Class Announcement

thanks fuzzy would love to rest in your cave - will bring cakes and popcorn if ok

((((((((((((((((((((((((white iris)))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((catherine ))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((fuzzy)))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))))))))))

Shadows haunt the daylight
creeping like an oil spill on the river
flowing
contaminating
devouring

Shadows haunt the evening
rising like a smokey smog
seeping
enveloping
smothering

and i am caught in the midst

........and in this midst....I can still see.....through this distortion.....that is Not forever.......

Food For Thought?

"We, as artists, in choosing to tap honestly into the creative fount within and to allow our responses to flow freely onto page or canvas, allow those who view our work to see that it is possible to do that; that it is possible to go into the depths, to make messes, to be imperfect and honest and open and to emerge safely, even to emerge enlightened. We take that journey, engage with that spirit, and risk those failures, on behalf of all mankind, in much the same way that monastics live and pray on behalf of all mankind." Thomas Merton

We need to hear the voices of those who share with honesty, inviting us to open our minds and hearts to possibilities we could not see without them.
Jmo, but artists with different talents are more numerous within our mists than we know.
Teachers all...none is exempt from being artistic; we just need to find our own medium.

In Peace
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May trigger

....... I must have been a very bad child
and not at all endearing
or I wouldn't have been left alone and hated
and laughed at when I cried
and hit some more
and told keep quiet or else...
poor little whiny fuzzy
(really think my stuff isn't as bad as others here so why am I even saying anything)

((((((Fuzzy)))))
your stuff is as important as everyone elses. you hurt too.
that is why we are here--'cuz we have been hurt.
and we together can help each other work thru that hurt.

Fuzzy - we dont measure experience or pain here -

one slap feels like a thousand
one touch makes the skin crawl
one heart in a moment is broken
one moment it takes - that is all



i have been writing about my journey in creative corner - Allys dream - take a look if anyone feels up to it - i talk vaguely about body memories thats why the trigger warning - take care of you all

Comparison will make you feel bad every time! There's no good reason to compare yourself to anyone or anything else. Sometimes it isn't even good to compare yourself to "when you used to be ..."

Look at who you are today, and how well you function today, and then make an effort to do as well tomorrow. If you happen to do and be better, then celebrate!

You are starting to share, Fuzzy. Share your feelings, it's good for you and good for us.
You have much to contribute...respect it.
Don't dismiss what you are now; a good person.

In Peace

i tried to continue my assignment on resentments toward mother
i deleted it.
it's too stupid
might be too triggering for ppl
fear that mother is here
fear someone here knows her and will tell her
she's invaded my face book place and so have all my other sibs and family
i can't hide
i can't get away.
she finds me all the time
i know she will eventually find me here...or someone will let her know
where i am...........

White,

And, I say to them: "You should know!"

I am typing this in polite little black words, that are very socially acceptable but really if they were to hear it, in actuality, to their face, it would sound like a shriek. It is time they actually saw, heard, felt acknowledged and paid for this damage. I know this may not be possible but I can think it! I can tell it all! I know revenge taking is not for me but I can feel feelings of revenge!

Only thing is, this time, they would not be able to escape as they always have done.

Sorry, Iris, I think some of this is projecting. I just get so damn sick of the slippery snakes that they are!


Hunny

There are many people who care about you...and willing to walk with you on your path.
Please remember this is not a race; be kind to yourself.

In Peace

Perhaps this question is ...I don't know what, but I'm going to ask it anyway.

Do you have people within your circle--obviously not strangers or acquaintances--who do not like to see you happy/in a good place/smiling/whatever? They seem to be jealous of it, perhaps some fear because it represents A Change? Maybe it threatens or challenges their comfort level...they are not comfortable in us being comfortable?

Probably doesn't make sense the way I am wording it...sorry.
I was blindsided by a remark made by someone irl, someone who crossed a line as far as I'm concerned. It took me a few moments of feeling stunned before I could tell them to FO.
It's not the first time yet I'm always surprised by it when it happens. Yeah, I come back from it and do the GIGO, etc..

