[PTSDeez]

I'm probably fishing in the wrong pond here, as if my body were to suddenly let go of this insipid trauma I probably wouldn't spend a whole lot of time hanging out on PTSD forums, but does anyone have a success story or two to relay?

I don't care what it looked like (catharsis or something more gentle) or how you came to find this resolution, I just want to hear about someone making it out. Someone waking up one morning with a completely different body and mind than the one they woke up with the day before.

I'm very impressed with how a lot of you keep pressing on despite your pain, but that's just something that I'm wired to do. As I see it, pain is supposed to be a part of life, but life in its entirety is not supposed to be painful. I suppose right now I'm just running out of gas on my "this can be beaten" mindset, it would be nice to hear from someone who has in fact beaten it, just so I know that those kind of people are out there.

[SweetSunshine]

I hope this makes sense .. so bear with me ok?

To me each day I wake up and know that I survived everything I have gone thru , taking steps forward to make my life my own, and not my past my life is a success story in itself. It doesnt happen over night. IT takes work, support from good people like here at PC,your pdoc and therapists and psychologist, lots of love and understanding from your friends , family and even yourself. But slowly and surely.. it starts to happen. You start to see bits and pieces of peace. I dont know how much is out there to be had. But everytime I gain a bit of it. I am happy with that. I am trying so hard to keept he positive thoughts going. To keep the positive things others say about me in my heart. Not what my abusers said/ say about me.

I wish you peace Deez, Listen to what your needs are.. and find a way to fulfill them. Hang in there .

Hugz
Bethy

[PTSDeez]

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SweetSunshine said:
I wish you peace Deez, Listen to what your needs are.. and find a way to fulfill them. Hang in there .

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When I listen to my heart (or my gut, or whatever you want to call it), it always says "it's not worth it like this, you HAVE to beat this".

So I guess my need is to be the person I was before this happened, and I guess I'm doing my best to find a way to fulfill that.

[PTSDeez]

By the way, if any of your folks live near Denver, I've found some incredibly good modalities in town that I'd highly recommend for PTSD (they haven't cured me outright, but they've made life a lot more manageable).

[(JD)]

While there are some who are no longer bothered with their PTSD, or didn't have a complex case of it and early therapy helped, there really is no cure for PTSD as of yet.

Finding a psychologist who is trained, and has experience in how to manage PTSD is essential, imo. (meaning not someone just out of school)

You can find a life. The longer one waits for therapy though, often means it's a longer road to getting worthwhile.

Trauma changes us. Therapy helps us find someone we like again, and hopefully someone who is a better person even with the PTSD.



I would not really sound encouraging to you, as I am now in my 22nd year dealing with a traumatic injury that disabled me. Unfortunately for me, it can't be "done with" and my physical limitations keep it before me. I still go to physical therapy 3x a week! If I miss pain and stress management therapy, I digress. But in many ways, I am a better person. You can't go home again. You can't do what ifs. TC

[Junerain]

I have not had trauma from one traumatic event, but I have had extremely bad relationships, extreme poverty, homelessness, and have been fired from fifty-one jobs, and hence, PTSD set in, I do believe..

....................................NOW I'm so happy!! I've had the same job for 2 years, and it makes me soooo happy, my co-wrokers really built up my confidence to who I am, they are the best!!! I lost weight, began dating a ton, began wonderful friendships from my support group, I'm happy as a clam. My hope is that whatever works for you- you find!!! Therapy is a wonderful, wonderful idea!! Also support groups!!! Life can get good!!!!

[nothemama8]

I 'AM ALIVE, this is a success story in it's self, I still have nightmares, and daymares, but with wonderful freinds here and an understanding hubby , I'AM ALIVE

[PTSDeez]

Sky: While I'm well aware that there's no single fool proof cure for PTSD, you can't honestly argue that many people haven't been completely absolved of their PTSD symptoms, to the point that the PTSD no longer exists at all. Stories abound of people who just found the right therapy at the right time, had a cathartic episode, and suddenly felt like a human being again. I fully intend to be one of those people.

Obviously, after going through something like PTSD you're not going to be the exact same person that you were before it took place, but the same thing can be said about most any life experience one could think of. Was I the same person when I came back from a road trip in college that I was when I left? Probably not, but honestly who gives a %#@&#!?

