Not sure you will understand...

I finally arranged for housekeeping. They come tomorrow first time. I haven't hired them for any more times...yet. It's too stressful. I really need help with the house. I mean, it's not unhealthy. It takes all my energy to keep after the floors and clothes as it is... and if housekeeping can do that and more, then I can get to the paper clutter and other stuff.

Psychologist says most ppl with PTSD have trouble with ppl coming into their homes. And since I'm hypervigilent, it's going to be worse for me.

Don't hate me because I can afford help. I have to pay ppl to help me. I have no one else to help me with anything.

Sky who could hate YOU...no way..I just wish I had help is all I am happy you will get a break girl This is good news

I have trouble with ppl coming into my house...even relatives at times. I just want to become reclusive and hide. Your much stronger than I am and I admire you for doing this.

And sleeps is right, this is good news.

Um, TOTALLY understand _Sky. I so get what you've expressed here.

Your psychologist is a darned fine one and I'm very glad you have him to work with. He's correct on a bunch of this stuff (go figure!) and it helps me to read things he reminds you about.

We all need those reminders!!

I would never hate you because of your financial status.

It is enormously difficult for those w/o the hypervigilance of PTSD to grasp how hard something like a strange person, professional, coming to clean can be completely unnerving.

My hope is that you'll come to appreciate this service you are paying for. I hope it frees up more time and energy for you to use as you want to. I also hope that whatever sense of order you and this housekeeper work out is beneficial for you. I'd love to have someone arrange my papers........that is if I could afford it and could let them through the door INTO my room. EEEK!!!

Any bit that helps _Sky is a good thing. Anyone who would think housekeeping a luxury has never experienced what we feel with PTSD.

And I'm glad you posted about this letting us know what is going on for you.

I'm glad you are getting some housekeeping help.

When I had folks in to help me with housework, it was hard. I was extra twitchy and hypervigilant. And yes, I tended to clean my house before they came. Yet, it was a help. And I talked myself through things and did eventually learn to relax, sort of, when people were in my apartment cleaning.

I don't hate you because of your financial status. I never do base what I think of folks on that. Those of us who suffer, we suffer, money ultimately doesn't make a huge difference in that regard, once we have our basic needs met.

Congrats for arranging for housekeeping, for what you need. I hope it's a decent inspiring experience.

Sarah

Thank you all for your support. I keep telling myself...it's only for 2 hours... I won't let them into the room where my legal stuff is (one person I hired 2 years ago took a citibank receipt and changed my password and tried to take my credit, etc... so that is an additional trigger/fear.) Not ready for that yet.

As "usual" something might go amiss... anxiety again... but the lady who is coming called and left a message to confirm day/time...and to return call to verify. She had the TIME WRONG!! So when I called it was a phone answerer, not the lady... and I went over and over it with her that I had just been called and told the wrong time. I'm afraid the anxiety of waiting for them to come... and if they don't come the earlier time as scheduled ...then I will leave for fear, and not stay home, for them to come later.

Flight or fight, remember?

If it helps any I use to clean houses way back and I never did anything wrong. I never had anyone clean my place but I bet I would lock up my checkbook and junk like that. Also my jewelry. I have hypervigilance big time. I would not clean though lol I would enjoy the help..Oh and if it makes you feel better you can hang in the room they are in. YOU ARE THE BOSS HERE

Sleeps makes an excellent point, that You are the Boss. Good for me to remember also. When people are in my apartment, I'm the boss as much as is practical, which is more than I usually act and feel. I get to stop things, slow things down, make changes.

Yes, you are all right. I am the boss, but...
they sent ppl who don't speak English (even though I specified that.) And before when others said they didn't speak English, some did but pretended not to so I couldn't tell them what to do, how. Others truly didn't know diddley...)

It was very stressful. I had forgotten about all the lights being on, the noise of vacuum, clattering, dropping of stuff, and though I can't smell ...I'm sure of all the chemicals they used and my lungs now wheezing... that I've been affected that way too. Oh and the dust they flurried...my eyes still itch.. and nose... I had to have them use my vacuum, as theirs didn't pick up the dog hair. (I had to drag my shoe across the rug in one place to show them the doghair that balled up===this right after she had vacuummed with hers.If it didn't get the hair, you know it didn't get the dander either. Mine did.)

I tried to rest after they left.. crashed in bed with a severe migraine for 4 hours..exhausted.. and dragged out to eat only because I knew I had to eat.

When I came home from eating, I realized they had stuffed the trash in the corner of the garage! I was wondering why the black trash bag I gave them was left folded on the counter.

No, I couldn't stay in the same room, and besides there were 2 of them in different rooms... If they took anything oh well. It's happened before. They are from Molly Maids... similar to other big cleaning companies. Supposedly the workers are themselves bonded (not just the company.) But it would take forever for me to find anything if it's missing. Did I say that? I can't find something it's missing lol

Thanks for all your thoughts in this.
I haven't rescheduled yet. It's expensive and still a fight with the insurance company and attorneys... but it sure is nice to have a cleaner home.