[skysblue]

I've been trying to include my husband a bit more about what I'm doing in therapy so that he doesn't feel completely left out but most of it I cannot share. I know he would not be able to understand and it would be too painful to get a negative response from him. Also, much of it is even too personal to share with him.

Do you share much with your significant other?

[sunrise]

When I was married, I did not share much of anything from therapy with my husband. I considered my therapy very personal and just between me and my therapist. He did not know when I went for appointments. He did not express much interest in my therapy and I appreciate that he respected my privacy. I also tended not to share with him when I went to doctors' appointments either, so this was just more of the same pattern we had established in the marriage. We were pretty individuated, perhaps too.

I never had a sense that my H felt left out of my therapy. If he wanted to have therapy, he was always welcome to go to a therapist. He actually did for a while, and he never told me. I found out later. That's fine. It was between him and his therapist and I did not feel left out when I found out.

skysblue, did your H tell you he felt left out by your therapy? If so, do you think it could be because you talk about your therapy to your H? If you don't talk about it much, he probably won't feel left out. Out of sight, out of mind?

[SilentLucidity]

This is interesting. I look forward to seeing what others say. I do not share much with my husband. The few times I have tried he has either not seemed very interested or doesn't know what to say. Of course I could just be me projecting that on him. I do hope that in time as I get more comfortable with the therapy process and sharing my feelings I will find it easier to share more with him.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by sunrise

skysblue, did your H tell you he felt left out by your therapy? If so, do you think it could be because you talk about your therapy to your H? If you don't talk about it much, he probably won't feel left out. Out of sight, out of mind?

Actually he has never shown much interest. Maybe I'm thinking I shouldn't be so secretive about my inner life. I went to therapy for 3 months before telling him. Right now he doesn't know when my appointments are or that I have 2 a week. My default pattern is to keep it to myself but since it's costing so much money, it seems he deserves to learn a bit about it. Not too much detail, of course - most stuff I won't share.

[protector1973]

its not something to share imo.

Yes, I share just about everything with him. He says that I cannot go 10 minutes without talking about my therapist or therapy! Of course, there are some things I don't share with him, but for the most part, I am very open with him. He is very supportive and probably is the reason I don't give up on therapy! He sees the changes more than I can at times.

When money was tight and I wanted to cut back on my sessions, he told me not to. He said that we would cut back on something else. I think he knows how much I needed this, and he is glad that I finally found the courage to do this.

I dont share anything about therapy with my H. Its mine. Its the one thing that I have for me. He knows I see a T but that's about the extent of it.

[geez]

My husband has asked me on occasion what I talk about in therapy. When I stopped going a while back he saw that I wasn't happy and said he thought I needed to start going again :-) I give my husband vague info and tell him I'm getting my head screwed on strait

In the beginning when I started therapy my T met with my husband and I for a one time meeting (unfortunatly she doesn't do marriage therapy). Long story short she told him that he's not a ***. :-) and that I don't have to do something that he wants me to if I don't want to (no matter what). :-) He has heeded that advice and follows it today :-)

[WePow]

I share a lot about my therapy with my partner. She has a degree in psychology so it is interesting to hear her take on things. Also, my T always asks how she is doing and to tell her that he said "Hi!" :-) She was at first very suspicious about me going to T, so I brought her to session with me to meet him. She thought he was going to tell me to leave her because we are not accepted yet by a lot of society. So when she got to see that he was very honest and kind and accepting, she opened up and trusted me with him. She is very supportive of me going to sessions. That is nice.

She doesn't know everything about what we talk about, and some things she will never know. Mates can be a bit more judgemental than a T. But that is ok. It is a very happy medium in my world.

[laceylu]

I told my H in a letter that I was going to T again due to past trauma and unrelenting depression. He does not ask and I do not offer to tell him what we talk about. I do not want that yucky stuff in his head esp when we are intimate. I may share when I am ready.

[skysblue]

I am glad to have heard your own ways of sharing. I was feeling a bit guilty, thinking I should tell my H more. But now, I'm thinking it's o.k. to keep most of it to myself until and unless it feels really really right to share with him.

[rainbow8]

Years ago, I shared a lot with my H about therapy. I didn't understand my needs or transference. My H said I was in love with my T and I should move in with her. He hated my being in therapy and understood it less than I did. All he knew was that I thought about my T all the time. I couldn't help it. I started telling him less.

Through the years, I tried to tell him about therapy because I didn't want to shut him out. But he always saw it as "choose me or your T" Perhaps he was right. I haven't changed. But it hurt me that he didn't show an interest in my therapy at all.

