, you cannot truly begin to understand where she is coming from and why she thinks the way she does....... you must still give her room to express her anger and hate as she will not be able to heal until she has began to release some of the evil that was put in her by another whose only goal was to take from her.

It is thru the release (venting / talking) that so many females HEAL.... and with healing CHANGE begins.

<font color="purple"> Please keep in mind when you are reading a "female hate male thread" that if you refute the OP opinion or have nothing positive to say that will support and not damage her more - then Please DO NOT necessarily respond... as this is the kindest thing you can offer. </font>

I feel as though I can say the things I have as I was once the female that was attacked for sharing the feelings she once held onto so tightly toward MEN....... I felt as though I was attacked for sharing my feelings more than I was supported or helped (by some)...... Some refused to see my side of the fence as to why I felt the way I did and why I had good reasons to feel as I did - some so wanted me to love men (right then and there) instead of trying to help me heal the wounds that men had created in me.

<font color="purple"> BTW - one cannot help another heal by telling them why they are wrong, that their views are irrational per normal standards and that they need to grow up - as the damages person needs to heal first or change can never come, and it is with in that healing / forgiveness that changes can occur with in their wounded thoughts / mind. </font>

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My only desire now is for the day to come here on PC when all broken arrows can express their fears, their hates, their wounds from "their pov - their tortured past" without being scalded for the way they feel toward the opposite sex and where that they can VENT & SHARE as to seek HEALING...... and where they will NOT be attacked or destroyed.

* * * * * * *

For the MEN reading this - Please be patient with any female that may express great hatred toward you guys, as most of them probably have a very good reason for the way they feel...... IF you doubt me then by all means read this: "my reasons"

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...t=1&PHPSESSID=

Good Men can help wounded females to see that not all men are evil and that some men can be SAFE.

* * * * * * *

Thank you all for letting me express my self from both experience and as a friend of another wounded heart.



P.S.

IF you refute the OP opinion or have nothing positive to say - then Please DO NOT respond...
as this will be the kindest thing you can offer to this carefully thought out thread that was written as to educate.

If you're gonna throw bricks you should expect to have some stones thrown back at you.

I don't think it is right for any female to excoriate men on PC forums. The men here had or have nothing to do with the way they were treated by their poor choice in men.

I will not be a target of discussion board abuse by anyone for something I had no participation in.

Yes, a minority of men are abusers and mean but, that dosen't give anyone a right to spew hatred against all males. I sure won't be subjected to it.

no comment.....

however this thread should be closed because its a no win situation

just my opinion

i just want to say good for you Rhapsody for sticking up for yourself and other wounded friends..

and good for you 50guy for sticking up for good men...

you both could meet in the middle?

i know its hard... sorry if this upsets anyone... imo, you arent that far apart from each other... each of you is respecting yourself and a group of good friends... so... why not join in with each other in a way.. let each exist?

50guy.. imo, you have a choice... defend men and potentially wound women, or temporarily choose empathy, kindness and care for the people who hurt here.. and we come in all styles...

let them do what they need to heal? can we? i just feel like the people we are, the defenders and caretakers we seem to want to be... shouldnt we allow them freedom to feel best? they dont want to hurt us.. just express their pain.. right?

I'm all for venting. I don't see any problem pointing out that it is not all men and it surely isn't the men of PC doing the hurting.

You ask me to stop defending men......impossible.
As long as I get PM's with name calling in them I won't be silenced.

Eric

oh no... i didnt say i think we should stop defending men 50 guy... not at all... theres good men... i know them...

and theres women whove been hurt.. so yeah... i guess i have no issue with them venting myself...

if someone is sending you pm's calling you names please report it to mods and admins. that is a big no no here.

there are great people here at pc...both male and female.

I do understand how some women could hate men in general for things they had done to them in the past. I think we as adults also realize it is not all men that have done bad things to the women here.

Let's also remember there are men here that women have abused and that is also not right.

Let's all be respectful of each other here and grow together.

I think there needs to be a minimum of decorum here. Unless it's one's intention to inflame others, it would be practical to not decry all men. Say, "All the men I have known...." or whatever. I think it's possible to vent without offending your fellow travelers.

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50guy said:
I don't think it is right for any female to excoriate men on PC forums. The men here had or have nothing to do with the way they were treated by their poor choice in men.

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My thread was not about the men of PC, but about the men that have raped, stolen and taken from innocent females...... please do not get the two confused with the topic of my thread.

I was talking about females that come to PC and seem to have an over all hate for men in general, from their past....... as it once appeared that I did, when in reality I did not hate all men but was hurt by many men - I was needing to vent my feelings as to release them and to heal so that good more positives thought of men could be formed in me..... but please know that they good cannot come until the old thoughts and memories (the trash) was gone.

BTW - that the ones of us that were sexually abuse by the men in our past - did not chose for it to happen nor did we choice the men - they chose us for what ever reason to abuse us sexually.


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50guy said:
Yes, a minority of men are abusers and mean but, that dosen't give anyone a right to spew hatred against all males. I sure won't be subjected to it.

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And you are right you should not....... and this is where the education part comes in - in knowing (learning) that when a female has been sexually abuse and she comes here for help and she seems to hate all men over all by the way her words are spoken or written just keep in mind that it is NOT all MEN - just the ones that have hurt and released evil upon women.... but know that she may feel that all men are this way (until she heals) for the men in her past have done nothing but hurt and abuse her, and I am not just talking about husbands, dads or boy-friends - but rather those men that rape and take.

