[BlueMoon6]

I went to my first t-interview appt. It was a very lovely place- graden-like and very alternative and soothing. I sat down and there was another person in the very pretty waiting area. No t was there and then 1 t walked in and there were now 2 patients. I was thinking, this doesnt seem good. 1 t and 2 patients and its almost 11:00. The t came out for the other patient went into a room with a glass door . I cold hear every word! No one showed up for me. I sat and waited for 10 mintues...then I started to cry. I just put my head in my hands and cried like a baby. I left and felt.....really awful. Then I sorta felt myself shut down and barely remember what I did next- it was like in a dream. I went to a store....at some point I felt better and more present. I listened to my voicemail in the car. This t had left a message at 10:15 that she was not going to be able to make it to meet me by 11 and can I come in fri at 12.

I dont know what to think. I put my 2 yo in school this morning (not cheap) b/c of this appt and now I'll pay for it again fri? I paid for it on mon, tues and wed this week- and monday was a mistake appt, too. I dont want to see this t. I dont want to give her a second chance. I want to cry. I dont want to be so hard on somebody, but its my first impression and Im not feeling strong enough to give this t the benefit of the doubt. I dont even want to talk to her. I know I am probably being very unreasonable. I am hurt. I cancelled my (regular) t appt for thursday b/c I figured Im in enough therapy this week. But, the truth is, maybe I shouldnt go and hear her say things to me that make me feel even worse about myself. So...I'll reserve my insurance and go have lunch with my girlfriends tomorrow. What does anyone think- should I give this t another chance? I have 2 appts next week with t's that sound nice. Maybe I should look around some more. The ED place?

Early this morning, before all of this, I was talking to a couple of mom friends. I realised I have made such nice friends in the 1 1/2 yrs we've lived here. One friend even suggested her t to me (I dont want her t....not for me). And an ED place she knows about. Anyway, going out to lunch might be just as theraputic.

I am feeling a little better.....maybe I'll go do something for myself to make me smile How does that sound, Sunny?

[Sannah]

I think that your plans and thoughts about everything sound just fine..........

[rainbow8]

I'm so sorry, BlueMoon, that your appointment didn't happen. But we know things happen for a reason, don't we? It seems like you realized that you have some good friends and sometimes friends are better than Ts!

I don't know about this T. She was soothing-voice, right? She DID leave you a message to cancel. But I don't like it that you can hear the session. She should have a noise machine; my T has one. It sort of muffles noises. You could see through the glass door too? Is that the regular "therapy" room? I wouldn't like that at all.

Maybe you can see the others first, and then go back to this one. Maybe you can talk to her when you cancel Friday's appt. and ask about the sound problem, if it is a problem. Maybe it's all for the best!

[hangingon]

Wow bluemoon,
First impressions are extrememly important for a therapeutic relationship, I am really shocked that she would cancel a first meeting, especially in such short notice.
She has some serious explaining to do on her part. If you were to give her a chance, I would certainly let her know how you felt about the cancellation of the first meeting.

BlueMoon That really sucks, I was so excited for you!

Canceling so close to your appt. time leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So do the glass door and being able to hear everything. My T plays classical music in her waiting room to muffle the voices. And I only realized this week, as I was leaving, that T locks her door during a session! I think it might be because it's an old building, but I like it, I know no one will barge in on us that way! I would HATE a glass door!

I say trust your instincts - go have a great lunch with your friends, and see the two T's next week. You should be the one calling the shots. If you do want to see this T again, wait and see the other Ts next week, and then choose a time to see this T again when it's convenient for you, especially since you have to deal with daycare issues! Good luck!

[Confused_1982]

I can't believe you could see in AND hear the session! I definitely wouldnt be comfortable sitting in with T knowing others can hear what is being said. And she cancelled on the day???! It doesnt sound good to me. I think you should go with your gut- that's usually the best judge of things. Plus, you've got 2 Ts to see next week, so you do have some options. I hope your search for anew T goes better next week

to play devils advocate...my t (who i love) had to cancel our first session because her kid got sick and had to stay home from school...she called that morning to cancel...she said her kid is a trooper and NEVER misses school so this was unusual ...and now after almost 3 years i know it really is...her daughter was young then...maybe in like 6th grade or something and couldn't stay home alone.

it would weird me out to have others see and hear my sessions tho.

