Do you ever wonder if therapy is a bunch of crock?

Even though I did have a great session this week, (YAY!) sometimes I wonder if therapy is a bunch of crock. Nonsense. Do you ever wonder if you are just talking yourself into thinking that your life is going to be different one day? Is therapy really going to help me change my thinking, let go of my past, and begin to see a brighter future?

Do therapists really see us in a different light? Or are they looking at us like we are pathetic whiners who are are clinging to them for lack of having any other person in our lives to make us 'feel' anything?

I am thinking of doing something really different at my next session. Not sure she will go along with it. I would like to ask HER some questions. I would like to know how SHE feels about some things. I want to see that emotional side of HER. I am not going to attack her with outrageous questions, but I want to know: Are you happy with your life? Have you ever done something that you regret, something that has changed your life? Do you ever get sad and cry? What makes you sad? What makes you happy? What makes you get up out of bed everyday? Where do you see yourself in ten years?

She is open with me about sharing things, so I think she will go along with this for the most part. My purpose is to see her as a person and not just my therapist. I still struggle with our relationship. In order for me to move forward like I want/need to, I need to establish a little more trust with her. I need to feel a little more connected and safe with her. I don't like to use the word 'intimacy', but we do somewhat share that with our therapist, don't we? Yes, I know there is that line that we don't cross, but I feel like I need to creep up a little closer to that line before I really let go of ALL of my emotional baggage.

My therapist told me last time that I am right on the 'edge'. I have come to the point that I am teetering on a decision. Am I going to 'go for it' in therapy and let go of everything that has me bound? Or am I going to look at what lies ahead, the work I must do, the hurts and pains that I will have to face, and decide to stop and run away?

I have to find some creative way for me to keep grounded and focused on moving forward. In my next session, I have got to kick it up a notch. Do something different. That's just my personality. I cannot stand for things to get stagant.

I guess I have about 8 days to come up with a plan. Not sure if I will forewarn her of what I am doing. I like to surprise people and catch them offguard!

Yeah, I wonder that sometimes, though your title made me laugh! In my case, am I just paying for a friend? I don't know. I think therapy is wonderful because there is no one who can replace my T, and that's the way it is! So I don't care if it's "a piece of crock"! My T is trying to help me with these attachment issues, so I don't believe for the most part that it isn't worth it and is more than just me wanting the connection.

I think it makes sense that you want to know "what makes your T tick." Some Ts will answer personal questions; some won't. I asked my T about her religious beliefs, and that was okay with her. I think she would answer questions like "what makes you happy" or "what makes you sad". Those are good questions. Has anyone asked their T questions like that?

Many of us want to see our Ts as people. After all, they are. At least I think so. My current T lets me see a lot of herself, but she does it subtly. She doesn't talk a lot about herself, but I see it in her office. I hope it works for you if this is what you need to go forward in your therapy.

I've asked about different things at different times - it really depends heavily upon the circumstances of the situation. I've asked personal questions and gotten answers before but it was in an appropriate context. Though once I asked my old T how she acquired her cat and that was a really weird random question that happened to have a personal answer. Silly. I've also asked "what makes you tick" type questions like why T chose her theoretical orientation and gotten answers - though sometimes those types of questions even result in T resisting to answer...

I've done this with my T a few times. I remember once asking him "what is sad in your life?" and he told me a little bit about his childhood and what led him to therapy. I felt honored that he would share it with me.

A month or so ago, we switched seats, and I sat in his T chair (which, incidentally, felt like the safest place I've ever been), and he reclined on the couch and I asked him lots and lots of questions...about what it feels like to be a therapist, what he likes, what's hard about it, what makes him sad...he was really open and honest. We never even talked about that session afterwards...but it just felt like something I needed at the time, and he was so giving about it.

When I have the urge to do something "different" in therapy, I almost ALWAYS follow it. Really. Even if it doesn't make sense. I think sometimes we know what it is that we need without really "knowing".

