[Myzen]

Hi folks,

I've been wondering about how we can maintain a positive self image while we are ill. I'd like to know what people think about this.

Sometimes we post and talk about 'the person I was before I was ill' and stuff like that. It feels like the illness takes away our positive self image as part of the process, like it actually takes 'us' away.

But maybe this is not the whole truth. While I was ill I had to be stronger than ever before, just to keep on going. Isn't that a reason to respect myself? I mean, if someone said to you "I've had 5 panic attacks this week, but I'm still going to work", what message does that give out? To me it gives the message that this person is a frickin hero!

We fight some of the nastiest illnesses on the planet, right here on this site, so I'm thinking that maybe that's a reason for some positive self image. I know it's hard to think positively when we feel like poo, it feels impossible sometimes, and yet here we are, still fighting.

Cheers, Myzen

[Sabrina_saw]

This is really a very encourging post. How often do we not give ourselves credit for this fight we are fighting!!

[Isolated_Guy]

I still can't figure out if the depression is the cause of my negative self image or if my negative self image is cause for the depression.

[Wants2Fly]

.Interesting topic, Myzen

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Myzen!

[nothemama8]

We try to show a Positive Self Image at work, then IWe hurry back here to the forum to get the support that Iwe need cuz we feel we're not strong enough, and you folks never let us down, you've always been a great support to us
Angie

This is a good one.......I'm going to think on it and come back to it Sat or Sunday.....something to chew on.......xoxoxo, pat

[Myzen]

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I still can't figure out if the depression is the cause of my negative self image or if my negative self image is cause for the depression.

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Good point, isolated guy. That's a classic piece of philosophical thinking - the chicken and the egg.

Maybe they reinforce each other and we get stuck in the hopeless loop. I'm interested in breaking out of that loop. We all know that we can't get out of depression with will power, but maybe we can try to recognise our value as we carry the weight.

Ouch! I'm sounding dangerously like a self- help book here, so it's time for me to shut up I think.

Cheers, Myzen

[Isolated_Guy]

(Let me pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming.)

Thanks Myzen.

Anyway, I guess the answer would be different for everyone. The more I think about it, my depression set in after my negative self image developed. I've noticed something interesting that happens once in a while to me. When someone I meet gets the chance to know me, reaches out their hand in friendship, and attempts to boost my confidence, my mood and the way I feel about myself will be so much more positive. All it takes though is some thought of self doubt over this to enter my mind and I'll be feeling sad in no time at all.

[wisewoman]

Myzen, fascinating topic. I am ready to let me today define who I am and my worth in the world. Just wish the ptsd stuff would shut up.

[sqrlb8]

Hi Myzen, I don't think we've really met, but I've admired your clear and challenging thinking in these forums very much, and this one is no exception.

Irony is something I notice a lot as a rule, perhaps I'm simply fond of turning things around, but I find the ironic aspect of anything to be so informative. In relation to self worth and such, part that seems ironic to me is that soon we, the dx'd, carry a conciousness vastly broadened by our various degrees of "otherness." We end up knowing two streams and managing the confluence of them to balance whatever our best version of life that we can. Frankly, this sensibility now seems indispensible and I doubt I would have it to this degree with out the disorder so to speak. Maybe i'm taking the long way around the barn to say that my picture of the universe is larger than one that never had to consider their psychiatric nature.

The short cut though still is probably just to pronounce yourself the finest person in the world and simply live with it. LOL

when i was talking to a psych the other day she pointed out that the smarter you are (and we're all very smart) the more trouble we have adjusting to depression and anxiety....i had not thought of that, but somehow it makes sense to me. a lot of creative people that i know suffer from both. a singer that i used to live next door to talked with me about this a lot. i think for myself, depression came first with anxiety right on it's coattails. and you mentioned will power...my first husband used to tell me that all of this was "in your head".......will power schmill power......we just have to struggle with it and it's different for everyone.

[SeptemberMorn]

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we post and talk about 'the person I was before I was ill'

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It's good you brought this up, Myzen. When I read that phrase, it makes me want to stand up and argue because the way I see it, we're all in training to become better people. I'm certainly a better person than I was before. I've gained a whole lot of knowledge and self-discipline that I didn't have before and it has made me much more understanding and accepting of people's idiosyncrasies.

My road with PTSD, anxiety and depression hasn't been easy. There have been so many times that I've damned the person that passed this on to me. I've shouted to God in anger and asked Him where He was when I needed Him. The answer has come slowly, now that I know what I know.

I've been in training to become stronger just like a marathon runner, athlete, ballet dancer, etc, would do. Without the training I'd be a flacid bystander of life. Which one of us, who has chosen to become fit has been eager to jump into the exercise routine? I doubt that many of us have, but it's the price we have to pay to reach our goal... if indeed we want to reach that goal. If we do, then in the end, all our hard work, sweat and tears will be worth it.

Ok... so much for being the person we used to be. I'll get off my soap box now.

[SeptemberMorn]

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Ouch! I'm sounding dangerously like a self- help book here, so it's time for me to shut up I think.

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No, no, no! Keep going! I want to hear some more!

