[jazzy123456]

After being in therapy for 2010 and being a member since 2010, reading you alls posts....

sometimes I wonder if the approaches and methods of therapy are really that EFFECTIVE. POSITIVELY EFFECTIVE THAT IS?

Many of us struggle with the same issues,
fear before therapy,
anxiety about it,
the therapeutic-relationship itself, in its entirety,
the fact that we pay them
attachment
the list could go on and on
email

everyone repeats many of the same issues here
...sometimes I wonder if whoever created the concepts behind therapy,
I wonder if they did it right?
Coming here, I read a lot of struggle....
which it would make sense if only one or two people struggled with the same things but, ITs MANY people, not just one or two.

Secondly, Its almost as if you need not only a therapist but, a therapist for THERAPY lol... someone, like a coach in a sense, who could clarify why certain things happen in therapy, answer the questions you have, kinda coach you through it... or maybe a live, in person support group for therapy? I just think therapy really is hard work, not just for your issues but, therapy itself...i think it would be cool if they added some type of coach to therapy, who understood the rules and standards of therapy and could kinda coach you in between sessions but, they would charge a lot less then the therapist and be optional. I just think therapy requires more then just sessions if your going to do it, especially if it is your first time, i think therapists should recommend a support group or coach if your in therapy because, when your going through things in the first place, therapy tends to become its own problem as well!!

what do u think?

idk, my crazy thoughts??? lol

anywho, i want to break down crying, apparently, i try to make myself tough and idk if this is right or wrong but, i'm trying to have space btwn me and my therapist cuz i hate being ATTACHED and I have succeeded because of it, i feel i need her less.....a lot less!
but, some times I just wonder if I am doing what is right because, I purposely REJECT my need to see her, i make myself wait longer even when I know I NEED to see her. ughh...i spent one day, 30 min just crying in bed cuz i wanted to go to therapy,...i'm not really attached to my therapist i dont think, i'm attached to what therapy is...that safe place, being able to talk about what i'm going through....
ughh it feels like waiting for this weekend and MONDAY therapy session will take forever...i want to cry... A LOT

[Can't Stop Crying]

I agree, sometimes I think I need therapy to deal with therapy!

[learning1]

Jazzy, Sorry you're feeling bad

I wonder about these things too but I read enough people on here feeling it's worth it, and I've felt it's worth a little, so I believe it's worth it. I think you do too, usually. Does your therapist talk about what to do about the attachment with you?

Oh and, yes, I've also thought I needed therapy to deal with therapy sometimes. But can't imagine ever affording it. PC seems kind of like therapy for therapy. Would posting here more help?

[sailboat]

Very wise Jazzy!! I do wonder the same. And it scares me beyond belief if what I'm doing to myself by going to therapy messes me up more than it helps me. The fact that I've gotten worse since I started does not help with this guess.
I also hate being attached so I tell myself over and over that I'm soo not attached and she's just T and whatever, who cares
So basically, all I can say is: I feel you

[Liam Grey]

I think your post actually makes a lot of sense.

Sometimes I find myself too wondering if this was the right approach at all, or if I'm just taking it wrong myself or such (but, as you point out, it's not like we are that few with this same feelings). Fact is, therapy ITSELF shouldn't be this powerful on his own.

I feel like I'm on an addiction, sometimes. And frequently I think that even solving all my problems this same morning, I would anyway need that space.

[WePow]

My friend, a retired T - and a retired T teacher, told me "Therapy done right hurts. The only thing harder is therapy not done at all when needed."

In therapy, we are opening up wounds. It is often more comfortable to just continue ignoring the inner pain or doing things to numb the pain. When a person decides that they want to do the work needed to realize their healing, they expose their tender heart parts. Often, just the process of learning how to trust ANYONE is anguishing.

I think that is why many people often feel so raw when seeing a T. That is one of the wonderful benifits of PC - we do have a support system where we can hash out these emotions. Some of them are transference. Some of them are not. But it is a safe (thanks to you moderators!) place to work through all of those things.

Therapy of the mind is no different than therapy of the body. Both tend to cause pain in the course of healing.

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

i'm attached to what therapy is...that safe place, being able to talk about what i'm going through....

Who WOULDN'T want this? It's okay to want/need this, AND to be attached to the person giving it to you. It just makes so much sense.

I hear you on "therapy for my therapy"!! PC has been SO helpful for that. I had never been in therapy before I started seeing my T and had, very literally, NO idea what to expect. Reading about other people's experiences has helped me understand my own, and made it feel more normal and a little less scary. Being able to accept my attachment to T has been a big step in my healing, but I'm not sure I would have made it there without the support of PC, seriously.

Hang in there.

[WikidPissah]

Yea...T definitely makes me worse many times. I struggle all the time with calling T for support but I scream (inside my head, not audibly) "Don't you dare call, you will not bother him with this, he has lots of patients and today is their time...etc". I usually don't end up calling. I do send 1 email a week, which he has requested.

