[granite1]

i wonder if anyone else ever feels unimportant to there T's.i do,i don't talk much if at all.i mostly sit there.i never or hardly ever share anything about me or what is going on with me or my past.i would never tell her about my SI.most times i just sit there and so does she.i cant help but know she must be board and that is why she never offers make up sessions for all these Mondays that she isn't there.i cant blame her.after almost 2 years she still knows nothing about me at all or at least the smallest amount of stuff.she must have so many more clients that allow her to help and are so much more interesting and engaging for her and then i come in and just sit.i have nothing to offer her .nothing to even make her the slightest bit interested in helping me at all.just me a big huge bag full of boring nothingness

[sittingatwatersedge]

((((((( Granite )))))) If I were a T, if I thought of you as a bag full of something, it might be a bag full of secrets..... which is the opposite of boring!! just something to think about.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

((((((( Granite )))))) If I were a T, if I thought of you as a bag full of something, it might be a bag full of secrets..... which is the opposite of boring!! just something to think about.

thanks swe you always seem to make things a bit better whit what you have to say to me..

Granite, if you want a make-up session, ASK for one. I know communication is hard for you, but if you don't ask, she will have no idea what you desire. She's not offering make-up sessions because you haven't given her any indication that you need them. I doubt that she finds you boring. That is you giving yourself negative messages. Stop that. Those negative messages are not helpful to you.

[dizgirl2011]

Originally Posted by granite1

i wonder if anyone else ever feels unimportant to there T's.i do,i don't talk much if at all.i mostly sit there.i never or hardly ever share anything about me or what is going on with me or my past.i would never tell her about my SI.most times i just sit there and so does she.i cant help but know she must be board and that is why she never offers make up sessions for all these Mondays that she isn't there.i cant blame her.after almost 2 years she still knows nothing about me at all or at least the smallest amount of stuff.she must have so many more clients that allow her to help and are so much more interesting and engaging for her and then i come in and just sit.i have nothing to offer her .nothing to even make her the slightest bit interested in helping me at all.just me a big huge bag full of boring nothingness

Hey granite hun,

I don't think your Therapist finds you boring. Like all therapists she knows that clients open up at different rates and that they can communicte differently. It definately doesn't sounds like there is nothing going on for you, it sounds like theres a lot going on inside but your are struggling so much to share it. What is the fear of sharing with her?

Have you thought of other ways of communicating with her?

If your therapist thought that you were not worth helping she would not have stayed with you for almost 2 years, I think she knows that you are struggling and wants to help but perhaps is afraid to push you that little bit.

*huge huggles

Granite,
i feel the same way, that i am just of no importance to anyone and i think that is part of the reason t wanted me back for weekly sessions. i think he is trying to show me that i am important and i think your t tries to do that too in her own way. it is such a struggle to be vulnerable. so afraid. not that i am going to be hurt, more like i am going to be annihilated. what about you??? is this why you don't like to talk in in t????

by the way...YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT AND WORHWHILE!!!
and as someone else said "we are not there to entertain our t's"

sending safe hugs

[cmac13]

I am not sure what you want your therapist to do. The relationship goes two ways. As my therapist has said "I cannot read your mind". If you have been in therapy for two years and still cannot communicate openly with your therapist, perhaps you need to seek out another one. To me it seems like a major waste of time and money. Your life is far too valuable than to sit session after session and feel the way you do. You need to take conrrol of the situation. And as someone else has stated we are not there to amuse and entertain our therapists.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Granite, if you want a make-up session, ASK for one. I know communication is hard for you, but if you don't ask, she will have no idea what you desire. She's not offering make-up sessions because you haven't given her any indication that you need them. I doubt that she finds you boring. That is you giving yourself negative messages. Stop that. Those negative messages are not helpful to you.

i am so scared that she would say no and for some reason i dont think i could handle that.and i doubt she wants to see me anyway.she only works 3 days and probibly has a full schedual anyway.i'm just scared to ask big time.esp if all i do is sit and say nothing.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by cmac13

