Class Announcement

.........I packed up my art box on september 7, 2001 when was I told to leave maryland center for verterans education and training(mcvets) because of undiagnosed d.i.d.........I was clean and sober and had been for a few years......

.........I stayed homeless......

..........today.......august 16, 2009.......I am unpacking my art box...finally..........tears...........

..............

.............

thankyou for shairng that sparrowstail - i am reall yhappy for you - i feel your spirit and it is wonderful - i see it soaring - bright and beautiful

i am glad you are unpacking your paints and i hope you can paint to your hearts content

thanks phoenix............but to remove speculation...........on my part.......my bad........I could not ever afford paints,brushes and supplies....so I have learned to work with what I have.....my whole life.....this is my blessing......to be ok with nothing...homeless.....except for a yellow #2 shcool pencil and a piece of paper....I draw in surrealism....check out the profile.....click drawings

.......thank you again so much for your kind words..................

........................sparrowstail...............

................................

Hi Sparrowstail, just looked at your pics.

"HEAVEN,EARTH AND INBETWEEN" Whoa... Nice.

Your blessing is your talent. “Just so you know.”
I'm glad to see that you are unpacking your creativity. That's a big step.

I'd like to see more

..........

.........thanks bruce.......your are good for morale.......and are very helpful in re-building the self-esteem.........self-confidence.......and phoenix toooooo......

a little history behind the drawing............the cross is monument in baltimore at university parkway and charles street..its in the city and its surrounded by trees and sits back by itself in cleared grassy lot of a hundred foot in diameter..........its probably sixteen foot tall and chiseled from granite.....there is an etching in the base of the real monument.......

I'll para phrase in a spiritual way withOUT religious intent
"Thanks be to God given us this victory, November 11, 1918"
on the back there is a brass plaque with names of those who......well....you get the picture......

the drawing itself took eight years to complete.........I felt peace every minute I worked on it......I transferred peace into that drawing.......
at the base of heaven earth and inbetween........inwhich one cannot see in the picture and in very small fine print......is a sentence that states......."may peace find those who feel this forever and".........

...........thanks yall................sparrow

...........

thanks sparrowtail
your work is beautiful. if i could, i would send you art supplies and watch your creativity soar.
art is such a wonderful expression and a gift.....one i have yet to nourish and
allow to grow. i too have d.i.d and have an artist inside......need to let her soar.....
thanks for sharing your gift.

i love your art - you are very talented - you tell so much with a pencil - teh celtic cross is beautiful as are all your drawings.

take care P7

It's vacation time for me...
Jmo, but sometimes we need to pull into a rest stop when we grow weary of walking/strolling/skipping/crawling along our path of healing.
Earlier this morning I was stung by the words of someone, someone I don't really know. There was no sliver lining, there was an ah-ha! realization that I need some playtime. If the words from someone I know only by user id sting me, then it's time for me to empty the vessel and start fresh.
Empty the vessel is a focused effort to clear the mind, then refill it with things of beauty and strength. Part of the NA spiritual path I follow...this is something I've neglected the past several weeks.
Aboriginal walk-about is a form of therapy unequaled in an office setting.

This morning I read the weekly newsletter from Terry Hershey, inspirational speaker for lack of a better description. To me he is a man of honesty, admitting his humanness; tiredness, distraction, frustration to name a few.
He accepts these feelings, doesn't use his bat, but does return to his roots for comfort.
The link in the newsletter led me to two YouTube videos, and I'd like to share them.

This first one I watched on a whim...no coincidence, I believe. It was what I needed...smiling then laughing then crying then smiling again...reminding me that I don't have to wait for boisterous belly laughs, smiles and giggles have great valuable.

It's silly but...an invitation to dance brought together many people.



The newsletter for Aug 17 is not on his website yet, but it's a good read.
This second one was a link in the newsletter, and speaks for itself.



