Do you ever worry about 'getting better' because that would mean your therapy days are over? Do you fear showing too much progress because your therapist may start counting down your last visits?

Do you fear going into therapy and having a 'good day'? Do you feel yourself putting on the 'therapy face' when you go into a session? What if you went into a session and felt great? Would you worry about that?

I posed this question to my therapist. She said that it is awesome when a client comes in 'happy', but she has to make sure the client is being authentic. Sometimes a 'happy face' is masking an issue that the client is trying to avoid, but other times it is a genuine 'happy face'. The therapist has to determine what is really going on.

As far as 'getting better', that is a process. When a client is showing great progress, that does not mean that they are necessarily ready to leave therapy. Many clients get to a certain level, and need to maintain that for awhile. Then the therapist and client continue on to the next level. There could be many levels (layers) with a client. The client determines when they have reached their goals. The therapist is there to guide, not make decisions.

I find that I do feel awkward if I go into a session and actually feel good. It makes me feel that I am okay and I do not need therapy anymore. But, I think about it like this. If you were suffering from an illness where you needed medical attention on a regular basis, there will be days that you feel good, and days that you feel you cannot go on. If you felt good one day when you went for a doctor visit, would you tell the doctor, "I feel good today, so I think I am healed."

No, you wouldn't. This is where I get stuck in therapy. I feel that if I don't have some major issue to talk about in a session, I must be 'healed' and don't need my therapist anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a lesson that I am learning. I guess I don't want to waste her time if I am not under any great emotional distress.

Then again, whose time is it? It is my time. She is there for her clients. I wonder why I worry so much that I am wasting her time? She is in the business to have client appointments. So what am I even worrying about that for?

This probably goes back to the question she keeps asking me over and over. "Why do I not feel that I deserve to be in therapy?" I still cannot answer that question. "Do I deserve to be in therapy?"

[BlessedRhiannon]

Do you ever worry about 'getting better' because that would mean your therapy days are over? Do you fear showing too much progress because your therapist may start counting down your last visits?

Not really. I like my therapist a lot, but I'd be perfectly happy to never see her in a professional capacity again! That would mean that I can handle things on my own, and that is my ultimate goal. We've talked about when to end and she's promised me that it won't be until I'm ready, but I also felt abandoned by my previous two T's and she's aware that is an issue for me.

Do you fear going into therapy and having a 'good day'? Do you feel yourself putting on the 'therapy face' when you go into a session? What if you went into a session and felt great? Would you worry about that?

Definitely not. I try to be genuine in my emotions with my T (even if I'm not with anyone else). I've had sessions where I was super perky, and sessions where I was very peaceful and mellow. My T and I both know that these are rarities for me, and she helps me hold on to that feeling while still trying to work through things in session. I think my T likes to see me genuinely feeling perky or peaceful or mellow...it shows her what I'm like when I feel these things and it shows me that I can achieve these moods.

Then again, whose time is it? It is my time. She is there for her clients. I wonder why I worry so much that I am wasting her time? She is in the business to have client appointments. So what am I even worrying about that for?

This probably goes back to the question she keeps asking me over and over. "Why do I not feel that I deserve to be in therapy?" I still cannot answer that question. "Do I deserve to be in therapy?"

Yes, and Yes! You've hit the issue right on the head. I think you do need to keep exploring why you think you don't deserve to be in therapy. You would deserve medical care if you had a physical illness, right? I mean, if you had a broken bone, you'd deserve to have it healed, and even physical therapy afterwards if warranted? Can you try to think of "mental" therapy the same as "physical" therapy? Both are used to help you recover from a trauma...one works on the body, one the mind, but both are equally important.

I honestly can't wait to feel better. When I took a break from therapy, it gave me a little taste of what it might feel like to have therapy be over and to feel okay, and I really liked how it felt. I felt able to handle my feelings, good and bad, I felt gentle towards myself, I felt like I could be vulnerable and strong at the same time. I felt like there was enough of me to go around - enough of me for me and for the people around me. I could feel all of the love and care that T had given me, and I could carry it with me. That is how I hope it is when therapy ends.

I love going to see T when I'm having a good day. I actually find it embarrassing to go in there all the time with this issue and that issue and this bad feeling and that bad feeling. I'm so overwhelmed right now, and it makes me feel ashamed that I can't just deal with the things in my past and move on. Ugh.

There was a time earlier in therapy when I wondered what it would feel like to "get better" and not need T in the same way. At this point, even though I love T more than anyone except my family, I want SO deeply to feel better enough to not need him in this way.