I am not sure what you want your therapist to do. The relationship goes two ways. As my therapist has said "I cannot read your mind". If you have been in therapy for two years and still cannot communicate openly with your therapist, perhaps you need to seek out another one. To me it seems like a major waste of time and money. Your life is far too valuable than to sit session after session and feel the way you do. You need to take conrrol of the situation. And as someone else has stated we are not there to amuse and entertain our therapists.

hi cmac13

in a perfect world my T would just say i am on vacation this day would you like a makeup session.she use to ask me this and then just stoped for some reason.my guess is that i was always to scared to answer her or accept a makeup session so she just stoped asking.

one of the major reasons i am in T is my unwillingness and inability to talk and interact with others.i dont think finding a new T would help this. i guess at some point i just need to decide i am just going to talk.IDK.i didnt mean to give the impression that she is a bad T and i need to find a new one i am sure she does the best she can with what i give her to work with.this is more my point i guess.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by jbmomg

Granite,
i feel the same way, that i am just of no importance to anyone and i think that is part of the reason t wanted me back for weekly sessions. i think he is trying to show me that i am important and i think your t tries to do that too in her own way. it is such a struggle to be vulnerable. so afraid. not that i am going to be hurt, more like i am going to be annihilated. what about you??? is this why you don't like to talk in in t????

by the way...YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT AND WORHWHILE!!!
and as someone else said "we are not there to entertain our t's"

sending safe hugs

i totaly feel like i could be easily annihilated and just let it happen.i do this often.kind of what is going on at work.i so get this.as far as my being scared to talk i have so many reasons and excuses i dont know why.my T has theroys she shares at times but the cynical part of me just says shure and doesnt believe them.i tent to put a lot of energy in figuring out how to talk to make people happy than trying to figure out why i dont.i'm sure it is a controle thing and a fear thing also.

i dont think you are unimportant at all.i think how much you help people her is awsome and what you have to say is hugely important.i hope you know this

[WikidPissah]

You are SO SO SO important Granite! Here on PC and in real life. Ask for that make up session, you DESERVE it and it's definitely ok to ask. (but I know how hard it is to do so)

[Flooded]

I feel important for the session and if I phone her - which is rare. That is all I expect.

[SoupDragon]

Hi - I too find it really difficult to talk in sessions, I often rehearse what I am gong to say, but when I get in there I just get blocked somehow. Sometimes we just talk about non-threatening stuff though and I do find that a bit easier. I think that sometimes we can get stuck in a cycle, a habit and we just carry on doing what we have always done, for that is what we expect.

I did a horse whispering course once (Monty Roberts style) and I learned that if a horse is resisting the worse thing you can do is just keep pulling it in the direction that you want it to go. Instead you walk it in a different direction, give it lots of praise and warmth and before it knows it, it has got to the place that you wanted it to get to.

I wonder if this translates at all to T - so we don't even think about talking about the places we don't want to go to, but maybe talk about other safe stuff (the weather, favourite things, places) and in time we may find we are a little less defensive and resistant and find ourselves in that scarey place, but somehow it may feel safer.

[SpiritRunner]

you ARE so important and so NOT boring, granite......I think maybe your T might find it an interesting challenge to deal with you and try to learn about you. I am sure she thinks that there is a lot under the surface that she would like to get to, that she would like you to feel able to talk about.....nothing boring!
I don't think you are boring or unimportant!

i dont know why.my T has theroys she shares at times but the cynical part of me just says shure and doesnt believe them.i tent to put a lot of energy in figuring out how to talk to make people happy than trying to figure out why i dont

oh Granite, IMHO i think you think about others so much and that feeling maybe overwhelming you? it is NOT your job to make everyone happy....
letting t in can be so scary. i have had the same t for so long and in some respects i haven't even scratched the surface of some topics because they are so painful.
i think t's know this about us. they are smart cookies, but don't always share everything.
i had a friend in group therapy that would never talk but she wrote everything down. it was how she controlled things.
i also, think that one day you will be talking because it will be your turn... then the skies the limit!!!!
until then, give yourself a break, you are okay. i like you !
ps i have faith in you!