Mud pie making, chasing the golden butterfly to get a better look, reading a new book, shaving my legs , doing my picture collage...
Slow down and embrace the sacred present...Terry Hershey

In Peace
Catherine

Good for you Catherine

my son is a christian/buddhist monk (sounds strange but really works!!)
and how often he has shared with me the same you are saying.....
and how often i take this life too seriously.....

enjoy your vacation.
sending you some "play things" that i have enjoyed
finger paint with instant chocolate pudding (made with water)
stacking stones
going barefoot in the creek
find a playground and swing and slide down the sliding board.
read a kids book

i may join you in a vacation time......

my best
my love
peace

white_iris, thank you! I like your suggestions...

My mini-vacation will start when I wake up tomorrow morning/evening...whenever I feel like getting my lazy butt out of bed.

This evening had an unusual happening...it was sad yet some kind of reconnection took place.
I went out to my patio and the cat was there--the one who roams and has dinner and a nap then takes off again.
It took me a minute to see that she had a tiny creature in her mouth...which I promptly took from her.
A baby squirrel, not more than 2-3 weeks old. It's eyes were not open, that's how young it was...
The heavy rain and winds most likely caused it to fall out of the nest.
Of course it had been injured...and I had nothing to use to help it...such a helpless feeling engulfed me.
My daughter was active in wildlife rehabilitation. She called the local after-hours animal ER...she drove while I held this tiny one next to me.
The vet was a young and caring woman, and the three of us helped the tiny one pass on...

Such things are part of life, Nature, sad but
Lesson learned by me was a gentle nudging to acknowledge and honor the circle of life. It is an indication for me to return to the ways of my people.
Calmness filled my heart along with gratitude...this lesson could have been taught in a more extreme way. To have this tiny one hold onto my finger and feel my warmth and love was good; it did not ease it's physical pain, perhaps it gave it some sense of security.

Much of the confusion in my mind quietly left...

I watched the dancing video again. In all honesty, the first few frames didn't impress me...
Watching it the second time was so much better. What I missed the first time jumped out at me this time.
The people from all over the world dancing with Matt, the kids joyful, the incredible scenery...oh wow.
The smiles on their faces! For those few minutes they let loose and enjoyed themselves...

Dancing...the usual movement to music.
Dancing...rather like what we do for each other. Offer our hand and extend the invitation to step away from our problems if just for a moment. Or extend the hand as a lift out of the abyss we may find ourselves in.
The dance is different, well known, and wanted...we move together, listening to our own drummers, yet the melody of it comes from our differences and not just from our commonalities...

Yes, dancing is on my list of Things To Do On Vacation.

In Peace

Hunny pokes her head up from her cyber drawing, looks around the classroom, looks up at the blue sky and clouds, smiles at the irl body sitting at the keyboard and puts head back down to complete her work.

Some of it is words and some of it is drawing or more likely a captured video clip in slow motion. The visual is of the water, as the boat passes, its choppy wake sparkling neon orange . Pondering: is this real life, can this colour of neon be part of real life?, really, real life? Gazing upwards she notes the clouded sky barely hiding the morning neon sun.

She looks around the classroom, wonders if she has missed anything and goes back to drawing...hoping that they know she cares...she is just so glad to be doing her art work again...but someone else thought she heard the word dancing...someone loves to dance.

Hunny

Have a great vacation! Getting back in touch with nature is always a good thing.

didnt know it was a dance class lol

ah P7...
thanks for adding to my play time!
*sigh* I'm still trying to master that boogie though...

In Peace

perhaps we need a dance class????
i have 2 left feet but can do a mean hokey pokey LOL

thank you w-i..........I officially started a new drawing today.....the eagle on the profile took eight years.......I gonna see if this one.......well.....as of 08-05-09..........I hear only one voice inside my head..........me........from 33.........to 20........to 16........12....8.....5....3......now the real me.......wwooohhooooo!!!!(its scarey)but now its JUST ptsd...............wwoooohhoooooo!!!!!

.........courage wi.......courage

thank you sparrowtail---
__________________________________________
don't know if this is a trigger for anyone so I will trigger mark it
TRIGGER
MAY TRIGGER
*
*

i'm struggling today with the "new image" attempts.
on one hand it is freeing to be able to wear makeup and jewelry and nail polish---on the other the voice in my head is louder.
brings up nasty memories
tho i think i have figured some of mother's "stuff" it doesn't take the sting
out of what she did......

