Freaking out - New T not the one I guess.

So my new T just calls. Here I am thinking everything went just about as good as it could have gone, looking forward to Friday evening for visit #2. And she tells me that she basically isn't comfortable seeing me until I've been evaluated/consulted with a PSYCHIATRIST first. She was really vague and sort of indefinite and I was really pretty confused, like, what exactly are you trying to say. Do you want me to come back or not. Her call was originally about the fact that some of her clients were calling to cancel because of the snow. I wasn't aware that we were having another blizzard, and she wasn't telling me NOT to come in. I just didn't get it. I still don't. Then I'm asking her, well, is there someone you want me to see, and she's vague and indefinite about that. She gives me the name and number of someone but it sure doesn't sound like she knows anything about her other than her name. And so I ask her, well what do you want me to do, do you want me to come in tomorrow or not. And she tells me she'll hold my spot and wait to see what the psych says. Well, since it's Thursday, and our appointment is tomorrow, there is no chance I'm getting in to see this other woman before then. So obviously she doesn't want me to come tomorrow. And I DON'T want to go see another psychiatrist because I have no interest in being coldly calculated, AGAIN and served up a nice little answer in an envelope. It seems like we're at completely different places from where we were when I left on Friday and where we are now. Why wouldn't she have told me THEN that she wasn't comfortable with continuing to see me because I'm too much for her, or whatever, why would she have waited until Thursday afternoon to call me and tell me this. And then not even plainly say what it was she was trying to say. It's like she was scared to speak or something.

I guess I'm far more screwed up than I realized.

I'm wanting to call the whole thing off and say never mind, you know what, just don't worry about it.

I'm so sorry. It sounds like maybe the T just didn't want any confrontation. I understand not wanting to see s pdoc, they aren't always the best to listen to us, the one I see simply signs the prescriptions. Is there any possibility of finding another T? I hope you can find someone to help you, hugs.

Yeah, I got that from the situation as well. She was trying not to upset me obviously, but talking to me with that intention made it all the more obvious. I'm a bit too perceptive for that. Right now my reaction is to just go back to the T I've always had... Me.

I told her EVERYTHING. I feel so embarrassed and angry. It's no wonder that she kept telling me it was ok not to get into something.

I feel rejected. Again.

Maybe she doesn't know you've already seen a psychiatrist. Can you tell her that and offer to answer any questions about what that pdoc talked to you about?

Her behavior does sound strange to me. Do you think she might be afraid of her safety? I'm not trying to imply anything negative about you, just searching for a reason why a T might demand a pdoc visit before meeting with you again. I've never heard of that before. Could it be that she believes there is a chance that your issues are outside of her scope of practice and wants to know for sure, and thinks a pdoc could better make that determination?

Her inability to communicate clearly to you the reason behind her request is not a good sign in a therapist, IMO.

I agree sunrise. I don't think I want to go back to her anyway.

I don't think she was worried about HER safety, so much as she seems to be hung up on thinking that I have Postpartum because I told her that I thought some/one of what I think are younger alters don't like our son, who's 8 months old. That's why I went to her in the first place was to explore the possibility of my having DID.

I've been in and out of psychs offices for the past 10 years. (When I say I told her everything, I mean everything. She knows this.) I do not have ANY desire to go back to one. I do not trust them nor the science behind the medications they administer. (But for that matter I'm pretty green/natural and anti-modern medicine. Unless it's an acute illness and absolute need, in which case that route is the most appropriate) I have nearly died twice in my life as a result of negligent psychs and their hastily rendered dx and px. No thank you. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Not gonna happen again.

And I'm insulted that she thinks, after all I divulged, that I wouldn't KNOW if my concerns were strictly hormonal or Postpartum related. I KNOW I had postpartum issues immediately postpartum, of course I'm still a little disappointed that my home birth turned into an emergency cesarian and OBVIOUSLY I have emotions about the fact that my midwives were irresponsible in allowing me to labor 33 hours at home without checking in with me and we could have both died. I get that. I was in it. I worked through it. When I was symptomatic for Postpartum is was definitely postpartum, but depression is something I've been through so much in my life that I can recognize, admit and deal with it relatively "well". I know how to research and inform myself. I'm pretty vigilant when it comes to my own mental health.

