[Melbadaze]

ok this sounds pretty obvious and I should have gotten it figured out long ago perhaps??. But the other day T said that instead of sedating myselfl with codiene I should self soothe.

When she said that at first I felt annooyed because its hard to do that when all your insides are introjected abusers...but its stuck with me and what I've noticed also is how things can excite me and then I get agitated and begin to spiral and trying to change that by avoiding one thing a day that normally triggers me. bUt this is all so hard...but I guess I've reached a place now where I'm willing to accept I need to take care a bit more, slow down, ask myself if this is in my best interests? all the while having that thing inside thats walking around tatttooed up to the eye balls and shooting at everything that moves within me. relate?

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

ok this sounds pretty obvious and I should have gotten it figured out long ago perhaps??. But the other day T said that instead of sedating myselfl with codiene I should self soothe.

When she said that at first I felt annooyed because its hard to do that when all your insides are introjected abusers...but its stuck with me and what I've noticed also is how things can excite me and then I get agitated and begin to spiral and trying to change that by avoiding one thing a day that normally triggers me. bUt this is all so hard...but I guess I've reached a place now where I'm willing to accept I need to take care a bit more, slow down, ask myself if this is in my best interests? all the while having that thing inside thats walking around tatttooed up to the eye balls and shooting at everything that moves within me. relate?

Ohhh, I can soooo relate....But self-soothing is so hard when my insides are being tortured. It's certainly a skill I need to build....

My daughter's T recommended that I read a book called "Don't Panic, Third Edition - Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks" by Reid Wilson. She said that she has recommended this book to her clients who experience panic attacks and it has helped them tremendously. I just started reading it and am hoping it will help me.

[Fartraveler]

what I've noticed also is how things can excite me and then I get agitated and begin to spiral

I relate also.

For what it's worth, I've been introduced to a technique that sounds good but may or may not work, depending.

It's a version of the "bells of mindfulness" It's that you pick a sound that happens occasionally in your environment. Could be a train going by, whatever. Then, when you hear that sound, you check in with yourself, and take a mindful moment to get grounded, to calm down. The idea is that since it's so easy to get into an anxiety spiral without realizing it, you train yourself to calm yourself in response to an external signal. (Rather than waiting for you yourself to realize that you're getting anxious, because you probably won't notice it till too late.)

So it's a good idea. The downside for me is that I find it very hard to discipline myself to do this.

But anyway.

I totally get what you're talking about, re unhealthy and healthy ways to deal with agitation and anxiety.

I'm still working on ways to push myself toward using only the healthy ways.

Sigh.

-Far

[RiverX]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

ok this sounds pretty obvious and I should have gotten it figured out long ago perhaps??. But the other day T said that instead of sedating myselfl with codiene I should self soothe.

When she said that at first I felt annooyed because its hard to do that when all your insides are introjected abusers...but its stuck with me and what I've noticed also is how things can excite me and then I get agitated and begin to spiral and trying to change that by avoiding one thing a day that normally triggers me. bUt this is all so hard...but I guess I've reached a place now where I'm willing to accept I need to take care a bit more, slow down, ask myself if this is in my best interests? all the while having that thing inside thats walking around tatttooed up to the eye balls and shooting at everything that moves within me. relate?

Yeah, relate.
A phrase which helped me at times:
"a sadness from which great consolation springs" From this, also, (as wellas the M+Kl lit), I get that when I'm triggered, its a frantic feeling, which is in contrast to the legitimate sadness, the realistic compassionate grieving. I thnk the triggered expereince is when I'm on the recieving end of the INTROJECTS implications and intentions. Too often I'm living in frantic mode, so I'm reminding myself of what I need as I write. To face the reality and emormity, the fuse-blowing poignancy and tragedy is too much for a single human heart, so, that is where I have tried to allow God, or higher power, or universan powers, - whatever - to take care of and hold what I cant hold.
.. thanks for what you said, answering feels helpful for me too.

[RiverX]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

ok this sounds pretty obvious and I should have gotten it figured out long ago perhaps??. But the other day T said that instead of sedating myselfl with codiene I should self soothe.

...... another question, did she actually tell you? Its diffucult sometimes when a T tells you what to do/ not do, even when they're right, or specially when they#re right! ... at his best, my T. has said things which cleared the way for me to step up to the mark, from there it became obvious what I needed to do, so it didnt feel like he had stepped into authority.
(but I dont think Ive yet had a T. who hasnt slipped into telling me what to do at some stage, and that included him, those relationships being imperfect by nature... )

[rainbow8]

My T has always told me I need to self-soothe and that I have to find my own ways to do it. I still have trouble. I suffer from anxiety and obsessive thinking. Far, I like your suggestion about listening to a particular sound and checking in.

My T suggested writing a "worry list" every night with 100 things I was worryng about. Yes, you can repeat them because it's hard to find 100. I did it for about a week and I think it helped at the time, but I couldn't keep doing it.