June and Nothemama: I've done talk therapy since May of 2005, and about 10 other types of therapy between now and then as well. Unfortunately, my triggers are structured in just such a way that my life is unlivable and completely unacceptable like this. That's why I'm hellbent on eradication, if I were somehow able to "accept" my triggers, I would be accepting a solitary life in my parents' basement. That's not for me.

I'm a bizarre case... in short, I developed very severe PTSD from an event that wasn't traumatic at all (rationally anyway), so I don't have this "I survived that horrible event!" sort of pride flowing through my veins. If anything my mindset more closely resembles "why in God's name did my body decide to freak out so much about something so small?"

[nothemama8]

Deez back in 1972, I was supjected to beatings, knifings, and mental abuse that you wouldn't believe possible, the fact that I 'am still alive and breathing is a success story, time heals some wounds, mental wounds take longer

[PTSDeez]

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nothemama8 said:
Deez back in 1972, I was supjected to beatings, knifings, and mental abuse that you wouldn't believe possible, the fact that I 'am still alive and breathing is a success story, time heals some wounds, mental wounds take longer

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I don't doubt it for a second, and I agree that it's a near miracle that someone could still be alive after going through all that, but my point is that my story is nothing like that.

Here's what happened to me: I was tumbling around in my back yard while celebrating with some friends, I hit my head, I got back up, and that was it. The PTSD didn't get really bad until about a year and a half later (though the first 18 months were no cakewalk), but from that point forward I've been unable to see my friends, to have a drink, to go out and be social with people, or even to talk to my friends on the phone. It's not miraculous that I survived the trauma my body encountered, if anything it's astonishing that such a minor, seemingly insignificant event could absolutely destroy my life the way it has.

So that's how you and I are different. I absolutely commend you for being so strong, and for having the fortitude to survive everything that you've been through, but the mindset that you have grown in response to everything that you've overcome is not one that's going to work for me. I just want this stupid moment in time out of my body. I want to be able to have friends again. I want to live a life that's worth living again. I will accept nothing less.

[(JD)]

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in short, I developed very severe PTSD from an event that wasn't traumatic at all (rationally anyway),

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I hope you find a therapist -or speak to your own now- about why you continue to feel this way. What you said in what I quoted, isn't rational, hon. That's the nature of the beast! Keep working on countering the irrational thoughts and beliefs, that's one way to help the healing. (((((safe hug))))

I have never experienced life without PTSD - my childhood was even filled with PTSD... I could give examples to the unbelieving... then again I am also DID... so it is not suprising that I have always had PTSD.... so... I have no life to "go back to before PTSD".... this has always been my life..

I have "moments" of peace... and I treasure those... I really truely do.... so.. life before PTSD.... or life without PTSD... most likely.. will never happen for me... I do not have a supportive family.. nor supportive friends... that help....and that is ok... that is my "lot"... and after all these years.. is ok..

so my success.... is my moments that I have had.. when I was 14... flying a kite in the middle of the field... my hands raw from the wind... but seeing it go up farther and farther and farther... feeling free from pain... and division that is in my spirit..

being 8 years old.. and being out in the field.. the sun shining... and twirling.. and twirling... and falling down and watching the clouds... passing on by... feeling "whole and at peace"

being in FL... with my son... on an off island off the Gulf... watching the beautiful thunderstorm... the lightening... feeling the excitment in the air.... and the connection to my son...so very... peaceful.. and together...

being in a massage T (special trained to help surviors)... feeling a moment sooo peaceful... and being whole... and experiencing "me" together... for the first time ever...

my best friend of 29 years coming over to my house... and spending the afternoon for Christmas this year... and laughing.. and laughing.. and laughing....

These are sucesses... true.. wonderful successes.... moments in time that I value... that make.. the rest "worth it".... worth the effort... worth who I am... worth living life though it is filled with PTSD triggers... and being DID...

yepper... that is what makes "IT" worth it...

the successes of my life... measured in "moments in time"

Yeah, I'm with "freewill" in that, I experienced life threatening trauma as a child..... so I truly don't know life without it. At six being repeatedly held against my will and someone forcing themself on me
and then eight years old with a gun in my back and being asked if I've wondered what it's like to die..... and several other traumas throughout my childhood and young adult years, I've not been alive much without hypervigilence.

I do commend you in your desire to overcome your struggle-- I think that's very admirable and I wish you the VERY best!

