[AstridLovelight]

I used to be very compliant with meds and whenever I was prescribed something new would be eager to give it a shot, as I thought it I could handle anything.

But I've had a rough year due to interactions and reactions to several different meds. (Had a rough year all 'round, but that's a different story.) I don't want to go into specifics, but it wrecked my life.

In the past six months or so I've been prescribed lamotrigine, mirtazipine, latuda, zoloft, and, most recently seroquel. I get the prescriptions filled but can't bring myself to take them. If I so much as put a pill to my lips I start shaking and crying, reliving everything that happened this year.

I'm seeing a therapist about this, but so far she's not helping. Her attitude seems to be "When things get bad enough and you want to get better, you'll take the pill." There may be a kernel of truth in that, but it still seems cruel to me. I'm pretty much already at rock bottom.

Strategies that I've heard and read so far to help with overcoming the fear of meds are:

"Cut the pill into a smaller dose and take that." Which is what I used to do. Definitely viable, but one of my reactions this summer I did that, took only a quarter of a Klonopin and still had a bad reaction.

"Have someone you trust sit with you while you take the pill." This is the most appealing to me, but unfortunately I don't have any one like that in my life. I have no friends. My therapist suggested I come and take the pill during one of our sessions, which appeals to me, but I don't want to take something and then have to drive back to where I'm staying and I don't have anyone to drive me there and back.

"Check into the hospital where they can monitor if you have a bad reaction." This may be what I have to do, but I'm hoping to keep it as a last resort.

So my questions are what coping or other self-soothing strategies have others used? Not just after taking the pill, but before. And if I do have another bad reaction, how do I get through it? I'm pretty much all alone.

Also, has anyone ever had a negative reaction to a medication and then resumed taking meds? If so, how did you overcome any fear or resistance or flashbacks to the reaction?

Friendly encouragement (e.g. "You can do it!") is also greatly appreciated. But please no posts about the evils of psych meds and big pharma or advising me to try exercise and diet instead. I don't want this to turn into a debate thread. That only feeds my fears and right now I've made the decision that I need and want medication and I would like that to be respected.

Thanks to anyone who's read this. Please be kind.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by AstridLovelight

Also, has anyone ever had a negative reaction to a medication and then resumed taking meds? If so, how did you overcome any fear or resistance or flashbacks to the reaction?

Friendly encouragement (e.g. "You can do it!") is also greatly appreciated. But please no posts about the evils of psych meds and big pharma or advising me to try exercise and diet instead. I don't want this to turn into a debate thread. That only feeds my fears and right now I've made the decision that I need and want medication and I would like that to be respected.

Thanks to anyone who's read this. Please be kind.

Well, I've had negative side-effects from many of the various antidepressants I've taken. I've always kept it in my head that it was just that med that caused this and this med that caused that. That way when I tried a new one, I started out fresh. I guess I'm pretty bull-headed that way. I can have something cause aggression or sexual side effects and then just dump it to try something else without letting the anxiety carry over.

It's literally taken years, but I think I'm finally on something that works for me ... all probably due to me not being satisfied with letting my life keep getting worse. I guess that would be my only real advice, yes it might take another or another or another medication, but there has to be something out there that can help.

Hang in there. You've been through some bad ish, but you're stronger now and understand what you're dealing with. You'll find something that helps soon.

[AstridLovelight]

Thanks so much, Webgoji, I really appreciate it. I'm glad you've found something that works for you! And I admire your ability to just move on and try something new after some side effects. And what you write makes sense. I'll try to keep in mind that every med is different, even those in the same class. Right now I'm just caught up in this distorted thinking that all meds = pain.

And your last few sentences mean so much to me! Thank you

[Altered Moment]

They are all very different even in the same class and we all metabolize them differently. I have taking meds for twenty years. I am very lucky and I have never had bad reactions and very few side effects.

I have had many many med changes over those twenty years. The current set I am on is working better than anything I have ever had by far.

I am not sure how to advise you on your question but I know I have gone through some horrible periods of depression and anxiety. If I can get through that I can get through some med issues. Depression I am more used to but when it is real bad it is hard. Anxiety and paranoia I just cannot handle at all and put me at great risk. Med side effects are a breeze compared to that.

If you have an allergic reaction like rash, hives, throat swelling, etc stop right away. Bad reactions go away after a bit when you stop.

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[kiwi33]

AstridLovelight, I am on only one AD, which works well for me.

I wasn't exactly thrilled when my psychiatrist told me that probably I will need to be on it for the rest of my life. He looked at me quizzically and said "Suppose you had Type I Diabetes - you would need a daily dose of insulin." and of course I agreed with that.

I found his comment empowering - "meds for the head" are fundamentally no different to insulin.

