[Catherine2]

Please note that the following is a personal post. It has no connection to admin of PC.
It is a slightly different way of sharing what has helped me as far as my childhood abuse but also the devastating affects of serving in wartime.

*************Trigger Warning********************
Save It For Later If You Are Not In A Safe Place...Please
*****************************************************

Due To Popular Demand
The Administration Is Proud To Announce The Start of A New Class.

How to Be Kind To Ourselves

Location Of Class: School of Sorrow, Grief, Despair
2nd Floor, Terror Tower

Class Size: Open To All Students
Age, Sex/ Sexual Orientation, Income, Location, Religion,
No Religious Preference, Eye Color, Or Education
Bars Anyone From Attending This Class.

Prerequisites: Years of Misery, Months of Confusion, Moments of ***-Biting Anger, Hyper-Vigilance, Persistent Nightmares, Distrust

Class Materials: Students Must Provide Their Own Broken Hearts, Broken Dreams, Rational or Irrational Fears; Depression, Memory Problems, Tears, Little Or No Libido, Macabre Sense of Humor, Beggarly Self Esteem, Alters and Littles Are Welcome, Survivors Guilt.
Limited Understanding of the Concept Of Self Care
The Most Important Materials Are Guilt And Shame.
Knowledge Of The Origin Of Said Shame/Guilt Is Not Needed.

Instructors: Part A--Introduction
Authority Figures From Any And All Battles.
Childhood Issues, Sexual Trauma, Ongoing Abuse.
Adult Children Of Military Veterans Of Any War In The Last 50 Years.

Part B Mid-Term
A Circle Of Fellow Survivors Who Offer Peer To Peer Support Will Gradually Appear And Its Importance Will Hopefully Be Recognized By The Participants.
The Majority Of Students Will Become Brothers And Sisters In An Extremely Valuable and Exclusive/Inclusive Family.

Part C No Finals, Instruction Will Not Terminate
Individuals Have Taken The First Step On The Road *Of* Healing
Healing, Like Happiness, Is Not A Destination.
It Is A Journey, With Rest Stops, Getting Lost, Falling Flat On The Butt, And Finding Another Route If Too Many Detours Prevent Progress.
There Is No Cure; However Living With PTSD Is Attainable.
It Is Not A Race.
Therefore No Trophy Will Be Awarded For First Place.
Traveling At Your Own Speed And Comfort Is Recommended.

Graduation: Never; Class Is Ongoing
Refresher Course Available PRN

Expected
Outcome: A Measure Of PEACE, HOPE, and TRUST

These Three Things Are Not Bottled With An Expiration Date.
At Times They Will Appear To Disappear. They Have Not.
The Feeling Of Where Did They Go(?!) Most likely Comes From Not Taking Care Of The Spirit and Protecting The Heart From Those Who Know How To Drain PEACE, HOPE, TRUST From The Soul.
Limiting The Power We Give Them Is Invaluable.

Dress Is Casual,
Crying Is Not Only Allowed It Is Encouraged.
Honor Your Feelings.

Denying And/Or Hiding Feelings Will Require Emergency Treatment From Outsiders.
Staff Members Are Not Experts At Removing Stuffing From The Students.
Holiday Turkeys Are The Only Exception For Removal Of Stuffing.

The One Non-Negotiable Rule Is To Be As Gentle With Yourself As You Are With Others.

Bats And Other Dangerous Items That Are Used To Beat Yourself Up Will Be Checked In, FedEx Will Deliver Them To The Landfill. They Serve No Purpose.

GIGO
Garbage In, Garbage Out.
The Garbage That Is Dumped On You Does Not Have To Stay In You.
Get Rid Of Old Garbage.
Fill That Empty Space With The Seeds Of Confidence and Dignity.
Water Daily With Kindness and Care, Watch Them Grow!

Scar Tissue Around The Heart Also Doubles The Tenderness Found There.

Remember That You Are In The Right Place At The Right Time For The Right Reasons That May Never Be Revealed To You.
Accept It.

Enjoy Life; This Is Not A Dress Rehearsal ~~author unknown~~

It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work. And when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.
~~Wendell Berry~~

We want life to have meaning, and want to be fulfilled, and it is hard to accept that we find these things by starting where we are, not where we would like to be. ~~Kathleen Norris~~

Best Wishes,

Catherine

[Secret]

sign me up Catherine

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by Secret

sign me up Catherine

Hurray for us!
We'll be the founding members...
Wanna add anything?

Catherine

{{{ Catherine }}}

All very powerful words, but five simple ones really stood out to me and fit exactly where I am today.

It Is Not A Race.

Thank you for that validation.

I'd like to sign up---I think i meet all the requirements
may I make a copy to keep in my folder?

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by white_iris

I'd like to sign up---I think i meet all the requirements
may I make a copy to keep in my folder?