I might not be of much help but if there's anything I can do to aid you in your quest, you can PM me anytime. I have been trying real hard to overcome some of my "seemingly automatic" reactions to certain things with some tiny successes.

mandy

[PTSDeez]

Thanks for your replies freewill and mandyfins, and rest assured that I'm very impressed by your stories. Honestly, I sincerely doubt that I'd still be alive today if I didn't feel a strong sense of obligation (that's not the word I'm looking for, but the right one is escaping me right now) to my parents for being so unwaveringly supportive through this whole thing.

I think this is just a matter of that defining principle of life: To thine own self be true. While you guys are no doubt suffering excruciating pain despite the fact that you did nothing wrong, you seem to have come to a sort of tenuous peace with your condition. How you came to this is beyond me, but I just don't think that sort of compromise is going to come to me. I firmly believe that I was put here to do something big, I can't do big things like this.

I have a question: What's it like for you guys when you get triggered? I've heard that what I experience when I'm triggered is pretty bizarre, but I've never actually heard what other people's triggered episodes are like.

[Cyran0]

P, you are a unique case, I grant you that. You're especially unique here as most people here got PTSD from abuse of some kind. Just an anomaly of this board, I think. But so it goes.

The good news is that I think you answered your own question. Stories are everywhere about people surviving disasters, plane crashes, and accidents of every kind and size being stricken with PTSD and ultimately achieving a nearly completely normal life. It happens. The chances of you achieving this seem good since you openly acknowledge that you will never be "cured".

I'm sorry there aren't more stories like that here but I'd say hold on to that hope and determination, it'll probably serve you well. And try to have realistic expectations as you progress.

Cyran0

[Perna]

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PTSDeez said:
Here's what happened to me: I was tumbling around in my back yard while celebrating with some friends, I hit my head, I got back up, and that was it.

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Deez, I think you had mostly MTBI or a combination of MTBI and PTSD and if you got help right away, may have a good chance of things getting better as your brain injury heals. PTSD doesn't heal in quite that way usually.

Here's a good article that might help you: http://www.brainsource.com/mtbivs.htm

[PTSDeez]

Yes, I'm well aware that I had a concussion at the time of my fall, but that injury arrived concurrently with the onset of the PTSD. The concussion can explain a lot of the dizziness, nausea, confusion, and memory problems that I had in the ensuing years (these problems are minimal in scale now), but it cannot explain the terror responses and visceral cycling of old experiences that my body goes through whenever I enter an even mildly similar situation.

The concussion that I had was mild, it was the kind of hit that most neurologists would expect a person to recover from within a week, if not sooner. But I didn't recover within a week, not by a long shot. The reason that recovery didn't take place was the PTSD - when the body goes into a freeze response (that which creates PTSD) during a traumatic event and fails to discharge this freeze, the body becomes a walking time capsule of that traumatic moment in time. When a physical injury comes with the psychological trauma, the physical injury often doesn't heal properly: Broken bones don't set, strained ligaments don't strengthen, and as in my case concussions don't heal over. PTSD is bad enough, but trust me on this one, having Post Concussion Syndrome along with it makes matters significantly worse.

But here's the thing: Every step forward I've had psychologically has, without fail, been coupled with a release of the physical pain in my head and a partial return to the mental clarity that I experienced before all of this took place. The two are inextricably linked: The concussion is the PTSD, and the PTSD is the concussion. It's your classic case of physiology and psychology occupying the same middle ground. That's why I'm so hellbent on getting this PTSD out of my system ENTIRELY, because only then will my body let go of this one moment in time and allow my brain to relax, reform, and get its ducks back in a row. I have incurred no appreciable brain damage as a result of my fall, as such I have no doubt that the capacity to be my former self is still intact.

[Perna]

I think you'll get your wish!

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Treating PTSD in cases of (real or suspected) MTBI is usually successful since first-hand experience of the traumatic event is incomplete and partially subconsciously fabricated. It is almost always the case, when PTSD exists concurrently with possible MTBI, that with treatment and/or resolution of PTSD cognitive complaints typically associated with brain injury usually abate as well.

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[PTSDeez]

Perna: I would imagine that's primarily in cases where the traumatized party experienced a loss of consciousness, which I did not. Trust me on this one, I'm not new on the PTSD/TBI scene, I've been dealing with this for almost 5 years.

