How do I stop this from happening?

Yeah so I got severely triggered again...I got in a little bit of an argument with my brother and his girlfriend(it really wasn't even a big deal(or at least it didn't have to be) so I don't even know that its what triggered it.

So yeah don't know what happened I just started taking everything personally and wouldn't drop whatever it was...from my perspective I thought they where talking crap to me but they were more trying to give me advice of something and so I sort of sat there and and got mad which bothered them and they probably thought I was being a jerk. But then one of them said something and I started hitting myself in the head and they both came towards me to try and stop me and I guess I didn't want to be stopped and started kinda trying to fight them off(it was weird I knew it was just my brother and his girlfriend and we typically get along just fine when we hang out but I was reacting like they were attacking me or something...luckily my brother is much stronger then me so he was able to restrain me before I caused any real damage....but yeah we haven't really talked about it and I really don't even know what the hell I would even say about it.

Oh and the whole reason I was over there was my mom and her boyfriend were arguing and it was really upsetting my youngest brother and that time I ended up almost breaking a door with my elbow because her boyfriend was trying to close it in my face...because I was telling him not to yell at my brother it seemed inappropriate for him to be yelling well and yelling in general is pretty much unbearable to me hearing it anyways. Oh and I've gotten drunk like 3 days in a row which didn't really help things. So yeah I am sore from both of those incidents and apparently I haven't been eating enough lately and I know I haven't been sleeping enough. There are a lot more things bothering me to but it would take forever to describe everything...the point is I have no idea what I am supposed to do with that. I mean half the time I cannot even tell if I am getting triggered until it reaches the point where I have no control over it. I mean I could injure myself, possibly others and cause property damage I can't afford since I have more debt than cash...so it really sucks.

I know how that feels. And I think it's important even though you can't seem to identify them before they happen, that you do recognize these situations as something you wish would just happen differently (more than I can say for some of the things I've done myself)

I dont know if my words would be helpful because, we're all different and we all cope differently, but having all these things happen right after another and clearly wearing you down both mentally and physically, my advise would be take a bit of time for you to level at first - and I'm not talking about doing anything like going to a doctor or just talking to anyone or whatever - just a couple of days for you, to relax, to get your thoughts together or get some energy to move forward to figure out whatever it is that you need or think should do about it.

I believe sometimes we're so focused on "fixing" things we're just not ready to move forward, not sure if I make any sense? sort of like, you had one situation happen and you recognize right after it just happened how it upsets you and since it upsets you that it's most likely not right, from there we get his... urge to just make it all better, magically like we wish we could with our PTSD sometimes, and then we try to help things and we continue to find ourselves in more and more awkward situations we wished they didn't happen.

You need time for you, for your thoughts. Whatever it is, give yourself a break because it's clear you prob need a time out from a busy week. It is never easy, but sometimes there's not much to say or do than evaluate our thoughts and find smart ways to cope with urges or these intentions we have got no idea where they even come from.

What I've done is basically set simple rules for me, like don't do anything when I'm crying or upset. I just force myself to sit or stop, once I calm down a bit is when I'm allowed to go out, or make tea, or just go back to my daily activities because even though I may not mean to, I become clumsy when I can't concentrate or when I'm triggered so I can't drive, cook or do anything that I may end up harming myself with, because I have. And I'm lucky to be alive today.

My best advise for now is try to endulge yourself in things that may cheer you up, have you got a favorite movie? do you like icecream? I don't even know, whatever simple little thing that may keep you busy for now and would be something that you may enjoy that will give you time to heal up and distract yourself.

Hope it all gets better soon enough, Hellion *hugs*

I think it would be great to be able to have a bit of time to myself to relax and get my thoughts together. But I don't really have anywhere to do that...I have a room at my moms house but its only a quiet place to relax if I am the only one here which does not occur most of the time. When things get too stressful here I go visit friends and family but then of course I then don't have my own space to relax and get my thoughts together.

