[Fidel]

Please be careful what you say to your clients and patients.

I really mean it.

Every single words counts.

One word can give them hopes, one comments can change their lives.

I saw this counselor. I had tell her and go through all my traumas again.
No matter how much I talk about my traumas, my pains and hurts are same as before. Nothing has been changed about my past.

Many years have passed. All the bad memories I remember... talking about my past or traumas did not help at all. Every time I end up talking about my past, I go back to those times, I get really scared. I feel all the pains in my heart and all over my body. I just lose all the hopes and skills that I've built.

This lady, who has many years of experience dealing with clients. She was quite straight forward. Very clear what she was saying.

I am so fed up with talking therapy. I am going to continue seeing my P doc though because I know that I have to take med forever.

On the first session with this lady, I clearly told her that I don't want to talk about my past. I just want to move on and focus on learning skills on coping. So the first 2 sessions went OK. She made mistakes on appointment that I made with her twice. Which is fine cuz she just made mistakes. However I doubted about her organizations and time managements and so on. It's very crucial that each appointment counts and so important that she is there for me. But she wasn't.

I tried my best to be patient with her. Understand that she simply made mistakes.

one day, I had to talk about my past AGAIN. She told me that she has to know. She was even asking unnecessary questions, just for her curiosity.
Those questions really annoyed me and pissed off.

We were talking about my career.
I told her that my dream and goal is to find something that I love to do and good at and hopefully I can make some money from them.
without any hesitations, she said this
" Well, which is impossible"

we laughed together but I felt little uncomfortable.
2 weeks passed by. That comment that she made started to bother me like crazy. How dare she can say stuff like to in front of my face?
Was that helpful at all??? NO! not at all.

I've been getting these kinds of comments from my family. Especially with my family. Keep putting me down and tell me that I can't do anything.
I am not worth it. I don't do anything right. I simply won't be able to achieve anything.

When she ask me to tell her about my childhood, I just wanted to vomit right there. I started to feel dizzy.. she said that it's important for her to know and it's the last time she will ask me about my past. So, I did my routines, I was reading scripts from my brain. I didn't tell her all the details because it will take ages to finish my story. All those pains and hurts came right back at my heart. I started to get chocked because I am so fed up with crying...

I've decided to be honest with her. I told her that I am very suicidal.
I even wrote down exactly what I would do to make sure my suicidal plan will work for sure this time. I told her that I don't care about anything anymore and that scares me that I will actually succeed my plans.
I am at the point that I am becoming really selfish and just ready to do it and I don't worry about my family and friends.

This is what she said.
" Why are you telling me this?"

I was like EXCUSE ME??? ( in my head)

I wasn't sure why she was asking me that why I was telling her about my suicidal thought and plans.

I said this to her
" I am being really honest and I am asking for help"

Then she said this
" Well, there is northing's I can do to change your past"

I told her that I know about that. but she is the one who told me to tell her about my past and I was falling apart and even telling her that I am ready to kill myself.

I was asking her if I could see her once a week. That I don't have anyone to talk to. Especially about my suicidal thoughts.

She told me that it's not necessary and it won't help me.
that I have to attend group therapy and try to learn skills.

What the F**K.

I was going to focus on learning skills and she was asking me to tell her all my past when I clearly told her that I just want to move on. She convinced me to keep talking about my trauma and every nightmares came back so I became suicidal and I was asking for help and ..........

blah blah blah....

Of course she has all the excuses and reasons for doing anything that she has said to me or asked me.
I feel that professionals are so busy figuring out what would be the best for their interests and their business.

So, with her, she gave me impressions that she is going to decided what will be helpful for me. Even I told her that all I want is if I could see her once a week, just to talk. She clearly didn't listen to me and those negative comments made me depressed more than ever. I am very discouraged about asking for help. Everything I ask or do will get rejected and not worth trouble asking.

So if you are students who is thinking about getting into counseling industry where you want to help ppl, please ask yourself why.

Those P docs or therapists
Please re-think about what you are about to tell your clients and patients.

May be I was excepting too much from professionals.
I just don't know the limits anymore and I am very confused.

one word can save or kill someone.

[kate81]

(((((((((Mr. Burn))))))))))

OMG. I am so sorry. This woman sounds horrible.

That is so terrible that she told you you would never find a career that you liked and that would earn you some money. Don't listen to her!!!! Don't listen to anything she says!!!! And please try to find someone else - she doesn't sound like she will help you at all. I am so sorry she said all those hurtful things, and that she just doesn't really seem to care.

I just had an experience with a therapist who it turned out didn't care, and I ignored the early warning signs of that (and they weren't nearly as blatant as this) and wasted a whole lot of time and money. It's a shame there are so many people out there like this, but we really have to keep trying to find a good therapist, even though it can be so hard - I don't know about you, but I find it so discouraging every time I find yet another person who doesn't know what they're doing or just doesn't care.

But you need to keep looking. If this is your gut feeling about this woman this early on in the relationship, go look for someone else. I know it's really hard, but don't give up! Is there anywhere you can go for recommendations on someone who is good? Maybe go to some meetings of a local support group for whatever problem you're struggling with, and ask some other people there for recommendations?

I really hope you can find someone better than this. Good luck, and keep trying!

[kate81]

Also, if you are feeling suicidal and need someone to talk to and your therapist isn't being helpful, a crisis hotline can be an invaluable resource.

