[seventyeight]

i asked my therapist today about 'touch' in therapy, and she told me she's open to hugging clients if they would like to. i have some questions:

1) do you hug your therapist?

2) what's it like?

3) how was it the first time?

4) how is it now?

thanks for any feedback. i'm not certain that i'll ever do it, i'm just trying to figure out more about it..

[Verbascum]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

1) do you hug your therapist?

No.

And I even feel very uncomfortable when imagining it...

But I'm very happy for those who can hug their T, and find it comforting!

[jexa]

My T doesn't hug. Well, I don't think so that is. I actually never asked. I'm glad she's never tried to hug me because it would freak me out, but I generally freak out about touch. However, some people like it a lot! I'm sure you will get great responses from people who consider it very healing to be able to hug their T's.

[zooropa]

I don't like touch and generally only hug my kids. Sometimes I hug my best friend when I haven't seen her for a long time, but usually not (just to give you an idea of how I am with touch, even with people I really care about). So, no, I have never hugged my T. I know if she wanted to hug me it would have really freaked me out earlier in therapy.

Lately, though, I've thought about hugging her and how it would feel to get a hug from her after those long, intense trauma sessions. I've had times when I thought it would be so comforting and healing, but other times when I think it would be as awkward as all touch usually is for me.

I might ask her about it someday. Probably not, honestly. I've gone almost 2 years in therapy with her without touching at all, that's probably not going to change now.

eta: I think, for me, there is a sexual component in it that makes it even more difficult. I hesitated to post about this part of it, but I hope I'm right in thinking other people here will have that issue, too. I think part of my fear of asking for a hug is that I'm afraid my T will see it as sexual in some way, that I'm coming onto her or something. Talk about AWKWARD.

[sittingatwatersedge]

1) do you hug your therapist?
now and then

2) what's it like?
varies, on whether I ask for it (saying thanks) or she volunteers it (apparently feeling compassion for a rough session). It's fine, not a big deal really

3) how was it the first time?
the first time I asked, full of trepidation because of the big deal it seems to be on PC. She said sure, and it was no big deal to her. I remember I was sort of surprised at that. Afterwards I agonized for 3-4 wks about whether I had imposed on her etc, but when I saw her again and told her all that she looked puzzled and said, you can have a hug any time. (I usually don't though)

4) how is it now?
after last session I asked for one, but I think I had ticked her off in session, it seemed like all the warmth was on my side. Gee thanks for bringing it up. One more thing to be nervous about tomorrow....

[koalabb123456]

1-I hugged my former case manager for a hug. She was worry about it at first, because she was afraid it would hurt me. But she hugged me anyway.
2-It was a very short and brief one.
3-She was very afraid to hugged me because she know i am very attracted and very attach to her. She was worry about it would make me even more confused and depressed.
4-I am not so sure. Right now we are not seeing eachother anymore.

[zooropa]

actually, koala's post made me remember that when I saw my new case manager for the 1st time a few weeks ago, she asked if she could hug me. This was my first appt. w/her as my case mgr but I have known her for 3 years so it wasn't that weird. And I said yes, and I hugged her, and it felt nice. Oddly, when my previous case mgr was leaving and it was my last session with her, I felt like she might want to hug me goodbye and I was really hoping she wouldn't. We didn't hug goodbye. I still feel kind of bad about that because I really liked her, but when it comes down to it touch is awkward and foreign to me, I feel like I have gotten off easy if I can squeak by without touching anyone.

[Kiya]

Good for you for asking questions!

1) do you hug your therapist?

I do now... I didn't for at least a year or more - sometimes she would after a hard session. She hugs at least all the gay guys as they leave, or even as they come in. I'm not sure I've seen that often with the gals.

2) what's it like?

Most times it is fine now. Sometimes I am mad or irritated at her and i hope to not hug her (it is an every session thing now). In those moments if I try to make a run for it, I'll be halfway down the hall to the door and she'll say "No hug?" and then i reluctantly return. She says "You don't have to" but i feel like i have to. I could never tell her i wanted a hug and now i can never tell her when i don't.

3) how was it the first time?

Hmmm don't remember... I know i was terribly envious of those who did get hugs. I think we might have talked about it - if so she brought it up. And then it seems like that first time it was akward.

4) how is it now?

After that it was a normal part of connecting after the sesson and keeping that connection for the week. She always insitgates it. I never assume i will get one... i watch and wait.

[cmac13]

My therapist never used to hug me but in the past few years that has changed and she will hug me if I ask her to. It is very comforting. She will hug me as long as I need her to and often she talks to me while she is holding onto to me to reassure me. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the emotions it taps into because I was never hugged in my family ever and it feels good to feel cared for and taken care of by her.

