T Email Frequency

Those who email their Ts, have you always emailed the same as you do now. Or did it increase when you got further into trauma.

My T has always allowed email and phoning. But we never discussed how much would be too much. So just email once a week usually. Sometimes twice. At first I would get replies quite quickly - in a few hours or next day. Now its often next or not at all. So Im wondering will T be there when I need more or is the way it is.

my t allowed emails, and never really gave any boundaries around it. so i would go for a few weeks without needing to e-mail her, but then may need to e-mail her after every session, or when something triggers me and i email her at night or weekends.

she always wrote back in short sentences...just enough to make me feel cared for until we could discuss it more in therapy.

the problem was, i never could really discuss it in therapy. After about 2 years she said that she didn't think email was working out for me. I ws using it to talk about real emotional issues, but it wasn't face to face, nor very therapeutic.

it hurt, but she explained she is doing it to help me feel better.

now i will email for a scheduling issue, or she will...and last week i emailed her on a friday asking for a phone call cuz i wasnt doing well.

the only way you'll know is to ask, suzzie. ask for what you need, ask what her policy is and get some clarification so you know what to expect. some therapists understand a client's need to reach out but wont necessarily respond unless the client requests a response....some respond every time others respond when the mood strikes. you deserve to know what to expect, so i suggest you ask about it.

I think your T is right. This is mainly why I use the email. Perhaps my T knows this too. Does complicate things tho. I would never bring anything up otherwise. Ill have to reconsider this darn journaling I dislike so much.

Thank you for the insight. If its wrong, I might as well stop it now.

Dr.Muffin, asking for help is a huge issue for me. I just dont do it. My T asked me last session if I ever ask for help for myself........I didnt answer. I couldnt bring myself to tell her no. I know it sounds like an easy thing to do, but I cant. Im to afraid of the other persons reaction. Even tho I know with a T it should be ok. My feelings and my logic just dont seem to match up. I really want to ask this and other things but .......... I wont The fear is stronger than the need.

((((((((((((((suzzie)))))))))))))))

My T lets me e-mail as much as I want to. I'm the first client he's used e-mail with, so it took some work at the beginning for us to find a system that works.

We finally came up with some specific words I have to use so he knows to reply. Now, years later, he sometimes replies when I don't ask, which is nice, but if I NEED a reply, I always let him know.

At the beginning of therapy, he ended up liking e-mail as a tool, because it was really hard for me to open up or access my feelings in session, and my e-mails showed him what it was like for me when I wasn't doing well in between sessions.

Now, I e-mail him quotes or stories I know he'll like sometimes. I e-mail when I'm having a hard time, or I just need to think something out in writing. He told me recently he could tell I had a hard weekend because of the number of e-mails, so I guess it gives him that kind of information too.

Sometimes we talk about the e-mails, but not always.

I think it would be a great thing to ask your therapist about. Every T/client pair is different and has to find what works best for them.

I use email the way tree does. My T lets me email as much as I want, though she trusts me not to overdo it. I usually write after every session because I feel the most stirred up then. She replies within a day or two in detail, usually.

She knows I have a need to connect with her in this way. It's a gift she's given me. Tonight I wrote her a long email about something I did today and my feelings about it. I use email instead of journaling. I am honest with my T during my sessions too, so it's not like I'm only writing and not talking. If I were doing that, I don't think it would be good for me.

Like Dr. Muffin said, you need to discuss the email "rules" with your T, even if it's hard for you to do. You could send an email saying "we need to talk about emails!"

oh i had that darn journaling thing too! i went through times where if i feel absolutely stuck, i'll bring in my journal and read from it---and thats still hard. She said me coming in and saying whatever was on my mind is the best because it is spontaneous and can lead to much deeper things without you realizing it. i've had that happen a couple of times, and usually end up leaving very shakily.

i email stuff to my t almost every day. she wants me to journal and send it to her. she replies if i ask for it and sometimes without me asking. the hard part is that she wants me to print it out and bring it in with me and she has me read parts of it out loud. yikes! it really brings what's happening with me during the week into our sessions.

my therapist barely uses a computer so no emails can be sent to her, however I can handwrite letters to her between sessions as ofton as I need to. Sometimes we talk about the letters in session sometimes we do not. I write the letters because it is too hard to journal for me. I am too self conscious to have a journal laying around the house. I am afraid someone would read it. I do have an art journal that I bring to each session and share it with her: paintings, drawings, photos and collages.

