[lastyearisblank]

I'm visiting family for the 4th this long weekend. Big mistake. It's always a cost benefit analysis but my sister is here this year and I really miss my niece. When I was sleeping, my mother went through my purse and took my Paxil (she is anti meds). I am in hell. I don't have a GP here and can't get any and am seriously withdrawing. I want to email my T and tell her I quit. This sucks.

I'm done... seriously.... I have brain zaps and everything. I feel utterly inhuman, dependent on meds and therapy to get through normal. Life. I am so ANGRY. I'm tired of going to therapy and being like . None of this is worth it. I'm tired of being good. I QUIT.

[WePow]

Stay safe. That is wrong that your mother did that. URRRR!!!!!
Can you get your PDoc to authorize more to a local pharmacy?
You are doing what you need to do to get healthy - and THAT is what counts.
Don't give up.

Please take gentle care of you. What your mother did was wrong and wreckless. When someone yanks medication, it sets us up to make poor decisions. Please realize that when medications are missed it makes our "dips and valleys" much lower and harder to cope. If you wish to stop medications, there is an appropriate way to do so, if it really does bother you that you are on them. However, what your mother did was inappropriate. There is also a way to work yourself out of therapy. Please give yourself time, and utilize some self care during this intense weekend.

[eskielover]

If you were to have diabetes or some other illness that caused you to need meds, you would be dependent on them to have a normal life also. Just because something is a MI rather than a medical illness doesn't change that some things in our life require us to take extra measures in order to be well & feel ok in our life.

I have constant migraine headaches when I'm not on the pain medication that finally gave me back a normal life so that I can function & enjoy life again......the med is luckily a patch so I don't have to take pills....but it's really the same situation as you are in, just a different illness. I am so very thankful for the med & for the more normal life I can have & enjoy again.

I have finally found a wonderful psychologist who has made a world of difference in dealing with the PTSD & the anxiety & depression that I was going through & the DBT group has made all the difference in the world as far as psychology goes...much different than I ever experienced before since my depression hit in 1994.

Taking your meds does make a difference as you see now that you aren't able to take them. I would definitely be angry with mother, but not the therapy or the meds.....they are what helps you....what your mother did was a harm to you....& you can definitely SEE the difference in how you are feeling. Feeling more normal is definitely worth taking a med & having a T to help.

Last, your mother seriously needs to realize the severity of what she did. She put you in harms way by taking your meds like that. Its very hard to think logically and function when in withdrawl. Can you perhaps go for a walk? or meditate? or read or write or anything at all to try to bring yourself down a little. Keep posting here, anything. I wish I could just through the computer screen and help you. Please be gentle with you, and safe hugs.

[elliemay]

Whoa! This is way out of line. Way way out of line. My mother has taken my medication before, but because she wanted it for herself..... NOT because she didn't want me to take it.

That medication was prescribed for you by a medical doctor who thought, in his/her professional opinion that it was indicated for your symptoms.

Suddenly stopping this med is not a good idea.

Get out of that house. Call your pdoc or your local pharmacy and get help.

What your mother did was unethical, likely illegal and way way way out of line for any one to do to another human being.

Get out of that house, do the right thing for yourself.

[dizgirl2011]

Hi there,

I am so sorry your mother has done this. Ring the out of hours/emergancy doctor and explain the situation, you should not have to go without your tablets hun. Is there any chance of retrieving the ones she took? I feel so angry on your behalf because she had absolutely no right to do this. If she doesn't believe in taking meds thats fine but she has no right to withdraw someone elses meds.

Please don't make any big decisons, such as quitting therapy when you are not in a calm state of mind and when you are dealing with medication withdrawl. The person to be angry with here is your mother, not the meds or your therapist.

*****huge hugs******

[nannypat]

Does your mother realize what can medically happen to your body my suddenly stopping your medication? If she doesn't believe you, have her call the pharmacy and talk to a pharmacist, or the ER and ask them. There can be all kinds of medical problems with suddenly stopping your medication. You need to get in touch with somebody, your p/doc, your medical, an ER who can get you back on your meds. Good luck.

[ECHOES]

Does your mother realize that you and she are two separate people?

She can be as anti-meds as she wants to be, but she doesn't dictate what you do.
I would let her know that unless she returns your meds to you, you will not be visiting again.

Good idea to go to the ER for help with the withdrawal symptoms.

[sunrise]

I can understand being frustrated and angry with your mother, but please don't quit therapy. You are probably feeling bad from not having the Paxil and so are just ready to ditch everything! But please stick with your T. It's not T's fault your mother has no respect for you or your boundaries. T did not do this to you, your mother did. Grrrr. Please don't give up on yourself. I recommend asking Mom for the meds, if she won't give them to you, leave. How can you celebrate a holiday with a person who is out to damage you? Then go to a pharmacy, explain the situation, and see if you can get a couple of pills until you can contact your pdoc and get a new prescription.

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I am so ANGRY. I'm tired of going to therapy and being like . None of this is worth it. I'm tired of being good. I QUIT.

I wonder why you aren't angry at your mom for this? After you get this crisis resolved and get your prescription back, perhaps tell T your reaction to this whole thing. I wonder if you are displacing your anger at your mother onto your T and your meds? Yes, it is hard having to be in therapy and on meds to help oneself, but you are doing that. You aren't just sitting back and doing nothing. So, good for you! And I'm sorry you have a mom who is trying to sabotage your efforts to take care of yourself. One thing my T helped me do in therapy was learn to set boundaries for the people in my life who walked all over me. It's a really good thing to work on. Take care.

