It makes no sense!

I was triggered once yesterday, and twice today
I don't understand
I've lived a good life, I have no reason to be triggered
I have no reason to have these feelings
I have no reason to have body memories

But I still do...
On the bright side it gives my days some substance
(sounds sick, I know)

Why, WHY is this happening?
Am I doing this to myself or, ...?

no kiaka - things that have happened in the past are setting you up for these triggers - I am sorry you are being triggered so often - it gets very frustrating and tiring - wishing you some calm days really soon

Jme, Kaika, but these things happened to me randomly...

Sometimes therapy would be the forerunner, other times not.
I hated being on edge wondering when they would return. Feeling that way only stressed me more.

Finally got to the point where I accepted them.
Triggers being accepted sounds weird I know, but it did take away some of the being on alert.

They have eased with time.
Yet a few days ago, a post triggered me.
It's not anything we do, Kaika. It's a part of PTSD.

Peace and Power to you,
Cap

the problem is the inconsistency of it all
Because in order to have PTSD
you need to be traumatized to begin with
Which is not something I ever recalled happening
I wish I had someone to straighten this out with like a T,
but as of right now I don't.

The only time I could possibly accept this is if I actually knew.
But as of right now I'm feeling all of these things and I don't know why. Right now to me there is no reason, it's just there.

Kaika,

When your T or P-doc diagnosed you with PTSD and the dissociation you have, did they ever explain to you why they dx'ed you that way? I know you said you don't have a T at the moment, but maybe you could contact the person who dx'ed you and ask them to explain how they came to that conclusion. It doesn't make sense to me that someone would dx you with PTSD and a Dissociative Disorder and not talk to you about it. Give them a call, it might help.

Sorry orange, but I was never diagnosed to begin with
This is just me and my experiences, and they just happen to have some characteristics of PTSD and/or Dissociation. So that's why I sometimes post on those boards. I appreciate you trying to help though my mom said that they were looking and found some people for a T a week or two ago, I hope I get one sooner rather then later because it's just a little too overwhelming to go through on my own (meaning no support outside of PC).

Kaika,
I'm so sorry that I did not know all the details...

With all my heart, I hope you get a T soon and get the help you need to work through this hard and confusing time.

In some ways I was lucky in that I knew what and why I was being triggered, it helped me find grounding techniques.
I can only imagine how very difficult this is for you.

Peace to you,
Cap

I hope you get a T soon and that they help you through this
In the meantime come here and let us help to support you
Not knowing what started this is hard - sometimes its not a big event that happened but lots of small ones that chip away until you get ptsd -

I hope things improve for you soon

thank you everyone

Well, the good news is that since the weekend is over and I'm back in school it hasn't been as bad. Except for last night when my dad stopped to get some milk at a store and we were parked in from of a window and I got really paranoid about the people inside watching me so I moved to the back seat and even then didn't feel that safe and it was really upsetting. I just wanted to curl up in that little space between the front seat and back seat.

sorry that happened but glad you are feeling better if it happens again try to ground yourself - doing sums in your head - counting backwards from 100 - anything that distracts you form your fears

easy to say - hard to do

Semi update in my PC blog

all it takes is some stress to send me over the edge...

I didn't allow myself to bite though, and it stirred anger in me. Did breathing to help... it didn't do much. The calmer I was the sadder I was... so I thought maybe drawing would help... but it just made things worse. I curled up for awile- thinking of the reality of the situation being that these things are happening without probable cause...so I was just curled a little while...different feelings came and went. As I contemplated the idea maybe it was a neurological thing or maybe I'm just psychotic or something. Breakdown came and went...and now I feel ill. And still unstable.

sorry to hear that Kaika - it still only take me a small push to go over the edge and spirla - but it has got better for me than it was and it can get better for you too - hang in there

Kaika, if I remember your story, growing up with your brother would give you a very anxious nervous system. I never had any traumas either but just my growing up without social or emotional security was enough to give me triggers. This can be worked, through. From what I understand you are still in this insecure environment?

Yep, and I will continue to live there for awhile.

Sorry to hear that Kaika

I think that you can still do things to help you feel safe, though, and that will help a lot..............