Outside can be nice sometimes I guess but then there's the traffic, or in parks other people walking around or being noisy. Also I have tried just doing things i enjoy and distracting myself but the things that I enjoy or that would normally cheer me up some lately just depress me because I know I should be enjoying it but I feel no enjoyment so it makes it more pain than its worth.

In short the distractions aren't really distracting me and I have nowhere to really heal. That is part of why I am so frusterated because I feel like if I could just have some time to mellow out and get my thoughts together it would help some...I know the fact that i cant is exuasting me mentally and physically and the longer I go without a break from it so to speak the worse its going to effect me in the end. But what to do? I have no way to afford moving out...I have no income and no way of getting any unless I can get on SSI. So I agree those things would help it just seems that is out of my reach.

You can't depend on others for your enviroment or for your well being, the one thing I've learned the hard way about my "path to recovery" is the fact that nobody is doing anything for you - but yourself. Sounds harsh, but nobody is going to sit at the doctor's appointment but yourself, nobody has to endure the episodes but yourself, and nobody is going to ease up your pain and stress but yourself.

Sorry but, nobody will just hand you money "Here, go have a day at a Spa, you look stressed out", if anything, most family members would rather recite one of the most popular ones like "Just get over it".

Things you want, you have got to make it happen for yourself. The hardest one yet to me, learn how to live with PTSD.

With or without money, in your bedroom or wherever you'd decide it'd be the best fit that you can afford and make it so, but you need to figure it out yourself and after such amount of crazy stress and conflict I think it's only fair you'd allow yourself to breath a little :/

My suggestion was only with the best of intentions because you don't need to move out, and you don't need expensive anything in order to make yourself feel better. With just the good intent of wanting to actually give yourself a break is something that would go a long way even if you start at least 5 minutes everyday, for a week.

Just don't knock it before you have even tried it. Think about it and please just take care of yourself best way you can.

Ok well now I kinda feel worse than I did a moment ago...the whole problem I am having is I am not doing a very good job of figuring it all out myself. If no one not even mental health professionals can help even just a little then I'm probably not going to live much longer honestly because I honestly don't think my body can take the stress for much longer...not to mention I smoke cigarettes(trying and failing at quitting) and though I have cut down on drinking I still drink quite a lot at times both of thosse things are certainly not healthy.

Also I do need to move out, being in an intolerable environment with people that set me off is not good for me or anyone else living here. I almost broke a door so yeah I have to leave...I haven't been kicked out its my choice but as far as I am concerned it has to be done.

And I am honestly sorry I vented about the credit card issue, I should have known I would have just been criticized about how I cant just expect people to hand me money...and how I have to work for what I want and should just try harder that is exactly the kind of thing that sets me off because I've spent my entire life trying to just try harder, blaming myself for always being wrong and not trying hard enough only to constantly be accused of it when I was putting all the effort I could into things it just was never good enough for anyone at all and still isn't...and here I was finally able to calm myself enough to try and get my thoughts together.....not blaming just should have known better than to mention it.

But to try and explain better I do not expect people to just do everything for me and hand me money. I just need some help because I am really struggling right now and not coping well with the stress at all, I've hardly been able to function the past couple days. It seems I am spending most of what I have on everyone else not just money(time, energy, everything) because I already feel bad about being so useless I constantly feel like I have to make up for it in some way. Not to mention I'm talking about borrowing money till I can get on SSI and pay them back. If I can if not then I think the most I can hope for is chronic homelessness, but hey if that's the way it turns out I guess I'll just have to make it work somehow or die trying.