[unaluna]

Read any scrip label, it is a federal offense to TAKE (not INGEST, the word is TAKE) someone else's medication. My nephew is 26 now, so I totally understand putting up with stuff to see the kid.

[lastyearisblank]

Hey guys thanks for the support! It started with the brain zaps and ended up just making me feel blue but once I figured it out it was ok. It's just temporary. I also found some Zoloft in an old blazer pocket from college, which is also an SSRI (it's a good trick if anyone else runs out.... it really works).. I am still a bit worried as my pdoc had said not to mess around too much with skipping this particular drug, Paxil, but it's just until tomorrow or the next day latest.

As for T yes I am aware that it is a bit unfair to blame her for needing therapy/meds. She is part of the solution not the problem. It got a little overwhelming with meds + being home, plus no session this week I guess leaving me a little confused.

Hope everyone enjoyed the fireworks!

P.S. Yes my niece is 3 and she is one of my favorite things!!! It was amazing seeing her face light up today and it almost (ALMOST!) made it worth all the other crap.

[SpiritRunner]

glad you feel a bit better, or it seems that way anyway!
wow, what a thing for your mom to do! how wrong! and yes, you may have displaced the anger that should be directed at her onto therapy/T......

[lastyearisblank]

Yup! Feeling better.

It's a bit confusing because I don't trust doctors and none of us do-- we were sort of brought up to be anti-doctor. And so it's rough. I'm feeling a little in between here. I think going home can do that to a person.. makes you childish! Haha.

I'm pretty sure someone around here has some Paxil. Anyone on the east coast? I'll trade you what I have in my purse, which is gum, a catalogue, and a lotto ticket.

[eskielover]

Hope everyone enjoyed the fireworks!

When I first read your comment I was thinking you were asking us how we all liked the fireworks (blowup situation with your mom) that you went through this last weekend...lol.

Glad you survived it all....bet next time you will HIDE your meds so your mom can't find them in your purse.

Glad you were able to enjoy your niece....know that next time you will remember this situation & protect yourself better from your Mom's irrational actions.......Yes, we survive through withdrawal....but it's miserable in the mean time.

[lastyearisblank]

Haha... lol eskie that's brilliant, it hadn't even occured to me. Yes my family is prone to fireworks. We are an inflammatory bunch!

[lastyearisblank]

I'm going to start another thread about the quitting business.

[lastyearisblank]

Still don't have paxil. Am spiralling and crying. Feels so useless. Am alone... have to sit with this for another 9 days.

P.S. I have a script now and everything... just ... urrr..... so depressed. I don't want anyone to see me like this.... even the pharmacy assistant. I'm so ashamed to go and pick the meds up. It makes me so mad to even have this problem. It is too much. Ugh ugh ugh.

AND... and and and.... I just know that when I go in and talk about this T is going to think it is a manipulative thing... like I'm being sad for attention???? Like the "self-destructive things" (won't say what it is here) and substance abuse is just to get a response. I hate being in this position. Alone or with support, I can't tell ANYONE what is going on. I hate that I can't trust anyone or see the forest for the trees. Bad last year, bad.

[laceylu]

First, ask for the medication. Then look for it if you can. Go to a minute clinic or urgent care or the ed and get some more Paxil. Call your pharmacy and see if they can transfer one refill to a close pharmacy. If not call your pdoc tell him the situation and see if the doc will call you in a script. It is very damaging to quit cold turkey. You can quit but you must wean. Do not make any important decisions while detoxing from this med. And I agree with the others you need to leave your moms house at once and go home.

[lastyearisblank]

Yeah, I've gone. Thanks (((((laceylu)))))). This is so stressful. Not having a permanent home or any thing more than the most temporary job. I know my MI issues are what's behind all of this. It feels so bad not being able to share it with anyone. I am so sure taking just one paxil will help make it go away. Just think it's ironic T will not know about any of this when u all are so helpful. Can just picture... T is still bugging me every week "lastyear you're so unmotivated? Are you sure you really want this?". I am her most boring patient.

[learning1]

I think it's hard for most people to get started supporting themselves in their 20's these days, and not having a supportive family to back you up makes it even harder. Please try not to blame yourself for that! I'm sure there's no way your boring to your t. And I definitely don't think you're unmotivated either.

[lastyearisblank]

:/ It was the crying jag that wouldn't stop. It's better now... yuck. I just reeeeally really really don't want to end up in crisis when there is a chance to get it all together. I know that, there's this quote, the choices you make when you're at your worst affect 90% of how your life goes. I want to make the right choices. :/

[learning1]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

:/ It was the crying jag that wouldn't stop. It's better now... yuck. I just reeeeally really really don't want to end up in crisis when there is a chance to get it all together. I know that, there's this quote, the choices you make when you're at your worst affect 90% of how your life goes. I want to make the right choices. :/

Why were you crying lyib?
And the person who said that quote might even be more pessimistic than me!

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I want to make the right choices. :/

((((((((LYIB)))))))))

It's SO hard to do the right thing when we're depressed. If it's too hard to get your Paxil, could you get a friend to pick it up for you?

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by learning1

Why were you crying lyib?
And the person who said that quote might even be more pessimistic than me!

Ahh! Now I'm gonna start crying again! But in a good way. I was just so overwhelmed! I don't know why!

Originally Posted by treehouse

((((((((LYIB)))))))))

It's SO hard to do the right thing when we're depressed. If it's too hard to get your Paxil, could you get a friend to pick it up for you?

Yes Treehouse yes, I could but they would be more likely to just give me their meds out of their own pocket. Everyone I know is on ADs which makes me kind of doubt they really work but this has definitely changed my view.