I find PC to be a current answer to that issue. I can process things on here either by posting myself, or reading others posts. I have found it very helpful for keeping the strict boundaries I make myself adhere to. Plus it gives me a chuckle at times, and that's just plain good for the soul.

[embracinglife]

I think it would be helpful to maybe bring up some of your concerns about therapy with your therapist. She would probably be really understanding and try to help.

I have a BA in psychology, and with my studies I've learned that a large part of the healing comes simply from that therapeutic relationship--that safe place that you're talking about and the healthy attachment you form with the therapist. That is probably the biggest contributor to your healing from therapy! So I think it is good that you are forming this healthy attachment with your therapist.

It's also good that you are thinking about not wanting to become dependent on your therapist. Maybe you could talk to T about that as well...and ask for help for forming other healthy relationships so you have more than just T. just a thought. hope this helps.

[rainbow8]

jazzy, I could have written your post!!! In fact, wasn't it just yesterday that inbloom and poetgirl, I think, were talking about starting a thread about this very issue!!!! Years ago, I wrote an essay (for myself and my T) about transference and how, after therapy, will I need another T to resolve the transference? In my case, I've gone through 1 T after another for that very reason, though I know the real reason is probably about grief.

But, the big question is: If I had not gone into therapy at all, and not gotten attached to all of my Ts, would my life have been worse, better, or the same? I HONESTLY think it may have been the same of better.

But now I'm stuck!! I called it "The transference web" back then, and that's what it feels like!!!!

I agree that there should be a coach to help us through therapy. I agree that most of us don't know what we're getting into, and suddently find ourselves with a second set of problems that are more painful than our original problem, sometimes.

Maybe this wanting and attachment to the T is common to all humans because we all have such a strong need for connection, the connection we had to our Moms before and after we were born. Judith Viorst discusses this in her book, Necessary Losses. Today's life is fragmented and many of us live behind a computer (not just us on PC) without human connection. Kids don't talk to each other as much, though I suppose texting is talking. I don't know. There's this connection, face to face, that's missing.

I don't have an answer. A friend told me last night that I'm not sick, so why am I in therapy? I tried to answer her, but it does seem like if I hadn't started therapy, I wouldn't be in this mess. But, then again, I need to grieve for my Mom and for other losses.

I think the pain and wanting we feel for our Ts represents pain we feel for our circumstances in life. There is much to grieve for in life, if it's only that we know we're all going to die.

Sorry I'm rambling on here, but I feel your pain, jazzy, and I am SO glad you started this thread. Many hugs to you!

[Omers]

Having worked with many different therapists from many different schools of thought I think 90% of it is ole boys stuff and a crock of s*.
Yes, I work with a T one a month. We don't do all the transference BS she is more a life coach.
I see massage T weekly. That is where my real healing comes. If I say I need to see her out of the office to make it more like real life we go for a walk in the botanical gardens. If I say I need you to touch me here, hold me there she does. If I get cold she wraps me in a blanket. Thirsty? she gets me a glass of water. I know her home address and phone number and still respect her privacy. I have met her daughter and heard stories about both of her kids and what she was like as a kid. If she is sad she cries with me, if she is happy she cries too. Her feelings are out there and welcome in the room as much as mine. She is REAL. When I ask for what I need in therapy I am told to grieve what will never happen. When I ask for what I need with massage T I get it and leave with that full & sleepy feeling you get after a good meal. If massage T asks me to take a risk she will take a risk with me, there is Balance and equality... mutuality. THAT is where the healing comes. Traditional therapy is a crock.
I'll kindly step down now that I am done ranting.

Originally Posted by Omers

Traditional therapy is a crock.
I'll kindly step down now that I am done ranting.

That was certainly helpful.

[sittingatwatersedge]

>>>>> someone, like a coach in a sense, who could clarify why certain things happen in therapy, answer the questions you have, kinda coach you through it...
I'm so glad you said this. The therapy experience is so very alien to every part of my life that it has been enormously hard for me. I took it on myself to ask the T how the process works, what can I expect, why tranference and boundaries and containing and answering questions with questions, and all the rest.... and heaven knows how many sessions were just filled with my questions, but she was patient to answer them... and I read a lot about the process, I had to KNOW what was going on (can you tell, safety is a biiiiig issue for me). Finally finally finallly after 3yrs I can find enough trust to just let things happen... sometimes... lol

>>> i'm attached to what therapy is...that safe place, being able to talk about what i'm going through....
wow, if only therapy was that for me, but it never has been, and isn't now. For me, it's that place where the very smell of the hand soap in the ladies' room strikes a lightnig bolt of fear through me before I go into T's office....
that place where someone who is a stranger, and somehow not, is going to ask me to creak open my very private self one more time and expose my inner darkness to her searchlight, one more time...