I did try the 'do everything myself, try harder' route and all that did is burn me out and worsen my symptoms. I thought when I graduated highschool I could just ignore my symptoms and nothing could stop me if i didn't let it.......so I went to college when I was 19 thinking It would all work out finally. But that entire year of college sucked, I didn't really make any friends I had a boyfriend but after a while I realised he was just using me so I cut off contact and I was also drinking just about every night to deal with the isolation I felt not to mention my dad was in jail....which he is again right now. So I tried transferring colleges, when my dad was out of jail I went to Minnesota with him to stay with family and help my grandparents with working on the house they were building and I was going to try and get a job and go that route.......turned out I ended up being trapped in the forest with a bunch of alcoholics not very empathetic types so after a while that got to be too much, I also had a nasty experiance with anti-depressants so I had to miss a day of a temporary job I had gotten and got fired before the job was over. So then I moved back to Colorado to my moms house and after not being able to find a single job I decided to give community college a try......well of course being on a campus was setting of my symptoms and so It got to the point I couldn't focus and then couldn't even bring myself to keep going. It was only after all this I started considering SSI and even still I would really prefer to even just get a part time job but realistically I am really in no state to do so, I doubt I could even be hired. So I wish people would try to understand I am not just being lazy and expecting people to hand me money......I just sort of need something to live on and can hardly function in general let alone on a job. Not to mention if I do decide to stay at my moms house for a long period of time I am sure she'd appreciate it if I would contribute some to the bills......cant do that with no income so any way I slice it, it seems I should probably apply for SSI.

I mean it seems any time I do try to take peoples advice and push myself just a little harder...I just end up burning myself out by overdoing it and then I end up under more stress which causes the freak outs this post was initially about to happen more frequently......Its bad enough doing it at home or at friends/family members houses I can only imagine how horrible I would feel if I freaked out like that on a job.

I have been there myself, and I know it's not easy to hear or do or even get along with the thought of it but even though you do say you must do - whatever you must - you can't do that all in one day and you did mention you have had a couple of rough days, so it is importan to pace yourself and to give yourself a break.

You're being incredibly hard on yourself right now. I'm just nobody on a random forum trying to help, and yet there are parts of my rants that reach corners that I did not mean to reach.

I am not judging you Hellion, if anything I am trying to let you know that I understand and I will repeat myself again and I'm sorry if I haven't been clear - but before you do anything, you have to take care of yourself as it goes. You need you, because otherwise you will have no strenght as you already feel like it right now.

I had absolutely no money (financial abuse) and I also endured verbal, psychological and sexual abuse. I knew I had to escape that situation because it was going to cost my life had I stayed. I didn't even know what to do, I wasn't in therapy or anything, I suffered greatly for 5 years yet I had to take time and work at my own pace to do what I could to achieve my sanity and some sort of control over my life.

Which is my point and it is something that I have learned through therapy, somehow it does feel we need instant results but things like these do take time and, well I don't know about you but when it comes to me PTSD has been slow and painful for me to deal with, because even after everything I have done in all these years (move out, divorce, job, therapy, treatment, you name it...) it is still a very long road to go.

Not anywhere near I think I should be, but at least keeping myself together, in one piece, is the one thing you should look forward everyday because nobody truly knows how much it hurts inside of you but you.

Again, I am sorry if whatever I have said hasn't been useful Hellion, I think I am not really getting my thoughts out as I should. I try to read and learn around here, whatever little I have picked up from along my experience I try to share it with others so at least it is not so painful or aggravating to others like me.

I apologize for doing such a poor job, I feel kind of awful thinking I have upset you instead of helping you at all. I truly hope things look up for you and you'll feel at least a bit better soon. Hugs.

It actually makes more sense now that i think about it I kind of took it the wrong way, I take things personally quite a bit. I guess I got used to people being rather nasty to me mostly at school during no less, but my family isn't innocent in that area either. So I've kind of internalized everything so now I can even take helpful advice personally its frusterating for me because it seems to make some people assume I'm being stubborn or whatever and then they don't even want to bother trying to help...to be fair I realize I cant expect everyone to know what's going on with me and be able to react accordingly.

I'm just frusterated that I have all this crap to deal with and lack the ability to deal with it...I mean when I went to college I really thought finally things could start improving and I could move towards the life I want or whatever. But so far that couldn't be further from what actually happened...Now I'm just a useless 23 year old or at least that's what it feels like.