[Ruftin]

Astrid, Thanks for your transparency. I've found it very helpful to research any new medications my Dr. has prescribed for me so that I know what to watch for when I start taking it. It doesn't mean you will experience these side effects because every ones response is different but it's good to know. Also I've realized that many over the counter medications, ie: Tums, cough syrups, etc. can exacerbate, or even cause negative side effects when taking medications for mental illness. You have to be so very careful. Can you elaborate on some of the negative side effects you've experienced? I think I've experienced them all. I'd like to help you navigate this. I've have plenty of experience.

[Altered Moment]

When looking at side effect profiles try not to let them scare you. Try to find the percentage of people who got this or that side effect. It is usually very low. You have to dig into the literature. I am happy to find the side effect profile and all the percentages if you give me the name of the drug. Or the names of all the drugs you are currently planning to take. Med compliance is important if you start because with some taking them on and off can mess you up. A benzo can be taken as needed no problem but an antidepressant needs to be taken every day.

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[AstridLovelight]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

Anxiety and paranoia I just cannot handle at all and put me at great risk. Med side effects are a breeze compared to that.

If you have an allergic reaction like rash, hives, throat swelling, etc stop right away. Bad reactions go away after a bit when you stop.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks, Zinco, I appreciate your sharing your experience! For me anxiety and paranoia were part of the reaction I had and I have a hard time coping with those feelings.

And thanks to you too, Kiwi! I value your input. I was on Prozac for many years, and then Prozac and Concerta and did really well on both. (Well, the Prozac and Concerta may have triggered a manic episode but that's a different story.) Then the Prozac stopped working. At the time I felt the same way ... and I guess maybe I still do. That taking a psych med for my brain was no different than taking it for any other health reason. I have no problem with being on medication for the rest of my life if it's helping and working. I just can't bring myself to "get back on the horse" after my experiences this year and it's pretty torturous being so terrified of the one thing that might actually help me. A real double-bind.

Originally Posted by Ruftin

Astrid, Thanks for your transparency. I've found it very helpful to research any new medications my Dr. has prescribed for me so that I know what to watch for when I start taking it. It doesn't mean you will experience these side effects because every ones response is different but it's good to know. Also I've realized that many over the counter medications, ie: Tums, cough syrups, etc. can exacerbate, or even cause negative side effects when taking medications for mental illness. You have to be so very careful. Can you elaborate on some of the negative side effects you've experienced? I think I've experienced them all. I'd like to help you navigate this. I've have plenty of experience.

Thanks, Ruftin! I have to be careful about researching meds on the Internet now. It used to didn't bother me, but now reading side effect profiles and anecdotal horror stories just fuels the anxiety.

In a nutshell, I had lots of different reactions to different meds this past year. Severe hyponatremia (I probably should have been hospitalized for that), chest pains, muscle spasms and uncontrollable muscle movements, arrythmias and heart palpitations, dizziness, severe akathesia, severe insomnia, anxiety through the roof, adrenaline coursing through my body 24/7, paranoia, delusions.

And I'm kind of reactive, I guess. I get freaked out over physical symptoms and need help coping with them.

[AstridLovelight]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

When looking at side effect profiles try not to let them scare you. Try to find the percentage of people who got this or that side effect. It is usually very low. You have to dig into the literature. I am happy to find the side effect profile and all the percentages if you give me the name of the drug. Or the names of all the drugs you are currently planning to take. Med compliance is important if you start because with some taking them on and off can mess you up. A benzo can be taken as needed no problem but an antidepressant needs to be taken every day.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks, Zinco, that's very sweet of you. I've learned a hard lesson this year about med compliance, that's for sure!

Right now what I need though is for someone to sit with me as I take the pill and hold my hand and tell me it'll be okay and they'll be there for me whatever happens. And I don't have that someone, so I have to find ways to hold my own hand.

[abefroman]

Astrid, I completely get how you feel. I have taken medications for years for issues other than Anxiety and BP/ depression. Not really any problems at all, never any real side effects. Then when diagnosed and given meds for mental illness a whole new world of hell opened up!!! It is absolutely amazing to me how drastic meds can change everything in you and about you. It is something I think doctors would do better to let new patients know just how major medications can be. They don't though and tend to gloss over side effects. So know I research every new drug I'm given now not just for the good, but the bad too. I want to know what im putting in my body(more importantly my little pigeon brain ) not just blindly take pills anymore. I also want to know what I really need to watch for that can sneak up on me. Playing with the brain chemistry is NO joke! I am insanely sensitve to every SSRI/SNRI (Viibryd sent me into a bad manic spin). I will still keep trying meds though as crappy as I feel sometimes. Something out there will be the right thing, just gotta do my part to find it.
I will never give up and keep trying as long as it takes. Neither should you. I think you are doing the right thing and doing it very carefully and responsibly. You can do it. If it doesn't work, call your therapist ASAP and let them know. Try not to overly worry yourself and teach yourself to be aware of changes.

