I feel so 'pushed' into healing faster than i can. My T wants me to take my time .... i am struggling, my family expect me to heal like yesterday ... i've told them this process will be long and hard ..... i have carried guilt, shame and low self esteem around for many many years .... to undo that is hard .... i dont know whether this will be deleted or not, but sometimes i feel pressured here too ..... i'm not pointing a finger at anyone in particular, not at all, i have so many good, supportive friends ...... does anyone else feel that sometimes posts are maybe aimed at people at a stage further on in their healing? We are all at different stages, some know where they are at .... but trying to force that onto people who are just starting the healing process kind of triggers ...... advice is all well and good, but healing comes in ones own time ...... i know all advice is meant to help, but for those who have found themselves and are happy and content, please dont expect others to be the same ....... i'm sorry if this is negative,i dont mean it to be ..... its a support site first and foremost, for all stages of wellness ...... i hope you understand where i am coming from ..... not good with explaining myself ..... Jin x

I totally understand. I have felt that way before. I think it would be of great service to you if you're up to it, to read this book Trauma and Recovery

As a matter of fact I just posted about it in this forum.

It helped a lot. I felt validated in my long process of healing.

Hang on tight, it's a helluva ride.

((((((((((((((orange))))))))))))))

thankyou ...... i will order it from amazon, do you know who it is by???spose there will be only one with that title .... I'm sort of glad you understand where i am coming from, but not that you had to go thu it, if you get my drift ..... sometimes it's so easy for others to just say ... well do this this and this, believe in x y and z and you'll be fine .... it's not so simple ..... sometimes i wish it were simple to explain what it's like being a 'victim' of such awful crimes ..... how it affects every sense of your being ...... and how being positive is fine, but sometimes you can't find that positivity, you know, some days ....... i always felt people thought i was feeling sorry for myself .... sometimes here i feel the same way.... i DONT feel sorry for myself ...... i am just trying to heal, and the words come out in so many different ways .....

jin x

Judith Herman.

Click on the link and you can read some of it.

http://books.google.com/books?id=3cn...SbVYgjxA#PPA36,M1

Thankyou so much Orange .... I'm ordering it ..... it looks really insightful if that's the right word .....much love, Jin xoxoxoxoox

Don't worry jinnyann. It'll be okay.

[MINIME]

I dont think people are trying push. I have to remember that also. People just try to say what works for them. We all have to go at our own pace. I sometimes feel like no one is like me. When I post some info that I need help with and I dont get much feedback I feel like I am weird. I try and remember we all are doing the best we can and we are alike in alot of ways but also have different stories to tell. I guess what Im saying is that we have to filter the information we get or dont get and use what is helpful to us I hope this helps.Love ya.
steph

I do worry Orange I feel so lost. like i'm floundering around in space ... not knowing which way to turn, who i am ..... i have a house full of lads playing their instruments and singing and having fun ..... and i feel like ripping their heads off. I should be happy my son has his friends here .....

I want to just go to bed and sleep til its all over. I feel like digging my mask out and wearing it again for ever....it's so much easier than this. Just put on the painted face, smile, be bubbly old Kerry and be done with it .....

I dont know what to do with myself anymore .... sometimes i feel like going away in the middle of the night and not leaving a clue to where i am so that Tony and the kids can get on with their lives and not have to bother with all my problems. I cant stand the guilt you see .... they deserve better ....

supposed to be going to see friends tonight .... i just dont wanna go .... i dont want to talk, make the effort, anything ....

i just wish all this was over ...... i am sick of my own whining, negative thinking, just cant stop it. I sometimes wish .... well ..... thoughts i just feel like a waste of oxygen, space ...... it's such an effort trying all the time, i ran out of energy ......

k

Healing hurts jin. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, going through the process, but also the most rewarding. You can't turn back now. You just can't. There is relief ahead. Can you see me waving to you at the finish line? I'm rooting for you. You will get there in your own time.

You have a lot of tears, years and years worth, that need to come out and it's hard to do when you're so disconnected. Emotions get all mixed up and up is down and mad is glad. It's part of the process I'm afraid.

Can you reach out and call T? I think that will help. Even if you can leave a message and know that she heard you're in distress.

((( safe hugs )))

[MINIME]

((jinnyann)) ur not a waste of oxygen. I really like you and you have been such a great friend. Hang in there. Please. You are in my top 5 of friends so remember that. K? I wish there was something I could say or do. Im sitting by you right now and we are drinking cofffee and your safe and your not alone im here.

[Lenny]

Take what you need and leave the rest jinny...

Please remember that this is an online support community. We are all here (other than our hosts and staff) because we have issues. Sometimes those issues can and do interfere with true objective and constructive advice. We can transfer our impatience(and other things) onto others...

But it is generally heartfelt and honest.

Keep coming....it works if you work it...

Always,

Lenny

I know you're all right ..... it's my brain and my problem that sometimes i take things wrong or assume stuff .... Orange you are such a true friend, i see you waving hon ..... Lenny i know it's all heartfelt, i dont think anyone here is malicious .... MINIME enjoying sitting having coffee with you .... love you too ..... such a short time we've know each other but i somehow feel so connected to you ..... thing is I'll be right as rain soon and wonder what all this was about ..... just struggling right now ..... missing my daughter doesnt help either ....

thankyou for talking to me this afternoon, i really really appreciate it .....

why do boys have to be so loud lol ...... groan .........

love to you all, Kerry xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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((((((jinnyann))))

I wish I knew what to say but I don't, I seem to be lost for words here latley, but I am always here to support and give hugs if that is okay.


Silver

[MINIME]

((jinnyann))