They're also good just if you want to talk, even if you aren't suicidal - as they are run mainly by volunteers, you tend (most of the time, I hope!) to get people who are there because they care - they're not there for the money. They will just chat with you about whatever it is you feel you need to chat about. If you are in the US, here are 2 good numbers to call:

1800-SUICIDE
1800-273-TALK

[Fidel]

Thanks Kate

I've decided not to use crisis line.

The other night, I called them and I was crying really hard and I couldn't, didn't want to talk about details and I hung up the phone, 5 min. later, someone called me and the caller id said Crisis Intervention.

It was after midnight and everyone was sleeping, I freaked out and turn off the phone.

I just don't understand anything anymore....

all these rules and validations...

nothing works for me

[kate81]

Originally Posted by Mr.burn

Thanks Kate

I've decided not to use crisis line.

The other night, I called them and I was crying really hard and I couldn't, didn't want to talk about details and I hung up the phone, 5 min. later, someone called me and the caller id said Crisis Intervention.

It was after midnight and everyone was sleeping, I freaked out and turn off the phone.

I just don't understand anything anymore....

all these rules and validations...

nothing works for me

(((((((((((((Mr. Burn)))))))))))))) I'm really sorry! Hang in there! Don't give up!

[deliquesce]

oh gosh, i'm soooo sorry that your attempt at getting help has been so traumatic for you. i can understand completely not wanting to talk about the past stuff, just wanting to get on and live a good life. i can imagine how scared i would have felt if my therapist had kept forcing me to talk about it even when i didn't want to (for what it's worth: i have only started talking about it in bits and pieces now, but i've been with my therapist/pdoc for 5 years so i trust him more and it's becoming relevant to the stuff i need help with).

i am really angry at your therapist for taking you somewhere where it wasnt safe and comfortable for you to go. i'm upset that she isn't providing you the care you need.

i hope you have stopped seeing this T. you mentioned you have a pdoc - do you think you can give him/her a call and say you're feeling suicidal? my pdoc is the person i trust because he's gentle with me. he's been there for me when i've been suicidal in the past. sometimes he just gives me some meds so i can sleep for a long time, and that makes it feel a bit better because i can take a break from reality without having to actually harm myself.

i understand that the crisis line can be scary, but i know you deserve good quality care and maybe these guys can help?? they might be able to do something short term to get you out of this bad place, and also link you up with a therapist who can help you in the way that you need help.

please keep writing here!! we'll support you in getting the help you need. don't let one idiot therapist keep you back from living the life you deserve.

[Fidel]

Originally Posted by kate81

(((((((((((((Mr. Burn)))))))))))))) I'm really sorry! Hang in there! Don't give up!

well, after I wrote this thread, I was trying to find out what works for me best.

I definitely don't want to talk about my past anymore. I really want to let go all of them.

I've already learned a lot of things from my past and decided what I want to take in the future.

I am so done with meeting new therapist. I am so fed up with repeating myself and I don't want to dig up my past ever again.

The thing is that I've decided to move on and I told this new counselor that I want to focus on learning skills then she convinced me to talk about my past.... I don't know... why they can't hear me or listen to me.

I am so tired of trying to make others to understand me.
I've tried my best to express my needs and what I need help with.
When I get rejection and feel that I am not being heard, that takes away a lot of my self-esteem. Makes me feel like I am the problem. Only problem. No one can help me or willing to do so.

About my suicidal thoughts. It's something that I have to help myself.
No matter what others tell me to do or think in a certain way, I am the one who has to change that thoughts. So I am working on it.

I get really scared with hearing feed back or comments because I get distracted really easily and affect me too much. I am trying to learn to really listen to myself and trying to be independent.

So it was really hard to find fine boundaries in between asking help and doing things on my own.

I think the best thing and the things work best for me is that I have to let out my sadness and negative things. I can't keep them inside me anymore. At the same time, I need someone to listen. Because all these years, I kept too many things inside me and tried to figure out everything by myself.

I am still very scared and have no idea what to expect from me.

anyways, I think writing here helps.

[kate81]

Originally Posted by Mr.burn

anyways, I think writing here helps.

Yes, do keep writing! We're here to listen!

[WePow]

My T said that we have to process through the trauma ONE time. But he said that many people start processing but they get stuck or back out of it due to the pain. That is not completed trauma work. But a good T will know how to walk with you through the pain while first making certain you are safe in the NOW.

Oh wow. I am sorry. What about CBT? That doesn't necessarily make you go back and go through all the trauma of the past? I really am sorry you went through all that.

[Fidel]

Originally Posted by roseleigh7

Oh wow. I am sorry. What about CBT? That doesn't necessarily make you go back and go through all the trauma of the past? I really am sorry you went through all that.

I have done CBT. It was 12 weeks program through the hospital.
I missed only 1 class becuase I was really sick. It did help me but forgot about all the skills very quickly because I had a lot of traumas.

I am reading books by myself (positive stuff) and it's helping me

[Kiya]

"I am trying to learn to really listen to myself and trying to be independent. "

this is very true - and good. follow this as you can, keep coming back to your knowing of what is the way that leads you to healthy life!

[pegasus]

(((((( Mr burn ))))))

I think your T handled it very badly.

It is the emotional, distressing issues that need to be worked on but it is up to the therapist to make sure that you have all the coping strategies before hand to get through those past issues.