[BlueMoon6]

Thanks everyone. This is the office where (I think I posted about this somewhere else) that my friend's boyfriend was going before he sui'd. I found this out after I had made this appt. He had been seeing my same PNP for meds and was at that time changing his medication. So, this place has now 2 strikes against it. I am so not inclined to talk to her. And I do agree that things happen for a reason. Maybe it just wasnt meant to be. I will see the other 2 next week and then decide. It was good hear your story, Stumpy. That your t who you like cancelled your first session. I may give her another chance- or maybe not.

Another weird thing is I called and called this ED place and couldnt get through. I tried and tried. Now Im thinking that the universe just wants me to stay with my t. I felt so much like I wanted to talk to her this afternoon. I am feeling very distant from her but I need a soothing voice and someone to tell me it will all be OK. I guess she isnt the one to call for that

About that door! It is a frosted, stained glass pretty door. But you CAN see people in there and even with the noise machine- I could hear every word this woman was saying. There were other rooms without glass doors, but if I do speak to this t I will definitely ask.

Anyway, I have lunch plans for tomorrow with 2 of the best friends I have made here. We can swap t stories.....Im all for t conversation. Im sort of afraid to mention PC! I dont want to be recognized. And they WOULD recognize me in a heartbeat!

((((((((blue)))))))

what a crappy experience. i'm so sorry that happened to you. yeah, hearing every word doesn't make for a safe place at all. i don't know, canceling 45 minutes before the first session is pretty bad. did she even give an excuse? maybe she had double booked and the lady who came out to get the other client was her? or maybe not, it could have been another t altogether. i think i'd definitely wait until seeing the other 2 before considering going back to her. actually, i'd probably write her off. blue, i have been praying that it would be really obvious who the best t is for you so maybe this is a good indication she isn't the one. you are so sweet and it sounds like you are having such a hard time right now. i think lunch with good friends sounds wonderful. i bet you'll have a great time and can commiserate with them. you could just tell them you are posting on a psych site but not say which one. i think that is what i'll tell my friend so hopefully he won't stumble on here and find me and read my posts about him.

(((((((((((((blue))))))))))))))

Ack! How frustrating...I'm so sorry

I think it is SO GOOD that you are having lunch with your friends tomorrow. Being with my friends always makes me feel good, and connected, and reminds me of all of the real-life support I have.

As for the T...did she give any reason for canceling? That is a HUGE deal with child care and everything. The reason would be a big deciding factor for me...like if she woke up with the flu, I'd probably give her another chance. If she was running late...probably not.

Maybe you should check out the other two Ts and see how they feel. Maybe one of those will be "the one".

I don't think the universe is telling you to stay with your T. Maybe the universe is telling you that you are loved by good friends that you can count on...here and in real life

[BlueMoon6]

Thanks Bloom- maybe it is a sign that this isnt the t for me. Or..I dont know...Im not so good at reading "signs." I agree that cancelling 45 min before a session with someone new and not knowing if the client got the message is real bad. If I like the other t's next week I'll write her off.

Are you really going to tell your friend you are posting on a psych site? Do you think he'd look around for you?

I was feeling so out of it today and depressed. I wanted to call my t. I would like to handle these disappointments more like a grown up instead of looking for ways to numb my feelings. I guess thats what therapy is for- and I dont feel like I have therapy support right now. I cant tell my t any of this stuff and even if I could tell her how I feel, I am afraid of a tough answer. Glad I have PC to post on...and friends to see for lunch.....

[rainbow8]

I know how you feel. I don't get over disappointments well either. Like just getting so upset about the women who walked the other way instead of walking me home. I sort of got over it, but I know it left a scar. It's hard to "go with the flow" of life. I was told often that my expectations are too high. I don't know if that's true. Maybe it's a BPD thing, not getting over disappointments. But that T should have called you again to see that you got the message, I think. Or called you again now to apologize. Maybe she will. I agree that she may not be the right T for you.

