[beadlady29-old]

to do cuz we has already asked for so much help and ye all is alwyas here for beads and dunno iffen this even rite place to put this but here goes.........

rite now we is just wishing that a great hole would open up in the ground and swallow us up so that do not have to deal with any of the s hit in the garbage can no more
or that mayber we could just float into the sunset where it is pretty and lite not like her life and never come back
and no this is NOT a suiciodal post just wanting to get back to that perfectly numb place hwere nuthing hurteds.......
feelings of ick are creeping and oozing into her pores again and nites are always haunted by ghosts and flashbvacks outta the psat.....
like we should not have to be afraid just to go to sleep at nite but we are
....
should not have to live in fear and being on guard at all times but we are...







dotn know what else to put except

why???!!!

also cannot fix her adn all the doctor peoples does is keep addign labels which is NOT what we need just want help ta get outta the muck once and for all NOT to be a freak no mores

mary sue

mary sue

[Secret]

wow!!

You just put down in words how I feel most of the time. Either wanting to dig that hole or run off to somewhere.

Hope things get back on track for you

[beadlady29-old]

((((((((secret)))))))))))
while we is sad that another person is living in this mucked up funk, it IS somehow comforting to know that we are not alone!
we reaklly does that you starts feekling real well soon too

THANKS FOR SHAREING!

mary sue]

[ThePainNeverDies]

You're definatelt NOT alone, honey.. I'm here with you and I'm going through it with you..

I care about you and I want you to be happy.. Please.. Please, please, please take a few days out for yourself.. You deserve it...

for you my friend..

Please take care and PM me anytime you need, I'm always around.

[Pikku Myy]

There are more of us than you know Take care friend

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((( beads )))))))))))))))))))

[ThePainNeverDies]

(((((((((((((((((((Beads)))))))))))))))))))

How are you doing today, Beads? Are things feeling any better? I've been thinking of you over the weekend and hoping you had a good, relaxing and chilled weekend with less stress --- or even better --- no stress at all!



Lots of love and hugs being sent your way

xxx

(((((((Beads))))))))
How are you doing? It is hard. Gotta lean on whatever help you can.
Use us to support you, vent to you or whatever.

[Sannah]

[susan888]

(((Beads))) I understand that feeling well.... Sending you good thoughts!

[beadlady29-old]

Thanks so much to ALL of you for respoinding !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
some days seems ta be gooder theno thers but a least we is not cry all the time no more. we is thinking of ye all too! iso many of you here are such a blessing to us!
we would write more but cannot hardly read the s reen no more is it either my eyesight or this stupid puter......duoono maybe a combination of both but eithjer way we is sign off for now
trak care ya ll and we send s our hugs and our best,
mry sue and all of us beadys

[multipixie9]

Hi Beadys,

It has been very hard for a long time for you beads and I know you are so tired of that. I do believe things can get better, I do know healing is not a fantasy or a dream. I can look back and see times when my life was totally in the garbage can and I was barely hanging on. It IS better now and it will get better for you.

You do matter beadys and You do have friends here. Keep posting and I totally think this post fits on PTSD.

with concern,

Leslie/multipixie9

[beadlady29-old]

WOW thanks so much all of you that hs replied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TPND we has absolutely NOWHERE to go to get away from the bull hear.we blowed up at don again last nite and he never even pt his arm around us when we was shakeing in bed last nite. we finally just gived up on sleep and got back outta bed.
its so bad rite now that we is even afraid to get in the shower because of triggers associated with THAT.
ye all we is trying to post whats going on in her head cuz we do get that we has freinds here and that folks do care here. and it is SUCH a help and blessing!
it is hard to even put her thoughts, daily activities into words because half of it or more is like just gone have no clue cant seem to remember good again, like i dont always know iffen what i think was yesterday was actually 2, 3 days ago or more ya know it sucks . all the days seem to run into each other with no end or beginning. even *****ed out one of the neighbors kids the other day
iwbeads is afraid to leave the house dont wwant to go anywhere. even iffen this is not the best place to be .and it aint like we can ust pick up and go wherever we weants cuz we ccant even drive no more. T really has stirred the po9t up in the last couple of day and that does not help matters.
this DID thing is also mitey frustrateing.........like it sometimes is as if we have this one body and but there are 14 other brains livieng in it besides me. i dont like it. but it wont fix or go asqy. thjerapy just gets hatder and theat makes everything worse too.
iffen that is supposed to make things get gooder why isn't it yet? vbeen doing this therapy thing solidly for 5 yeears now adn feel like hitting our head up aigainst a buick wall.
loss of words again so outta here for awhile.

[Sannah]

Bead, can you tell your therapist that the pot needs a rest from stirring for a bit?

[beadlady29-old]

AH Sannah!......That Would be nice, unfortunately T seems to think it NEEDS to be stirred up or something because he keeps coming up with the 'new assignments' in e-mails and iffen we do't answer them like THAT day he calls to see how we is doing!!!!!!! It is really getting aggravateing cuz after doing the e-mail back and forth thing AGAIN today ( also between him and don i dunno how we is supposed ta get ANY thing done) he answered the last one like this " I will be able to reply to this tomorrow. I am going
to have to think about it tonitght ".
So like wassup with that!!!???? Is beads really THAT much of a freak that he has ta think about it the rest of the afternoon + all night!!!!!!GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR this is definitely getting really scarey sannah. Now that we justr finds out that we get approved for the trailer and we have to be moved outta here by the August 4th that is lesws then a week away. ON top of that we just got a order for a shitload of beadwork from a local shop they want to buy it wholesale and want earring and necklace sets along with pipebags and lighter covers with peace signs, smiley faces and the llike. Get this she knows I have to move now and she is going to call beads next Thursday to see how we are coming along on her order she expects at least HALF of it to be done by then!!!!!!! UHHHHH i know it aint a good idea not to take my bedtime meds for a few nites but how elese is we supposed to get all of this accomplished .... at least one of us is gonna have ta be able ta sttay awake at nite to cdesign and make this stuff!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR When it rains it pours and id don't even feel like doing a f'ing thing except vegetate in front of the tube....that is not a option.
mary sue