[vacantangel]

I guess I'm going to be the oddball here. Before all these diff mental illness's surfaced in my life, I had virtually no self-esteem. I do feel that all my diff dx have stripped me of some of the person I was before but I'm still left with a person with no self-esteem. That's not to say that I don't feel I have *some* good qualities because I think I do. They just seem to get buried deep underneath all my rapid-cycling. I think there is the *real* me, inside somewhere screaming to get out but can't due to all the diff dx I have that seem to have overpowered my life. Anyway, that's me. FWIW.

[Myzen]

Anyway, I guess the answer would be different for everyone. The more I think about it, my depression set in after my negative self image developed. I've noticed something interesting that happens once in a while to me. When someone I meet gets the chance to know me, reaches out their hand in friendship, and attempts to boost my confidence, my mood and the way I feel about myself will be so much more positive. All it takes though is some thought of self doubt over this to enter my mind and I'll be feeling sad in no time at all.

Hi Isolated Guy,

The doctors often ask us, 'Has something happened to you recently'?' I think they have a theory that some of us get depressed because we have been knocked back by something and had some rejection. Against this, depression can sometimes set in for no apparent reason, and that is more difficult to explain.

It's complicated, but if you perk up when someone shows you some love, then that has to be a good sign.

Unfortunately some of us (including me) have been so down that nothing perks us up and that's when you have to go all the way to your bootstraps to find some strength. Somehow, when you finally give up hope of getting 'better' and yet realise that you are still here, that's when the self image can come back. I don't want to lead anyone on here, but I was right at the bottom, after many cycles down there, and I realised - "I can do this". I think it was my wife who helped. I was really down, and she said "You've been here before and you always get through it." I said, "But it's hard".

She said, "It's always been hard for you."

Yes, "It's always been hard for me, and I always get through it." That's worth holding on to, and IMHO there's some positive self image in there.

Maybe we have to take all that self doubt and say to ourselves, "Yes, I have had all this to deal with, and that is what I do, I deal with it. It's hard and yet I still get through somehow."

Some of you folks may suspect that I'm just cycling into a positive phase, and that's a concern. It feels different this time though, because I'm still getting all the triggers, and the symptoms are all still there, but I've been holding my ground for nearly a year. I'm beginning to think that I can do this.

Cheers, Myzen

[marguerite]

You can do it Myzen. I don't know about you, but I know for myself I took many years of verbal abuse. (it was how my family communicated to grab the attention of their children and to show them they are not worth the same).
It takes a lot and many years to build yourself up. Just find that one or many good things about yourself that is yours and run with it and don't let anyone take it from you. hugs

[Myzen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
In relation to self worth and such, part that seems ironic to me is that soon we, the dx'd, carry a conciousness vastly broadened by our various degrees of "otherness." We end up knowing two streams and managing the confluence of them to balance whatever our best version of life that we can. Frankly, this sensibility now seems indispensible and I doubt I would have it to this degree with out the disorder so to speak. Maybe i'm taking the long way around the barn to say that my picture of the universe is larger than one that never had to consider their psychiatric nature.

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Hi sqrlb8,

In elegant language, you have summed up exactly the point I was trying to make.

Managing 'otherness' is plainly harder than laying in bed and eating peaches with not a care in the world.

We have to include the illness in our self image, and accept that we now see the world in a way that requires courage - I wonder who it was who first said "Ignorance is bliss".

Cheers, Myzen

[sqrlb8]

Ah, ignorance as bliss. A personal favorite in my study of irony.

I certainly clung to my ignorance as though it were bliss. The process of disillusionment was painful indeed, and were it not thrust upon me I may never have chosen it for myself. However, as the dust settles, I would not return to ignorance. Ironic.

This was a fun thread, thanks.

[Isolated_Guy]

Myzen, I'm really starting to believe the initial cause of my depression was from rejection. And, as I said before, the right kind of positive feedback from someone can really give me a self esteem boost although it's not usually a stable one. Something "different" like that is happening in my life right now. It's kind of like an emotional roller coaster. I think I have something to look forward to but all it takes is one negative thought of self doubt to fixate on and I'm back down. At least I have a sense of hope.

[SpazKatt]

hey guy glad to read you're starting to have some hope!

[SeptemberMorn]

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the right kind of positive feedback from someone can really give me a self esteem boost although it's not usually a stable one

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IG, it's not stable because you are depending on someone else to give you that little boost. Hopefully this will encourage you to take stock of your strengths and attributes so that you don't need to depend on anyone else for them. Someone else will always let you down because no one is perfect. You can't depend on someone else as well as you can depend on yourself. After all, you're the best judge of what you need and don't need.

[Isolated_Guy]

SeptemberMorn, it's so simple to say just love and accept your self but that's not all it takes. You say "don't depend on anyoe else". If that statement were true, we would not seek out friendships or have lovers. We could all be completely isolated, never be hugged, and be able to claim "life is good". I'm sorry but I just don't buy it. Anyone in my shoes would know this.

[vacantangel]

I can totally relate to what you're saying. I'm exactly the same way. I can't seem to find happiness from within, which is what I've heard so many times that you're supposed to do. I look to other people to make me feel happy. Rejection is a very big part of my depression too, and couple that with abandonment. Oh, and throw in a few traumas also. Geez, do I want fries with that?

[nothemama8]

Why is it so hard to accept what you both are able to give.
Angie