In the eyes of conventional (and particularly western) medicine, my post concussive symptoms and disabilities (and likely my PTSD symptoms) have been permanent for over 4 years now, but if I've learned one thing from all of this it's that western medicine doesn't know its head from its ***. I've gained 1000% more of myself back in the past 9 months than I did in the first 4 years following my fall. That said, I've still got more work to do.

[(JD)]

((PTSDeez))) I'd be interested in knowing why you feel that way "if I've learned one thing from all of this it's that western medicine doesn't know its head from its ***. " perhaps it has been your lot of doctors?

Could you share how your event was catastrophic to you?

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Virtually any event that is life-threatening or that severely compromises the emotional well-being of an individual may cause PTSD. Such events often include either experiencing or witnessing a severe accident or physical injury, receiving a life-threatening medical diagnosis, being the victim of kidnapping or torture, exposure to combat or to a natural disaster, other disaster (for example, plane crash) or terrorist attack, being the victim of rape, mugging, robbery or assault; enduring physical, sexual, emotional or other forms of abuse, as well as involvement in civil conflict

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Perhaps you have previous trauma that has made this injury so severe?

[PTSDeez]

Sky: By and large I have had good doctors (that is, good people practicing western medicine) throughout this debacle, they've just been trained by flawed medical ideologies. Never once did my doctors tell me that there was anything I could do for my head injury problems, they'd just repeat the same song and dance "get lots of sleep, don't drink too much alcohol, don't overexert yourself... blah, blah, blah". Well, when you haven't had a drink in a year, have been sleeping late every day, and haven't had a job in months, and yet you aren't healing at all, obviously their treatment plan isn't working.

The truth of the matter is that there are many forms of therapy that have been proven to be wildly beneficial for both PTSD and PCS, but doctors won't mention these because they're either too arrogant to recognize those therapies as being valid or they're entirely ignorant that those therapies exist in the first place. Most doctors have been trained under the defining creed "When all else fails, prescribe anti depressants", which could not be a more preposterously stupid philosophy. So yeah, I have problems with western medicine, not with the individual doctors that I saw.

The reason that I'm a "fascinating case" in the eyes of my therapists is that I didn't have any trauma to speak of growing up. My parents could not have possibly been better, I never sustained any serious injuries growing up (never even broke a bone), I was never in a serious car accident, my social life was healthy throughout my youth and adolescence, and to be perfectly honest I was having the time of my life when my trauma took place.

The only theory that makes sense in my case is that something happened to me before my memory was operating entirely that my body held onto, then that memory from my infancy synced up with my falling and hitting my head, setting off a catastrophic psychological chain of events. Basically, I was a walking time bomb with a very specific fuse that I just happened to ignite. In all likelihood my birth is what that root incident was, as it was an entirely traumatic birth by all accounts (I stressed several times, my mother's heart stopped at one point, a cesarian had to be performed, it was just a big mess), and the fall that I took was on my birthday as well.

So yeah, like I said, I'm a weird case.

[nothemama8]

it almost sounds like you are having some OCD problems, my hubby goes through cycles when he fears going out and then times that he thinks he has a brain tumor because his head aches for 2 days

[PTSDeez]

I don't think I'll dignify that theory with a response.

[(JD)]

I'm sure that nothemama8 meant it with good caring sincerity, PTSDeez. It is possible that the head trauma caused some issues that look like OCD also, you know?

Yes, well, in reference to not receiving enough, proper care for head trauma, I can understand that. The place to get real help is with a brain injury center. I was doing many things on my "own" to try and cope with my head trauma, when I realized that the local center could have helped me more and faster. (It took me years to figure out how to cope with some things! ) I still think I could learn more if I were to visit one.

It was difficult, to differentiate between the results of head trauma, and the PTSD, for my own case. In fact, with all of my difficulties, what causes what has no longer become an issue: it just is. I find it easier to regard a symptom and then seek ( with my "team's" help) the best solution for me. I'll give one small tidbit of a larger example: out of sight, out of mind = putting sticky notes on cupboard doors with what's inside.

Once you can gain some control over your life, then you can put more energy into solving the problems of living, rather than reeling from the frustrations I know are there.

TC!

[nothemama8]

Thank you Sky for your response, you are very understanding, our response was not intended to hurt, it was just an opinion, if we offened we're sorry, am trying to control alter because she senses your reply as an attack, in no manner we're we trying to offened (sp)
Iris