Funny you should ask these questions. My t and I were talking about this type of thing yesterday. I've been really, really stable now for about 6 months. That is HUGE. But my t is not ready to reduce my sessions yet; he says he wants to see a few more months of stability before he does that. So, that may mean at times we chit chat instead of working on big issues (which are pretty few at this point), but our sessions serve as a touchpoint for me, a place to check in, a place to catch problems early before I slide into an episode.

It's okay to feel good when you go to a session. Our t's a well aware that we have our ups and downs. My t talks about how happy he is to see me so stable -- I've been through so much over the last 6 years. But he keeps a watchful eye out for any problems.

[PTSDlovemycats]

My Pdoc says that there is a part of me that unconsciously is afraid to get better and doesn't want to get better,,,

[Elli-Beth]

I like working with my T because my life is SO screwed up and he's one of the few positives right now. I think that as things get better and there are more positives, it will be easier to "wean" myself from him. Until then, NOTHING'S dragging me away!

[SpiritRunner]

At this point, I would sell all I have to be better! Maybe not literally, but I would love to be more stable, not feel like I am barely holding on from day to day. Some days are better, and I am thankful for that, but I know it doesn't mean in the larger picture that that good day means I am well and can leave therapy. I will be in therapy a long time, because my issues have been with me a long time; if one area gets better, there are still many other areas to work on. A part can be healed, and the whole still be in need.....
But as I say, I would love to simply be stable right now so we could be doing the deep work with the issues and old wounds I have; I would love to be getting better instead of just holding on by the end of my rope!

[ECHOES]

I used to, but I have expressed the fear so often that I've been reassured that there will always be things to work on, to talk about, if I choose to.

I told my therapist that I want to share good things and happy things with her too!
And she said, but of course.

I have often wondered. If the 'oldies but goodies' stay with our therapists indefinitely, how in the world do they ever get room for new clients? I know that my therapist is limited to how many clients she can have at one time. Then again, some come weekly, some every other week, some monthly, and some pop in every now and then.

That must be a hectic schedule to figure out each week! That is one reason I would be paranoid to change anything about how often I go. If I do, my appointment time may get filled and I am stuck at the mercy of another client cancelling!

[ECHOES]

If I do, my appointment time may get filled and I am stuck at the mercy of another client cancelling!

Well, it doesn't help that this actually happened to you!

I just this week changed from Monday to Wednesday. I mentioned to T a while back - maybe a month? - that I'd like to move away from Monday. I don't know how the time slot opened up - perhaps a short timer was done or changed their time, who knows - but it sure made me feel good that she remembered! I changed another time previously and it took a couple of weeks for her to juggle her schedule. I love having a standing appointment, but others don't necessarily, or they have to wait to see what their work schedule is like or something like that. So, I just say what I want and we see if we can make it happen

[SoupDragon]

I am trying to completely trust the process and myself - if I fear getting better, because that will mean that I will leave therapy, then to me it would be clear that I therefore still need to go.

When I can be completely honest with myself and my T and feel OK being me, I believe that I will not want to keep going to my T, that there will be a natural progression, that I will know without question that it is time to flap my wings and fly away.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey

a lot of very good questions. I used to worry about this stuff more really. I have sometimes worried that if I talk about anything that isnt a problem that my therapist will think I don't need therapy, however I don't often have something positive to talk about as there isn't much in life I enjoy.

I guess for me at the moment it doesn't matter much as my T is ending my T on me anyway.
xxx

[granite1]

i dont think i am affraid to get better but for me it is more i have no idea how to go about it i think i would love to feel better with or with out T

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Well, it doesn't help that this actually happened to you! That turned out to be a really BIG misunderstanding. I sure did 'lose it' when I thought she had ignored me and put someone else in my place. We actually talked about that last session. She reassured me that what I was thinking, was not what happened at all. That is when we went ahead and booked appointments for the entire month of June!! I think she did that to make sure I did not 'go off the deep end' again. That was my first experience with cutting. I must have been an emotional nightmare when that was going on.

I love having a standing appointment, but others don't necessarily, or they have to wait to see what their work schedule is like or something like that. So, I just say what I want and we see if we can make it happen

I don't think we will ever just 'wing it' with appointments. I will always have a standing appointment as long as I am in therapy. I feel assured that she won't ever 'bump' me unless it has something to do with her kids/family.

[Indie'sOK]

One word answer. No, three words. Good God, yes.

I'm so dependent upon my T, which in itself isn't good. Add that to me being afraid to get better and it's almost like "what's the point of therapy?" But I do want to improve, in my heart, with or without T. It's just reaching that point on a conscious level that I need to work on now.

[rainbow8]

My T told me early in therapy that feeling better doesn't mean I have to stop therapy. I've seen 5 different Ts and only quit one of them because I felt better. The others were because the T was moving or I decided I couldn't go any further with her.

