[Ygrec23]

It seemed yesterday as if T was aggravated or irritated by me. Wonder if I'm projecting or it's real. Could be real. She's human too. And I can be aggravating from time to time.

[PleaseHelp]

A friend was going to cheer me up by taking me out to play darts last night. But things didn't work out that way. As we were pulling into the parking lot the truck fell to the right side and scraped on the ground a bit, then we watched the front tire roll in front of the truck and into the parking lot! No one got hurt. Thankfully. Just shook up. My friend got really upset, he was already having a bad day, and his temper got the best of him. That triggered me. I was able to go inside and get his parents for help. His mom sat with me and calmed me down. All I wanted after that was to go home, but my SO was at class and I had no other way home. I called my SO & left a message for him to come get me after class. Needless to say, it was an interesting night. We're thinking someone probably messed with the truck b/c 4 lug nuts don't normally just come off. Then I kept thinking, I'm glad it happened tonight and it was me in the truck. On Saturday, our girls and I were at my friend's place and one of the girls had gone with him in the truck to get something.

[nicoleb2]

I see my T today. We are supposed to be going through a treatment plan update, but I really need to talk to her.
My grandma (the only grandparent i have left) was taken by ambulance to the hospital this morning. So far, no updates on her condition or what was the cause for her to go there.
I feel awful. I should have been visiting her more often. I don't know why I haven't. I don't know if it's because I have experienced so much illness and death in my family, I have those images stuck in my head. Maybe I just don't want those images of her to be the ones stuck in my head for all eternity.
Maybe I just don't want to think about it because sooner or later, her condition will deteriorate and she will die.
Whatever the case, I feel totally, totally awful

[OneRedRose]

I had first appointment with T using CBT again, we done abit of work and inbetween excersises we had a chat, and near the end she turned to me and said "you were right, this is where we need to be focusing with you" and I just grinned and said "I am always right", she was reffering to our previous sessions, and our session with new T, where I protested to the best of my ability that the CBT is what I need, not more meds, more therapy and probably more mental health diagnoses, because it all boils down to this one thing, which stops me being able to deal with the main cause of all of this!. so was really happy she said that

on monday I see my new T, although I am suspicious that I have done the time incorrect 15:30 to me seems random....I like appointments to start on the hour, so may have to call and check that...

Im not sure what I make of new T....she didnt strike me as professional, my T dresses very professional, behaves very professional she just is the picture of profressional! while this T...looked like she had thrown her outfit on, was silly, was alittle patronising at one point, and just sat their with a smirk on her face the whole time...I dunno...but I may have just been seeing the bad points because I was upset, I mean she seemed very nice, but I felt like I was being spoken to like a child...ok fair enough Id curled up on the chair...but still not a child...

Feeling very tired and lacklustre. Roll on Friday, I need to talk with T.

[kaliope]

So I revealed a lifelong secret in an individual thread, something I have never told a soul. After it didnt get any responses, I deleted it. Then I got lots of encouraging responses from people so I reposted it. It is something I have always been ashamed of and I am trying to decide if I should talk about it with T. I feel it would reveal a lot in terms of how childhood abuse impacted me, but there is that shame hurdle to get over. I mean, if I find it difficult to leave it up as an anonymous post for more than 2 1/2 hours, how can I discuss it out loud, face to face with T? Here I just posted a glimpse, there it would be details. But something is compelling me to tell him.

Otherwise, things are well. Hugs to all.

Today I realized that not everyone can be a counselor/therapist. It takes very special person to be able to do that. Not knowing how or what to say to a person can be tricky, but if you say the wrong thing at the right time, you can send a person into a nervous breakdown!

[nicoleb2]

I found out that my grandma is ok, she has shingles. I'm still trying to work through the guilt and anger and fear that comne with the territory

[FourRedheads]

A nasty tummy bug is working its way through our house. I'm sick today. Yucky, yuck, yuck! I HATE this kind of illness. I'm afraid to throw up and have a lot of anxiety about it. This seems to be a relatively mild bug and I've been able to stop myself from upchucking. Ook.

T appointment in the morning. Today I've been thinking that I'd like to cry in front of her. I never, ever cry. I don't think I can. But I think I'd like to cry there and I would really like it if she would sit next to me and hold me as I cry. I can't ask for that, of course.

[Nelliecat]

(((((FourRedHeads))))) Hope you feel better soon.

Feeling ok today but tired. Went to visit an elderly friend this morning. I find it hard, she's so frail now but so looks forward to the company. I've had my 11 year old at home today off school - he's got a terrible cold and is asthmatic. Anyway, I've done a bit of tidying, washing, made lovely lasagne for dinner and did a load of typing for hubbie so I'm off to bed now!

Still feeling like I'm some kind of disconnected. Spent some time with friends tonight, and it was nice, but I felt like I had to present the happier and more confident version of myself. It felt like a bit of an effort. I hate when it feels like an effort to be with friends, that's supposed to be the easy part... I know it's not them, it's just my mood. I have consciously noticed that I'm feeling deflated again, lately, and I'm just trying to be aware of it and work around it, I'm pretty sure it's because of my med change, and I'm just holding on tight until my new med kicks in, which I have to be optimistic it will!! At least my anxiety levels have dropped - although, maybe my feeling 'deflated' is in part down to not feeling so 'wired'... but, it's a relief not to feel that I'm on 'overdrive'

Tomorrow won't be so bad, and I'm looking forward to therapy on Friday - and the drive there, actually, now I know I can do it!