[Eliza Jane]

Current T hugs me after every session. Love it. It makes me feel like I am safe and okay as a person. It is also a good way to sort of "seal off" the session and leave some of the painful stuff in the room as I go off to the rest of my day. We didn't start hugging until after I had known her 2 yrs.

Old T used to hug me occassionally. After 5 years, she said, "You know, sometimes I just want to hug you. Would that be okay?" I was (emotionally) touched by that. After that, I knew I could always ask for a hug when I needed one.

I would say that I generally have strong bounadries about people touching me, but it is different with T. I trust her so much and feel so safe with her.

EJ

[Indie'sOK]

I don't think my T does, but I wish she did. I'd find it comforting, I know I would. I get on very well with my T - we could be friends or even sisters if it weren't a professional relationship. I've always imagined having just one hug, at the end of therapy when we're done..that's hopefully a long time from now.

[granite1]

ihave never hugged my T and i dont know if she huggs.i'm not so great on touch.but my T has reciently done strange things i'n t like moving her chair closer to me getting on the floor with me to do art exersizes like passing weights back and forth to get me moving my body.but she has never touched me.

[WePow]

1) do you hug your therapist? No. My Therapist hugs me. He made that clear when he started offering me hugs. He hugs his friends and it is a natural part of who he is. He knows it is helping me heal in ways words just can't heal for someone from my trauma history. So HE gives me a hug at the end of each session.

2) what's it like? It is healing. It tells me he likes me even though I may tell him stuff I have deep shame about. It feels safe. He keeps his body away from me and just uses his arms and I think that is cool because it is him saying "This is my space, but here you go - I want to offer you my arms for just a tiny bit." It teaches me that a person can have personal boundaries but still extend themselves to another person in a safe and healthy way.

3) how was it the first time?
It was terrifying. It was kinda a strange dance between a handshake and an ackward sideways hug another time. Then he offered a first hug and it was so healing. But the next time he did not offer one and I really missed it and had to do a ton of work inside around why I needed that hug and what it meant to my healing. Once I worked through all that for myself and talked it over with my T (which included the session ending with me saying "Can I give you a hug?" and him saying "No. But I can give you one." ) ... well that was the start of the most powerful medicine I have EVER had on a level very deep inside my spirit.

4) how is it now?
It is wonderful. It is safe. I honor each hug and know that it is not obligatory... that T does not have to offer me one. And that makes it mean a lot to me inside. I know it is a gift of medicine each time. I can respect that medicine as a single dose gift he dispenses at this time.
If it were me, I could hug him for hours because he is a wonderful T. But that would not be medicine - it would just be fun. So I have a guy friend at work who gives me all the safe non-sexual male hugs I need anytime I want one and he will just hug me for 10 min at a time sometimes! So I am now learning how to get what I need outside the therapy office. So bottom line is that it really is not just a T hug... it is therapy.

Thanks posting this question to all of us! It allows me to work out mentally an issue that I am doing a ton of internal work around at this point in my life.

[chaotic13]

No I don't hug my T. I'm grateful that touch has not been part of my therapy... With my T. I had a lot of problems with touch and I've been able with my T's non-touch help to address most of my problems. I am fairly confident that now if for some reason a hug situation presented itself in therapy I would be able handle it without all the mental noise. I don't stress about this type of contact anymore...So I'd say my T's no-touch approach with me has been very helpful.

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by WePow

"Can I give you a hug?" and him saying "No. But I can give you one."

This is so sweet That sounds so healing and just..perfect.

On rare occasions my t will hug me, but it isn't something that regularly happens. That's fine with me. I'm not really a touchy feely kind of person anyway.

1. I/we hug our therapist every session. My younger parts hug her pretty much the entire session.

2. It feels safe and warm for most of us. Those who don't like touch don't participate in hugging.

3. Nerve wrecking for me... One of my kids popped out and hugged her. I thought he was going to kiss her and I almost had a heart attack! He did fine tho.

4. Continues to be nice and safe for us. A good balance of appropriate boundaries and love.

T and I hug at the end of every session. It feels safe and good and right. Sometimes when it's been a really hard session, he will sort of rest his head on the top of my head (he's tall, I'm really short).

I guess the hugs are different depending on what's going on. Usually it's a "I like you, we're good and connected" kind of hug. If I'm sad or crying, he'll rub my back a little. When I feel super grateful or happy or connected I give him a big squeeze at the end

I'm really huggy with some people, not so much with others. With T, it feels right.

I am trying to remember the first time we hugged....we had had other physical contact before that...I really can't remember it. But I'm sure if I had a few hours I could find a post about it somewhere on PC

I'm actually really glad that I have physical touch with my T. It feels VERY safe and comfortable and reassuring and connecting. I think that if there was some kind of "mystery" around it, or if it was a Huge Deal, I might feel more sexual undertones to things. As it is, I don't feel that at all. There's no big mystery...there's just comfort. For *me*, that helps.