Welcome to Class...
Make any copies you want
Ya, unfortunately you meet the requirements.
But
You are in the very best of company

Catherine

[Secret]

I meet most of the requirements, but one I know I don't.... I don't cry. Not sure why but I can't remember when the last time I did. Didn't cry when my brother, parents or son died and if there ever was a time to it would have been then. I guess I feel that crying doesn't solve anything. It could be that the military conditioned me that way. I don't know.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by Secret

I meet most of the requirements, but one I know I don't.... I don't cry. Not sure why but I can't remember when the last time I did. Didn't cry when my brother, parents or son died and if there ever was a time to it would have been then. I guess I feel that crying doesn't solve anything. It could be that the military conditioned me that way. I don't know.

Secret,
For me, it was a combination of the military backlash when I was a child--keep you mouth shut no matter what--plus the CSA/Trauma made me into one helluva good Keeper of The Secrets.
Tears were forbidden in my FOO--family of origin.
No offense to anyone, but they were probably forbidden because they hadn't been blessed...

Please accept my condolences on your losses..I am so very sorry.

The Garden of My Tears was drought stricken for a very, very long time. It was a retaliatory action on my part...never let 'em see you cry. Growing up it was one the few things I could control. I wasn't aware of it at the time, therapy brought it out in the open.
At times, my garden is water logged and this is all right with me. Others it's in drought mode again, which prompts me to look at what is going on in my life.

Know that you are loved,

Catherine

I don't think I fully qualify, but I'll sign up for it anyways

[Secret]

I think you're right about childhood conditioning. My dad would line us up if no one admitted to an offense and we'd all got whipped. After the first few times I'd start to cry as soon as he lined us up. I'd get the whipping because crying meant that I did it. My brothers never cried so got off without the wacking.

Funny I never thought of it as abuse. Back then everyone I knew got whipped occasionally. It was an accepted part of childhood. For me the abuse seemed more mental than physical, because I only got hit occasionally and the mental torment was pretty much daily.

[Typo]

Can I sign up for the class too?

(((((((((((((((Cathrine))))))))))))))))
Thank you for this, you are such a bright, caring, wonderful, person.

Sending many hugs and much love to you
Sparrow

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by Kaika

I don't think I fully qualify, but I'll sign up for it anyways

anyone with even a half qualifies...
since it's actually meant as a safe place to vent, most likely everyone qualifies

Catherine

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by Silversparrow

Can I sign up for the class too?

(((((((((((((((Cathrine))))))))))))))))
Thank you for this, you are such a bright, caring, wonderful, person.

Sending many hugs and much love to you
Sparrow

Thank you, Sparrow

More than welcome!
Share when ready, don't share if you don't want to,
and
Know that you are loved either way

Catherine

[Catherine2]

Just a thought...

Was I too blunt when I described anything about the "class?"
Obviously I did not mean to trigger anyone, and I am deeply sorry if it happened to anyone.

I left out some things that I thought might be too much...we so need a safe and nurturing place to whisper of our hurts, or shout with anger...and everyone there understands or at least listens then gives support via hugs or other comfortable ways.

In Peace,

Catherine

[susan888]

I would like to sign up too Catherine..Your post was just fine.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Catherine ))))))))))))))))))

[notz]

May I have a private tutor, please?

[Secret]

I read most of the posts but seldom respond. I just don't know what to say. Just know that I do listen.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by notz

May I have a private tutor, please?

[Catherine2]

Being very honest right now...
My "class announcement" post was sincere, honest, and a different way of reaching out in order to find others like myself who struggle with so many lingering issues.
I guess we all handle our "issues" in different ways...the responses showed me that something I said in that post touched something in the hearts of some of the readers.

My hope is that we can continue in some way to acknowledge our challenges along with the special way we cope with them.

Rambling here...sorry

In Peace,

Catherine

* Orange raises hand and asks a question*

How can I stop being so hurt by people who tell me (in their own "nice" way) to get over it, let it go, and move on? Especially when new issues are triggering old memories and feelings? And even though I intellectually get it and it makes perfect sense to do that -- I am struggling right now and the last thing I need to hear is "move on." If it were that easy.

I understand everyone comes to (PTSD) class with different circumstances and degrees of horrors and traumas, but I find it confusing when people offer me advice on something they might have experienced in their own lives (death and grief for example) BUT know little of the effects of MY long-term childhood trauma via sexual, physical and emotional abuse among other wacky issues and how they are all tied in with death?

I know they are coming from a loving, supportive place and mean no harm, but all I hear is "shut up or I'll give you something to cry about" etc.

One part of me wants to scream and take them back (like the Ghost of Christmas Past and Scrooge) so they can see for themselves WHY I feel/react the way I do. There's a reason!!!

The other part feels horrible that I feel that way.

I am getting better at not "staying in the muck" too long and recognizing what triggered me, but I still go there and NOT because I want to! I'm NOT "clinging" to my past nor do I want to stay there!

If I could stop my feet from lifting off the ground and slamming me back in time to relive it all again, I certainly would. But I can't. It just happens.

And I don't know how I'm supposed to just "let it go" like they want me too. It's making me feel like a big pain in the butt and stupid for not getting it. (Old tapes, I know)

I'm working hard at trying to rid myself of the creepy stuff and sometimes I wonder if staying at PC is hurting or helping.

