[pachyderm]

How many of you would say you have a noticeably "mindful" T? That is, someone who seems to be quite self-aware, aware of her (or his) own motivations and feelings. Or does your T just react, without being particularly aware of what he or she is doing?

Do you care?

[chaotic13]

Although I have no direct knowledge other than what she presents to me during my hour, I would say my T is very mindful. There have been numerous times when she has responded to me or something I've said that later, when I reflect on it, I realize the wording she chose and the way she delivered it was very important. On several occasions I've made references to spiritual, meditative, body sensations, eastern and western philosophy and she seems to understand what I mean without having to explain it.I think my T is mindful and aware of who she is.

[peaches100]

My t seems very mindful and often talks about the importance of mindfulness.

[deliquesce]

i don't think pdoc is very mindful - he reacts very quickly sometimes, but i love that about him because it means what i am getting from him is genuine.

i think my old-T was too caught up in his own self-awareness to be able to give me what i needed.

i don't know a lot about my current T (seen him 3 times only) but he seems mindful, i think. he does emphasise it as something to be aware of and he seems like someone who would try to do those things himself. what i like about him the most is that he self-discloses a lot, and so i feel our relationship is very genuine too.

[lifelesstraveled]

Hi Pachy!

Ummm I am not certain for sure if my T is mindful. I would assume she is on some level because we've talked about it on numerous occasions and she is constantly reminding me to practice mindfulness on a daily basis...easier said than done....

[Dinah]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

How many of you would say you have a noticeably "mindful" T? That is, someone who seems to be quite self-aware, aware of her (or his) own motivations and feelings. Or does your T just react, without being particularly aware of what he or she is doing?

Do you care?

Usually. Not always.

I appreciate that he is mindful, but I also appreciate those times when he's totally spontaneous. It's a different sort of appreciation.

T is spontaneous, but he is very, very willing to look at his own "stuff" to see if it's coming into the room and affecting our therapy.

He's in this intense couples therapy training, and he told me that he thought about me during it because there was so much there that we could use in our therapy and our relationship with each other.

He has been in therapy for years and continues to go. When his stuff comes into the room, he tells me, and takes responsibility for it. That's one of the many things that I love about him.

[jacq10]

Well my T run's my class in Mindfulness and often brings up concepts discussed in that class in our sessions... so I can confidently say that my T is especially mindful, and this significantly helps me to talk because I know that she is in the moment with me. This is a VERY important skill IMO.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

How many of you would say you have a noticeably "mindful" T? That is, someone who seems to be quite self-aware, aware of her (or his) own motivations and feelings. Or does your T just react, without being particularly aware of what he or she is doing?

Hmmm, I think my T is very self aware of his motivations and feelings. But I also think he reacts spontaneously and genuinely. Can a person do both, or do you see them as at odds with each other? My T has had some counter-transference a few times with me, but he has immediately told me he what's going on and that he is struggling with it. I appreciate his "owning" this occasional seepage of his own stuff into our sessions. I have become a lot more self aware since beginning therapy with him and I think part of this is following him as a model. I don't think he hides a lot from himself (like I do).

Do you care?

Not really. I like my T the way he is, so I guess I appreciate his self-knowledge, his authenticity, and the way he owns his feelings. I haven't ever wanted him to change and be a different way.

What is your T like in this regard, pachyderm?

[Mouse_]

My T is very mindful, and yes I like that. I like that she sometimes gets lost in the moment but then brings it back to where its supposed to be, focused on me and my needs.

[pachyderm]

I do not see my T as being very mindful. Maybe he will become that way eventually, because he encounters so much difficulty with me; he will have to start thinking about it! But probably not...

[Xtree]

My T is very self-ware. She is chooses every word very carefully. She never tells me what to do instead she turns the phrase around so that is is in the form of a general statement. This makes me crazy.

She is willing to look at her own "stuff" to explain a point and make it feel normal. She is very thoughtful and kind. I think that is wonderful.

My T has been practicing for 30 years and I think she brings a lot of routine and repetition to my sessions. I am sure that is the foibles of experience.

I have been struggling in therapy lately so I am trying to stay away from T posts!

Xtree

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

How many of you would say you have a noticeably "mindful" T? That is, someone who seems to be quite self-aware, aware of her (or his) own motivations and feelings. Or does your T just react, without being particularly aware of what he or she is doing?

Do you care?

My T is rather self aware, kind, polite, and mindful. I do care, and all people should care about having a T who might not be aware of what they are doing.

My question is if you are personally concerned that your T is not mindful and very reactionary, without any real awareness or concern for you and your problems? If so, have you addressed this with him/her?

You don't often answer my questions (yep, I'm mindful and I do notice such things, FYI), so I won't be offended if you don't answer this one.
Later gator.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

I do not see my T as being very mindful. Maybe he will become that way eventually, because he encounters so much difficulty with me; he will have to start thinking about it! But probably not...