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Sorry for the delay:

WOW! Just saw this. Pachy, my hero!!! Thank you, this is AWESOME!

Here's a little extra for you! Hope you brought a spoon!

[lastyearisblank]

Some for ((((((((((((((((((((everyone else))))))))))))))))))))))))


I hope you guys like this flavor!!!!!!

[nicoleb2]

Feeling... frustrated, anxious, on edge. Feel like crying again and I don't know why. I'm just...

My pdoc still has not called me back. We're going on a month now. I've called several times. I think I am just going to send him a copy of my insurance formulary and tell him those are the only choices he has.

Either that, or what I should do is just quit the meds entirely and be done. I'm tired of being tired, not sleeping for more than 3-6 hours a night. I'm tired of having to fight to get a med I can afford. I'm going to have to change as of the 1st of the year because of insurance changes, so I'd be better of just quitting now.

[kaliope]

Loving all the ice cream guys! You have so discovered my weakness! Gotta go grab the rest of the Cherry Garcia. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Tired tonight. One of my long days. Several clients and late class.

Got a letter from pdoc office. form letter. something abnormal about my labs. "while not life threatening, we suggest you come in and pick up a copy to take to your regular doctor." i dont have a regular doc. oh i know, it is probably my cholesteral. it is always consistently high, not by much, and when i did have a doc, i did discuss it with her and since i had no other risk factors she wasnt worried about it. its been high since i was 18 and first had it tested.

well i wish everybody the joy of icecream.

Uuurrgggh. I barely slept last night, just drifting in and out, and so haven't had the energy to get up today, have been feeling sickly and tired. My horse lost a shoe so I can't ride tonight. Going around to a friend's to watch a movie later... have to be up early tomorrow. I feel yucky. I thought the anxiety was going/gone but I had a bit of trouble with it during the night, and maybe it's adding to the sickly feeling today. Maybe it's nerves/anticipation for tomorrow? The drive to T is still going to be a bit stressful, and then there's what we might have to talk about... Time to have a bath, do my hair, and pamper myself a bit, methinks!

[nicoleb2]

I am so tired of not sleeping, not getting an answer from pdoc. I am just done. No more meds, no more pdoc

[beauflow]

omg what a day-- too much to say and write down,, but- I am trying to get this damn oven fixed- F3 and beeping beep beep beep beep-- ewe that noise-

[karebear1]

I just ate 12 homemade chocolate chip cookies.

What does that tell you? (Other than I feel really sick to my stomach right now?)

[kaliope]

Originally Posted by karebear1

I just ate 12 homemade chocolate chip cookies.

What does that tell you? (Other than I feel really sick to my stomach right now?)

That I am not the only one who pigs out on fresh choc chip cookies...LOL!!!

Pdoc tomorrow.....not looking forward to this.........dont know what i am going to do or say or how its going to go, but i gotta tell him he cant do therapy with me anymore cause it interferes with T. i want to tell him how he triggered me at our last visit when he said he wasnt giving me klonopin because he wanted to "make life hard on me". He was just being flippant, but i want to ask him if he is sadistic for treating a mental patient that way but would that be going to far? i want to tell him how hard this illness has been for me, and he has just met me, so where does he come up with this making it hard for me ****. has he had to fight for his life when the voices in his head have be chanting "die,die die"? has he experience rapid mixed cycles?

i better not get myself going but it is probably too late. i will be thinking about this all night now. better to focus on the rest of my day. the hustle and bustle of giving away four hundred thanksgiving baskets. the conflict of people swearing they were on the list and me not being able to find their name anywhere. yes, the joy of people trying to cheat charitible systems.

peace to all..............................

[nicoleb2]

still feeling crabby, irritated... sick of being tired all the time but not sleeping. Can't handle no sleep.
Trying no meds tonight to see if I sleep. Probably will again tomorrow since today won't really tell me anything. Maybe tomorrow I can get some sleep

[Nelliecat]

Feeling a bit flat today and tired but I had a good sleep last night so I don't know why. Met a friend for coffee this morning so that was nice. Walked home, it's not that cold today and it was nice to be in the fresh air. Got some chores to do before the kids are home later.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by karebear1

I just ate 12 homemade chocolate chip cookies.

What does that tell you? (Other than I feel really sick to my stomach right now?)

sometimes I can't even get past the dough.

[elliemay]

It's cold today. Woke up with 3 cats and a dog on the bed. No wonder I didn't sleep well.

Today promises to be a hard day at work. I will look nice however, as beautiful women are treated completely different from those that aren't. Easier.

Go see my therapist for an emergency session to end a very very long week.

Tired and scattered.

[karebear1]

Today started with a nice little laugh as I read that there are at least 2 people here that join me in my chocolate chip cookie eating rituals. Now..... if I can just think of a way to explain that to T today, I'm all set!