Yeah, my T disappointed me on the phone today. She didn't "get it" though she has other times about the same issue. Her phone kept breaking up too. She just thinks I have to do what I have to do, but she knows how my mind works. That's the hard thing about being out of therapy. I can't discuss all of this stuff with her again. I just have to get through it. I agree that PC and friends are often much better than therapy, and that is how it is meant to be. T's aren't supposed to be in place of real life. I'll get jumped on for that statement I know. But they are not are real life, as much as they may seem to be. They are important, but we pay them. It's a business arrangement. We post on PC and have friends because we want to--no money involved.

[sunrise]

The glass door: I wouldn't do therapy in a room in which people could see me, but if it was frosted glass and no one could see in, then I would be OK with it. But I don't think the T you were there to see has this room, because none of the other rooms had glass doors. If that T who was there had been your T, surely she would have said something? So I don't think it was her and she most likely has a non-glass door.

The noise factor: do you think the non-glass door rooms would be more muffled?

Should you go back? If all other things were equal, I probably would, as I am very forgiving (a fault at times). For me it would depend on how positive I was about the other 2 therapists that were scheduled. Isn't one of them the therapist who asked a lot of personal questions on the phone? And that made you uncomfortable? Seems like that is a "sign" against her too. Who is the other one and how did your phone convo with her go?

If I had had a really good impression of the Reiki T over the phone, I would probably try her again. Stuff happens. I would talk a bit about it and tell her it is really hard for you to reschedule on short notice due to your childcare situation, and ask if that happens a lot.

I'm sorry it worked out so poorly today, BlueMoon. I guess you are expected to call her back and tell her if Friday will work for you. Hard decision... I could see it going either way, depending on how favorably you are viewing the other 2 Ts you have scheduled.

Good for you to meet with your friends.

[BlueMoon6]

[quote=treehouse;1140087I think it is SO GOOD that you are having lunch with your friends tomorrow. Being with my friends always makes me feel good, and connected, and reminds me of all of the real-life support I have.[/quote]

Its so true. When school started again I realized how much I missed some of the moms I had not seen over the summer. We were all saying the same thing. We do a monthly "ladies" dinner and I usually volunteer to pick the place every month and make reservations....can you imagine why? LOL! Places with safe food! Whatever- most people I know have some form of ED. They like the places I pick I do have a lot of real-life support. But I do find that I cannot be as candid as I am here anonymously on the boards. But I do share a lot with a couple of friends who have similar issues.

As for the T...did she give any reason for canceling? That is a HUGE deal with child care and everything. The reason would be a big deciding factor for me...like if she woke up with the flu, I'd probably give her another chance. If she was running late...probably not.

She didnt say-maybe it was just bad cell phone reception, but I listened to the msg a couple of times and it sounded like she was talking real slow and almost slurring her words. Im not even going to go there and imagine why. She has NOT left a message for me today. I am surprised at that. I did leave her a message that I went and waited for her. Very surprising that she wouldnt call again.
The child care thing is huge. When I left the office I was feeling so incredibly awful and all I could think of was that I wanted to be with my 2 yo and why the heck is she in school for so much money? I wanted to go pick her up. I missed her soft skin and her little arms around my neck. I had a fuzzy hour or so I didnt cope wiht my feelings as well as I could have but then I was much more present when I picked her up.

Maybe you should check out the other two Ts and see how they feel. Maybe one of those will be "the one".

I am going to do that- write this one off and see the other 2. And call the ED therapist.

I don't think the universe is telling you to stay with your T. Maybe the universe is telling you that you are loved by good friends that you can count on...here and in real life

Thanks Tree- I so wonder if I am doing the right thing. I want to back out of this whole process. She knows me and is concerned about me. Why am I causing myself so much pain? But you are right, I am loved by my friends in RL (I am trying to let that in) and I feel your caring here for me on PC. It feels so good to have all of you in my corner

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Thanks Bloom- maybe it is a sign that this isnt the t for me. Or..I dont know...Im not so good at reading "signs." I agree that cancelling 45 min before a session with someone new and not knowing if the client got the message is real bad. If I like the other t's next week I'll write her off.

sounds like a good plan to me blue. i'm sure at least one of these Ts will be good. sounds like you're weeding out the duds so far.