But what do you mean by he encounters so much "difficulty" with you?
I had to learn to be very specific and deliberate in therapy, because he massive generalizations and omissions I made as a part of my everyday self-reference to current or past situations was inadequate. If I don't provide my therapist with a glimmer of what is going on, then he can't read my mind, and then he assumes a whole lot of stuff himself because I wasn't very direct and specific with him. I have since learned that you have to really identify the problem areas, and specifically commit to as specific and direct a communication with your therapist as is possible. That's what works best.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but from reading the board posts you are never very specific, and thus leave a lot out that make it hard to understand what the gist of your communication is. That's what I used to do. Sometimes now I overcompensate and provide a murky explanation with too much irrelevant details (ADHD derailing tangents sneak up on me sometimes). Usually though, it's the opposite. It's still something I work on to this day (doesn't help that I was never allowed to express and discuss my feelings or validate my total self (you know, like how you can have flaws and not be perfect and make mistakes and still be a good, worthy, decent, and talented human being with a lot to give). I try to plot out my therapy sessions before hand, and I get better at discussing things openly with my T (whom I have built a good deal of trust with over two years). My risks at self disclosure have paid big dividends. I can now even identify emotions now that I didn't even know how to before I started working on this... the more specific the better I find. Just my personal experience, but it does make sense.

Oh, and I see you did sorta answer my question before I popped my own, so sorry for the redundancy. I often hit reply rather quickly when something is on my mind, so I don't always catch if my question has already been answered sometimes.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by Xtree

My T is very self-ware. She is chooses every word very carefully. She never tells me what to do instead she turns the phrase around so that is is in the form of a general statement. This makes me crazy.

She is willing to look at her own "stuff" to explain a point and make it feel normal. She is very thoughtful and kind. I think that is wonderful.

My T has been practicing for 30 years and I think she brings a lot of routine and repetition to my sessions. I am sure that is the foibles of experience.

I have been struggling in therapy lately so I am trying to stay away from T posts!

Xtree

Well, if you find what works you stick with it. As long as your T is being genuine, the standardized techniques she brings to your session are only tools in which she can better communicate with you, not devalue you. My two cents.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Simcha

My question is if you are personally concerned that your T is not mindful and very reactionary, without any real awareness or concern for you and your problems? If so, have you addressed this with him/her?

I do try to address it with him, but I do not get the impression that he understands what I am driving at.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Simcha

If I don't provide my therapist with a glimmer of what is going on, then he can't read my mind, and then he assumes a whole lot of stuff himself because I wasn't very direct and specific with him. I have since learned that you have to really identify the problem areas, and specifically commit to as specific and direct a communication with your therapist as is possible. That's what works best.

I have always had trouble when people tell me that no one can "read minds". In fact I think people can, or some people, myself included sometimes, can tell a whole lot of what is going on in other people's minds. When I am told I have to be very specific and detailed, I am often at a loss, because at times I do not think well, and cannot "be specific". At other times I can. I find it frightening when, at times when my mind is shut down, it is demanded of me that I "be specific". I think that is because when I was a child, if I told what I really thought, I would be severely punished. In our family, it was a stupid mistake to say what we really thought, rather than what our mother required us to say. So often, now, I do not even know what I think, let alone what to say. Some people can handle this, having an instinct for the cause of it, and others get very upset, maybe also having an instinct for the cause but not wanting to understand it, as it brings up unwelcome feelings of their own.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Deli wrote

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i don't think pdoc is very mindful - he reacts very quickly sometimes, but i love that about him because it means what i am getting from him is genuine.

I understand this.
My T is "mindful" a lot of the time and sometimes it makes me feel as if she is hiding, which would be true wouldn't it.

then agan, on a couple of occasions when I disclosed some very dark things she seemed to struggle with not showing her revulsion.

still, she is who she is, and I wouldn't change her.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

I have always had trouble when people tell me that no one can "read minds". In fact I think people can, or some people, myself included sometimes, can tell a whole lot of what is going on in other people's minds. When I am told I have to be very specific and detailed, I am often at a loss, because at times I do not think well, and cannot "be specific". At other times I can. I find it frightening when, at times when my mind is shut down, it is demanded of me that I "be specific". I think that is because when I was a child, if I told what I really thought, I would be severely punished. In our family, it was a stupid mistake to say what we really thought, rather than what our mother required us to say. So often, now, I do not even know what I think, let alone what to say. Some people can handle this, having an instinct for the cause of it, and others get very upset, maybe also having an instinct for the cause but not wanting to understand it, as it brings up unwelcome feelings of their own.

I didn't see this sooner or I would have responded faster. ANYWAY---
I'm pretty positive that we are incapable of reading other people's minds. That would be clairvoyance, right?

I do understand what you mean about not being able to say and/or recognize what it is you exactly feel. The same was in my household, but I've spent a deliberate effort recently at dismantling all of those dysfunctional family teachings---I've enough problems without it being difficult to identify and say what I need to.