Also, you are NOT alone!! There is a spectacular group of people here and a wealth of information anytime you need Good Luck!!!

[AstridLovelight]

Thanks so much Abe. I really appreciate the support and hearing you share your experience. I hope you find the right med soon!

And I'm going to keep doing my part too ... I might be wounded right now, but I'm still a warrior.

[reticentrenegade]

I have no experiences with having anxiety from meds, but what you described sounds awful and I hope you are able to figure something out to help you feel better! I'm not really sure how to go about changing this with traditional psychology or psychiatry, but as a behaviorist I will try to help with what I do know.

Behaviorally, if you do something that you really enjoy and then immediately after doing it you take a pill, you will start to associate the positive emotions with the pill. You currently have a negative association with taking medication because of your past experiences, which is absolutely understandable, so I think that reversing that and replacing it with better, less anxious feelings would be a first step in allowing you to feel better about taking medications that might help you! It would definitely have to be a slow change, because negative associations are picked up quickly while positive ones are acquired on more of a gradual time frame.

If you'd like tips or instructions on how to start this process, figure out rewards to use, more strategies on reducing anxiety, etc., please feel free to reply or message me and I would be glad to help to the best of my ability!

[AstridLovelight]

Originally Posted by reticentrenegade

I have no experiences with having anxiety from meds, but what you described sounds awful and I hope you are able to figure something out to help you feel better! I'm not really sure how to go about changing this with traditional psychology or psychiatry, but as a behaviorist I will try to help with what I do know.

Behaviorally, if you do something that you really enjoy and then immediately after doing it you take a pill, you will start to associate the positive emotions with the pill. You currently have a negative association with taking medication because of your past experiences, which is absolutely understandable, so I think that reversing that and replacing it with better, less anxious feelings would be a first step in allowing you to feel better about taking medications that might help you! It would definitely have to be a slow change, because negative associations are picked up quickly while positive ones are acquired on more of a gradual time frame.

If you'd like tips or instructions on how to start this process, figure out rewards to use, more strategies on reducing anxiety, etc., please feel free to reply or message me and I would be glad to help to the best of my ability!

Thank you so much!! What you say makes so much sense. I'm going to send you a message right now.

[onionknight]

Also, has anyone ever had a negative reaction to a medication and then resumed taking meds? If so, how did you overcome any fear or resistance or flashbacks to the reaction?

I've had this experience. I've had extended, painful experiences on and getting off certain medications, mainly antidepressants, but even given those experiences, I've tried medications again. I wouldn't really say I'm afraid as much as I understand what reactions I have had to it and how it makes me feel, which at least in the case of antidepressants, isn't something I like. I should add though that now I'm taking a mood stabilizer, which I'm more willing to take because I'm not yet certain that this type of medication get me where I want to be.

I have things that I fear and things that I want, and I guess medication-wise, it's a weighing of what I hope will best support me in these endeavors. I can't know what is best before it happens, but I still have hope that maybe some other medication will help.

[AstridLovelight]

Thanks, Onionknight! I admire your courage and your willingness and motivation to get better

I used to feel that way which is part of why what I'm going through now is so frustrating. But your words help give me some hope

Hi AstridLovelight,

I have had the same problem. Currently I take Alprazolam, Seroquel, and a bunch of others. For me, everything is a trigger (positive or negative). For example, I've always been into music, so when I hear a song I go right back to what was happening in my life when I first heard the song. This afternoon I played a CD (Depeche Mode), and I immediately went back to 1988 (a time when I was in terrible relationship).

I don't want to get all Fung Shwayish (I have no idea how to spell that), but this is what helps me. When I take meds, I light candles, put on music that triggers me positively (I put Bleachers on), and so on.

This kind of positive vibe has made my meds easier to swallow (pun intended ;-)).

I realize that you're going through hell, and I'm not trying to candy coat this.

This type of Fung-Shwayish stuff has helped me.

I hope this helps.

[AstridLovelight]

Thanks, Kindness that really does help. I think this ties in with trying to associate pleasure and pleasing emotions with taking pills so I will definitely give this a try!

I think getting more Feng Shui would help me all around. Currently I'm staying in my mom's basement and it's filthy down there. I sleep on this cramped, dirty loveseat and if I turn the light off the bugs start coming out I don't have anything of my own out or anything comforting surrounding me.

"Currently" is the key word; things will get better.

[AstridLovelight]

What a beautiful thing to say, kindness. Thank you so much!