Riverx--what exactly are "introjects"? My T used that word a long time ago, but I never understood exactly what she meant. Thanks.

[chaotic13]

I think my most effective self-soothing technique is to focus on my breathe, even if it is just for a brief time. Its just a quick way of pulling myself out of whatever is going on around me and checking in with my body. I find now that I kind of do it randomly wheither I'm suffering from a lot of stress that day or not. Just gives my mine a break from its normal level of chatter.

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by RiverX

...... another question, did she actually tell you? Its diffucult sometimes when a T tells you what to do/ not do, even when they're right, or specially when they#re right! ... at his best, my T. has said things which cleared the way for me to step up to the mark, from there it became obvious what I needed to do, so it didnt feel like he had stepped into authority.
(but I dont think Ive yet had a T. who hasnt slipped into telling me what to do at some stage, and that included him, those relationships being imperfect by nature... )

She said that yes, but it wasnt said in a school teachery way, it was an observation.

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by RiverX

Yeah, relate.
A phrase which helped me at times:
"a sadness from which great consolation springs" From this, also, (as wellas the M+Kl lit), I get that when I'm triggered, its a frantic feeling, which is in contrast to the legitimate sadness, the realistic compassionate grieving. I thnk the triggered expereince is when I'm on the recieving end of the INTROJECTS implications and intentions. Too often I'm living in frantic mode, so I'm reminding myself of what I need as I write. To face the reality and emormity, the fuse-blowing poignancy and tragedy is too much for a single human heart, so, that is where I have tried to allow God, or higher power, or universan powers, - whatever - to take care of and hold what I cant hold.
.. thanks for what you said, answering feels helpful for me too.

Is that melanie klein lit?

[Melbadaze]

I think I'm afriad to be soothed...I'm afraid of to much quiteness inside because it reminds me of the long hours of no one being there...at least noise and panic is my familairity...i associated quite with boring...I know thats not the truth, but this perhaps is another angle that I am now ready to explore...

[Fartraveler]

I think I'm afriad to be soothed

I get that too.

Sometimes I can do the calming stuff; sometimes, not.

I was wondering if it has to do with feeling safe.

The reason is, a few years ago I went to a biofeedback person at my university to learn how to calm myself. (The training is to raise the temperature at one's fingers -- very cool.) So I walked into the guy's office, sat down with his equipment, he attached the sensor to my fingertip, and I was still in a very tense state.

So he said "Here, you are safe. Outside, you may not be safe. But here, for this next 20 minutes, you are safe."

And then I could relax. Just him saying that made an amazing difference.

So I was wondering if maybe some of the reason I am sometimes afraid to get go of the anxiety is because I often don't feel safe. Because anxiety and agitation is a helpful, appropriate response to danger. If a sabertooth tiger is in the area, it's stupid to relax. (And in other times in my life, it would also have been stupid to relax, if you know what I mean.) So it may be that, now, my body just prefers to remain on alert most of the time.

Sometimes, now, when I'm feeling agitated, I can tell myself: "Wait, I am safe. I'm not married any more. My apartment is warm and dry. I can pay the rent. There is food in the cupboard. I am safe." And that reminder often does help me relax.

So, I do know what you mean about feeling afraid to be soothed. And I think that the above (feeling that it's safer to be on alert) is part of the "other angle" for me.

-Far

[Melbadaze]

Far, I think you are on to something there!. Yes I feel like a tiger walking in the jungle and someone telling it its ok,, its safe when the Tiger knows from experience it isnt safe..accept I am not in that jungle anymore, but part of me holds onto it so it can keep the hypervigilance going. Yes I see what you mean, I need to tell myself that its safe here, because it is safe!

[Melbadaze]

I had a dream last night that the plates underneath the earth of cracked apart, in the dream I'm trying to get to T's house but its to unsafe and I cant, and I see this small man in passing and his one of T's clients also and I suddenly feel less needy, I begin to punish him and tell him how much closer I am to T then he, and his all jealous and hurt and that makes me feel much better...I keep going back to this small man whose leaning on an newpaper stand and I never see his face but am very aware of his anger and greed and envy...cripes thats just how I feel toward T's family this xmas...

[ECHOES]

I think it's a great distinction between soothe (sit with the feelings, but comfort) and sedate (deny/ignore/avoid the feelings).
With soothing we get to stay connected.

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I think it's a great distinction between soothe (sit with the feelings, but comfort) and sedate (deny/ignore/avoid the feelings).
With soothing we get to stay connected.

I think to be fair though, its that I have difficulty in knowing what the feelings are. Just remembering that dream has helped me see like far said, that the feeling of being unsafe is one, anger of Ts being with her family is another and underneath that is hurt...until I begun this thread I was seriously spiralling and about to act out beause I had no clue to what was wrong, I do now and will try to soothe those feelings of anger, hurt and feeling unsafe!

[btgibs]

I think soothing myself in quiet reminds me of being alone and no one really there or understanding me for so long.
It's hard to soothe.
I need suggestions, too.