There are times when I feel those in my own circle are so used to my past that they cannot see my present.
No matter how many good and loving days I have, and there have been many, am I'm supposed to stay in misery to suit their need to be a martyr?
Jmo, but there's a whole lot of folks who are not dealing with their own crap, so someone else becomes the target?

I'm ok, just sad.

Curious if anyone understands what I'm trying to say, and experiences it now or has in the past...

i hear you and understand
hugs (((((((Catherine)))))

sometimes i wonder if it just makes them look better if they are around someone sad--makes them feel like they are the "savior"----

Continue to shine my friend. Smile and be happy and ruin their day

had T today.
T says we're onto something
way back deep inside the closet
i'm really kind of scared to go there
she says it's ok
she says we'll go slow
don't know what more there could be
don't know what else is hiding there
things not able to talk about
not able to face
not able to know......
back into the safe place under my desk.

w_i, I know it doesn't feel good
it won't for awhile
it will feel safer soon

In Peace

((((Catherine))))
i'll take the can of Hershey's please and an iced coffee to wash it down....
weird dreams and waking up disoriented.
reaching into my tool box to see if there is anything i can use.
found my blanket and my favorite stuffie for now.
canning tomatoes today, so i will most likely listen to some music.
H said that maybe we should watch "monter's Inc" again so i am reassured that there is really nothing in the closet that will hurt me. scary, yes, but harmful, no.
So it's:
can of hershey's syrup
butchie tiger (my favorite stuffie)
music while canning tomato sauce
watching Monster's Inc.
sounds like a plan right?
at least for today.
for this moment

what colour is butchie tiger?
what does he look like?

Yes, a good plan, white_iris...
Do you realize that you are taking care of yourself while struggling with so much? Making plans to fill your day with some pleasure and perhaps relaxation?
***You Are Willing***
jmo, but that is a big step! actually two of them--working with your T in finding a safe way to let the feelings out, now you are being willing to do things to take the pressure off. Giving yourself permission to set everything aside for awhile?

"At least for today...for this moment."
Staying in the present, not looking back and not looking forward...
Enjoy it, treasure it, embrace it each and every time it comes to you.

In Peace

There is an old saying that is running through my mind;
"Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today."
I always thought of it as meaning something to do with work of some kind, getting it out of the way, taking a deep breath and doing it.
It's meaning has changed for me. Or maybe I had the meaning wrong in the first place...

Giving myself permission to have fun, those days of foot-stomping joy, crazy actions, moments of contentment and gratitude would not have been if I had not listened to that tiny voice telling me it was all right.
All right to laugh, hug, dance, lay aside what was dragging me down.
It was ok to drop the garbage...
It would be there to pick up or stumble over 24/7, 365.

Sometimes the opportunity for fun, quiet or boisterous, isn't going to wait for us.

In Peace

After T session today, my heart is heavier than before.
some things revealed
nothing really horrible--but very scary things for a 5 yr old.
it's ok now--bad man isn't coming back, won't shoot me or dad--
dad won't shoot anyone again (shot an intruder in the hand after intruder
shot at him and grazed him......little one says daddy wouldn't 've got shot
if she stayed under the bed like he said--some guilt there.)
no comforting after the incident. just a good spanking for not obeying

then after T i stopped at a good friend's house hoping for a few min to just
decompress.....her brother and sister in law were there. no private time....she knew there was something, but can't go there when it's not safe you know.

so i'm in scared mode
rocking and trying to bring my mind back to now
god, i just hope i dont' hear a gun or a siren right now....
not stable enough not to head for a closet.
have to go to chiropractor now....

(((((( white iris ))))))

to everyone

((((((((((((((((((((white iris)))))))))))))))))))))

sending gentle hugs and calming thoughts for you
((((((((((Fuzzyone)))))))))))))) take care

what is real
what is projection
flushing away stuff
shovelling away more
busy shifting stuff