I didn't go to her because I was depressed or because I was worried that one of my alters thinks it's funny to tell me to throw him in the garbage. I've dealt with "intrusive" thoughts since early childhood, and so far, I've never acted on any of them and NEVER would. What's he gonna go in the garbage anyway, eat? I mean seriously. That random thought is a JOKE compared to the range of thoughts I've dealt with my entire life. I went to her to learn coping skills and to be exposed to new therapies to help EVERYONE and all their needs, inside of me. Whether I'm DID or not, my "parts" need to be helped and nurtured through things they've been harboring since I was a toddler.

Either way I was obviously too much for her. It just sucks because I hate (and I never use that word, one of us does, but not me) thinking one thing is happening, and then finding out that I was misinformed or misled in some way. I don't care for dishonesty in any fashion. And I feel lied to.

WOW. Well, if it were me, I would keep the apt with her just so there was a chance to get some questions answered. Ask her point blank just what she is thinking about your situation and why she responded the way she did with you. And ask her what she would do if she were in your shoes. That way you at least know what is going on for certain! You have every right to know for a fact what she is thinking as it concerns your situation.

(((((loveregardless))))) we send safe hugs. Know that we are here for you to even when we be hurting my friend in spirit.

WP has a good point. Maybe you should go tomorrow and find out exactly what she meant by what she said and find out what she wants from you. That way, even if you don't see her again, you won't have any nagging doubts or ideas about what she was saying.

I am really sorry about this, loveregardless.

I think I would go to the appointment also & at least see where she was coming from & get your feelings out.....to clear the air even if you never do go back to her....at least the questions of what was going on in the phone conversation won't be hanging over you the rest of your life.....Life is complecated enough without adding anything else to our emotions.

Clear the air & clear your thoughts for some peace of mind.

(((( Byzantine ))))

Thank you everyone for your kindness and support. I can say with about 98% conviction right now that I won't be going to my apt. tomorrow. And probably not back to her at all. To be honest, I'm trying not to think about it, and I'm distracting myself with video from last nights American Idol performances for the time being.

I went into it more in detail in the DID forum.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showt...99#post1301999

Right now I'm just trying to stay calm.

May calm prevail; and introspection reveal.

((((((((((loveregardless)))))))

I"m so sorry that happend to you, it's hurtful when you go to a T and you don't get the reaction you expected or wanted, and I understand your feelings towards going to the pdoc, what littel experince I"ve had with them has left me with a bad taste in my mouth as well.

Finding a T that is a good match is a game of trial and error, I talked to and did an intinal visit with a few T's before finding the one I am working with currently, but I am grateful I did it, sounds like this T isn't going to be a good match for you, I wish you luck in your search, don't give up hope hun.

Best wishes and love
Typo

I'm impressed at how well you know yourself, Loveregardless, and I applaud your move to get help wth the coping skills. I was thinking, when i heard about the phone call, that this talk doc doesn't have a lot of self confidence. It sounds like she is afraid of dealing with a possible multiple client and doesn't know how to handle the situation. while I would agree about not seeing her again, you might want to drop her aline and say why. She should know how her way of handling this came across to you and how it hurt you. Otherwise she has no choice but to bummble on to the next client. (((((((loveregardless)))))) glad your other alters seem to like the baby

Thanks longael, that made me feel really good this morning.

etc. (just babbling so I deleted it.)

Hey, babbling's cool, babbling's good, as long as it's positive Huggs

i think what lonegal said here is likely what happened. from what i've learned hanging out here on PC not all Ts are comfortable, let alone trained, in dealing with DID. she probably was just way out of her comfort zone and didn't know how to help you. i agree that going back to her would likely not be beneficial for you.

i know others here have shared that when they found their T they made sure the T was either a specialist in dealing with their issues or at least familiar enough with the area to be able to help them with the issues. i'm sorry you had such a weird and unpleasant experience with this T after being so open with her. it takes a lot of courage to open up like that. there are some good Ts out there but it can take some searching to find one that is a good fit for you. if you think therapy can help then please don't give up on trying to find a good T. feel free to join some of us in the psychotherapy forum where we talk about this stuff quite a lot.

Just to update everyone,

I purposefully selected this T based on the fact that her "specialities" included all of my previous diagnoses and DID. This is another reason why the whole situation is so confusing.

She has not contacted me since that thursday.

((((((((((Love)))))))))))