My T has shared things now and then, more personal sorts of things.....like about the baby she lost several years ago, a few things to do with how she dealt emotionally with it after that, being in therapy.....and I was honored she did so. And yet, it wasn't totally random....it was in relation to issues we were talking about with me, too. I want to know, and yet I don't, more of the story about the baby.....and yet, thinking about boundaries, I think I won't dare ask! But I am glad that there are little things, anecdotes, that she does share from her experience....makes her more real, helps me understand more of what 'makes her tick' as a therapist, what things have influenced her or her perspective.
And I think that being allowed to see a little more of her as a person, that does make it easier to trust, easier to go deeper.....not that it's precisely easy at all! But for me, it does ease the pain of the journey some, to feel like I know the person who is with me in it. It is an intimate journey, yes, allowing someone to come with us as we journey through painful, dark places in our minds and hearts......for myself, I simply couldn't do it without feeling like there was some sort of connection to that person before I let them in so far.
and yes, sometimes I find myself thinking, is there really a point to therapy, is there value in all this painfully hard work?! but, yes, there is. I am gaining a more intimate knowledge of myself, hopefully a better understanding of my authentic self and therefore a better relationship with myself and those I love........there is also value in simply having the support I need right now, too, because lord knows I need it!!

I jokingly call my therapy experience as my "rent-a-friend business thing", but that's the closest description I can think of for the weirdest relationship I've ever had. I may have thought it was a bit of a crock when I was younger, especially because there's money involved, but now I don't see it that way at all. I really take everything T says to heart. While I dislike how it seems to have consumed my life for a long time, I realize that I really benefit from it in countless ways.

Speaking of the pillow/blanket. The last time I went to therapy the receptionist asked me why I brought them. I told her it was my security, then I went on upstairs to my appointment. I told my therapist about it. Even though I was not really offended by it, I told her that it was not really appropriate for the receptionist to ask questions like that.

You never know why people do things they do. If they bring a teddy bear, a stuffed animal, a blanket, or whatever there is usually a reason for it. Someone asking you why you bring that could be a trigger!

_______________________________________

yeah that sounds like a good idea. i've always wanted to do it myself but never bothered. good for you though!

I think their are some therapies that are a crock of **** yes....

This is my first therapist and I feel so blessed that she is genuine and works well with me. Hearing some of the people talk here on PC makes me wonder about some therapists. I am paying good money to get help. I cannot afford to stay with a therapist who may have 'quack' tendencies!

my thoughts too!

Love the honesty. I think it depends on where you are in your theropy if it is a bunch of crock. Sometimes you need claerity with your thought process, so it isn't a crock. Other times you may have redundently dealt with issues and you and your theropist are just going through the motions of conversation, that is a waist of time, and i CROCK.

she what?! was this the usual receptionist or a stand in?
Squiggle I'm wondering what yr T said about it if you don't mind sharing?

I'm re-reading a good book about therapy that sunrise once told us about: In Session, by Deborah Lott. It's a great book and the research was done mostly via anonymous survey, allowing the responder complete privacy which allowed for some stunning honesty. Really good book and Thank You again to sunrise!

There is a certain level of mysteriousness about why the psychotherapy process works. In my own therapy, I cannot always identify why I feel the ability to make changes in my life or why a heavy ball and chain attached to something that I've dragged around for years is gone and has been and I didn't even realize when it happened, or notice until 'just now'. Things like that, so interesting. Sometimes I feel frustrated about the mysteriousness of how it works, but I'm grateful for it and pleasantly amazed just as often. Other times I 'see' it clearly, only after putting the pieces together, and that's a fun discovery too.

It is usually when I'm frustrated about something, or I am wanting something I can't have, or wishing for something that can't be... frustrated, disappointed or something along those lines... that I might wonder. But I suspect for me it is a way of devaluing (in place of allowing the anger, disappointment, etc) or a way of pushing away what feels frightening (intimacy, vulnerability, etc.)

So maybe it is not whether psychotherapy is a bunch of bunk, but why that thought is emerging and what that's about.
Thanks to your post, I can ask myself that next time and get more in touch with what's going on.
Thanks!

Thanks so much for this echoes. I really needed this reminder right at this very moment. You expressed this so clearly. Especially the comment about devaluing in place of allowing the feelings. I think that makes a covert issue overt for me. Thank you.

