unbelievable: no more hugs, ever

Yes, it's not only no hugs, it's no physical contact......and forever. It hurts, but it is what it is. T might change her mind someday on the forever and ever part perhaps, but I won't be holding my breath!

(((((((((((sawe)))))))))) I am sorry, that sounds so hard. But yes, you must TELL her how much it hurt......it seems maybe she didn't understand really?a ton of hugs from me forever!

((((sawe))))

wow i am so sorry sawe tohear that your T seemed so delighted in this.it just sounds so painfull to me.it seems she is really missing this one big time.i hope you can let her know you dont find it amusing at all.i hope she will be able to accept how painfull it is for you and be somewhat more sympathetic

You all have been very kind to me as I've struggled to deal with this arbitrary rule that was imposed on my T and me by "management". You folks are the best!! and I just thought I would give you the end of the story.

Yesterday I went to see T again, and right at the start she said she had some good news.

It seems that the therapists in this program (there are a lot of them) were meeting with The Administration this past week, and one of the Ts (she didn't say whether herself or some other) brought up how hard it is to just impose a blanket no-hugs rule on clients out of the blue.

T said that as soon as this was spoken, immediately all the other Ts chimed in and the result was a rescission of the rule!!!

The Admin gave them credit for knowing their clients, and for having the professionalism and clear judgment to assess problem situations, and reversed it.

Bottom line: that which is therapeutic won the day over all other considerations.
I hope I wasn't out of line, but I told my T I was proud of her & all of them (!) for standing up. Good job T!!!!

oh gosh, what a happy ending! it makes me want to cry tears of joy for you! so you will still have your hugs......

W O W !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Touch is more healing than any word or words.

Hugs!!!!

that's sweet of you. thanks!
you know, I figured out on my own that it wasn't the hug that was the issue; it was the unreasonable, inflexible rule that had been dropped on me with no appeal. That triggered me (powerlessness) and I understood why I had gotten so upset about it.

Funny, when I told T I had worked all this out, I really expected her to give me a lot of praise for having traced it back to its real cause - but she didn't, and have to admit I was disappointed. I guess I want her approval more than I thought.

That was very good for you to logically take your thoughts back to the source of the problem.....feeling powerless over arbitrary decisions that don't allow for any input or appeal. Very good job.

It is also good that you (and others) were able to express the dislike of the decision because without expressing the feelings then it never would have been brought up again with Admin.

It's the same with many things that happen in our life.....a change or something happens that effects us very negatively......we mindfully think through what our feelings are & express them along with trying to figure out if there is anything we can do to change. When we have done everything possible.....we end up HAVING to accept what it is as becoming the new reality but accepting it as being what is doesn't me that we accept it as being good or right....it's just accepting that what is, is. Accepting it doesn't mean that we aren't keeping our mind thinking of possibly ways of fixing the problem we perceive & aren't keeping out mind open to new information that we can use to change the change, or keep in our mind that we hope some day that they will figure out that the change really IS a problem (like they decided in your case). Accepting what is is just being able to live with whatever has happened until we are able to take any other positive action to correct it & if nothing comes up to help make it change, we continue to accept it as our new reality. We don't fight it, but it doesn't mean that we don't stop looking for information to fix the problem.....which the group of T's were able to successfully do. Everyone had to accept that new reality of the NO HUGS until they were able to continue to deal with showing that it was a problem. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up hope that something will come up to make the necessary change, but being willing to accept what is is what you have to deal with until that change may possibly happen.

I think most of the time we are forced into radical acceptance of things & are forced to live with what the things is that we are having to accept. Denying it doesn't change it & it doesn't mean that we don't stop looking for the things that can help change it, but we accept if for what it is while there is nothing we can do to make the changes.

I am so glad that all of the T's stepped forward & spoke up & that they didn't just silently accept without being willing to take steps to try to correct the problem.....good job on all the T's in your group & good job for you SAWE for being able to tolerate & accept while you had to the situation even while you knew it wasn't good.

I am sooooooo happy for you. Enjoy every one of those hugs to it's fullest. Sounds like there are so great therapist in that group!

Eskielover, are you my T incognito? Except for the very last paragraph, she told me all this (and I agree). It's part of being an adult, there WILL be rules that we don't like but must adhere to.

I am relieved to realize that I didn't get angry or blaming about it, at any time; gee, maybe I am starting on the path of healing after all.

I am so proud of all those Ts. And of you too, SAWE, for giving your T feedback on the rule.

wow i am really glad it worked out for you, it must have been very painful to have had that comfort removed.

Reading your post did make me feel a bit sad as I have never had any physical contact with my T except when I met her for the first time a few years ago and she shook my hand to say hello. I seen her or about 7 monhs then but the organisation she worked for only offered short term help. There was a 2-3 year gap before I started seeing her again just over a year ago and there has been no physical contact at all - which makes me sad but i know she thinks it breaks boundaries and may make the ending harder, which is probably true. Its just sad sometimes as I really need a hug.

xxxxx

DG I am sad reading what you posted too. Have you asked? I didn't for years and when I did, she was OK with it.
Sometimes the T would be OK with a side hug? or a pat on the arm? if you could talk to her about it (I know it's hard) maybe the two of you could agree on something.

aw thanks hun

I'm too scared to ask. she knows I wish she was my mum and that I feel attached to her and I think she would be afraid to hug me or whatever incase it made that worse really. Actually I am just remembering how a few months ago we did discuss something about wanting a hug and she said something like " you wouldnt want your therapist to hug you though would you?" and I said "yes" - but it didnt make any difference - she said something about how it just would increase dependancy and attachment ...I feel like crying as I type that because in my head all I can think of is that i'm not allowed to need anyone.