[Miracle1986]

(((mary sue)))

[beadlady29-old]

AWWWWW...........thanks Manda!!!!!!!

hugs and teddy bears,
mary sue & all of us beadys

[Sannah]

Mary Sue, I see your T having to think about this over night as that you have a darn good T! He is willing to put a lot of thought and effort into helping you. This is so good! Everyone's experience is unique and I wouldn't interpret this negatively.

You are such a good bead artist, huh! High demand for your excellent work! In a down economy in Michigan too.......... Can you notify this woman that you need to move this week and that you need a little more time?

Hey, congrats on your new place! Are you moving without Don?

[beadlady29-old]

so ya really think that his needign tothink about how to reply is a good thing huh? it makes me feel like we must be exrta specially wierd orsomething that he dotn already know the answer. maybe we is just lookign at it the wrong way.
Sannah we just met the lady yesterday! when she asked us about haveing stuff for next thursday we telled her that we is moveing on monday adn she is like okay instead of you call me i'll call you then!!?? what kind of garbage is that like do seh think that is gonna make some kind of a difference. we just freeze up when we is talkign to eoples in person adn we did not know what to say beaides we cannot promise how much will be tdone by then she seemed like she did not hear or sumfin. grrrrrrrrrr got new for her i aint a gonna kill myself maekign this stuff and end up rite back in the hospital again i mean we is only been out what like 2 and a half weeeks or so.....GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
we is moveing with don for now but since this is where it is we hav e a option like iffen ever get mad enuf we can boot him out and get some kinda other roommate or something to help share expenses not t a nother bf tho for sure..anyway we is tyr to think ahead a bit here hope its a good move cuase its gonna be more expensive to olitve there oh well easy come easy go with the money situation anyways so wtf! dotn think the trailer court care who live there long as they get their money and dont break none of they rules liek they want the grass mowed every week.......that's what kids is for even other peoples they like a few extrra bucks in they pocket for moweing the grass around here hope they will shovel snow too

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by beadlady29

it makes me feel like we must be exrta specially wierd orsomething that he dotn already know the answer. maybe we is just lookign at it the wrong way.

Every one of his clients is unique. He can't already know the answer. He can't use a cookie cutter and expect it to work on everyone.

Maybe you have this automatic response to everything = that you are just weird and maybe it is just an automatic response and it isn't valid????

Sannah we just met the lady yesterday! when she asked us about haveing stuff for next thursday we telled her that we is moveing on monday adn she is like okay instead of you call me i'll call you then!!?? what kind of garbage is that like do seh think that is gonna make some kind of a difference. we just freeze up when we is talkign to eoples in person adn we did not know what to say beaides we cannot promise how much will be tdone by then she seemed like she did not hear or sumfin. grrrrrrrrrr

She wants to make money and wants to make it sooner rather than later? She was just pressuring you? Don't let her pressure you okay?

..........

[Fuzzybear]

[miray]

((((beads))))

[beadlady29-old]

Thanks a lot for the hugs and support Fuzzy & Miray.
Beads send hugs backj to ya's!!

[beadlady29-old]

hugs you 2 Sannah!!!
maybe it is a automatic thuoght. T and don adn others offen remarks that say uor thinkign ain't right. this is frustrating because how do you know some other way to think i mean we has thunked the way we does all our lifes adn dont know any other way too think it makes sense to beads the way we think does.

ummmm about that lady and her shop she called beads other day and pissed us off so when uor caseworker comed ove asked her ta take us there adn i went in adn took EVERYTHING uot of there adn let them no that wuodl not be back.!!!!!! dotn need do business with folks like that plenty a other places we can take uor work. Plus we put some of it in a art gballery saturday. hopefully it will do well there once folks no it is thre.

welll,,,,,,,moveing day tommorow and beads scared! dotn nuthing seem real just pretty numb adn spending a lot of tiem takeing turns some of us moer then one at a time floating on the ceiling!

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by beadlady29

T and don adn others offen remarks that say uor thinkign ain't right. this is frustrating because how do you know some other way to think i mean we has thunked the way we does all our lifes adn dont know any other way too think it makes sense to beads the way we think does.

If we are in therapy to make our life better then we probably have some thought adjustment to do. When a person grows up in a dysfunctional family, dysfunction is what is learned. It is okay. It is okay to not be perfect and need to learn. It certainly is understandable why. How can anyone escape a dysfunctional environment without learning some dysfunction? I certainly learned a lot of it and I spent a lot of time learning what was "normal" or more functional. It does not mean that you are bad or anything! Are you hearing those tapes in your head that your dad planted there?????

ummmm about that lady and her shop she called beads other day and pissed us off so when uor caseworker comed ove asked her ta take us there adn i went in adn took EVERYTHING uot of there adn let them no that wuodl not be back.!!!!!! dotn need do business with folks like that plenty a other places we can take uor work. Plus we put some of it in a art gballery saturday. hopefully it will do well there once folks no it is thre.

Very good, you go girl! Ooohhh, an art gallery! Keep me posted!

welll,,,,,,,moveing day tommorow and beads scared! dotn nuthing seem real just pretty numb adn spending a lot of tiem takeing turns some of us moer then one at a time floating on the ceiling!

Changing your environment can be unsettling

..........