"buying" friends that she actually paid to tell her what i was doing and report to her if i was breaking her "rules" of no makeup, hair up all the time, no rolling up the skirt (at least 3-4" below the knee when everyone else wore minis).....and when one of my "friends" called her to report --I actually heard the conversation between them-- after which mother came to the school, got me called down to the office, shamed me in front of everyone in the office including my guidance counselor, dragged me out by my hair (that i had down), and screamed at me all the way home calling me "wh---", "sl-t", and what ever else...shoved my face into a sink of water and continued to degrade and shame me.....THEN brought me back to school and dropped me off at the door with threats of "don't let me catch you again or else..."

i was 16

there are more things she did, but enough said i think.....

so i am struggling with this "finding myself" and looking nice not sloppy or in oversized clothes or looking like i don't care.....seems tho, right now i don't.......

white_iris,
I'm so sorry you are going through this tough phase in your healing. I do thank you for sharing with us.

Jmo, but it's going to take time for you to feel better about it. When you are used to feeling worthless/ugly/any number of negative things, it's going to take time to learn self love.
GIGO is usually of great help to me.

Keep reaffirming yourself, posting and let us know how you are doing, keep reaffirming yourself.

In Peace

Bat, please. Also the tape recorder in your head that is playing back garbage...

White_Iris:







from

Hunny
TheHive
Wish/Sweet16/&theothers

white iris

((((((((((((((white iris)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

your mother was wrong - she did bad things to you that you didnt deserve - you have the right to wear what you want and look how you want - dont listen to the past - you are strong - you are a survivor and you need to celebrate that.

if ok

My mother was very critical of me and my choice of fashion as well. I will tell you that she was a very stylish woman and had a closet full of clothes. It was he "mask" to the world. Look at me. Look how well I am dressed. I am worth something.

Me? Jeans. The more holes the better. And black tops. She hated black.

I've always heard those "you're wearing that? -- don't you have anything other than black?" voices in my head, but after she died, I realized that those comments were more about her than me (her seeing me as a representation of her own self) and now I wear things that would royally piss her off or she would hate, and I revel in it. So hike up those skirts, WI, and join me.

We'll call it payback.

so familiar...

There was a "pantihose and pearls" mentality in my FOO.
You never, ever went to the doc unless you showered, shaved, curled your hair, put on the P&P, then went to the doc...didn't matter if you were hemorrhaging from a deep cut, weak from the effects of food poisoning, or anything else that required medical help...

Oh, and the P&P was expected if you were taking out the garbage..."what will the neighbor's think?"
Attending The Church Of Never-Ending Guilt required even more extremes. Those little white lacy caps kept on your head by 15,000 bobby pins that had been used the night before in making your curls pretty and giving you one helluva nasty headache...

Now? Barefoot (not pregnant, though) jeans, cutoffs, used to be a halter top until the girls fell out the sides, now it's t-shirts...or the well worn bits of fabric that used to be a fancy lounger.

In Peace, Outta the Pearls

((((everyone)))))--and yes Phoenix, i accept hugs

i would have liked some of the attention on what i wore--instead mother dressed me, total control of my wardrobe. my aunt's hand me downs from her job in an office--out dated and way too old for a 14-17 yr old.--scarves with broaches, below the knee skirts----didn't have a choice at all--not even in my "down time clothes"

saw T today and she and i came to the conclusion that to mother i didn't exist. she lived thru me, around me, even hated whatever was about me that she didn't like about herself. it was always about her. and i dealt with it. stuffed it down. as my grandmother said "she is your mother, you are to obey and respect her. until you are old enough to leave or get married (i did the later) you have to answer to her."

so i'm a grown up now.....free to do what i want as far as dress, makeup etc...yet, nail polish is put away, makeup bag is closed up, the couple of tops that are lower cut but not really revealing are in the back of the closet.

can't find the tape recorder that keeps the "ugly" messages going
it did subside some since i removed the nail polish, didn't fix hair, and wore my not so good clothes today to T's office. now i am in a sun dress that is way too big and makes me look fatter than i really am....and i am.

homework from T---spend 5 min a day till Wed (next appt) writing down resentments, guilt, shame----this is scary....triggers abound just in the words.......

not liking this path much right now