And now I feel guilty for saying anything.

(((((((Orange))))))))

I couldn't have said it better than you.....
I hear you and so understand the feelings and what that comment stirrs up....

I want to validate for you that you just can't "get over it" and a part of healing is realizing where you are now and what you need--I think anyway...
I am so sorry for all the losses you have endured in your life and especially the ones so recent. You DON'T have to "get over it"----but I am here to listen and at least help with getting thru it.

PS-- as far as wondering if staying at PC helps or hurts--that's a question I've been asking myself recently also.......

[Catherine2]

Orange_Blossom and white_iris...

re staying or leaving PC
please stay around awhile longer...sometimes a change/an addition can be of tremendous help.
give me a day or two to get something ironed out, please

Catherine

Hanging in.......

[Catherine2]

[quote=Orange_Blossom;1081935]* Orange raises hand and asks a question*

How can I stop being so hurt by people who tell me (in their own "nice" way) to get over it, let it go, and move on?
OB, I have to be honest...they are not being nice.They are being rude and judgmental in my opinion.
Telling you something like that is re-opening wounds; you are going to be very hurt by it.
Please don't doubt yourself or think you need to meet their expectations of when you "should" move on--it's none of their darn business.
jmo, of curse

Especially when new issues are triggering old memories and feelings? And even though I intellectually get it and it makes perfect sense to do that -- I am struggling right now and the last thing I need to hear is "move on." If it were that easy.
It's not that easy, my friend. Take yourself out of the race and do it in the way you know is best for you. Best For You, not them. "Intellectually get it..." It's more important that you honor your needs and the grief you are going through...
When your heart/spirit is ready is when you will move from the acute pain into the lessor pain of living one day at a time.
We have no guarantees that any of our days are gonna be just wonderful...we do have the chance, though, of doubling those moments of a wee bit of relaxation and hope.
Please don't let anyone live in your head rent free...easy to say and sometimes hard to do. But it is so very worth it to keep taking back our power, one kilowatt at a time.
I understand everyone comes to (PTSD) class with different circumstances and degrees of horrors and traumas, but I find it confusing when people offer me advice on something they might have experienced in their own lives (death and grief for example) BUT know little of the effects of MY long-term childhood trauma via sexual, physical and emotional abuse among other wacky issues and how they are all tied in with death?
Heck, I would be confused, too!
What worked for them is good, it does not mean it will be that way for you...we can't compare experiences. We can share what helped us, but telling you they think it's time to move on only serves them...
I know they are coming from a loving, supportive place and mean no harm, but all I hear is "shut up or I'll give you something to cry about" etc.
Tell them to KMA.
Meaning no harm doesn't mean it doesn't harm...
Jmo, but what is happening is not "tough love." You are not demanding anything, you are asking for help and support.
OB, you have no control over what has happened as far as the deaths, they have come fast and hard and very close together...the fact that you are still standing is a testament to your determination, and I know you may not see it.
You are dealing with all of this and other things and they tie in together, and you are doing the best you can.
You know what? Your Best Is Good Enough, my friend. It Is Good Enough and don't let anyone tell you differently.
One part of me wants to scream and take them back (like the Ghost of Christmas Past and Scrooge) so they can see for themselves WHY I feel/react the way I do. There's a reason!!!
Don't waste your energy. If they don't know by now? I don't think there is much chance they will...
The other part feels horrible that I feel that way.
Guilt/Shame are wasted emotions that hurt only us.
There is nothing wrong with being angry, you've been deeply hurt. You didn't retaliate and you are trying to give them the benefit of the doubt...perhaps recognizing that your anger is justified will...hmmm
'Course it's also difficult to feel anger and accept that it's all right for us to feel angry. Sometimes I think we stuff it over and over again.
I am getting better at not "staying in the muck" too long and recognizing what triggered me, but I still go there and NOT because I want to! I'm NOT "clinging" to my past nor do I want to stay there!
I believe you and I believe in you...please believe in yourself. You are expressing yourself so well! Almost every word is speaking of my own weaving in and out of frustrations and disappointments.
If I could stop my feet from lifting off the ground and slamming me back in time to relive it all again, I certainly would. But I can't. It just happens.
And I don't know how I'm supposed to just "let it go" like they want me too. It's making me feel like a big pain in the butt and stupid for not getting it. (Old tapes, I know)
Very old tapes...and could I please have that bat so I can give it to FedEx??

I hope you feel an iota better after getting this out in the open...keep getting it out, please.
I'm working hard at trying to rid myself of the creepy stuff and sometimes I wonder if staying at PC is hurting or helping.
And now I feel guilty for saying anything.

It's most likely hurting and helping, one day is all right and the next is crap. Like irl therapy. In real life period.
But you have made some good friends here who are not going to abandon you. Don't let a few spoil anything for you.

Speaking out for yourself is not a reason to feel guilty, at least not in my book.
So many emotions are overwhelming, and guilt is the most familiar to us...it's not easier to feel but it sure is in our comfort zone, though.