I don't share too much with him now since he still isn't interested. He doesn't understand IFS or show any interested in learning about it. He was never interested to read anything about BPD and thinks I'm bipolar though I've told him the difference. He has agreed to come with me to therapy now and then to work on our marriage. He still thinks all I get from therapy is an "addiction to my T" no matter what else I say. He doesn't validate anything I get from therapy so why bother telling him? He doesn't get the "shame" stuff I've been working on. He's not "into" feelings at all.

I share VERY little. Not much at all. It is just so personal...even more personal than what I can tell my husband.
Also, hubby is a T, and he works VERY differently than my T does... he wouldn't "get it"--the way we talk, the things we do in T, because they are SO different than the way he is as a therapist.

My husband doesn't understand why I go to therapy, so I don't really talk about it.

[geez]

Rainbow my husband isn't into 'feelings' so much either. In some ways I wish he was so perhaps I could get some of those needs met by my husband instead of my T. But I guess that would be like comparing apples to oranges?

I don't tell my H much about my therapy. Mostly, I'll tell him if I had a hard session, so he knows that things might be a little difficult for me for the rest of the day.

I tell him funny things my T says (we laugh a lot) and I know my H likes my T based on what he's heard about him. I usually tell him if there is some kind of rupture going on (back in the days of many ruptures, my H would often say "your poor T..." and he meant it! lol)

But I don't tell him what we talk about in therapy. Keeping that stuff in T's office is a huge containment thing for me, and that's okay with H. Sometimes he'll say "there are so many things I don't know about you"..and there ARE.. but it's okay. It is how it has to be for right now, and H doesn't get upset about it.

I'm glad I can keep my therapy at therapy.

[nicoleb2]

I don't share anything I talk to T about with my husband. He knows I go. He also sees a therapist and I would never ask him what he talked about. It's a very personal thing

[JustWannaDisappear]

No, I keep it all in her office. Some of the things I'm scared to tell him because of how emotional I am over the issues. He has finally after a year made sure that Wednesday nights are my T night and to be home in time to be with the kids. He doesn't ask about any of it, but we have done marriage counseling in the past so I'm sure he understands why I'm going. He knows I have major depression and eventually I'd like to invite him to a session..

[Flooded]

My husband wishes I shared more but I can only share what I'm comfortable with. It's not about him.

I am so pleased to see that I am not the only one who shares absolutely nothing ! Phewwww

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by kindergirl

I am so pleased to see that I am not the only one who shares absolutely nothing ! Phewwww

Yeah, everyone's comments have been really supportive to me. i will no longer feel that I 'should' share more with hubby.

Originally Posted by skysblue

Yeah, everyone's comments have been really supportive to me. i will no longer feel that I 'should' share more with hubby.

I made mistake of telling H. that T. thought we should go to marriage counseling. Now I'm getting statements like "its getting expensive" and "when are you going to stop"...

I guess I am totally in the minority on this one. I talk with my husband alot about therapy. Maybe not so much in the beginning, but I do now. He has actually sent emails to my therapist about various things. I asked him to do it so that she could get an idea of how I am in RL and at home.

My goal is to get better. If it takes my husband getting in on it, then that is what I will do. When you suffer from a mood disorder (bipolar) like me, you don't always see the highs and lows as much as others do.

Actually, my entire family is somewhat in on this. Each of them, at one time or another, has sent an email to my therapist. I even have a couple of friends who sent her emails as well. Of course, no one sends anything unless I have asked them to.

This works very well for me, but I realize it may be a disaster for others.

[geez]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Now I'm getting statements like "its getting expensive" and "when are you going to stop"...

I've gotten the same statements from my husband. However when I do come back from a T appt I feel better so he accepts it. Our insurance is running out so I won't be able to go like I am now.

[We_do_recover]

my wife and i were both in therapy for some time. sometimes together for marriage counselling and also separately for our own issues.

my wife was very insistent that i divulge information about what i spoke to the therapist about. she became petulant when i wouldn't and she accused me of not allowing her to be a part of my healing process. i don't believe that she is a part of it. some of the things i am healing from are/were caused by her. it's the same with my NA meetings: she always says that i shut her out from my recovery by not telling her what we do. she doesn't understand the anonymity in this situation, no matter how many times i try to explain it to her

now that she's in therapy again, i am supportive of her process and never intrude or ask personal questions about it. but even though i don not question her about her therapy, she now makes a point of regularly letting me know that i am not allowed to know what's going on in her therapy, because it's none of my business. but i get the impression that she is doing this as some way of making some twisted point? i dunno.

i hope she sticks it out with her therapy for longer this time around…