I email my T's every day, sometimes multiple times a day. One thing is due to having D.I.D, there's so much going on all of the time, we needed a way to keep our T in the loop.

I currently am utilizing two T's. One, is the "expert" in working with D.I.D, that I saw briefly for a period of 3 months until my other T could see me again. The "expert-T" and my T now consult. Expert-T emails me several times a week, but has guaranteed she will always reply at least once a week to our needs. My T typically reads emails every day, and calls to check in with us every day.

bpd_mess - I used to send my T quite a few text messages and the occassional e-mail. She'd hardly reply (I know she's busy) but sometimes would, and I assume she did read each of them. I'm still too "shy" (for lack of a better word; may self-conscious/ guarding...?) to broach a lot of my topics face to face.
I sent her a VERY deep e-mail on Tues, and texted her on Wed to tell her I'd sent her a mail and I'd like to discuss some of this in our next session.
She said she was glad I was taking ownership of my therapy (Not quite sure what that meant, but I guess it was the fact that I was bringing my topics with me and dictating the direction more) but then told me I have to PRINT my MAIL and take it to the session!!! ARg - assume I'll have to read it out aloud too.

Gee - I'm petrified.
It basically said how important she was in my life; how safe I feel in T, that I crave the kind of professional relationship we have, as a personal relationship in my life (Not with her, but people in my life). That I wish she could text me some words of encouragement maybe every morning, that I wish I could have something that reminded me of her and our sessions.. That I feel so lonely in my life... now to tell her that to her face...

that's part of why i like the email. i don't have the guts to bring up some topics face to face. it kind of holds me accountable in a way. i send it, she comments a little and then she picks what seems to be the hot topics and we discuss them in her office. if she ever asks me what's going on or what i want to talk about, i draw a total blank or freeze up. this works much better for me. reading what i wrote to her out loud is really hard, but it's so very helpful for me. i didn't have any contact between sessions with my last t. that didn't work very well for me. it was like starting over everytime i saw him.

sounds like you brought up some pretty good stuff in your email. should make for good discussion. maybe she won't make you read it out loud, but just wants a copy of it in front of her.

thanks bpd. I also freeze up and feel I have nothing to talk about when it's laid out like that. So I think bringing the thoughts I've had during the week with me, makes it much easier.
It's one of the biggest things about me, that my T has picked up on - I'm just not vocal enough nor able to open up (And I think I wear my heart on my sleeve...??) Hence she appreciates me writing some deep things into a mail, that proves they have come to the fore in my mind - now I need to vocalise them.
At the same time, she's had time to think about my mail too, knows what's coming, and maybe will make it easier for me to begin the conversation.
In that way, I think e-Mail is VERY helpful...

Suzzie, sounds like you need to ask why she has suddenly stopped replying to your emails? Its irrelavant what other peoples experiences are, I'd ask even if in email why she doesn't reply anymore?

This morning I got an email from T saying how impressed she was with my willingness to keep persevering. And she sees me taking forward steps with each session. It was a nice surprise.

At session today we talked about how the kids in school treated me. It was hard to talk about. And took alot out of me mentally and emotionally, I was drained after. A few times I checked out but was there too. Sometimes when she asked me something I heard the words but forgot it as soon as she stopped talking. It was a kinda fuzzy session. But it felt good after. She said we did good work today.

T asked again today if I had any questions. I said no. Someday maybe Ill ask about the emails and other stuff too. I did email her about the kids in school so thats a start, right. maybe in time ill be able to ask for things i need.

Now I dont have therapy for a month because mine and Ts schedules dont match until then this time. (I will have to email in that time. It is just too long.)