IMO - It is the same for a man when he has been wronged over and over again by nasty females in his life and they come here spewing insensitive comments about all women/females - it is just their way of releasing their inner wounds that were created by a female (or many females) and I personally am mature enough to know that the men are not talking about me just because I am a female or all females in general..... but that they are talking from the emotional hurt.

* * * * * * * *

Hurting people do not always know how to distant the gender from the abuse, therefore, hate comes through when it should not...... this were understanding and compassion needs to play a role in helping the hurting members that come here.

I personally use to be labeled one of those females that hated men when I first came here two years ago and I know I probably still am by some...... but I am here to say that I have changed and that I no longer lump all men in with the evil men that abused me in my past...... and I could not have done that if I was not given the opportunity to vent, the share then heal both here on PC in T.

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Doh2007 said:
Unless it's one's intention to inflame others, it would be practical to not decry all men. Say, "All the men I have known...." or whatever. I think it's possible to vent without offending your fellow travelers.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, I agree with you and others have stated the same thing........ but that is were I am trying educate others in knowing that when an abused female has placed man in that category of "all men" she does so because she does not know men in any other way, therefore, she needs to be helped (supported from her side of the fence) and not criticized so that she may be given the chance to heal and then she can replace the negative thoughts of men in her mind....... then and only then can she say "the men that hurt me" or "some men" or "bad men" or "the evil men I have known"

Does that make sense?

We must keep in mind that many that come here are not healthy mentally, therefore, they may not be thinking rationally for they are still in T - receiving guidance and help from their therapist and the members here on PC.

Good T's always try and stop the negative dialogue whenever it is a non sequitur.

IMO PC is not a place to rant saying things that are not true, that are judgmental and of personal opinion only if it attacks another person or group. Even if everything is said in the "I statement/format" what is said needs to be edited to prevent the negative discourse of the attack. If the member is unable to do that for him/herself, then that's what the Community Team Member is supposed to do.



PC IS a place where all who are broken can come and find some healing, but not at the expense of other's healing needs. I don't think any member wants to do that anyway, and will understand once showed the way.

(((hugs)))

Rhaps >> Good post <<. IMO ,, people in general sometimes have to suit up in thick skin attire .

Abuse can cause the skin to thicken to the point of stone hard ..... Happens .

The amount and type of hurt and/or pain that each of us have had to bare in our lifes can be from A -to- Z.... All in all ,, it is still Each Of ours Individuals pains regardless of topic . I'll always try my best [ and I am not perfect ] To place myself in anothers shoes or maybe just a close fit . And then Hold my tongue [ sometimes I am not good at that either ].... <<<<, But I will always be prepared to talk again and try to meet at a common ground and set out from there ,, Just My Humble Opinion >>. . <<.

Rhap, I am sorry that the person you are referring to got such crap thrown her way. I think you are brave to post this.

I hope and wish that men here DO NOT take this or threads mentioned as attacking them. It is not and the OP was very clear. PEACE

Also this thread says LADIES so there is no need for the guys to feel attacked it is for the woman who can support or hurt eachother.

if ppl have trouble with men they should stay out of the men's forum, then they won't get upset

can I just say 50 guy it's not always a 'bad choice' women make. I was raped .... I did not chose or make a choice ....

sorry that comment just raised my hackles .... no offence to you... just wanted to put my point across.

123

You all see where this is going......cherry picking words.

I can't be a participant in this.

Just for you Gremlin....I think rapist should get the death penalty. Rape is not a choice that a woman gets to make.

Rhapsody,
For what it's worth, I think you make sense. I understand what you are saying. And you have made your point with diplomacy and grace. You're not attacking anyone, you're just explaining what it's like for many women in that situation.

A marraige counselor once told my wife and I to remember the 90/10 rule. 90% of what my wife says to me even if she uses 'you' statements is actually all about her, and only 10% is about me. Whenever I read anyone's comments here, I try to keep myself out of it because they don't know me--it's all about them and their hurt--it's not about me or my gender.

Your point is well-taken. Very educational.

Scott

if you post those type of postings in the womens forum there wont be any problem with men responding to what you feel that you have to vent. i personally find generalizations that all of any group does any particular thing or feels a particular way to be simplistic and does not take into account all the shades of grey. I agree with sky i dont see how that type of lashing out at everyone in a group helps anyone to heal, But knock yourself out in the womens forum if thats what you want to do. If you put those posts in other threads then you have to expect fallout.

heyjoe please read over what Rhap said and even the heading, TO LADIES. No one is attacking you or men, just leaving space for a woman's experience. Why does there have to be such conflict? She clearly was not speaking to you. She was speaking to the ladies here who are in a position to support each other around these issues. FYI, I am a mostly happily married woman for 23 and counting.

Thank you Scott88keys.

I think this is bringing a specific personal matter to the public forum and would be better discussed in PM?

As for accepting posting...

A member expects to read and be treated within the guidelines...with respect.

I appreciate the care here, but being as this is a specific issue being brought to the public light, it can continue with potential upsets.

Due to that, I'll be locking the thread.

If anyone has any questions, please don't hesitate to PM me.

KD