During the course of my >decade long therapy (with several different therapists) I certainly had many, many times when I thought therapy was a bunch of crock and I was deluding myself into thinking that anything would ever be any different. On the other side of it now, however, I *know* that it isn't, and that it can change one's thinking, help to let go of the past, and LIVE a better future. I could definitely benefit from more therapy yet, but I am done (content) for now. I would never, ever want to go back to the living hell of my pre-therapy days.

I came from an extremely abusive background where I was s* abused by three members of my immediate family, and emotionally and physically abused as well. Pre-therapy I was a hopeless wreck with DID, severe depression, frequent SU tendencies, and with negative educational and vocational consequences for my frequent acting out. For the first two years of therapy I was too afraid to speak.
After therapy I am happy, content, emotionally stable, assertive, strong, and self-nurturing. None of that would be possible without therapy. Therapy changed the course of my life, without a doubt. I embrace my past -all of it. Without it I would not be who I am today, and I LIKE who I am. I wouldn't change a thing.

(((Luce)))

~~~~~~~
For me, therapy saved my life. Sometimes I know I am spending time going over things I already KNOW. But there are gems. Sessions where I gain what I did not have before, and would have not ever had without therapy.

Therapy for me is almost like panning for gold. Takes a lot of very hard work and most of the stuff is just that - stuff. But the times when we find that rare nugget of wisdom pays for it all !!

Um totally. Of course I'm not having the best therapy experience yet. Or even a good one really. I like your idea of asking her questions. Go for it!

I had an almost lifelong habit/compulsion from when I was about 4 until I was 50+ and it was a bit part of why I was in therapy. I remember in my late-20's trying to imagine what my life would be like without the compulsion (which took up 5-15 hours of each day) and utterly failing; I couldn't imagine what I would "do" in that time if it weren't the compulsive behavior.

I think therapy is a bit like that; I was in therapy, twice, for 9 years with the same therapist and could not have imagined what life would be like after therapy. Therapy made my compulsion unnecessary to me in my early 50's and now (I'm 60) and I finished therapy when I was 55 and have trouble remembering life with the compulsion or what it was like in the beginning of therapy. It's kind of like when you are sick, you can't remember being well and when you're well, you don't remember the pain of being sick.

I'm glad that I found one who is genuine and ethical, who works well with me (notwithstanding my current feelings of being stuck....that's not really her fault, or anyone's exactly), who's worth what she's getting paid - and wow, as painful as good therapy is, I sure wouldn't want to be paying for bad therapy!

I wonder all the time whether therapy harms me more than it helps. But I'm also worried about whether my T is the right one for me. Time will tell.

It sounds like this is going to help you jump further into therapy so that it is more real for you and also so that you don't run instead? Can't wait to hear what happens..........

I have been somewhat excited about planning what kind of 'game' I will think up for us to do. It will for sure be a totally different experience. I am thinking that she has probably never had a client come in and want to play a get-to-know you game!

Of course, I still have that blasted anxiety that I hate. Every time I think about her, I become a nervous wreck! I just don't get that. I like her, we get along well, she does not intimiate me, or make me feel bad. So why does the mention of her name send me into anxiety so bad?

I do like seeing her, even though I sound like I don't. I actually count down the days between our sessions. I wish I could afford to go weekly! At least for a little while.

I just wish I could get past the feeling of thinking that me being in therapy is stupid! I wouldn't dare tell a soul other than you guys on PC!

How often do you see her?
And I know what you mean about the nervous feeling.....it's not like my T scares me either, or intimidates me, or makes me feel bad. However, I think what does scare me is how I feel and that someone is going to see how I feel....when I go in there, I know that I will be facing myself, my feelings, and there's no way around being honest....somehow, when she looks straight at me and waits, I find myself compelled to be as completely honest as possible. Being very honest is very hard and can be scary.....
I sometimes feel weird about being in therapy too.....weird about needing it, weird about being such a mess of emotion, weird about paying someone to help me untangle it, weird about being so vulnerable.....I feel like a small child sometimes, too, which is also uncomfortable. But it's OK, it's not stupid to be in therapy - nor is it stupid even to feel like it's stupid! It's just all part of the package, part of the process.