Beforehand Ican hardly think about it, I just go. How I long for that safety everyone talks about. When do you, how do you come to an understanding that it's a safe place... and not just a place where nothing has happened yet.....?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Beforehand Ican hardly think about it, I just go. How I long for that safety everyone talks about. When do you, how do you come to an understanding that it's a safe place... and not just a place where nothing has happened yet.....?

Oh SAWE, how I wish you could feel that your T's is a safe place!

For me, I think it's the one thing that has helped me the most in therapy. I still struggle with it at times, but I trust my T enough to tell her when I'm struggling. For ME (as I'm sure it's different for everyone), I knew it was a safe place when I told her some of my deepest fears and deepest secrets, and she simply didn't react! It was amazing for me. I'm so used to either being greeted with denial or rejection or simply not heard, that having someone respond with a look that simply said "I'm here, I'm listening, tell me more," was just amazing.

Originally Posted by Omers

She is REAL. When I ask for what I need in therapy I am told to grieve what will never happen. When I ask for what I need with massage T I get it and leave with that full & sleepy feeling you get after a good meal.

I think it depends on the therapist. When I ask for what I need from T, I always, always get it, if it is within boundaries. Always. He has never told me "no" and then told me to grieve for what would never happen.

Can T travel back to childhood with me and raise me? No. There ARE things that can never happen, but he gives me what I need in the way that he can.

Every therapist is different, which is good, because every client is different

[WePow]

My T saved my life. I had already decided on SU. I went to T as a very last ditch effort because I didn't want people who did love me to wonder why I didn't at least try to reach out. And I wanted someone to actually know why I did it so they could explain it in some way to those I did love. THAT is what I went into therapy to accomplish.

What happened was that I was helped and was led through the dark night of the soul.
That was something that I don't believe to be a "crock" ... Just saying :-)

[jazzy123456]

thx can't stop crying...looks like we have that in common.

learning1 --I never bring up attachment so No we never discuss it.
I'm in denial about it really. And some times I do think its worth it,
thats why I've lasted so long in therapy i think,.
other times, I don't think its worth it.
YES, posting here HELPS but, because it does HELP
I wish I could get therapists to see that this probably needs to
be incorporated into therapy in its entirety.
I think therapists NEED to offer clients a place to GO
or a place that could offer them support,
especially new clients, I think its more of a necessity
for the therapeutic relationship then a luxury.
thanks for your comment

and thanks for your reply sailboat, yes, it too, since day 1, worries me
that therapy is actually making things worse, not better.
....I feel you too.!

Thanks liam grey, I agree.i feel you, i dont understand why therapy is this powerful on its own.

Yes, Wepow, this process is anguishing and i think therapy should have and offer alternate support during the therapeutic relationship process. Thank you for your insight, as always, I'm delighted to read it.!

Hey Treehouse, Idk why I don't want a healthy attachment but, I don't. I hate gaining things because I know I'm eventually going to lose those things.

Yep, Eileen...it is good for the soul.

thanks for your thoughts embracinglife, I still haven't got the courage yet, to bring up these things with my therapist.

thank you soooo very much Rainbow. I couldn't agree more with the statement!:

""I agree that there should be a coach to help us through therapy. I agree that most of us don't know what we're getting into, and suddently find ourselves with a second set of problems that are more painful than our original problem, sometimes.

Maybe this wanting and attachment to the T is common to all humans because we all have such a strong need for connection.""
I couldn't agree more with that!

Omers, I can certainly see your point. to be honest, you make a lot of sense. I'm very skeptical of therapy now that I've been in it. What is your defintion of a massage therapist? I've never heard of that before.

sittingatwatersedge, I don't think I've 100% come to terms that it is a safe place, I'm just the type of person who will share regardless if I feel 100 percent safe. I still don't trust but, usually I'm just in enough pain to share anyway. For me, I opened up to the understanding when my pain was too much to bear.
And I feel you--on the ...therapy is so alien to your life and enormously hard for you.
I certainly feel the same way.

Blessed Rhiannon---I'm so happy you've been able to build that safe place and trust with your T!

[jazzy123456]

Overall, I understand that PC is helpful to you all but, I'm thinking about people who are in therapy who have never heard of this, who have no where to turn after therapy...
I'm thinking about people who would benefit from support IN PERSON and not just over the computer.
I'm thinking about the fact that therapists dont offer any support other then themselves during therapy and I don't think that is right.
Sure, there are exceptions. some times therapists do mention support outside of the office but, its not a requirement for them to mention these things and I think it should be, as we all agree, that the therapeutic relationship is a hard one and one of the most interesting, unique and strenuous relationships you will ever cross in your lifetimes, because you are sharing wounds, and the most tender parts of your life story, heart, and soul.

thanks for the comments everyone