I don't know if I fear getting better but I fear doing without a T. So that probably means I'm not better. My former T told me that it would be good for me to have check-in sessions monthly for as long as I wanted. I think my current T would agree to that also.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I don't think we will ever just 'wing it' with appointments. I will always have a standing appointment as long as I am in therapy. I feel assured that she won't ever 'bump' me unless it has something to do with her kids/family.

Me too. When I first started, I was really frustrated until she could work me in to where I had a standing appointment. I wouldn't like have different appointment times or days every week.

My T has cancelled but only once I think. Other times, she's called me at work to tell me the person before me cancelled and if I'd like to come in earlier that would be fine. Also fine if I wanted to keep my regular time. Most of the time I've gone in because it didn't matter to me and I figured it meant T could get home earlier - at that time my appt was 8PM. Then one or two other times I really needed to see her and she added a 9PM appointment (stayed late for me) once and a couple of other times came in on Friday.
She isn't in on Friday's so she just came in for me once and for me and another person another time.

When I first started with her, I could only get there on Friday because I worked a half day and had no car, so had to take a bus to her. She came in just for me then, but I didn't know it until later.
She is very sweet to be so flexible and accomodating with appointments and urgencies. It is another thing about her that I appreciate and feel so fortunate that she is my T.

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

Do you ever worry about 'getting better' because that would mean your therapy days are over? Do you fear showing too much progress because your therapist may start counting down your last visits?

I don't fear getting better. I'm not even at the point where I can see that as a possibility.

[wheeler]

Yup, at times I do fear getting better. When I'm not all wrapped up in hating my therapist, I really, really like her and we have a very good connection, so I guess in a way the fear makes sense.

However, when/if I get to the point of not needing her so much, I think, and hope it will be a natural, slow transition of not seeing her as often.

But I'm also starting to realize that life doesn't always work out perfectly, so she may not alway be there physically, but I'm taking a piece of her with me, and she's taking a piece of me with her.

Great question!! And good stuff to talk about with T.

normalwasnotmygoal.blogspot.com

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

I guess for me at the moment it doesn't matter much as my T is ending my T on me anyway.
xxx

Is this new or is it something that you have explained already? (I don't always follow what is happening here.)

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Is this new or is it something that you have explained already? (I don't always follow what is happening here.)

Here are a couple of links to those threads by dizgirl:

It's over....again.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=185333

[coastalgirl0279]

I have been in therapy for about three months now. Just when I feel like I am making progress at home, I go into to see her, she says "hey, how are you?" I say, "okay." By the time I leave I am crying, and she says to me, "you are not okay; you have a lot of healing to do; and we've barely scratched the surface." Ever single time I see her I come out feeling emotionally exhausted, like I've been through a train wreck, and I ask myself, how is this healing?

Originally Posted by coastalgirl0279

I have been in therapy for about three months now. Just when I feel like I am making progress at home, I go into to see her, she says "hey, how are you?" I say, "okay." By the time I leave I am crying, and she says to me, "you are not okay; you have a lot of healing to do; and we've barely scratched the surface." Ever single time I see her I come out feeling emotionally exhausted, like I've been through a train wreck, and I ask myself, how is this healing?

I have been in therapy a little over a year and I feel the same way. Is therapy helping or hurting me? I question that a lot. But I realize that I am not okay. I have a choice. I can continue living my life and trying to hide my emotions and feelings from everyone, or I can choose to work on them and find better ways to cope and live a happier, more successful life.

I think they need a 'recovery' room for us to go into after our sessions. A room where we can melt down/calm down after being in a session!

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((((((((( squiggle )))))))))))) I have purposely stayed away from reading this thread until now, because the questions in yr title are so fearsome for me.

You say, >> If you felt good one day when you went for a doctor visit, would you tell the doctor, "I feel good today, so I think I am healed."
A doctor no; a physical therapist, who bends you into knots and hurts you to heal you, I could definitely see saying that.
But of course in either case (T or PT) it would be equally bogus.

>> I feel that if I don't have some major issue to talk about in a session, I must be 'healed' and don't need my therapist anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a lesson that I am learning.
can you say some more about what you have learned here? This summer I am able to go weekly instead of 2-3 intervals, and I worry when I haven't had big events between sessions, if that makes sense.

>> "Why do I not feel that I deserve to be in therapy?"
I developed some answers for this and when T refuted them, one after the next, it was as if she was speaking in another language. I told her, I know what you just said was in English, and I can recognize that it is a sentence, but I cannot understand it.
We will have to work on that some more...

thanks for starting this thread and for all the responses it has provoked

[sugahorse1]

Wow - this is exactly the place I'm at right now. And it's actually scary being at these cross-roads