Are you really going to tell your friend you are posting on a psych site? Do you think he'd look around for you?

i've been wanting to tell him for awhile and even post related things on my blog, but since he would have been able to identify me here so easily i hadn't. it still wouldn't be very difficult if he wanted to find me but chances are he wouldn't go looking. he's an online friend and i really don't know if he'd be curious to find my posts or not. we met on a message board we both used to be on and one time i posted on another site that is sort of related to that one. months later i went back to that other site and saw he had left a post right after mine on a thread. i'm sure he'd just happened onto the site and saw me using the same username and so clicked on it. i don't know, maybe i should think about this some more or change some other things online that might identify me too easily.

I was feeling so out of it today and depressed. I wanted to call my t. I would like to handle these disappointments more like a grown up instead of looking for ways to numb my feelings. I guess thats what therapy is for- and I dont feel like I have therapy support right now. I cant tell my t any of this stuff and even if I could tell her how I feel, I am afraid of a tough answer. Glad I have PC to post on...and friends to see for lunch.....

hang in there girl. i think you'll probably find someone good soon with your other appointments. i'm glad you're here on pc and have your rl friends as well.

[BlueMoon6]

[quote=sunrise;1140103]The glass door: I wouldn't do therapy in a room in which people could see me, but if it was frosted glass and no one could see in, then I would be OK with it. But I don't think the T you were there to see has this room, because none of the other rooms had glass doors. If that T who was there had been your T, surely she would have said something? So I don't think it was her and she most likely has a non-glass door./quote]

You are very right. It wasnt her or I would imagine she would have said something. She didnt even look at me when she took the other client in. The other rooms have wood doors, and I dont know if you can hear from there or not. It might be more muffled.

Should you go back? If all other things were equal, I probably would, as I am very forgiving (a fault at times). For me it would depend on how positive I was about the other 2 therapists that were scheduled. Isn't one of them the therapist who asked a lot of personal questions on the phone? And that made you uncomfortable? Seems like that is a "sign" against her too. Who is the other one and how did your phone convo with her go?

The other therapists are 1- the t that was on vacation and called me back (she wasnice- no questions on the phone- only quick what is your insurance questions) and 2- the t that my friend had recommended (it is her t). She was also nice and only quick insurance questions and is he schedule Ok with me (she isnt in on fridays). I am looking forward to meeting these 2 t's. The abrupt t works in the office of the vacation t but I cancelled that appt. I didnt like her questions.
I had a good look at the loooong 6 pages I wrote out about what I am looking for in a t. I have studies it to the poiint where I can bring up these subjects now without the paper! I like your question, "How ould you describe yourself as a therapist?"
These t's dont know what kind of an interview they are in for!
Interesting that you would give the reiki t another chance. I will see these other 2 t's. I left a message for the ED t (that today another friend recommended). Then I will see how I feel. I am feeling so sensitive to hurtful behviour by a t that for me to go see a t who cancelled on me at the last minute would be hard. Especially since I paid for a day of school for my daughter and she didnt need to be there and I would have preferred for her to be with me today.

If I had had a really good impression of the Reiki T over the phone, I would probably try her again. Stuff happens. I would talk a bit about it and tell her it is really hard for you to reschedule on short notice due to your childcare situation, and ask if that happens a lot.

I can say that. It is hard for me- I have to know in the beginning of the week which days she will be in school. They are great with me at the school about drop-ins, but it is more expensive that way and I dont want to take advantage of them there.

I'm sorry it worked out so poorly today, BlueMoon. I guess you are expected to call her back and tell her if Friday will work for you. Hard decision... I could see it going either way, depending on how favorably you are viewing the other 2 Ts you have scheduled.

I left her a msg- she has not yet called back!
Thanks Sunny- I will see next week- lets hope they both are where they say they will be.....

Good for you to meet with your friends.

yay! goodnight.......