[Eliza Jane]

I'm surprised that there are females who have male T's that hug them. That would freak me out (hmm...gives me some insight into my own issues). Pdoc is male and shakes my hand at the end of every session. That feels about right to me for that relationship---warm, but not in my personal space.

EJ

Originally Posted by Eliza Jane

I'm surprised that there are females who have male T's that hug them.

I SO get this. When I started therapy, it was a HUGE DEAL to me that T stay a certain distance away from me. He would actually say things like "I'm going to get up and walk to my desk to get a receipt now" before he moved out of his chair so I would feel somewhat safe. I sat WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY across the room from him, as far away as I could get. I honestly sort of backed out of the room after session because I was afraid he'd pat me on the back or something. I finally told him how scary it was for me to walk out of the room with him behind me, and he said he would stay in his chair while I walked out so I would feel safer.

When I asked him about physical contact with clients, I was asking so I would be sure it would never happen, because I read here about people hugging their T's and it totally freaked me out.

Now, three years and hundreds of therapy hours later, I feel differently, but only because T has shown me over time that he has excellent boundaries, and that touch can be safe. I think before therapy, I thought touch was either sexual or something that would hurt me (other than hugs with my kids, of course). It's been really really healing to find out that touch can just be about comfort and connection and caring and that's it.

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

i asked my therapist today about 'touch' in therapy, and she told me she's open to hugging clients if they would like to. i have some questions:

1) do you hug your therapist?

2) what's it like?

3) how was it the first time?

4) how is it now?

thanks for any feedback. i'm not certain that i'll ever do it, i'm just trying to figure out more about it..

1. I've hugged exactly two out of ... five? therapists. Both women. One I have the best rapport with - she's been my T the longest (I've hugged her more than once, but who knows how many times, maybe half a dozen in years. Last time it was because I was saying all I really wanted from someone was a hug and for someone to tell me they cared. She asked if it was okay first, which was odd to me). I hugged another T goodbye on the last session but that was it.

Idk, I found that a hug is a hug for me... I just like hugs.

[Indie'sOK]

Touch in general...one time I was doing EFT with my therapist which required her to try to press my arm down to my body and see the way it releases tension...it felt so good just for her to do that little bit. Maybe this speaks more about my own desires?...I am not really a touchy-feely person and sort of cringe when most people will even put their hand on my shoulder but for some reason I just loved it when T did this

[JustWannaDisappear]

My previous Ts I've never hugged. Usually just a handshake or my first T would just touch my arm.

My current T hugged me last week after she walked me to the main door, (i'm her last client of the evening) and she asked me if I did hugs and I wasn't paying attention really, kind of in a fog over our session. And she hugged me, my tension and stress completely went away. We don't have a session until next Wednesday. She's really sweet, she's the only T I've ever felt comfortable with. And she always asks if I'm okay and relaxed at our sessions. She also asks how she can help me relax.

I kind of went off topic.. but in summery.. I love my T and would welcome many more hugs.

[BlackCanary]

Originally Posted by seventyeight

1) do you hug your therapist?

2) what's it like?

3) how was it the first time?

4) how is it now?

I think that touch therapy is more than just a hug - definitely be sure you and your T have a common understanding. Your T may ask you to sign an informed consent to ensure it's completely clear.

Original T - I asked to hug him, more than once. He always said no. Never did. Very hard for me, makes me sad still. Like EJ and Zoo noted, this was certainly a rule because he was a guy - and because I had a massive teenage transference/crush thing going on - but he also said he reached a point where he stopped hugging clients, though he'd done it earlier in his career.
New girlT - she hugged me after I told her a important story at the start of August. She said the right things while she hugged me, comforting things, acknowledging things. She's hugged me once or twice since then; when the moment was right, many tears falling. For me, it's like hugging a dear co-worker or a minister. It has the purpose of helping, healing, comforting at a very difficult moment.
It is nice to know it's there if I need it, I can ask.

Technically it's a bit odd if we are standing up - I'm several inches taller than her!

[peaches100]

I told my t i wanted her to hug me for years before she finally was willling. By that time, it didn't feel so healing because it felt forced. Now she will do it if i ask, but i rarely ever do. There have been a couple of times she has offered either a hug or has patted my back during difficult trauma work. But i get the sense that she's not all that comfortable with it. It feels kind of stiff. She told me once she has some clients who hug her after every session, so i'm not sure why she's been so hesitant with me. She mentioned my SA history, but that was with a male, so her touching me doesn't cause me flashbacks or anything. I wish my t had been (and was) more more giving in the area of touch because my family didn't offer comfort and i feel like inside i really, really need it.